Take What You Want

by Jeanette Grey

  Her gaze rose, her shoulders straightening.

  He drew in a deep breath and rubbed her knuckles. “I asked you out because I want to get to know you. This weekend…” His voice trailed off as flashes of heat slid over his skin.

  Fortunately, she finished his sentence for him. “Was amazing.”

  “So amazing.” He lifted their joined hands and leaned forward to press one soft kiss to the back of each. “And I just…I want to know you.”

  She flinched but didn’t shut down. “I already told you. There’s not much to tell.”

  “And I already told you, I don’t believe you.”

  Her gaze followed their hands as he lowered them down to the table. Her voice low and just a little distant, she asked, “When do classes start up again for you?”

  Right. Because she still thought he would be leaving soon.

  “Monday,” he answered honestly. “But my dad and I are leaving Saturday for this…camping thing.”

  “So you’re leaving in four days.”

  It wasn’t exactly a lie. “Yes.”

  “We met on Saturday and you’re leaving on Saturday. A week and a day. And you want to get to know me?” Her voice was disaffected, but there was something wavering to it, too. “Is it even worth it?”

  “Yes.” He didn’t hesitate, didn’t give an inch. With his eyes, he tried to tell her what he didn’t have words yet to say. “To me, it is. The question is, will you let me?”

  She didn’t answer, just withdrew her hands and looked away at the TV in the corner. Everything about her posture was affected nonchalance, but there was tension in there, too. The downward tug at the corner of her mouth and the tapping of her nail against her lip. And it was…horrible. Awkward and awful and…

  Silently cursing at himself, he balled up his napkin in his fist. He’d had to press. He’d just had to.

  But how else was he going to get what he wanted from her?

  Just then, she started, turning toward him, fingers going to her hair and lips parting as if she were about to speak. His heart rose into his throat, but the instant her gaze connected with his, she darted it away again. Twisted her whole body away.

  But she’d wanted to talk to him. She had.

  And he could wait as long as she needed him to.

  It didn’t take that long, after all. Three more aborted attempts at speech, each more resolved than the last, and she finally faced him straight-on. The uncertain motions were all gone now, her elbow anchored to the edge of the table, hand loosely curled in the air in front of her.

  “You really want to do this?”

  Did she even know what she was asking?

  Voice and gaze both dead level, he said, simply, “Yes.”

  Before she could say anything else, the waiter reappeared and set two plates down in front of them. Josh didn’t so much as look down at the food, didn’t look up when the man asked if they had everything they needed. Still staring at Ellen, he answered, “I think we do.”

  For the longest moment, their plates remained there, untouched in front of them. Ellen lowered her arm but kept her gaze steady, her chin lifted. “Fine,” she said, unfolding her napkin and draping it over her lap. “Go ahead. Ask me anything you want.”

  With that, she tucked into her meal, winding up a healthy portion of pasta on her fork before lifting it to her mouth. Josh sat there, his chest humming and warm as the questions danced in his head. She stopped with the bite right in front of her, though.

  “One limitation.”

  “What’s that?”

  The corner of her mouth twisted up. “Whatever you ask me, you have to answer yourself.”

  Did she know? Did she know that her charade was his charade?

  Half the questions faded from his mind as his jaw flexed. “That seems fair enough.” They both ate in silence for a few minutes as he gathered his thoughts. When he’d figured things out, he put his knife and fork down and leaned back against the seat. “All right.”

  Rapid fire, he shot out a dozen questions about absolutely nothing. Favorite songs and television shows and books. Childhood toys and role models. She answered each question with a clipped response, and he gave his own reply before sailing into the next.

  Then he took a deep breath.

  “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

  That rattled her. She paused, then chewed slowly and wiped her mouth. Her gaze was a challenge, and she sat up straighter before answering, “A doctor.”

  The warmth in his chest from when she’d suggested this game grew brighter.

  Tell me who you are.

  “Why?”

  “Uh-uh-uh.” She waved her finger in front of him. “Your turn first.”

  The back of his throat soured. “I told you, I’m pre-med.”

  “So you want to be a doctor?”

  “Seems like the logical implication.”

  She lifted her chin and peered at him, one eye narrowing. “I’m sensing evasion.”

  How long had he been avoiding this question? With a sigh, he stretched out his arm to tap on his fork. “My dad’s a doctor. His dad was a doctor.”

  “And…”

  “And they expect me to be one, too.”

  “But you don’t want that.”

  He shrugged. “It’s a little late to be changing my mind.”

  “Bullshit.” His gaze jerked up, but she just shrugged. “I call bullshit.” Pointing her fork at him, she insisted, “The question was, what do you want to be when you grow up. You haven’t touched that one.”

  There was something to her gaze, something that peeled through the layers of apathy he’d tried to cultivate around this part of his life, something that made him want to confess to all his secret plans.

  He picked up his butter knife and seesawed it back and forth across his knuckles. “I majored in chemistry. It’s a good choice for pre-med anyway, and I just…like it. One of the professors kind of took me under his wing and stuff, and I’ve been working in his lab. It’s…nice. Less memorizing, more math. No patients or worrying about who you’re going to kill that day. More my speed, you know?”

