Wounded Grace

by Tanya Stowe

  Madison stared at him, puzzled. Another shiver tripped up her spine.

  “The shadow is there,” Vivian said.

  “I’m not going crazy? You see it, too, Vivian?”

  Vivian nodded. “You’re not crazy, my dear. It’s a dark stain on the earth, and it won’t go until we drive it away. It’s our job to shine light into all the dark places, to chase away the shadows. To turn our suffering into joy.” Vivian’s voice faded away.

  “But how, Viv?” Madison asked. “How do we chase the shadows away? We’ve prayed and prayed. The Falls Tabernacle even started a prayer chain for protection. What else can we do?”

  “I don’t know,” Viv’s voice quivered now and she shook her head. “Andrew knew. He understood these things, how to…” That was as much as she could get out. Words failed her, and she burst into tears.

  Lance rushed to her side and Madison dropped to her knees in front of her. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

  Her friend tried to speak, but a new wave of sorrow swept over her, and all she could manage was a shake of her head.

  “Don’t apologize, Madison. Let her talk, let the tears flow,” Lance murmured. “It’s better she gets them out. Better not to bottle them up.”

  “He’s right,” Vivian finally managed to say, pulling a fresh tissue out of her pocket. “It’s just a little too much today…the heat...everything.”

  More tears spilled down her cheeks. But the heat hadn’t caused her distress. The spiritual warfare raging around Heart’s Haven did it. How could Vivian possibly get her head above water when sinister shadows and spirits were waiting to push it right back down into pools of grief?

  Lance wrapped his arm around his sister’s shoulder and gently lifted her out of the swing.

  “Come on. Let me take you upstairs for a little rest.”

  Viv nodded and let him half-carry her into the house. When they’d gone, Madison let her head and shoulders droop.

  Heart’s Haven was a place of joy and peace, a true haven. Her sanctuary…everyone’s sanctuary. She couldn’t stand the thought that darkness could overshadow all the good that happened here.

  She walked back to the railing. The shadow still covered the ground, the flowers, and all their lives.

  What had Vivian said?

  Shine the light.

  “I’m afraid,” she whispered.

  Shine the light.

  “I hate it when you repeat yourself. It means I’ll end up doing it no matter how much I argue.”

  The shadow seemed to shimmer and move, like something alive. Trepidation rippled up Madison’s spine.

  “Please, Lord...”

  Her plea for help was immediately answered. Resolve…if not courage…filled her. Determined to be a light, she marched down the front steps.

  ****

  Lance closed Vivian’s door and stood for a moment. At first, he heard only silence in the room behind the door, but very soon, he heard his sister’s soft sobs. He hesitated. Should he go back in and try to comfort her? No, he should take his own advice. Viv needed to cry, to release and mourn, then maybe she would sleep. Maybe.

  Madison was right to be worried about Vivian. He was worried, too. His sister’s grief seemed overwhelming, almost unmanageable. Far worse than when she lost her first husband to cancer. And it seemed to increase rather than ease as time passed.

  He hadn’t noticed the atmosphere the women mentioned. He paused on his descent down the stairs to consider that fact. But then, he’d been lost in his own turmoil. Madison’s declaration of her feelings had sent him in a tailspin.

  At first, he’d found it hard to believe. But as the surprise wore off, he began to uncover feelings of his own. The attractions and affection Viv had mentioned existed. He could no longer deny the truth in his sister's observations.

  Those feelings explained why he thought so highly of Madison all those years ago and why he praised all of her accomplishments. Even his dislike of Tony, before he really knew the man's character, lay in his own buried feelings. Admittedly, Tony had been a poor choice for someone like Madison, but if Lance was honest with himself, no man would have been good enough.

  That realization changed the color of his memories. Incidents had a different meaning. Little wisps of conversations made sense. He had a better understanding.

  He had been madly in love with his wife. He might not have consciously wanted Madison for himself, but he’d always wanted the best for her.

