Ready to Wed

by J. L. Berg

  She laughed again, the musical melody of her laugh bringing a smile to my face even though I had no idea what was being said. She lit up my entire world.

  Clare’s parents rose from their seats, thanking everyone for dinner and headed to bed. Apparently dinner was over. How long had I spaced out? Everyone else said their goodnight, and Clare, Maddie, and I headed upstairs to our suites. Plural.

  God, I really was an ass.

  “What’s an ass?” Maddie asked as we exited the elevator on the top floor.

  I looked at her, and quickly to Clare who was giving me a death stare. A slightly amused one, but a death stare nonetheless.

  Great, I was thinking out loud now. Is this what happens when I went too long without touching Clare? Would I go crazy?

  “Uhh…I said pass. Yeah, pass. I was thinking that we needed to get season passes for the amusement park when we got home.”

  “The season is just about to end,” Clare said, arching her brow, almost as if she were challenging me.

  “Well, for next year then. Never hurts to plan ahead, right?”

  Maddie then launched into a ten minute conversation about what rides were her favorite and what order she would ride them and how much she loved cotton candy, especially the pink kind because pink was her favorite color. By the time we got her calmed down, she was dressed for bed and cuddling her favorite stuffed animal. We said goodnight and softly shut the door behind us.

  It took about five seconds for Clare to burst out laughing.

  “Season passes?”

  “It was the only thing I could think of!” I said defensively. “Besides, I didn’t hear you offering anything up.”

  “What were you muttering about anyway?” she asked, still snickering about my less than PG mumbling.

  “I don’t even remember. No sex is driving me bat shit crazy, Clare! You must take pity on me…for both of our sakes. Otherwise, I could be clinically insane by the time we take our vows, and then how would you know I actually mean them?”

  “You’re seriously asking for a pity lay?”

  I sauntered over to her, grabbed her around the waist and pulled her body to mine with a bit of force, causing her to gasp in surprise. I let my lips hover over hers.

  “I can assure you, a lay with me will never be pitiful.”

  I think her brain went offline for a moment or two, because her eyes glazed over and she licked her lips hungrily, causing me to groan. I bent down to finally take her perfect red lips, only to be stopped with a single finger. I guess her brain came back online. Damn.

  “I think you have a room to go to,” she said, her finger still holding court on my deprived lips. Her mouth was upturned in a slight smile, but her eyes still looked a bit unfocused, like she was fighting the desire as much as I was. Good, at least I knew this was affecting her as much as me.

  I sighed, knowing she’d won the battle tonight, but only tonight. There was always tomorrow. We were going snorkeling, and she could never resist a shirtless Logan. The thought brought a smirk to my face as I turned and made my exit.

  “Well, just in case you get lonely or cold…you know where to find me!” I said, before giving her one last panty dropping smile and exiting the room.

  Clare – one, Logan - zero. That would have to change tomorrow.

  ~Clare~

  I’d never been snorkeling, but lounging outside on the sun-drenched beach next to my sexy as sin fiancé wasn’t a bad way to spend an afternoon. I was becoming mesmerized by the way his dark blue swim trunks hung low on his hips. I could just make out the beginning of that “V” I so loved to trace with my tongue when we were alone. I licked my lips just thinking about it.

  His hair was messy and yet completely put together. I have no idea how guys did that. I know, from living with him, he did little with it. He just ran his hands through it and poof! Magic hair! Me, on the other hand? When I woke up, it looked like a small woodland creature had taken residence in my red locks overnight. I had a thing for Logan’s hair. It was one of the first things I noticed about him when we met, his gorgeous, just-fucked hair. And now, I knew from experience…it looked even better after a good roll in the sheets.

  “You’re staring at me,” Logan said, his eyes still closed as he soaked up the sun.

  “Well, there’s a lot to stare at,” I answered back.

  “Well, anytime you want to transition from staring to touching, just let me know.”

