Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (Nashville Nights #2-3)

by Stacey Mosteller

  My back immediately stiffens. "You did what? Why would you do that Liv? I'm not interested! I told you that the last time you tried to hook me up with someone."

  "Um, because you'd never do it on your own? Seriously, SB, you've got to give someone a chance. Why shouldn't it be Wyatt? He's cute, sweet and he's loads of fun!" Livvie's giving me puppy dog eyes, begging me to go along with what she's done. Our entire friendship has been like this. Livvie finds out I don't want to do something, and she makes it her mission to make me do whatever it is. Sometimes that's a great thing, but times like tonight, it makes me want to scream.

  We've been best friends our whole lives. She knows just how hard having a boyfriend is with my brother and his friends. "Livvie, I've tried having boyfriends. David and Jeremy just scare them all off!" Ugh, my first attempt at having a boyfriend, yeah, that was awful. Jeremy threatened my junior prom date with bodily harm if he touched me before making me come home early.

  I don't have to tell Livvie any of that, she was at prom and she's been there for all the humiliations I've had to endure because of my brother and his friend. Not to mention, it's New Year's Eve, and where am I? Some trendy dance club? Nope. Out on a date? Negative. I'm at my brother's bar, because he says at least here he knows I'm safe and he can keep an eye on me. I'm almost twenty years old! They treat me like I'm still the sad fifteen year old who lost her parents too young. It's aggravating.

  Livvie just shakes her head, "SB, you need to do this! You need to show your brother that you're a woman. Maybe then he'll concentrate on finding a woman of his own."

  "Maybe we should concentrate on finding him someone so he'll leave me alone!" This whole conversation makes me laugh. I don't think even getting a girlfriend would make David back off. He's too over-protective.

  She grins, "That's a fantastic idea! We need to do that, but first, you're going on a date with Wyatt."

  I sigh, knowing that there's no way I'm getting out of this, so I may as well go along with them. "Fine, I'll hang out with Wyatt tonight."

  Now, she scowls, "You know, you don't have to act like hanging out with him for a night is going to kill you. Wyatt's a hottie! Hell, if it wasn't for Emmett, I'd be trying to tap that myself."

  I blush as pink as the streaks in my hair that Livvie talked me into getting earlier today. "Yeah, well, I haven't 'tapped' anything, ever."

  "Oh, I know. Tonight is the first step in you getting away from your brother and his minion. We're going to get you to tap something this year, even if it kills you!" Her smile is evil, and I'm just a little terrified about what she has planned for tonight. I've hung around with Wyatt before, and he seems like a nice guy, but I'm not really into dating. The guy I want, well, he doesn't want me -- and that doesn't do great things for a girl's confidence.

  Livvie is completely oblivious to how uncomfortable I am when I realize that the reason she dressed me the way she did was so I could "get some". I feel like she's pimping me out to this guy, especially when she starts fluffing my hair and straightening my dress. You would think by now that I know not to let Liv dress me like her barbie doll, but I do...constantly. Take tonight for instance; I'm dressed in a cream dress with bright pink flowers. It has a fitted bodice and a flared skirt that ends above the knees, even on me. She paired it with hot pink and cream four-inch heels that I can barely walk in and a cream colored coat. I guess I should be glad she didn't go for stripper-wear, even though that's what she's wearing.

  Olivia is wearing a bright blue dress that matches the streaks in her own hair, but unlike mine, hers is very form-fitting and leaves little to the imagination. It has tiny straps and a plunging back. She's paired it with matching heels that are even higher than mine and has her hair pulled up in a messy knot, leaving curly tendrils down to frame her face. It works for her, but then, she's the one who always wants to be the center of attention.

  After she's done making sure we're both presentable she grabs me by the hand, leading me back out to our table where everyone is pairing up, leaving me to be the third wheel, or in this case, more like the seventh. All of my friends have boyfriends, I'm always the odd one out. I should probably take that as a sign that I should give someone like Wyatt a chance, but by the time he shows up I'm thoroughly depressed, wishing I'd decided to stay home instead. He's a nice guy, but he's not the guy.

