Steel Lily ARC

by Megan Curd

  Tears flooded my vision as my mind recalled the last moments of my mother’s life. Her peaceful smile even in death gave me hope, but I still felt empty knowing I’d never get to have a relationship with her. Guilt rested in the pit of my stomach, and I leaned against Jaxon. I wrapped my arms around myself to prevent me from breaking from the inside out, the way it felt I might.

  “She shouldn’t have died. I should have been able to fend those soldiers off on my own. Her body…she wasn’t used to using her abilities. Riggs had been forcing me to use mine, to get stronger, and I still couldn’t do it well. I killed her because I couldn’t keep the soldiers away by myself.”

  Jaxon lifted my chin and wiped away the tear that escaped. “Hey, this isn’t your fault,” he said gently. “She died protecting you. Protecting you was her life’s goal, and she accomplished that. You’re safe.”

  He wrapped me in his arms as tears streamed down my face. Jaxon had broken down my walls, and I was unable to put them back in place now. Wetness tickled the top of my ear, and I pulled away to glance up at him again.

  He was crying as well.

  Sadness permeated our moment. I bit the inside of my lip as I thought of how lonely Jaxon must feel. “You know you have a second chance with Riggs now.”

  “You’re right,” he said in agreement, “I just need time to adjust to it. I know he’s a good man.”

  “You got that from him,” I said fervently.

  His eyes widened, his expression shocked. “You think I’m a good man? Even after all the stuff I threw at you?”

  “Well, you were kind of a tool, I’ll admit,” I said as we both laughed. “The thing is, I saw glimpses of good in you. You couldn’t hide your true colors all the time.”

  He smiled. “Kind of like Riggs.”

  I put my hand on his chest and felt his steady heartbeat thrum in time with mine. “It’s okay to be like your dad.”

  Jaxon picked me up and carried me back to my bedroom. We both sat against the foot of the bed and held each other, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. I knew we would never speak of it again, but in that moment, I knew that no one would ever know me the way that Jaxon did.

  The sunlight waned and gave way to twilight, illuminating the clouds outside the window in brilliant crimson and purple. It looked like a soft patchwork quilt in the sky. Another pang of sorrow hit me as I realized that Mom would never see the beauty of a sunset as a free woman, which brought on a fresh wave of tears.

  “Mom’s gone, and I don’t even have her teapot anymore. I have nothing to remember her by.”

  “You mean that old lump of steel you toted around in your messenger bag?”

  Jaxon’s voice was surprisingly unconcerned.

  I pulled away from him. “That old lump of steel? That was the only thing of my mother’s that I owned!”

  “It deserved to be more than just a lump of steel.” He used his free hand to fish into the side pocket of his cargo pants. He placed his hand on mine, and I felt the familiar weight of the teapot in my palm. His lips curved into a smile. The reflection of the clouds outside shimmered in his eyes, and I was sure that I could see into the depths of his soul. “It deserved to be as beautiful and strong as you and your mother.”

  When he pulled his hand away, I saw that the brushed steel had been shaped into a lily.

  “Thank you,” I managed to choke out.

  “Hey now, none of that,” Jaxon said gruffly, as he too fought to keep his emotions in check. “I stole from you. You’re not supposed to get choked up over that.”

  I laughed. “It’s beautiful.”

  We sat in easy silence as the sun continued to set, just the two of us. Finally, I cleared my throat as I ran my fingers over the petals of the lily in my hand. “I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to everyone yet.”

  “That’s okay. The Alliance is strong; it won’t crumble if you need a little while to collect yourself.”

  I nodded absentmindedly, and Jaxon lifted his head to look at me. “Do you mind if I stay with you? You know, until you’re ready?”

  “That would be nice.”

  Jaxon’s face took on a sheepish grin, and he gestured his head toward the door. “I have to admit that you’ve got a couple people outside the door dying to see you.”

  My eyes glanced over to the door, where Sari and Alice peered around the corner. “How long have you two been standing there?”

  Alice walked in, her usual conspiratorial manner firmly in place. “Long enough to know that Jaxon is a closet romantic.”

  “Which is something I suspected, anyway,” added Sari. She put her arm around Alice. It looked like they were becoming partners in crime. “He’s always had a teddy bear collection in his laboratory. Wait. I wasn’t supposed to tell her that, was I, Jax?”

  “Shut up before I tell her about your boy band CD collection.”

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “A big lie,” Sari said with a laugh. “Disregard him, he’s a serial liar.”

  Their smiles were encouraging as they sat down beside us, Alice’s eyes sneaking to the window where fireflies illuminated the twilight.

  She curled up against my open side. “My room didn’t have a window,” she said quietly. “Would you mind if we had a sleepover tonight, for old times’ sake?”

  I laughed. “When have I ever turned down a sleepover?”

  “Me, too?” asked Sari.

  “I’m not sure how many people can fit in a twin size bed, but we can find out.”

  “If there’s going to be three women in a bed, then I feel like I should be there too,” Jaxon said.

  The only response he got was a punch in the arm from Alice.

  I sighed. “You know, if you had told me we’d survive everything, I don’t know if I would have believed it.”

  Jaxon chuckled. He closed his eyes, pulling me close to him. “When you’re ready, we’ll face this together, starting with Elemental courses.”

  I leaned forward. “Elemental courses? You’ve got to be kidding!”

  Jaxon laughed. “You’re back home, what did you think would happen? Just because you’re kind of a big deal, it doesn’t exempt you from honing your craft. You’ll need it more than ever, and I want to be able to hold my own. When you were out, I had them give me a little vial of your blood. We’ll see if Xander was onto something.”

  “I did too,” said Sari.

  Alice nodded. “And me as well.”

  “Guys…” I said, shocked. “You guys shouldn’t have done that. And I thought you didn’t want to be a guinea pig, Jaxon.”

  “Well, if I’m your guinea pig, I guess I’m okay with it. Let’s just keep calm and carry on.”

  That sounded like a good place to start. I released my hold on Jaxon’s hand and stood to walk over to the dresser. I delicately laid down the flower and smiled as the moonlight danced off the brushed steel.

  Mom would have loved to dance in the moonlight.

  I turned to see Jaxon smiling serenely at me. Jaxon’s words came out in a whisper, but they were fervent and laced with emotion. “You’ll do her memory well, I know it.” He extended his arms out and waited for me to fill them. “Come here, Steel Lily.”

  There was no hesitation as I allowed him to hold me, his warmth making me feel safe. I snuggled in and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. Alice leaned into my other side, and Sari joined in.

  It was a gift to have such an amazing group of friends.

  Although we had a long ways to go before we were really safe, I knew that together, we could stand against anything that the Resistance could throw at us. Our strength was forged in the bonds of our friendship, and if we could hold onto that, we would win the war.

  < >

  “Above all, we must realize that no arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. It is a weapon our adversaries in today's world do not have.”

  --Ronald Reagan