  Still, even though he knew why Madison had done what she had done, he couldn’t let go of years of resentment at watching her destroy her potential as a child of God. He found it hard to forget the bitterness he felt she made life choices that led her further and further from the Lord.

  He could forgive. After all, she had suffered most. But he could not forget. He could not look at her without feeling sad and disappointed. Those feelings consumed him, even though he knew the truth. A truth made worse because he couldn’t shake a certain sense of responsibility.

  He’d spent days trying to come to terms with it, and now, because he’d spent so much time with his own emotions, he’d let his sister down. Viv was sinking into depression while his attention was focused on his own selfish feelings. Guilt hit him with a blow that almost knocked him to his knees. His legs grew weak, and he wanted to sink farther into the steps and not get up.

  Was this what Viv and Madison were talking about? This overriding sense of hopelessness and failure that came from outside of him, that was greater and heavier than the reality of his actions?

  For the first time, he had an inkling of what they had been trying to express and hurried down the stairs to discuss it with Madison. But she was not on the porch where he’d left her. It took him a minute to find her, across the yard planting the flowers.

  As he watched, she took the long-handled shovel and dug three new holes. Then she dropped to her knees, tipped the purple pansies out of the pony pack, dropped them in place, patted them down, and moved to the next. He could tell from the shudder of her shoulders that she was crying, though she made not a sound. As she rose, she wiped the tears from her cheek with the back of her hand and tackled another row of holes. Her tears didn’t stop her or slow her down. She worked on, relentless, full of determination.

  But that didn’t surprise Lance. What shocked him, what kept him rooted to his spot on the porch, his mind whirling and his lips parted in surprise, were the flowers behind Madison. Each row of the delicate flowers she had just planted sparkled in sunshine, while in front of her, a large, circular stain covered the ground.

  The shadow. He could see it now, as clear as day. How had he missed it before, and why was it suddenly visible to him? Madison was attacking it with purpose and making great strides, narrowing its parameters with each spade of dirt.

  She was chasing the shadow away and turning their suffering into joy. He would not allow her to do it alone.

  Stepping off the porch, he crossed the yard. Just as she took the long handled-shovel and was about to dig another row of holes, Lance grasped the handle and tugged it away.

  Muddy streaks dirtied her face. Her nose was pink from crying and her cheeks flushed from exertion…but she had never looked more wonderful.

  Without a word, he jammed the shovel in the ground and started the next row. They worked in silence, with determined purpose. Lance barely kept ahead of Madison, she moved so steadfast along the way. But she never stopped crying. Occasionally, tears dripped off her face, splattered her hands and the ground beneath. He wanted to tell her that her tears were God’s way of watering the soil, making it fertile for new growth and healing. But he couldn’t pause long enough.

  After he’d dug the last hole, he fetched a large trash bag and stuffed the empty pony packs inside. Madison dropped the last flower into the ground, patted it firmly down, and rose to her feet. They surveyed their work, side by side, standing so close the backs of their hands brushed.

  The shadow was gon
e. Completely gone. Ready to slide into evening, the sun had dipped lower in the sky, and still, every flower sparkled, kissed by its golden touch. The pansies lay low to the ground, like a blanket of purple velvet. Behind them, bright, yellow daffodils wavered on tender stalks, their round faces turned up to catch every last ray of blessed sunlight.

  Purple and yellow. Patches of dark surrounded by light…like the canvas of Madison’s life. A breathtaking picture, and he wondered if she knew how really beautiful it was.

  Reaching out, he linked his fingers with hers and grasped her hand, palm to palm. Silently, they watched the sun set.

  7

  The choir’s voices rose in a perfect crescendo. They’d chosen “Amazing Grace,” and the words struck Madison as more than perfect. On this day, Easter Sunday, she could only praise His name, thankful that He had not given up on her.