  The corner of his mouth turned up into a half smirk, and I couldn’t help but laugh. He was relentless. My little game of revenge had turned into an all-out war. Which one of us would cave first? I’d won round one last night, but then he showed up at my door this morning in a towel, water dripping off his perfect hair, running down his shoulders and broad chest, and I forgot how to speak. I stood there, momentarily stunned for God only knows how long, until I heard him say, “Hey, did you hear what I said?” Uh, no…how could I concentrate on anything else but those tiny beads of water dripping down his body?

  He chuckled, “I said, do you have any toothpaste? I’m out.”

  I took one last look at up and down his scrumptious body, trying not to whimper as I walked away to retrieve the requested item. I almost caved, almost gave in right then and there. Had it not been for Maddie barreling out of her room asking for breakfast, I probably would have pulled him by the towel into the room and tackled him to the ground.

  The shower trick was low. He knew how much I loved him in a towel. It reminded me of our first morning together. We’d woken up and showered together, and I finally felt like I had found home again.

  Before I had a chance to come up with a witty comeback to his touching comment, our instructor showed up; he was a tanned young surfer dude with blonde hair and an accent to match his laid back style. We both stood to greet him, and he kindly shook our hands, but his eyes lingered on me, and Logan noticed.

  “Nice to meet you, Derek. I’m Logan, and this is my fiancée, Clare. We’re here for the week celebrating our upcoming wedding.” It wasn’t lost on me that he emphasized the word fiancée or immediately wrapped a possessive arm around my waist.

  “Well, it’s nice to meet you both. Very nice,” he said, his eyes still trying to lock with mine. Not happening, dude.

  “Well, who’s ready to get wet?!” he said with enthusiasm. Logan’s hand gripped my hip harder and I sighed.

  Oh, this was going to be fun.

  I hated snorkeling. If that guy looked at Clare one more time, I swore I was going to shove his air tube up his ass. Note to self, request old, gay instructor next time.

  “Okay, guys…had a great time. Thanks for spending the afternoon with me,” the douche said, before he narrowed in on Clare. “If you need any one-on-one time in the future, please be sure to ask for Derek.”

  Clare’s eyes widened a bit before giving a polite nod. She said thank you, which was more politeness than I could offer up at the moment. It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut. It takes a special kind of asshole to flirt with your fiancée right in front of you days before your wedding. The asshole in question sauntered away, no doubt thinking Clare was checking him out as he did. She wasn’t. She had turned to me, her eyes full of laughter.

  “You’re jealous. And mad.”

  “That was not fun.”

  “You’re kind of hot when you’re mad,” she said, rising up on her tip toes to place a soft kiss on my mouth. Not giving her the chance to move away, I pulled her closer, deepening the kiss as I moved my tongue with hers. She moaned, making that sound I loved, and melted in my arms. I needed to pull away and stop before the semi I was now sporting went pro. Covering up a boner in swimming trunks was nearly impossible, and there was no way I was going to do so out in the open with our relatives and friends milling about.

  I reluctantly pulled back, running my fingers down the side of her face, into her damp hair. The sun was hot, and her hair had already started to dry in waves against her back.

  “Givin
g up so easily, Mr. Matthews?” she teased.

  “Just trying to keep my sanity, Mrs. Matthews-to-be. If I keep going, I won’t be able to stop, and then your family will end up getting quite the show.”

  She snorted out a laugh, giving me a playful slap on the chest.

  “Come on, Casanova, let’s go find Maddie. I think her day program will be wrapping up soon and I wanted to take her shopping.”

  I bent down to pick up our stuff which was still resting near the lounge chairs we had occupied earlier. As soon as I came back up, the world tilted, and my vision blurred. I grabbed the first thing I could find, the lounger, but I missed, or I think I did. All I know was I ended up on the sand, with the lounge chair upended next to me.

  “Oh my God! Logan! Logan! Are you okay?”

  Clare came rushing to my side, kneeling down to pull me into her lap. I was dizzy, so dizzy. I looked around, my vision returning back to normal a bit, but still a bit fuzzy. Clare’s father and mother were rushing over to us.