  “So why don’t you do that?”

  And in that moment, he honestly didn’t know.

  He forced the shutters back down, though, and gave a tight-lipped smile. “It’s complicated. Anyway.” Josh flipped the knife over to catch it in his palm. “That’s my what and my why. Why do you want to be a doctor?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just always wanted to help people, and science always came easy for me. The money would be nice, too.”

  The way her forehead crinkled, he guessed the money wasn’t a small part of the equation. Sticking to her story, he asked, “Is that why you’re at the diner? To save up for school?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “And where will you go when you have the money?”

  Her jaw tensed, an expression he was starting to recognize—one she showed him every time she had to give a half-truth. “What’s wrong with right here?”

  He understood that expression.

  His throat tightened, and for a moment, he was within inches of giving the whole game away. Instead, he just let a real, wry smile take over his face. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.”

  They ate in silence for a few minutes. The entire time, Josh kept his gaze on her. She was as much of a puzzle as she’d been the first night.

  Impulsively, he asked, “What were you doing the night we met? When you came into that bar?”

  She paled and chewed and swallowed but didn’t skip a beat. “Trying to get laid.”

  Right. Because a quick, easy fuck had been how they’d started, all right. “Why me?”

  “Nice try. Answer your own question.”

  “Me? What was I doing there?”

  “Yup.”

  What had he been doing there? “Just…being out. Having a drink. Getting away from my parents.” It was true enough.

  “So what’s that situ
ation like, anyway?”

  He arched his brow. “I thought I was asking the questions.”

  “Maybe I want to know you, too?”

  That made him pause. In an old, nervous mannerism, he reached up to adjust his glasses, coming up short and scratching his temple when the thick frames weren’t there. “I guess…they’re my parents. They’re good people, maybe a little overbearing.” He hesitated before continuing. “My dad’s been really…intense the past few years. He used to work in an ER, but there was a big case and something went wrong. There was going to be court stuff and everything. In the end, he quit and joined a private practice. But he’s been, like, itching ever since.”

  And he’d been riding Josh a lot harder, too.

  Josh gathered up another forkful of potatoes and smiled. “How about you?”

  “My parents? More or less the same. Good people. My dad got a transfer a couple years ago and they had to move. So now it’s just me.”

  That was interesting. Especially considering she was here, for spring break, alone. “You didn’t want to move with them?”

  Her shoulder quirked up. “I have a life here.”

  “Do you miss them?”

  “Yeah. A lot.”

  The waiter came by again, and Josh asked for the check. Once he’d gone, Ellen put her knife and fork down and took a deep breath. In a quiet voice, she said, “Because I thought you looked too good to be sitting all alone.”

  “What?”

  She peeked up at him from under her lashes. “You asked why I picked you. On Saturday.”

  “Oh.”

  The weight of the words seemed to slow her mouth as she released them, her gaze directed to the side. At nothing. “You looked so good, I thought you were the kind of person I would never have the guts to hit on, normally.” Tilting her head, she looked straight at him. “So I did.”

  Josh almost cleared the table—almost jumped straight over it to press her into that booth. He’d never wanted to kiss her so badly.

  “So?” she asked, clearing his fog.

  “So?”

  “So why me?”

  When he spoke, it was with an honesty that made his ribs hurt. “Because from the very first moment I saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful, most fascinating woman in the world.”

  She had been, sitting there three years ago, studying by that fountain in the middle of the quad.

  And in the past four days, his opinion hadn’t changed. Not one bit.

  “So.” Out in the parking lot, she dance-skipped forward before turning around to look at him. “Now what?”

  Josh swallowed reflexively and squeezed his hand around his keys. He was nervous to even mention his plans, but there was something inside him that said it would be all right. That she, of all people, would understand. He wanted her to understand.

  “Now, I show you my favorite spot in town.”

  “Oh, really? What’s that?”

  “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

  She pouted as she walked backward. Only, in those heels, she staggered after just a couple of steps. Josh reached out and caught her, turned her around and pulled her into his side.

  “Thanks.” Her voice was breathy and winded.

  “No problem.”

  He opened her door for her the way he had before and held her hand as she slipped inside. By the time he got himself in on his side, she was already buckled in, twisting around in the seat to look at him. “Seriously, though. Where are we going?”

  “Somewhere.”

  He started up the car and pulled out of the space and onto the road. The town and the lights faded away, until it was just them and the vast, dark night.

  It wasn’t that long of a ride, but with every mile, Ellen got antsier beside him. Finally, they pulled up in front of a deserted building at the end of a long, narrow road.

  Ellen shifted, her body language nervous. “Is this where you take all your dates to murder them?”

  “Nope. Just you.”

  She stayed put while he came around to her side of the car. After wrenching the door open, he held out his hand. Her expression was wary as she stared at him.

  “Come on,” he said.

  For a second, he truly thought she might refuse. Finally, she slipped her fingers into his open palm. He closed his hand around hers and tugged lightly until she stepped out and rose.

