by Jana Janeway
“Hot water sucks, huh?” Josiah winced, as if anticipating the miserably cold shower he was going to have to endure.
She offered him a hint of a smile, along with a tiny ray of hope. “Just wait a bit after Craddock gets done, and you’ll have about ten minutes.”
“Were you crying?” Bibi asked.
It was then that Jessica noticed how intently she was staring at her. “A little.” She knew there was no point in denying it, so she muttered as a reasonable excuse, “It’s just, with everything going on. . .”
Trailing off, wanting to direct attention away from her emotional state, she quickly changed the subject. “I see you got the phone charger okay.”
Bibi just continued to stare at her, without answering, wearing a skeptical expression on her face. Unnerved, Jessica looked away, scanning the room for anything she could lock eyes on, hoping to avoid further questioning.
Josiah eventually spoke up, glancing at Bibi briefly as he relieved her of the newly purchased item. “Um, yeah.” He began hunting for an outlet to plug it into. “We also found a nearby takeout place, so if we’re stuck here for a while, and we get hungry, we’re all set.”
“Oh, good.” Jessica, grateful for the opening to a different topic of conversation, ran with it. “How long do you think we’ll be here?”
“A day at least.” Bibi’s focus of attention was finally off Jessica as she began glancing around the room. “Where’s the phone?” she asked a mere few seconds later, when she couldn’t spot it in any of the obvious places it might be.
“I think it was in Craddock’s pants pocket,” Jessica’s eyes landed on the closed bathroom door, “which means it’s probably in there with him. I’ll go get it,” she volunteered without thinking, pushing off the bed and taking a step in that direction. She stopped abruptly when Bibi challenged her.
“Why you? He’s naked in there! If anyone goes in there, it should be Josiah!”
“I don’t want to see him naked!” Josiah whined.
Bibi rolled her eyes at him as Jessica spun around to face her.
“There’s a shower curtain, you know.” Jessica mustered as casual a tone as she could. “Besides,” she turned back around, calling over her shoulder as she reached for the doorknob, “I doubt he’d mind.”
Without waiting for Bibi’s retort, Jessica pushed into the bathroom, closing the door quickly to prevent the little bit of heat that had accumulated from escaping. She smirked when Craddock’s head popped out from behind the curtain that obscured him from her.
“What’s up?” he asked. The scowl on his face deepened when her half smile grew.
“I just need to get the phone.” She pointed down at his pile of clothes. “Is it still in your pocket?”
Nodding, he watched her bend down to retrieve it, quickly offering an apology when she stood and held it up, to show that she had located it. “I’m sorry about before. About leaving you like that,” he added in explanation, when her expression seemed to be questioning him.
Comprehension took the place of her confusion, and she glanced down at her feet for a moment before whispering, “It’s not like you had a choice.”
“True, but I’m still sorry. Are you okay?”
She smiled, reassuring him. “I’m okay, Craddock.”
“I want to talk to you about things,” he whispered, almost urgently. “I want to finish what we started, but I don’t think that’s going to be possible any time soon.”
“Josiah said they found a place nearby, for takeout food, when everyone gets hungry later. . .” Dangling the sentence, she stared back at him with a coy grin, which grew when he caught on and smiled back. “Oh,” the happier expression dropped, “and Bibi’s being weird.”
His brow furrowed like hers was. “In what way?”
“I think she suspects what we were up to before they came in. I tried to cover, and Josiah just thought I was napping, but I think she has it figured out.”
Groaning, he then muttered, “Yeah, well, she’s always been fairly intuitive. Don’t worry about that, okay?” He curled his finger, calling her to him. “I’ll deal with Bibi.”
As soon as his wet hand raked into her hair, and his lips touched hers, both of their heads went spinning. Lost and searching, she almost stepped into the shower with him, despite being fully dressed. It was only when Craddock broke away, resting his forehead against hers, that she gained a little clarity through the haze.
“Will it always be like this? Every time we even, just, simply touch each other?”
“Depends on the context of the touching.” With his hand still in her hair, his thumb caressed her cheekbone. “For a while, probably, ‘cause it’s new and exciting.”
They fell silent, eyes locked, enjoying the connection between them, and the sensations of new love, until their current situation reentered her mind.
“I better get back out there,” she backed away, needing space to clear the fog, “before Bibi sends out a search party.”
He laughed when she rolled her eyes. “I’ll be out in a few minutes, then I’ll talk to her.”
“You’re going to talk to her now?”
The slight alarm in her voice brought confusion into his. “Yeah. Is that bad?”
Calming herself, she shrugged. “Well, no, I guess not. It’s just. . . we’re probably going to be stuck in this little motel room for a day or so, and it just. . . might be a bit awkward between all of us.” After stammering her concerns, she shrugged again. “More so than it already is.”
“Then I should wait?” he asked, requesting her opinion on the matter.
“I would. At least until we hear from Marcy, and have some idea of what happens next.”
“That makes sense. We certainly don’t need any more tension! It’s through the roof as it is!”
“Exactly.” She sighed as she glanced back at the bathroom door. “I should go. I’m surprised she hasn’t come in looking for me.”
