All I've Never Wanted

by Ana Huang

  Not that I was complaining. As much as I loved them, they were giving me a headache.

  “Maya, are you ok?” Adriana asked gently, once Zack and Venice’s voices faded away.

  I was about to nod, but then wisely settled for a “Uh-huh” instead. I looked around, immediately noting the absence of two certain males. “Where’s Carlo and Roman?”

  Adriana and Parker exchanged glances. “They’re outside, honeybee,” Parker finally said. “Do you want them to come in?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” I rubbed my forehead. “What happened anyway?”

  Adriana looked startled. “You don’t remember?”

  I frowned. “I just remember being at the carnival, and I was dancing with that really hot British model, then—oh.” My mouth formed a perfect O as the events of tonight, or last night, or whenever they happened, came flooding back. Oliver had kissed me. Then Roman pulled him off and they got into a fight. And then…Roman punched me.

  I immediately slumped back down on the pillows, a lump forming in my throat as I remembered how much that had hurt. Not the physical act itself—though that had been no day at the spa—but everything that led up to that point. I know Roman didn’t do it on purpose. I don’t blame him for the punch.

  What I did blame him for, though, was everything else. What the hell had he been thinking, punching Oliver like that? Ok, so maybe the Brit shouldn’t have kissed me, but he didn’t deserve to get his nose broken. His face was literally his moneymaker.

  I closed my eyes, tuning Adriana and Parker out. I wasn’t even sure if they were speaking to me. My thoughts were speeding through my head like a runaway train, leaving me even dizzier and a bit nauseous.

  I knew Roman had a short temper, I just never expected him to be so violent. It did fit in neatly with his other vices, namely rudeness, arrogance, insensitivity, and downright unreasonableness.

  And I liked him? There was something seriously wrong with me.

  The door to the room opened, and I immediately tensed. I didn’t have to look to know who the newcomers were.

  “Maya, how’re you feeling?”

  I finally turned my head to Carlo sitting on the edge of the bed, his face wracked with worry. He brushed his fingers gently over my jaw, and I immediately flinched from the pain.

  He immediately dropped his hand. “I’m sorry! Does it hurt that bad?”

  I smiled weakly. “Could be worse. How does it look?”

  Carlo smiled back, a bit sadly. “Could be worse. It’s a little bruised, but that’ll fade.”

  I sighed, and I saw Adriana and Parker quietly slip out in the background. Of course, he was still here, just hovering near the door. He had his hands in his pockets and an unreadable expression on his face.

  I pointedly ignored him, but a moment later, he walked over to the bed, causing me to stiffen.

  Carlo reached down to grab my hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

  There was a heavy silence before Roman spoke up. “You know, I didn’t mean to hit you.”

  No apology, no remorse. The statement was delivered in a flat, emotionless tone, like he was a robot or something. Actually, no, scratch that. Even a robot had more feelings than him.

  I didn’t say anything. I just stared straight ahead, trying to suppress the anger and hurt coursing through me.

  Carlo whispered something fiercely to him, and then Roman reluctantly added, “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine.” My voice was clipped. “I don’t need your apology. Oliver needs it more than I do.”

  “I’m not apologizing to that prick!” Roman’s voice rose.

  My head snapped up and I glared at him. “Oh, he’s the prick? He wasn’t the one that punched someone for no reason!”

  “He kissed you!"

  “So? It’s not like he kissed you! Why do you care?”

  Roman crossed his arms over his chest. “Because you’re dating Carlo and you’re going around kissing other guys!”

  “Oh, we’re not dating,” Carlo said casually, brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes. “Drink some more water, Maya.”

  I obeyed, secretly enjoying the stunned look on Roman’s face.

  “But—she—other night—lingerie—“ He sputtered, pointing at me.

  “I never said I was dating him,” I cut in. “In fact, we’re just friends.” I shrugged.

  Roman scowled. “Oh, so why did you say you were going to wear that—that outfit for him later?”

  “Uhh…” I racked my brain for a plausible explanation.

  Luckily, Carlo came to the rescue. “It was a bet,” he explained. “She bet she could seduce any guy in that outfit, and I said she couldn’t. Which, of course, made her all the more determined.” He gently tapped my nose. “Not that we would’ve done anything. I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

  This time I squeezed his hand out of gratefulness. “Neither would I. It was just a stupid bet,” I agreed, playing along.

  “You’re serious?” Roman sounded faint.

  His voice brought all my emotions to the surface again, and the smile dropped from my face. “Yes. So now that you know the whole story, I would appreciate it if you left the room. I don’t feel well.”

  That was true, at least. My stomach churned nauseously and my jaw still throbbed painfully from the punch.

  This time, a flicker of remorse passed through Roman’s eyes, and instead of leaving, he moved around to the other side of the bed, opposite Carlo. I stiffened again as he sat next to me.

