All I've Never Wanted

by Ana Huang

  Roman seemed to have taken my not moving away as encouragement, because he deepened the kiss, causing my heart to splutter and my knees to give out.

  I yelped in alarm, breaking away and grabbing his arms just before I collapsed in a heap on the ground.

  “Whoa.” He grasped my wrists and hauled me back into a standing position. “Are you ok?”

  “I’m fine,” I muttered, humiliated. I stared at him. “What was that?” My voice was barely above a whisper.

  Roman stared at me in disbelief. “You still have to ask?”

  I swallowed. “I just—I don’t understand.” Even though I did. I just couldn’t believe it.

  He sighed, looking pained. “Fine. Maya, I’m just going to be straight-up honest with you, ok? I—“ He hesitated, then continued. “I like you. Like like you. Even though you don’t like me back.” He swallowed. “But you could, right? If you just give me a chance. I’ll make it all up to you, I promise. I really will.”

  “I need to sit down,” I said faintly, sinking down on the armrest of a nearby sofa while he stared nervously at me.

  It was all starting to sink in. Roman Fiori liked me. Me. Maya Lindberg, the girl who, up until two months ago, most Valescans didn’t even know existed. I actually believed he was telling the truth now. I mean, he is not the type of person who would humble himself like that just for a joke.

  Still, it was hard for me to wrap my head around it. After I caught my father cheating, I’d all but given up on love in real life. The whole rich boy falling for poor girl cliché? That only happened in books and movies, but here it was, happening to me.

  “Maya?” Roman’s eyes searched my face. “Can you say something, please? Even if it’s ‘I hate you.’ I just need to know.”

  And as I sat there, staring at him, taking in the tousled dark hair that was always a bit messy, the violet eyes whose intensity could set a room—or a girl—on fire, and the lean, sculpted face that usually wore an arrogant or disdainful expression but which seemed so vulnerable now, I knew what I had to do.

  Still in a bit of a daze, I slowly walked over to where he was standing, and I could see the nervousness increase on his face. At the same time, there was a spark of hope in his eyes.

  Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my own nerves. Are you sure this is what you want to do? a voice whispered in my head.

  One look at Roman’s face gave me my answer.

  Yes.

  And then I slapped him. Not a hard slap, mind you, but it was still, you know, a slap. Plus, the room was so silent the sound actually reverberated.

  Roman stared at me in shock.

  “I hate you,” I said, my voice trembling slightly.

  And just like that, that small hopeful spark died right then and there. “Oh,” Roman said, his voice cracking. He looked like he wanted to cry. “I guess—I guess that’s it then. I’m sorry for wasting your time,” he mumbled, turning to leave.

  “Wait.” I stopped him. “I’m not finished.”

  He stared at me, confused.

  “Don’t you want to know why I hate you?”

  Roman didn’t look at me. “Not really,” he muttered.

  I continued anyway. “I hate you because yes, you have been a major jerk to me. But you know what? I hate you even more because you were a jerk to me even when you knew you liked me! I hate you for not seeming to care, I hate you for not telling me earlier and making me cry, I hate you for kissing Solange, I hate you for putting me through all of that!” I was nearly crying by this point as I pounded a fist against his chest, trying to vent all of my pent-up frustration. “You’re such an idiot!”

  By the time I was finished, I was almost out of breath. I fully expected my parents to come running into the room any minute now, but they didn’t.

  Roman, I could tell, was absolutely stunned, because he didn’t say a single word. Instead, he just wrapped his arms around me. At first, his touch was hesitant, like he was afraid I was going to pull away or slap him again, but when I didn’t, he grew more confident, pulling me close to his chest. He remained silent, just holding me, and I had a sudden flashback to the night I ran into his room and held him just like he was holding me now.

  I closed my eyes, pressing my cheek against the soft cotton of his T-shirt and inhaling that intoxicating woodsy scent of his. Without even thinking, I wrapped my arms around his waist. It just felt so right, being there in his arms, and I didn’t want to think about anything else, not the past, not the future—I just wanted to enjoy the moment.

  But like everything else in life, it couldn’t last forever, so when my breathing had steadied and I’d gotten my emotions (relatively) under control, I pulled back, chilliness replacing the warmth of his arms.

  Roman examined my face, his own inscrutable. “So, uh, what does that mean?” he asked rather nervously.

  I couldn’t help it. I started laughing at his utter cluelessness, so for once I actually followed his lead, grabbed his face, and kissed him.

  This time was even better than the first, because now that I’d gotten all of that off my chest, I could actually enjoy it. The softness of his lips against mine, the slightly minty taste of his mouth, the softness of his hair as I ran my hand through it, and the undeniable thrill that fizzled through me when Roman finally got over his shock and started kissing me back.

  He kept one arm firmly wrapped around my waist while the other cupped the back of my head so he could kiss me harder, and if he hadn’t been holding me, I’m pretty sure I would’ve floated right off the ground.

  Yep. This was definitely the best idea I’ve ever had.