Nodding, he suggested, “If she starts bugging you about what took you so long, just tell her we were talking about Shea and Stacy.”
“Why them?” she asked curiously.
“Because it’s believable, and she probably won’t ask for details about the conversation.”
“Probably won’t,” she muttered with a roll of her eyes, turning to leave. She paused after stepping up to the door, reaching for the knob as she whispered over her shoulder, “You’re cute all wet.”
She yanked the door open and left the room, but not before hearing him laugh in response, which brought a short lived smile to her face.
The way Bibi glared at her as she entered the main room caused Jessica to cringe slightly, her gaze dropping to the filthy carpet as if ashamed.
“Sorry.” She held up the phone in her hand for Bibi to take. “We were just talking.”
Bibi snatched the phone away from her. “About what?”
“Shea and Stacy,” Jessica answered, hoping Craddock was right, and that she would just drop her interrogation.
“Why?” Bibi asked, to which Jessica sighed in frustration.
“Until we hear from Marcy, I don’t know what’s going on with them, and I’m just a little worried.”
Bibi’s snapped, “I’m sure they’re fine,” found Jessica’s ears, but after that was said, her mind wandered.
Guilt assaulted her as she realized, she hadn’t given much thought to her brother and friend, or their fates, since her feelings for Craddock started to become apparent. The disappointment she felt towards herself must have been obvious to Bibi and Josiah, because when Jessica’s head came out of the clouds, and she looked over at the two of them, they were scowling back at her in a questioning manner.
Suddenly, without warning or evident reason, Jessica burst into tears, which is what Craddock walked in on when he exited the bathroom to enter the main room. Taken aback, he glanced at Bibi and Josiah before stepping up behind Jessica, touching her shoulder to gain her attention. He wrapped her in his arms
when she spun around and threw herself at him.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered, concerned. He avoided Bibi’s eyes, knowing there would either be hurt or anger in them. He only glanced at Josiah, who just seemed confused. Shifting and turning away from their stares, he asked again, “Sweetie, what is it?”
“I’m a horrible sister and friend.”
He instantly knew what she meant by that. “Let’s take a walk, okay?” He led her towards the front door, calling back to Bibi and Josiah, “We won’t go far.”
“And don’t be long,” Bibi griped. “Marcy should be calling any time!”
Craddock glared, annoyed by her irritation. “You have the phone.”
“We should all be together when the call comes in,” she countered, after sighing in exasperation.
“Fine!” Checking his tone, he added a little more civilly, “We won’t be long.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“You are not a horrible sister and friend.” Craddock’s tone was sure and calm as he directed her towards the car, leading her around to the back of it in an attempt at a little more privacy. “Why would you think that?”
“With everything they’re going through! With the stress of everything, and how they must be feeling! I don’t even know if they’re okay! And here I am, making out with you!”
Understanding of why she was upset, he let the slight pass by without acknowledgement. “You’re going through stresses, too, Jessica, and everyone deals with stress differently. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about them.” When she only scoffed in reply, he changed tactics. “If Shea and Stacy were being intimate with each other right now, would you think any less of them? Would you think they no longer cared about you?”
“No,” she admitted hesitantly, swiping at her tears as she stepped away from him, to lean against the vehicle. She fell silent as she stared blankly at the ground in front of her feet.
“Jessica. . .” He sighed, keeping the distance between them for the moment. “Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to us! It’s okay to find some happiness in the middle of all this chaos! Hell, I say, good for us that we can!”
“My parents are dead, Craddock! Shea and Stacy are God knows where! Going through God knows what! I should be mourning my parents, and thinking about my brother and friend, out of respect for them! I shouldn’t be thinking about love and romance! I shouldn’t be wanting you, when I’m the reason why my parents are dead, and why Shea and Stacy are going through. . . whatever they’re going through now!”
“You’re not the reason why, Jessica,” he told her firmly. “And who’s to say you can’t feel and deal with all those things at the same time?”
“Society, for one,” she muttered, calmer, but still fraught with guilt.
“Human society, maybe. Mengliad society sees things a little differently.”
Her curiosity piqued. “How does Mengliad society see things?”
“Well, for starters, we don’t tend to beat ourselves up over things that are not within our control. We tend to look for and embrace happiness whenever we can, under whatever circumstances.” He shrugged when her expression turned incredulous. “Maybe it’s ‘cause we live so much longer. I mean, who wants to live for two hundred years, if every day is spent stressing over every little thing?”
“My parents dying isn’t a little thing, Craddock.”
He cringed a little in response to her harsh words and tone. “I know that, Jessica, and I’m not supposing it is, but I also know, feeling guilt and shutting down isn’t going to bring them back.”
“I’m not talking about shutting down. I’m talking about showing respect.”
“By shutting down!” The conversation was starting to make him irritable. He took a second to rein it in. “Do you honestly think your parents would want you to be miserable? Do you think Shea and Stacy want that?”
“I don’t know.” But she did know. Conceding, she admitted a moment later, “Probably not.” When he moved towards her, reaching out to hold her, she sidestepped away from him. “Please don’t. Don’t touch me. When you touch me, that Chimie thing kicks in, and I don’t want to want you right now.”