  Sunshine streamed through the tall windows of The Falls Tabernacle. The choir sang with near angelic perfection and the man she loved…had always loved…sat beside her. She couldn’t think of a more perfect blessing on this Resurrection day, unless, of course, that the man might love her back. But that was a dream, the long-lost dream of a young girl and Madison was no longer that girl. She was content to have his respect once again.

  Since they’d worked together to drive away the shadow, the intense Lance with cutting animosity had disappeared. In his place, Madison found the good friend she had lost so long ago. She relished every moment of the newly established friendship, like a new leaf uncurling in springtime.

  These had been almost perfect days. Lance had helped her gather the supplies for this afternoon’s Easter brunch. When he’d offered to help, Madison had cocked a dubious brow.

  “I promise,” he said, raising his hand in a scout’s salute. “I’m excellent at checking items off lists and toting.”

  Madison laughed, but it turned out he was also excellent at running back to the store for forgotten items. When he returned with bags full of the Easter candy, Madison was stacking baskets and goodies in the common room. Bright Easter colors surrounded them and the sweet smell of chocolate filled the air.

  “I think we deserve a treat for a job well done,” he exclaimed and opened a small box of chocolates for them to share.

  “Oh, no. I don’t dare. I’ll gain ten pounds.”

  “Not likely. You’ll run off those calories. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman who works as hard as you. I’m having trouble keeping up.”

  His words warmed Madison and stayed with her for days. It had taken her years to earn Lance’s respect and it was a prize she valued.

  Lance’s enthusiasm was contagious. Vivian had even shown a spark of interest. When all of the Heart’s Haven residents gathered at the big house to color eggs and fill the baskets, Vivian instructed everyone on the “proper” way to make an Easter basket.

  The Heart’s Haven community could not have gathered in this place where Mr. Hart’s presence had such a profound effect and not think of him. They were all conscious of his absence. Misty eyes and awkward silences scattered their way through the evening, interspersed with smiles and fond remembrances, stories of things the beloved landlord had said and done.

  When all the tasks were completed and they sat down to share the pizzas, cold chicken, and salads, David said a blessing.

  “Thank you, Lord, for the gift Andrew Hart’s life. Thank you for the wonderful example he set and the blessed traditions he has begun. Please, give me the strength to carry on the good work he has begun.”

  Madison was particularly glad to hear the last, knowing those words signaled the start of David’s healing. She had no doubt that the Lord would answer his prayers and allow David to carry on his uncle’s work.

  Every eye in the room sparkled with moisture when David finished, but they were happy tears.

  Madison could not think of the evening without smiling, knowing that through God’s grace, their suffering had been turned into joy.

  Yes, they had been good days.

  Today, on this Easter Sunday, they had much to celebrate. David stepped up to the pulpit to start his sermon. He looked happy for the first time in weeks.

  “Good morning all. I can’t begin to preach today without sharing the good news that he Pia and I are expecting a baby.”

  Their parish family burst into applause.

  Lance leaned closer to Madison and said in a low voice. “Vivian said that Zoe told her it would be a boy.”

  Madison smiled. “It will be.”

  Lance studied her, then leaned in again, lowering his voice as the clapping died down. “That’s not the first time you’ve said something like that with authority. Do you have a special connection, similar to the one Andy had?”

  “You mean with the angels?”

  He nodded and a little wave of surprise swept through Madison. She didn’t understand how Lance had guessed her secret. Perhaps he’d been paying closer attention than she realized.

  “No, I don’t see and hear the angels like Mr. Hart did.”

  “But you do have your own guardian angel. I remember you saying.”

  She nodded, but didn’t take her eyes off of David on the pulpit, hoping Lance would drop the uncomfortable subject.

  “How do you know this angel? How does it appear?”

  Apparently, Lance didn’t get the hint. “He doesn’t appear. I hear a voice,” she whispered.

  Lance didn’t respond. Did he think she was crazy? Was he looking for a way to ridicule her, or worse, make her doubt? She was forced to look at him to see his reaction. His wore a puzzled frown.