  “I’m going to go check on Venice and Zack,” Carlo said, releasing my hand. “They looked like they were about to kill each other earlier.”

  “What? No, stay,” I blurted, grabbing his arm. He could not leave me here with Roman!

  “I’ll be just outside, ok?” he said soothingly. He gently pried my fingers from his arm while shooting Roman a warning glance. “I’ll call up some room service too. You must be hungry. I’ll be back in a bit.”

  He left the room, and I immediately tried to get out of bed, but my body was so sore my feet didn’t even manage to touch the ground before I brought my legs back up and slumped against the pillows.

  Neither Roman nor I spoke for a good five minutes.

  “You know, I really am sorry. About your jaw,” Roman finally said, reaching up to touch my bruise the way Carlo had earlier, only this time, I instinctively jerked away before he even made contact.

  I saw that same hurt expression I’d seen last night, right before he went into the living room. At least, I thought it was hurt. Who knew? He could be faking it.

  “It’s fine, it’s not like I’m going to die,” I said coolly. “And like I said, you should be apologizing to Oliver."

  The frown came back. “Even if you and Carlo aren’t dating, he still kissed you against your will.”

  “How did you know it was against my will?” I challenged.

  Surprise flitted across Roman’s face as his eyes bore into mine. I swallowed, trying my best not to focus on those beautiful violet orbs. More than ever, I wished inner and outer beauty were directly correlated. It would certainly save a lot of people a lot of pain and heartache.

  “Was it?” he asked quietly, but there was a dangerous undertone.

  I sighed. I suddenly felt exhausted, even more than when I first woke up. I just didn’t have the energy to argue with him anymore.

  “Are you going to apologize to him or not?” I asked flatly, evading his question.

  A muscle ticked in his jaw but he didn’t reply.

  “Guess I got my answer.” I turned over so my back was facing him. At least the soreness in my body had faded a bit. “Can you leave, please? I want to rest."

  With that, I closed my eyes, keeping my body tense and taut until I felt his weight leave the bed. I didn’t open my eyes until I heard the soft “click” of the door closing.

  I stared at the wall in front of me, tears blurring my vision. I don’t even know why I was crying. Maybe it was becaus
e the first, and only, guy I’ve ever really liked was such a huge jerk, who didn’t seem to care about anything other than money and having things go his way. Seriously, why did I even like Roman? He was the embodiment of everything I’ve ever abhorred, but I had foolishly believed he could change.

  Apparently, I was wrong. He was still the same asshole he’s always been, and always will be.

  My chest heaved with my efforts to contain my sobs, until I finally buried my face in the pillow, soaking the cotton with my tears as random images flashed through my mind.

  The snake in my locker. The torn gym clothes. The students in school, laughing and jeering as they threw eggs and tomatoes and God knew what else at me. Roman kissing Solange at homecoming. Roman and Solange in the kitchen. Roman and Oliver fighting at the carnival, and finally, the look I’d seen on his face right before I blacked out.

  There had been so much anger there, it actually scared me, more now than ever because I had feelings for him. How could I possibly like someone I was frightened of?

  The answer? I couldn’t.

  I wasn't going to be naive enough to think he could change. A leopard can't change its spots. I couldn’t even trust Roman enough to tell him how I felt.

  But that's ok. It might take some time, but I would get over him. I had to.

  * * *

  “You’re an idiot.” Adriana stated this matter-of-factly as she took a dainty bite of the Orchids’ crab cake she’d ordered from room service, her hair looking more silver than gold under the moonlight.

  Roman scowled, glaring at his so-called friend as she continued to enjoy her dinner. The two of them were standing on the Royal Suite’s balcony, while the others were inside sleeping or tending to Maya. None of them had gotten much sleep last night.

  Maya. His chest squeezed painfully as he thought about that giant purple-and-black bruise on her jaw, the one he was responsible for. He barely remembered anything that happened after he accidentally hit her yesterday. He just remembered screams, and Oliver yelling at him, and then everyone had rushed over to her while he just stood there, still in shock.

  His friends had ripped him a new one, that he did remember. Even Zack. Hell, even if they hadn’t, he would’ve done it himself. Roman had done a lot of things in his life, but he would never purposely hit a girl. But he’d just been so angry last night, watching that stupid British pretty boy kiss her, and he hadn’t been thinking straight.

  Actually, he never seemed to think straight whenever he was around her.

  “So, are you going to say anything or did you call me out here to watch me eat?” Adriana asked, setting down her fork and leaning back in her seat to stare at him questioningly.

  “I don’t know.” Roman ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He had no idea what he was feeling, but it wasn’t good. It was just a tight, nauseous feeling that seemed to have taken over his entire body, and nothing he did or said could make it go away. “I’m just confused.”

  “About what?”