He could feel her anguish as if it were his own. “Jessica, I can’t bring your parents back, and I can’t change anything that’s happened, but I can offer you love and comfort. Please,” he asked of her, almost begging, “allow me to?”
It took several moments of obvious deliberation before she finally relented, uncrossing and raising her arms in permission. Relieved, he gathered her to him, shushing and consoling her when she started to cry, offering soothing words as he held her and stroked her hair.
“God, I’m so confused right now,” she choked out. “I didn’t think it was possible to feel so wretched and so good, all at the same time.”
“Try to focus on the good. It won’t take away from the love and respect you have for your family and friends if you do. Trust me.”
“I want you, Craddock,” she confessed, her voice strained with guilt. “I’m not one hundred percent sure it isn’t wrong to, but I do.”
“It isn’t wrong, and I want you too, but. . .” He pulled back, initiating eye contact, wanting her to see his sincerity as well as hear it. “For now, because of how conflicted you are, we should wait a little while before we take that step.”
She nodded as if in agreement, but then contradicted herself. “When they go to get food later, I want to finish what we started earlier.”
“Ten seconds ago,” he reminded her, “you didn’t even want me to touch you.”
“I know.” Embarrassed, she left his arms and slumped back against the car. “I’m sorry. I’m all over the emotional map right now.”
He sighed as he joined her, shoulder to shoulder. “Maybe Bibi was right. Maybe it was irresponsible for me to kiss you.”
“No. Don’t say that. Please. I like having this connection with you, even if I don’t fully understand it. Even though it’s somewhat overwhelming, it’s also weirdly comforting. To have someone evoke so much emotion by the simplest of touches? It really is an amazing feeling. And maybe a little unsettling, but not exactly in a bad way or anything. . .” She trailed off when she realized she was rambling. “Sorry. That made no sense whatsoever.”
“It made perfect sense,” he assured her, laughing when she rolled her eyes at him. “You think I’m lying?”
“I think you’re biased.”
Laughing again, he gave her shoulder a playful nudge, finally coaxing a smile from her. “Would you like to sit in the car for a little bit? We’d be more comfortable, and we can talk more freely than we can if we go back inside the room.” When she nodded in response, he pushed himself upright, away from where he was leaning beside her. “Wait here, while I go get the keys from Josiah.”
Cupping her cheek, his thumb caressed lightly for a moment before he turned and headed for their motel room. He caught Josiah’s attention as soon as he stepped inside.
“I need the keys to the car.”
“Why?” Bibi asked, alarmed. “Where are you going?”
“Nowhere,” he answered, purposefully calm. “We’re just going to sit in there so we can talk privately.”
“About?”
No longer sounding concerned, her challenging tone caused Craddock to become defensive. “That’s none of your business, Bibi.” He gave Josiah an upnod as the keys were tossed to him.
“You’re going to talk,” she asked accusingly, “or do other things?”
“That’s also none of your concern.” Struggling to keep his irritation in check, wanting to avoid things escalating into a full blown argument, he promptly turned around and walked out, calling back just before the door clicked shut, “Come get us if Marcy calls.”
Closing the distance between himself and Jessica, he pulled a smile as he dangled the keys to show them off, shelving the confrontation with Bibi for the time being. It would only worry her if he brought it up, anyway, and he didn’t s
ee the sense in that.
After unlocking the door, he gestured for her to climb in first.
“I feel like a teenager on prom night, about to head for Makeout Point.”
“And me without a corsage and monkey suit,” he quipped, following her in, shutting the door once he was situated. “Don’t worry,” he added, to hopefully put her at ease, “we’re not going to be making out.”
“We’re not?” she asked, arching an eyebrow.
“Well, maybe a little.” He grinned, but asked with a hint of wariness, “Were you hoping to?”
“Maybe a little.” A slight grin of her own appeared, but soon faded. “Right now, I just want you to wrap your arms around me and hold me. I’m feeling sort of. . . lost. . . at the moment.”
Immediately, he gathered her into his arms, her head fitting perfectly against his chest, just below his shoulder. She let out a soft sigh as she settled in, allowing his secure, gentle embrace to comfort her.
“I know you keep telling me that none of this stuff is my fault,” she said eventually, breaking the silence they had fallen into, “but I just can’t help feel that it is.”
Their connection stronger now and growing, he could feel her guilt seeping into his consciousness, fascinating and unsettling him. “I know. What can I do to convince you otherwise?”
Only shrugging in answer, she then abruptly changed the subject. “Why do you love me?”
The question surprised him. “Do you think you’re unlovable or something?” Resting his cheek atop her head, he pulled her tighter to him, to show, in that small way, the love he felt for her.
“I didn’t say that,” she mumbled unassumingly. “It’s just. . . it seems to me that you fell awfully fast. And I know this Chimie thing is part of it, but there has to be more to it than that. Right?”
“Of course there is,” he said, offering her the reassurances she was seeking. “You’re smart, funny, beautiful. . . You’re strong but delicate, brave but vulnerable. You’re an amazing woman, Jessica, and I know it’s fast, but if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I care for you.”