  I can’t say for sure that things will end up the way I want them to in the end, but I honestly couldn’t hide my feelings anymore. I'm sick of playing it safe. Besides, what was life without a little risk?

  I’m not sure how long the kiss went on for, and I was surprised neither my mom nor my dad had interrupted yet. It probably would’ve went on for quite a while longer, had a small yelp not made its way through the fogginess of my mind.

  “What was that?” I pulled away, breathing heavily.

  “I don’t know.” Roman stared at my mouth, obviously wanting to continue where we off.

  Someone—or rather something—yelped again, drawing my gaze to the box on my doorstep. I’d been so caught up in, er, other things that I hadn’t even noticed it earlier.

  My heart sped up in excitement. No freakin’ way. Was that what I think it is?

  “I think it came from that box.” I pointed shakily at the object in question. “Roman? You didn’t happen to have, uh, bought me another gift, did you?”

  “Oh, that.” Roman stared at the box like he’d just noticed it himself. “Well…yeah. I wasn’t expecting you to give in before you saw.”

  I frowned. “Who says I gave in?” I huffed, though I wasn’t really angry.

  He just gave me that slow, languorous smirk of his, and I melted a bit. Ok, so I gave in just a little.

  “Here.” Roman picked up the shaking box and handed it to me. “Open it.”

  I held my breath, slowly opening it and hoping it was—

  A puppy. “Oh my god!” I squealed, when I saw the tiny brown-and-white puppy staring up at me, a neglected expression on its face. It obviously didn’t like being stuffed and forgotten inside a box for so long. “You are so cute!”

  I picked it up, marveling at the silkiness of its fur, as its neglected expression morphed into a happy one. It let out a happy bark and licked my face with its little pink tongue.

  “I thought you’d like it.” There was a small smile on Roman’s face. “I just picked it up this morning.”

  I hugged the puppy to my chest, swallowing hard. “It’s for me?”

  “Well, yeah.” Roman wrinkled his nose a bit. “I’m not a huge fan of animals.”

  At that, the puppy’s ears perked up, and he growled menacingly at Roman. I giggled. Even when he growled he was cute.

  “Although…” Roman
kept his eyes on mine. “You can only keep it on one condition.”

  “Which is?” I squeaked.

  “I want you to tell me the truth. Be as honest with me as I was with you. Do you like me?”

  All the air whooshed out of my lungs, making me feel like I was free-falling. I took a deep breath, absentmindedly stroking the puppy to calm my nerves. “Yes,” I whispered. “I’ve liked you for a while now.”

  And just like that, Roman’s eyes lit up. He smiled. Actually smiled. It wasn’t a smirk, and there was no condescension or disdain behind it. It was just a normal, happy smile, but on him, it was devastating, like the sun finally coming out after a long, angry storm.

  He closed the distance between us with two long strides, the look in his eyes taking my breath away. Again. For the first time ever, it was completely open, sincere, and vulnerable, and I could see everything he was feeling. Honestly, though, I didn’t even need to look at him to know, because I was feeling the exact same thing.

  “I guess there’s one thing left to do,” he murmured.

  “What’s that?” I asked a bit shakily.

  Roman stared at me, like he couldn’t quite believe he was there. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

  I half-laughed and half-cried. “After all that, you still have to ask? Yes!”

  I was just about to throw my arms around him when I realized I was still holding the puppy. Roman seemed to notice at the same time, so he compensated by wrapping his arms around me instead, drawing me into another kiss until the puppy let out an indignant yelp.

  “Jeez. He’s just as feisty as his owner,” he said dryly, shaking his head at the animal.

  “We should give him a name.” I frowned. What was a good name?

  “Feisty,” Roman said blandly.

  I rolled my eyes. “That’s a dumb name.” I smirked as the dog tried to nip at his fingers. “I don’t think he likes you very much.”

  “He’ll come to his senses soon,” Roman bragged, giving me a sly look. “Much like someone else I know.”

  I blushed. “Whatever. But be serious. What should—oh, I know!” I snapped my fingers as a thought hit me. “Let’s name him Mickey!”

  I giggled at the look on his face.

  “Seriously?” Roman glowered at me, obviously remembering the time my grandmother chased him out of the house with a broom because he’d been wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt.

  “Yep,” I chirped. “It’s fitting. Right, Mickey?” I cooed.

  Mickey let out a loud, happy bark, snuggling closer to me.

  “Fine. But put Mickey down.”

  “Why?” I clutched him tighter to his chest.

  “Just do it. Pay a little more attention to your new boyfriend, why don’t you?” Roman actually pouted.

  I laughed, setting Mickey on the floor. Looks like someone was jealous of the dog.

  Mickey’s paws barely hit the floor before Roman grabbed me and really kissed me, only this time neither of us was surprised. Our first kiss as boyfriend and girlfriend.

  I sighed happily, my heart actually fluttering. Taking risks? So not overrated.

  * * *

  My best idea ever? Kissing Roman and telling him how I really feel.

  My worst idea ever? Telling everyone else we were dating. Each reaction was worse than the last.