  “I’m fine. I’m okay,” I said, trying to rise. “I just need some water.”

  She dove into her beach bag, retrieving a bottle of water, and handed it to me. I took a few sips and let the water slid down my throat.

  “Mom, go to the hotel. Have the front desk get a car ready. We need to get him to the hospital.”

  “No,” I said simply.

  “What?” Clare looked at me suddenly, her eyes filled with horror.

  “Babe, I’m fine. Just a bit of dizziness. It’s passing.”

  “But, what if…”

  “Laura, Tom…can you give us a minute?” I asked Clare’s parents. They nodded, both still looking at me with concern. I understood. Everyone here had already lost someone to cancer. But I wasn’t going anywhere, and they needed to stop walking on egg shells.

  After Laura and Tom walked back to their spot on the beach, not too far away, I looked up at Clare. Her eyes brimmed with tears, and she looked half a second away from sobs.

  “Babe, come here,” I said softly, opening my arms so she could fill them. She came willingly like she always did. We sat in the sand, holding each other for a minute while I gathered my thoughts. She pulled back finally, meeting my gaze, waiting for answers.

  I took another sip of water, trying to keep the dizziness at bay. “This has nothing to do with the cancer, okay? Remember, I have no symptoms yet. They caught it early.”

  “Then why did I just watch you almost pass out a minute ago?”

  “It’s the meds they put me on. That, combined with the heat. I haven’t had enough to drink, so I got dehydrated. I should have been watching my fluids. I’m a damn doctor, you would think I’d know this…but we’re usually the worst patients.”

  “Well, then why the hell are we still outside!” she demanded, immediately jumping to her feet and trying to pull me with her. I weighed a good deal more than her so it was like trying to lift a bear. I helped her, rising to my feet slowly so that I wouldn’t get dizzy again.

  We made our way inside, where she continued to fuss over me for the rest of the afternoon. After more water and a bit of food, I was back to normal, but I feared Clare was anything but.

  ~Logan~

  After a mid-afternoon nap, I was feeling like my old self again. The dizziness was completely gone, and I wanted nothing more than to find my gorgeous fiancée and spent the rest of the evening with her wrapped in my arms.

  I knew she was supposed to be pool side with Leah and Maddie, so I threw on some board shorts, ran my hands through my hair and hurried out to the door in search of my family. I just about took out Leah in my attempt.

  “Oh my God, Logan, would you slow down?” Leah said, catching her breath after having probably lost a year or two of her life from being scared out of her mind when I came barreling out of my hotel suite straight into her.

  “Sorry! Was just in a hurry to get to…hey, aren’t you supposed to be down at the pool with Clare and Maddie?” I asked suspiciously. I could see the straps of her bathing suit peeking out from under her cover up and a towel was tucked under her arm, but there was no Maddie or Clare anywhere.

  “I was, but they never showed. I was on my way to investigate. Want to help?” she asked with an arched brow.

  My answer was to turn and knock on Clare’s door. It wasn’t like her to blow off Leah without so much as a word. I know it was only a trip to the pool, but Clare was raised in the South and her manners were impeccable. I took her to a dinner party a week or so ago, not really explaining where we were going, and she about died when we showed up…without a hostess gift. A hostess gift? What the hell was that? Apparently it was a thing; a big thing to Clare. The next day she’d sent a card and a gift to apologize for her fiancé’s oversight. Living in the South was a new and different world.

  After a few moments, the door finally opened and Clare emerged, dressed in a pair of yoga pants and tank top. Definitely not pool attire.

  “Oh. Hey, guys,” she said, before turning around and walking back into the bedroom. Leah and I turned to each other confused, before walking into the suite together.

  I looked around and everything was as neat as a pin. There were no clothes, no shoes…nothing. It looked like it did the first moment we walked in a few days ago. What the hell was going on?