  “I don’t know!” He slammed his fist down on the railing, barely noticing the pain that radiated up his arm as a result. “I can’t believe I hit her.” He was speaking more to himself than Adriana. “She probably hates me now.”

  “Probably.”

  He whipped his head around. “You’re not helping.”

  Adriana threw her hands up in the air. “What the hell do you want me to do, Roman? I don’t have superpowers, you know. I tried so hard to help you guys, I really did, but you’re both too stubborn for your own good. Especially you. I thought it was working for a while, but you and your stupid jealous male pride had to go and ruin it all.”

  Roman just stared at her, the nauseous feeling growing. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  Adriana’s lips thinned. “You know what? Forget I said anything. I don’t think you really deserve her. She should be with someone who actually has two brain cells to rub together. Someone like Carlo.”

  Roman’s hands clenched into fists. The mere sound of Carlo’s name right now put him on edge. Why was everyone so obsessed with him?

  “You should stop talking right now,” he said through gritted teeth. “They’re just friends.”

  “Friends can turn into more.” Adriana crossed her arms over her chest. “Why are you so upset? Does the idea of Maya and Carlo together upset you? Maybe it won’t be Carlo. Maybe it’ll be someone else, like Oliver.” She shrugged. “They’d make a cute couple. She probably enjoyed that kiss.”

  “Shut up!” Roman snapped, the nausea mixing with rage as the memory of Maya and Oliver kissing came flooding back.

  “Why should I?” Adriana snapped back. “Seriously, you need to get over yourself and open your eyes before it’s too late. If it isn’t already,” she added rather acidly. With that, she pushed back her chair and stormed inside, closing the sliding door with a bang behind her.

  Roman barely heard it. A lump seemed to have formed in his throat as her words echoed in his head. If it isn’t already, if it isn’t already, if it isn’t already. The words got louder each time until they were all he could hear.

  The image of Maya and Oliver kissing faded, only to be replaced with the memories from that morning. The way she’d instantly backed away when he reached out to her, and the way she turned her back to him before asking him to leave, politely, like he was just some stranger she couldn’t care less about.

  Whenever they’d argued in the past, Maya had always been hot-tempered and emotional, but that morning, her attitude had been cold, almost detached. It was like she just didn’t care anymore.

  Roman’s stomach dropped as realization swept over him. The thought that she didn’t care enough anymore to even hate him terrified him more than anything else in the world, because somehow, against all odds, he’d fallen in love with Maya Lindberg.

  He swallowed hard as he leaned heavily against the railing, the epiphany shocking him so much he barely had enough energy to stand. He couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to figure it out. All the signs had been there; he’d just been too stubborn to acknowledge them.

  But did Maya even like him back? Roman had no idea. He had to give it a shot though.

  He just hoped Adriana was wrong for once and that it wasn’t already too late.

  * * *

  I sank back into the sofa of the Tevasco guesthouse’s living room, absentmindedly shoving handfuls of caramel popcorn in my mouth as I watched a Gilmore Girls rerun on TV.

  It was the only thing I’d done all day. When I got home from school, I showered, changed, then plunked myself in front of the TV with a year’s worth of cavity-creating, waistline-expanding, sugar-coma-inducing snacks.

  Yes, I know. I’m in a funk, and a pretty terrible one at that.

  The Perrys’ birthday weekend had started off great, but ended with a spectacular crash. After Roman left the room, I’d just stayed in bed until it was time for us to return to Valesca, ordering room service and writing down every single thing I disliked about him on the hotel napkins.

  The only problem was, every time I wrote down a con, a pro popped into my head. For example, I hated how arrogant he was, but then I would remember how nice he’d been after I found out my dad had been cheating on my mom. I would think about how bossy and overbearing he was, but then I would remember how vulnerable he looked the night of the blackout, like a little child.

  Soon, the things I technically should have disliked, like his stupid cocky smirk and his constant snarky comments, turned into pros, because honestly Roman wouldn’t be Roman without them.

  I scowled. Getting over him was proving to be more difficult than I thought.

  I jammed my hand into the bowl, eager for more sugar, but it was empty. Great. Just great.

  I stood up grumpily and was about to walk to the kitchen to grab some more popcorn when the doorbell rang.

  I stopped, frowning. Who could it possibly be? I knew Carlo wasn’t here. He was at some martial arts thing tonight. I
hope it wasn’t Rico. He seriously creeped me out, even though he hadn’t done anything to me.

  I pulled back the curtain next to the door, my stomach knotting up when I saw Roman standing there, an uncharacteristically nervous look on his face.

  I debated whether or not to pretend I wasn’t here, but it was too late. He already saw me.

  I let the curtain drop and took a deep breath, grimacing when I saw my reflection in the hall mirror. Wow, I looked horrible. I had no makeup on, my hair was pulled up into a sloppy bun, and I there was some sugar stuck on my cheek.