  “Thank you.” He leaned in and stole a soft kiss from her lips.

  After closing the door, he let her go and walked around to the rear of the car while she eyed the old astronomy lab speculatively. “Do you even have a key for this place?”

  “Nope.” He popped the trunk and grabbed the blankets he’d stashed there earlier. Slamming the lid closed, he looked at her, then cast his gaze to the ladder on the side wall. “Don’t need one.”

  Her jaw dropped and she sputtered, looking between him and the building and back. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  “You’re the one who said you were into rock climbing.”

  “But— You—”

  He took her hand and dragged her over to the ladder. “Ladies first.”

  “You just want to look up my skirt.”

  “That will be a perk,” he admitted. “But mostly, I want to be here to catch you if you fall.”

  She shot him a dirty look before eying the metal rungs with just as much disgust. All the same, she placed her hand on the one in front of her and found her foot on the bottom rail. It took her a second to get her footing in those ridiculous, useless, incredibly sexy shoes, but before long, she was climbing like a champ.

  And sure enough, the view from below was ideal. Josh watched her legs and the dark space beneath the fabric of her skirt until she was almost to the top. Remembering himself, he tucked the blankets under one arm and pulled himself up with the other. By the time he hopped up onto the roof, Ellen was standing in the middle of it, hands on her hips, mouth tilted down into a frown.

  “Now will you tell me what on earth we’re doing here?”

  Instead of answering, he inspected the concrete pad, finding it relatively clean. He spread out the top blanket, then moved to stand behind Ellen. He wrapped her up in soft fleece and slid his arms around her, pulling her close. With his lips beside her ear, he asked quietly, “Have you even gotten around to looking up?”

  Her face tilted skyward, and he knew she got it when she let out a low gasp. He kissed her neck, soft and slow, then her jaw. With a hand on her cheek, he angled her face further so he could touch his mouth to hers.

  “Do you like it?” he asked.

  “It’s beautiful. I’ve never seen so many stars before.”

  “Amazing what happens when you get just a little ways out of town.”

  He led her over to the blanket he’d spread out and pulled her down beside him. She gave a little shiver, and he rearranged the blanket to cover her bare legs, caressing the smooth skin as he did.

  She kept staring upward. “What is this place?”

  Lying down, he slid one arm under her head and placed the other behind his own as he spread out on his back. Stroking her arm, he let his gaze roam across the sky.

  “It actually belongs to the university. The astronomy department owns it. They have telescopes and stuff. Organize stargazing parties. I think they do some research here, too.”

  “I can’t believe everyone doesn’t know about it.”

  He chuckled and squeezed her tighter. “If they did, we’d be fighting for space out here.”

  “I bet students come here to make out all the time.”

  A shiver ran up his spine. He hoped she didn’t think that was all he’d brought her here for. He wanted her all right, his body primed from being so close. But that still wasn’t what this night was about.

  He cleared his throat and focused on the upside-down Y of Cancer. “I come out here sometimes. To think.” When he glanced over at her, she was still gazing up, but she was oriented toward him. Attentive. “Espe
cially after my dad changed jobs and got so intense about me going into medicine. It made me think. About who I was. Who I wanted to be.”

  “Who do you want to be?” Her voice was small, her hand hot against his chest.

  “Just…me. And be comfortable with it, you know? No matter what anybody else thinks.” He paused and licked his lips. “If only it was as easy as all that.”

  She was silent for a long moment as she stared at the sky. He twisted his neck, studying the soft curves of her face, the arch of her lip and the shape of her nose. Her hand slid from his chest, and she shifted, putting an inch of space between their bodies that he didn’t like. The air seemed to darken between them, wavering with something shimmering and…honest.

  “Do you ever…” She bit her lip and started again, talking as if from someplace far away. “Do you ever look at who you are and realize you don’t like anything about it?” For the first time since they’d arrived, she looked at him, her eyes wide and so, so deep. “Have you ever wanted to start over? Change everything?”

  And suddenly, the space between them was just as clear as those pinpoints of light out there in the sky.

  She’d just answered all of his questions. Even the ones he hadn’t dared to ask. About who she was. And what she was doing.

  Slowly, he rolled to face her. Put his hand on the side of her face and moved in close enough that their noses brushed.

  “I like you,” he whispered. “I like who you are.”

  “You don’t even know me.”

  “I know you better than you think I do.”

  Her gaze darted between the corners of his face, focusing on one eye and then the other. Finally, she reached for him.

  “Come here.”

  He followed where she pushed and where she pulled. Even though he’d sworn that wasn’t why he’d brought her here, when she centered his body on top of hers, he groaned and let himself be moved. Her mouth was lush and soft, her eyes damp as her hands moved over him.

  She was the one to push her skirt up and reach for him. She touched him in a way that set his blood on fire, but it was with so much more than lust this time. Still half-clothed, he slipped his fingers through her wetness and gritted his teeth as she unzipped him and sheathed him in protection. He kissed her long and deep, then held her gaze with his, never looking away.