  “Where was this angel all those years you were married to Tony?”

  A small smile of relief slipped over Madison’s lips before she could stop it. He wasn’t preparing to make fun of her or looking for a way to question her. He wanted to understand.

  “He was there. I just stopped listening.”

  “You heard him when you had to stop in the hospital.” He nodded slowly, understanding dawning in his expression.

  Once again, surprise swept over Madison. He remembered. She studied his features. She’d always loved his hazel eyes that changed shades with his mood. They had a way of always making a person feel like they were the only one in the room. His gaze was so full of compassion and sincere interest. Age had added wisdom to the appealing mixture and created the sense of a safe haven. Lance conveyed the assurance that one's secrets were safe with him.

  “I thought you didn’t believe.”

  His lips lifted in a wry smile. “I saw that shadow. Seeing is believing.”

  On his other side, Vivian leaned forward. “Are you two going to talk all through David’s sermon?” Her tone sounded stern, but the corners of her mouth twitched with laughter.

  They all faced forward, but Madison couldn’t stop smiling. Things could not be more perfect.

  Kaci and Ryne sat a few rows ahead of them. Apparently, their squabble had ended and they were once again happy and united. Sunshine fell over the couple, bathing them in bright light, like a heavenly aura.

  David gave the congregation a scripture to look up. Kaci and Ryne shared a Bible, and as Kaci flipped through the pages, Ryne’s head tilted toward her. She leaned into him and he rested his cheek on her lovely, blonde hair as they read the page together. The sweet sight touched Madison to the core. A bittersweet note found its way into her perfect song.

  Was she really content just to have Lance’s respect?

  As wonderful as it was to have her friend back, Madison knew it would not be enough. Seeing him day after day, smiling, talking, loving the wisdom age had brought him, created a longing inside her. Even now, his hand was stretched out on his thigh, so close to hers she could reach out and touch it. The yearning to wind her fingers through his was so intense, she clenched them into a fist and held them in her lap.

  The longer she stayed here, the closer they became, the more she risked saying or doing something that would permanently damage the f
ragile friendship they’d found again. Madison refused to allow that to happen.

  Leaving Heart’s Haven was more important now than ever.

  ****

  Childish laughter echoed across the air, mingled with the occasional neigh of a horse. Lance perched on the bottom rail of the corral, watching as Dex Beckett and his band of cowboys led the horses around the large arena with some of the children from Miss Sophie’s school on their backs.

  Beside Lance, six-year-old Chloe Mabrey looked cute as a button in a miniature cowboy hat, a red shirt, jeans, and cowboy boots. Dex's stepdaughter, Chloe, lived right here on Sonshine Ranch with him and her mother, Layne. The child also attended Miss Sophie’s school for special children, so she gave Lance a very thorough narration of the occurring events.

  “That’s Emily, my bestest friend. She’s scared of the horses, so I’m giving her my turn to ride so she won’t be scared no more.”

  “Won’t you be sad to lose your turn?”

  She shook her head, but then she paused. “Well, just a little. But I get to ride all the time, so I can wait. See that horse with the white face? The one Jimmy’s riding right now? She’s my horse. Her name is Star.”

  “Well, I think it’s very kind of you to give up your turn.”

  She cocked her head. “I guess so. But I just love Emily. I’m so glad she got to come today.”

  Lance smiled and the little chatterbox beside him was silent for the first time.

  When she spoke again, her voice had lost some of its exuberance. “I miss Mr. Hart. I wish he was here.”

  “We all miss him, little one.”

  “Mommy says Miss Vivian will be ‘specially sad.”

  “Yes, she is. That’s why I came to take care of her.”

  “I’m glad. You’re a nice man.”

  “Thank you. That means a lot to me.” Lance managed to hide his smile, but he meant every word.

  “You’re doing a good job. I saw Miss Vivian smile twice today.” Chloe nodded to seal her opinion.