  "Hey SarahBeth," Wyatt says as he leans down to kiss my cheek.

  Turning to look up at him, I smile, "Hi Wyatt. How are you?" God, this whole exchange sounds scripted.

  "I'm good. Liv said you needed a date for New Year's, so here I am." He grins back at me, obviously not realizing just how awful that sounds. Like she had to find someone to take me out. I'm perfectly capable of getting my own dates, I just don't want any.

  Peering around him at Liv, I glare, letting her know that I'm not happy about any of this. She just smiles brightly, unconcerned with how I feel and I wonder why I stay friends with her. I'm still technically a teenager, not some spinster who needs people to take pity on her.

  I turn back just as Wyatt sits beside me. He grins sheepishly at me before saying, "That really didn't come out the way I meant it."

  "No worries," I say, waving off his apology, "I know how persistent Livvie can be."

  Wyatt laughs, "Oh, she's definitely that alright." Leaning over, he whispers conspiratorially, "But, she doesn't have to know you're miserable. Let's just be friends tonight and have fun, okay? She'll think she did a good thing, and neither one of us will have to deal with unwanted advances."

  Grinning back up at him, I agree, "That's the best offer I've had all night." Taking my hand, Wyatt leads me out onto the dance floor just as a fast song ends and the band starts playing a slow song. Wyatt pulls my arms up behind his neck before wrapping his own around my waist and holding me close. We don't talk, and I'm glad because I really don't know what I would say to him. I don't want to be that girl, the bitchy one who tells the guy at the get go that he doesn't have a chance, but I also don't want to lead him on.

  Jeremy

  My hand tightens around the whiskey glass to the point I'm surprised it doesn't shatter. SarahBeth is on the dance floor with this college guy who was in a class I did a guest lecture in. She hasn't even noticed I'm here. It dawns on me that this...this is what her life would be if I wasn't trying to keep her close to me. She'd have a boyfriend her own age instead of the old man, there would be parties and clubbing, all the things that I'm not really into anymore. Things she should experience as a young woman in college.

  The longer I sit here watching them, the shittier I feel. I'm so engrossed in watching her talk and flirt that I don't even notice David come over to my side of the bar. My back goes ramrod stiff when his hand lands on my shoulder as I anticipate the questions I really don't want to answer. "She'll be okay, man. That's why I told her to come here instead." My shoulders slump in relief when I realize that instead of automatically questioning why I'm so interested in what SB is doing, he's concluded that I'm worrying about her the same way he is. If he knew what my thoughts really were, I'd never make it out of this bar intact.

  Rubbing a hand across the back of my neck, I turn back to watching SarahBeth. "Yeah, I know. That guy just looks shady." He doesn't really, it's just all I can think to say. Maybe if he agrees with me, David will break them up.

  "You think?" David asks, scratching his chin thoughtfully before shrugging. "He looks okay to me." Well, fuck. If the overprotective big brother doesn't see a problem, there isn't much I can do without drawing attention to the fact that I don't want her in someone else's arms. "I'll be back in a bit. One of my bartenders didn't show tonight of all nights so we're short staffed."

  I haven't even noticed how busy it's been, or that one of the bartenders didn't show which makes me feel like shit. "Do you need me to help out?" I'm actually hoping he says yes, because at least that will take my mind off of her and the guy she's with tonight, but Dave just shakes his head.

  "Nah, we'll be fine. Just
...keep an eye on Sarah, okay?" I nod, even though it's the last thing I want to do tonight. Clapping a hand on my shoulder once more, David heads back to take care of customers, leaving me sitting alone with my thoughts.

  A few drinks later, I'm buzzing pretty good when a hand lands on my arm. "Hey handsome," a voice says, and turning I see a woman who looks close to my age smiling up at me. Like SarahBeth, she's blonde, although it's obvious hers comes straight from a bottle and she's dressed to kill in a little black dress and sky-high heels. This woman is quite literally the opposite of my obsession in every way and I'm just buzzed enough to think that flirting with her is a good idea.