  Carlo:

  “I’m so happy for you, Maya. *Smirks* Seriously, though, am I good or what? I told you my plan would work.”

  Zack:

  “Oh My-My! I’m so proud of you! *Tears up a little* Our little My-My’s growing up! *Hugs me tightly, then stops crying* Can I see the puppy now?”

  James:

  *Gives me a hard, disappointed look* “I hope you know what you’re doing. I don’t want you to end up hurt.”

  Adriana:

  “Finally! It’s about time. I’m so glad you guys are finally together, because it’s a bit exhausting trying to play Cupid with people as dense and stubborn as you two. Now I can finally enjoy my spa sessions in peace. Oh, by the way, do you want to go lingerie shopping again? Cosabella’s having a sale. And I know you like to read, so if you want to borrow the Kama Sutra just let me know and I’ll bring it to you. Just a warning though, you might want to do some yoga before trying anything in that book.”

  Parker:

  “Are you on the pill? No. Ok, well, here are some condoms. Let’s see, there’s Trojans, ribbed, strawberry-flavored, lubricated, non-lubricated…why do you have that look on your face? Seriously, Maya, protection’s very important. No one wants a bunch of mini-Romans running around. And oh! There’s a glow-in-the-dark one too! That’s my last one, by the way. You should feel special I’m giving it to you.”

  My mom (who eavesdropped on our whole conversation in the living room two weeks ago):

  “Oh, you finally got a real boyfriend! That’s great, sweetie. By the way, I hope you don’t mind but I accidentally told your grandma yesterday. I don’t think she’s very happy, since she keeps asking about someone named Pee-Wee and why I would let you date someone who likes mice. *Sighs* You can expect a call from her soon—Maya! Don’t you dare throw your phone in the garbage disposal!”

  My dad (who had been about to come in and punch Roman if my mom hadn't held him back):

  *Attempts to give me the birds and bees talk, even though my mom fully gave me that talk when I was thirteen* Luckily, he failed, seeing as how I walked out of the room after about ten seconds because a) that’s a highly awkward and traumatizing conversation and b) I still haven’t really forgiven him yet.

  Venice:

  “Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! You’re dating Roman Fiori!!! Oh my god! That’s amazing! How did you do it? Tell me about the kiss! He got you a puppy? He did?! Aaaahhh!” *Carries on this way for ten minutes before fainting*

  That last one was how I ended up in the emergency room, since I wanted to make sure my best friend didn’t get a concussion from fainting on a tile floor. Luckily, she didn’t. Unluckily, she still remembered why she fainted.

  When I told Roman what happened, he laughed. Laughed, like the whole thing was hilarious.

  “I don’t see what’s so funny,” I grumbled, reaching down to pet Mickey good-bye. He let out a low whine, staring up at me with those sad puppy eyes. “Oh, don’t look at me that way, baby,” I cooed. “I promise I’ll be back soon. If you’re a good boy I’ll even bring back lots of doggie treats for you.”

  He stopped whining and stood up on his hind legs, pawing my leg adoringly.

  I grinned. He was so adorable! I’m so glad I managed to convince my parents to let me keep him. I picked Mickey up, waving one of its paws at Roman. “Say ‘bye, Roman.’” I smiled mischievously at my boyfriend. Boyfriend. Just the word caused my heart to flutter.

  “Rome, say bye to Mickey.”

  Roman rolled his eyes, looking annoyed. I think he seriously regrets ever buying me the puppy. “He’s a dog. It’s not like he understands.”

  I gave him my own puppy dog face.

  “Fine,” he finally groused, glaring at Mickey. “Bye, Mickey.”

  In response, Mickey stuck up his nose and turned his head away.

  I burst out laughing at the look on Roman’s face. “Come on, let’s go.” I set Mickey down on the floor and pushed a highly offended Roman out the door.

  “Talk about ingratitude. I was the one who bought that little mutt,” he grumbled angrily, fishing his keys out of his pocket.

  “He’s not a mutt,” I defended. “Besides, I’m the one who feeds and bathes him.”

  “Whatever.” Roman yanked open the passenger side door. “Just get in.”

  Despite his gruff words, I couldn’t help but smile. “You’re such a gentleman.”

  After two weeks of officially dating, I was beginning to see how much of a softie he really was under that cold, icy façade, a façade which was slowly melting, much to everyone’s delight.

  “Don’t think that came for free,” Roman said with a smirk as he slid
into the driver’s seat.

  “Oh really?” I raised a challenging eyebrow, but I can feel anticipation coursing through me.

  Luckily, I didn’t have to wait long, because at that moment he leaned across my seat and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. Even after half a month, I was surprised by how tender he could be. Of course, he did threaten to take Mickey away if I ever breathed a word about his “softer” side to other people.

  I went along with it, although I highly doubt he’d be able to wrest Mickey away. That dog was too doggone smart (pun intended).

  “Where are we going?” I asked as his Ferrari flew through Valesca’s streets to some unknown destination.