  Before I had a second longer to ponder, I heard soft sobs coming from Maddie’s room. I immediately went to her, opening the bedroom door to find her curled up on her bed with her knees tucked under her chin. She was dressed in her hot pink Dora the Explorer bathing suit and a towel was lying next to her.

  “Hey, Princess. What’s the matter?”

  Her eyes opened and focused on me and she briefly wiped away the tears before sitting up. I sat down next to her and she curled her body into mine. I loved when she did this. It was natural now. She didn’t even have to think about it. When I put her to bed, or snuggled with her on the couch, she just melted into me. Such trust. I didn’t know how in the world I ever deserved it, but I would spend the rest of my life trying to be a man who was worthy of it.

  “Mommy says we have to go home.”

  My stomach fell to the floor and I couldn’t breathe.

  “What?” I managed to say, before looking up to see Leah’s horrified face. She had stopped at the entry way, obviously not wanting to overwhelm Maddie…but still curious as to what had made our girl cry.

  “I told her I didn’t want to leave the beach. I told her I wanted to see her in her pretty dress.”

  “And what did she say?” I asked hesitantly.

  “She said I would, but not yet. She said we had to get home. It wasn’t safe staying here.”

  I took a deep breath. Clare was freaking out again. She was panicking and rushing home where she felt safe. Where she felt I was safe.

  “It’s okay Princess. We’re not going anywhere okay? I’ll fix it.”

  “Are you sure? Mommy said…”

  “I know what she said, but I’ll change her mind, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Leah, can you take Maddie to the pool for a bit while I talk to Clare?”

  “Sure thing!” she said brightly, trying to lighten the mood. “Come on, Short Stack,” she said, holding out her hand to Maddie, “Let’s go play in the water!”

  Maddie held her hand out to Leah and gave a small giggle which was progress. Leah scooped her up and exited the bedroom. By the time they were leaving the suite, I could hear the two laughing. One girl down, one more to go.

  ~Clare~

  There were times during Ethan’s illness when I literally thought my chest was caving in. The doctors told me it was due to stress. Acute panic attacks, I guess. Sometimes there were just too many things to remember—what drugs he was supposed to take and when, what doctor’s appointments to go to on what days, and what needed to be done…just in case. I kept my cool most of the time. I kept my brave face to show Ethan and the rest of the world. But there were times when I literally couldn’t breathe�
��when it felt like there were so many thoughts in my head that if I had just one more, it would literally explode.

  And that’s when I would just shut down. I think it was for my own sanity. An off switch or something would engage and I would just shut down for a few hours until the breath returned to my lungs and my chest felt like it was back to its normal size.

  As I was packing everything back into my suitcase the day before my wedding, I wondered how quickly we could get a flight back to Richmond. Listening to my daughter cry in the room next to me, I felt like I was moments away from that switch being flipped again.

  He passed out. Right in front of me. The doctors told us he was going to be fine. We caught it early they said. A little bit of chemo and radiation and it should be fine, they said. I took a breath and stopped worrying after they told us that. He wasn’t Ethan. There wasn’t anything poisoning his brain, and he wasn’t going to die on me. We would get through this. Right after we said our vows and celebrated our marriage.

  But then he nearly passed out on that beach and I forgot how to breathe again. Every fear, every moment of agony came rushing back. I told myself I would fight for him…that I would be strong for us. But…Oh God, what if the doctors were wrong? What if he wasn’t okay? What if he died, just like Ethan and I became a widow…again.

  Neat folding turned into frantic packing. I started tossing everything in the suitcase without any sort of organization. TSA would just screw it all up right? I took one last look at my wedding dress, tucked away in its garment bag and put those sad thoughts behind me.

  We needed to go home. Logan needed to go home. I would not lose another husband.

  A knock on the door pulled my attention from thoughts and I saw Logan come into the bedroom. I had completely forgotten I had let him and Leah in a few minutes ago. I was so lost in myself I had barely registered opening the door.

  “Hey, what is this I hear about us leaving?” he said, walking forward to take a seat on the bed next to me.