  When I don't brush her off, her smile widens and she takes her hand off my arm to hold it out to me. "I'm Candace, but my friends," she looks over her shoulder where a group of women are watching our interaction, "call me Candy."

  Cringing inwardly at the nickname, I take the hand she offered to me and kiss the back of it before letting go. Suddenly, I'm wondering why I thought this was a good idea. "Hi Candace, I'm Jeremy," is all I offer in return, already trying to figure out how to get away from her. This woman is obviously trawling for a one night stand and I'm just not interested in what she's offering. Everyone I know would think I'm crazy, because she's definitely attractive with her long hair, short dress and showing plenty of cleavage showing, but she's not the person I want.

  I start to edge around her and she grips my bicep, looking up at me with a confused expression. "Where are you going? We're just getting to know each other."

  Personally, exchanging first names isn't really getting to know each other in my book, but okay. Before I can say anything, she presses closer to me so that her chest is pushed up against mine. When I look over to where I last saw SarahBeth, she's still dancing with the college prick, but her eyes are on me, and the blonde standing in front of me. Her eyes are wide and I can see the questions in them from here. She's chewing on her lower lip the way she always does when she's worried, and even though it makes me ten different kinds of a dick, my heart beats faster at the knowledge that she's wondering what I'm doing with this woman.

  SarahBeth doesn't realize that I see her, so I take advantage of her attention, smiling down at the woman pressing her obviously fake tits up against me. Trailing a finger down the bare skin of her arm, I watch as her eyes begin to glaze over and her tongue darts out to moisten her parted lips. I'm not going to bullshit here and say that having a woman get that easily turned on isn't an ego boost, but really, she's a means to an end. SarahBeth thinks she can play games and try to make me jealous, but she needs to know that shit like that isn't going to work with me. I'm a thirty year old man, not a twenty year old co-ed.

  Candace, or Candy as she keeps trying to get me to call her, continues to make insipid small talk, telling me all about her job, her boss that she hates and how catty her co-workers are, but I'm not paying much attention. I'm trying not to make it obvious to either her or SarahBeth that my attention is riveted elsewhere. As soon as SarahBeth saw me put my hands on Candace, she narrowed her eyes and renewed her focus on the boy she's with. I can't believe I'm playing these games with her. When I see her break away from college-boy and head for the bathrooms, I excuse myself from the very uninteresting monologue this woman is giving me. I've only caught bits and pieces of it, but I know where she's going and while I'm all for putting SarahBeth in her place, I'm not looking to actually hook up with this chick. She's not happy about me interrupting her story about what a hotshot real estate agent she is and how we can go to one of the houses she's listed to have a little "fun", I've headed after SarahBeth before she can even ask me to wait.

  The hallway is packed full of people and people are lined up to use both restrooms. It only takes me a moment to spot SB almost at the end of the line. She hasn't noticed me yet, so I have the element of surprise on my side as I walk past and grab her hand, pulling her behind me. The door to the stockroom is at the end of this hallway, thankfully left unlocked, and pulling her inside I slam the door shut before pressing her up against the door. SarahBeth's staring up at me with wide eyes, silently asking what on earth I'm doing. I don't have an answer because quite honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing here. I took off after her without even thinking it through.

  Releasing the grip I have on her hand I stalk away from her, shoving a hand through my hair. I need to put some distance between us because seeing her in that little white dress and heels makes me want to see what she's wearing underneath it. Fuck! I was already half hard just from having her up against me, but thinking about getting under her dress has me hard enough now to pound nails. I'm standing on the other side of the room with my hands linked against the back of my head, trying to calm myself down when I feel the heat of her small hand on my back.

  "Jeremy?" she asks, the confusion in her voice evident. When I turn around she's standing behind me and she's biting her bottom lip again. I snap, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her tight against me. Her hands fly up to land on my chest and her head tilts up so she can study me. "What are you doing?"

  I walk her backwards until her back meets the cold brick wall. She gasps at the feeling, which presses her chest into mine as she stares up at me wide-eyed. Her mouth is slightly parted and her breathing quickens. I lean down to press my lips to hers, but just before our mouths meet, she pushes against my chest and it's so unexpected it actually works. She looks like she can't quite figure out why she did that at first, but then her eyes harden and she narrows them at me. "I don't think so Jeremy. You can't tell me you're sorry for kissing me and that it can't happen again and then just kiss me whenever you want. I deserve better than that." She sounds so unsure about what she's saying that I know if I pushed it, she'd let me taste her, but she's right. She does deserve better...better than me.

  Releasing her completely, I gesture towards the door that's next to where we're standing, trying to ignore the fact that my arms feel empty without her in them. "Go on then, before I change my mind." SarahBeth stands frozen for just a second before snapping out of it and practically running out the door. I stay behind, attempting to calm the erection that comes up anytime I'm in the same fucking room as her. Goddammit!

  When I step out of the stockroom, SarahBeth is nowhere to be found. Pushing my way through a group of drunk, giggling girls I make my way back to the bar. Grabbing Seth's attention, I order a glass of Jack, slamming it back and savoring the burn in my throat before ordering a second and then a third. I wish he'd just bring me the fucking bottle. Ten seconds after that thought, Candace is back at my side. I only know this because her tits press up against my back while she trails a long red nail down my arm.

  She's oblivious to how tense I am when she stretches to whisper in my ear, "Hey handsome, you came back." Fuck. Wanting to erase the feel of SarahBeth in my arms, I turn, giving her my undivided attention.

  "Why wouldn't I come back when I knew there was a beautiful woman waiting for me?" I'm laying the bullshit on thick, disgusted with my actions tonight toward her and SB. Candy doesn't seem to care that it's bullshit because she laughs before sliding her hand up my arm and around my neck and tugging my head down so she can press her red lips to mine. She traces the seam of my lips with her tongue, asking for access to my mouth, which I grant, but I'm not feeling this kiss at all. It's not the mouth I want to be kissing. It doesn't matter that any other red-blooded man would be completely into this woman, I can't find it in myself to even get slightly aroused, no matter how close she gets to me. Thirty seconds into the kiss, she's practically grinding against me and I'm thinking about all the shit I have to do tomorrow.

  Determined to push thoughts of her out of my head, I push my fingers into Candace's hair, gripping it tight and pulling her head back and down, pushing my tongue forcefully into her mouth. She grips my shoulders, her nails digging into my skin as she whimpers into my mouth. I welcome the pain, having just enough alcohol in my system that I can pretend she's who I want her to be. Love the o
ne you're with and all that, right? Plus, let's face it; I haven't had sex with anyone but my goddamn hand since I ended things with Melanie last summer. Not that I haven't tried, I just haven't been able to go through with it.

  The rest of the night is spent taking shots and trying to keep Candy - why the fuck would you choose to be called that? - And her wandering hands off important parts of my body. Parts she has no business touching. By the time the countdown to midnight starts, I've consumed the majority of a bottle of Jack Daniels and am carrying enough whiskey in my body to think that going to find SarahBeth in her fucking brother's bar while Candace is "visiting the ladies room" is a smart idea. SarahBeth is standing with the douchebag and his arm is around her shoulders, keeping her tucked into his side.

  When I come up to the group, his eyes widen and SarahBeth sighs. "What do you want Jeremy?" Her tone is less than welcoming, and narrowing my eyes at her, I want nothing more than to bend her over my knee for her attitude.

  "I need to talk to you." Well, fuck. Now I sound like the petulant teenager that she acts like most of the time. My obsession with her is making us both act like immature asses. She doesn't move, doesn't even acknowledge what I said in any way aside from narrowing her eyes and burrowing closer into his side. The site of her obviously preferring his touch to mine has me clenching my fists and my jaw.

  Dipshit finally decides to speak up, holding a hand out he says, "Hey man, I'm Wyatt, SarahBeth's date for the night." At the word date my eyes dart back to hers and she's staring at me triumphantly, one eyebrow raised in a silent challenge. One that says "that's right asshole. I pushed you away earlier because I'm on a date" and makes me want to smash my fist into the wall. If she's trying to make me jealous, she's doing a fucktastic job because that's one emotion I'm feeling in spades.