Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (Nashville Nights #2-3)

by Stacey Mosteller

  They continue arguing, both sure they're right and the other is wrong, until I finally sit up and put myself between them. "Thank you both for caring, but please, stop arguing. I've had enough of that to last a lifetime."

  Liv & Wyatt both look properly chastised, but neither one apologizes. Taking the silence as a win, I let Wyatt pull me back to his side as we start to talk about other things; how classes are going, what his plans are when Peyton gets here. Wyatt is planning to take her back to his mom's house, but first they are going to be here in Nashville for about a week, re-acquainting...,which we all know is code for screwing like bunnies. Wyatt's really close to his mom, but I know he's not looking forward to spending all his nights sleeping on his mom's couch while Peyton sleeps in his bedroom.

  "So, Peyton's coming back before the fourth of July?" I ask, glad for the subject change and wanting to get the attention off me for even five minutes.

  Wyatt nods, exhaling loudly. "That was the plan, but her parents are driving her crazy because they want her to change her major, so she may come back sooner." He smiles when he says this, happy he might get to see her sooner. I wish I could be as confident in my relationship as he is in his.

  "That sucks. She should get to major in whatever she wants!" I really didn't like his girlfriend at first; she came off as a huge bitch. Peyton's mellowed out a lot though since they got together, she smiles more and is just more friendly in general. Their relationship isn't perfect, I mean, they almost broke up not long after spring break because she was embarrassed to take Wyatt home to meet her parents and he thought it was because of his background. Turned out, it was because of her crazy family. I thought Jeremy's relatives were bad, but Peyton's make his look normal...that's saying something.

  His mouth twists into a grimace, but all he says is, "Yeah, I know." Wyatt finally met her parents when he helped her take her stuff home for the summer, and even though he never told me, I know things didn't go well. They're rich and snobby, so the boy from the trailer park is not good enough for their daughter.

  Why is uncomfortable talking about Peyton when she's not around so we talk about his other friends instead, both he and Liv are careful not to mention Emmett, until Wyatt's phone dings. Reading the text that just came through, his smirk turns evil as he tells Livvie, "Emmett has a date tonight, guess he's finally over your shit." He enjoys telling her that way too much. When her face crumples and she looks away from us, her lower lip quivering, Wyatt looks over at me, obviously conflicted. Her reaction doesn't make sense if she was the one who called the break.

  Getting up, I go over to her, sit beside her on the floor and pull her into a hug. She lays her head on my shoulder, sniffling while a few tears fall down her cheeks then she angrily brushes them away. Abruptly she sits up, glares at Wyatt and says, "Good for him. I hope he gets crotch rot from the skank he screws tonight." I stare first at her, then at Wyatt, who looks as shocked as I do. Livvie snorts angrily, gathers her things and heads for my bedroom door. "Sorry SB...I just, I need to go. I can't deal with this shit." She waves her hand in Wyatt's direction as our eyes meet. There's sadness in hers, but also hurt and anger. I want to help her, but she isn't talking about what her deal is, and until she's willing to open up to me, there's nothing I can do. "I really don't need Emmett's friends looking at me like I'm the bad guy." She slams my door behind her, causing both Wyatt and I to jump, and then she's gone.

  "They're both idiots," Wyatt mutters, shaking his head.

  "Do you know what's going on? She hasn't said anything to me." I'm worried about my friend; she's never acted this way after a fight or breakup with Emmett. She's always the happy one, quick to move on, blunt almost to the point of being mean, and not letting anything faze her. The way she just acted over Emmett having a date is not her at all.

  Wyatt only shrugs; as he looks away, and says, "I never know what's going on with them. I just know something happened the other night when Emmett took her to dinner, he came home pissed as all hell. We're guys SarahBeth, we don't talk about our feelings and shit. We aren't that close." He smirks, prompting me to punch him lightly in the arm, knowing full well I won't do any damage.

  "You're a jerk. Guys talk about their crap too." I stick my tongue out at him, feeling better than I have in awhile and just enjoying spending time with someone who doesn't ask me how I am or what I want every minute and a half. Before he can say anything else, my phone rings. Looking down, I see Jeremy's name on the screen, looking up at Wyatt sheepishly as my finger hovers over the answer button.

  He laughs, "And on that note, I need to get going." He stands, walks over to me and kisses the top of my head before he tells me, "Don't give in too soon, but don't listen to Liv either and wait too long. He needs to work to get you back, but if he loves you as much as I think he does, he deserves a second chance. I can't fault the guy for wanting to protect you." He closes the door behind him, leaving me staring down at my phone and debating on whether or not I should actually answer.

  Finally, I take a deep breath and hit the button right before it would have been sent to voicemail. "Hello?"

  "Hey Little Bit." Hearing his voice in my ear makes me tremble, and really, I'm a little shocked he actually called me. Unsure what to say to him, I don't respond at first, not until he says, "Are you still there?"

  His own voice is unsure now, which gives me the confidence to answer, "Yes, I'm still here. Sorry, I'm a little surprised you actually called." It's pretty late in the evening; when he said he'd call, I thought he meant he'd call early, maybe want to see me. Instead, he waited so late he has has my mind flying a mile a minute. Did he have a date? Has he decided that he doesn't want me after all?

  "I can almost hear you thinking, Sarah. What's going on in that head of yours?" He chuckles softly, but his voice is serious. I'm glad he can't see the blush that heats my cheeks.

  I don't trust him enough to tell him my fears so I say, "Nothing, just tired. Why'd you call so late?"

  "Mmm," he mumbles, "so that's what it is." Crap. He knows me too well. "I wanted to give you a bit to process everything that happened last night, baby. I said a lot of things to you, and I knew you needed some time to figure out what you want." He's silent for a minute, waiting for me to respond, but the sudden lump in my throat has rendered me mute. I have no idea how to answer him. I understand why he did the things he did, sort of, but I'm not ready to forgive him for hurting me so deeply.

  Jeremy sighs, "I told you I'd give you some time, but not too much. We've wasted so much of it already. My feelings for you haven't changed, SarahBeth. I still love you, I never stopped." My breath catches at his words, and I can feel the tears building behind my eyes. I squeeze them shut, trying to stop the tears from falling. He said those words last night, but hearing them when we aren't in the middle of a heated fight like last night, is different. He's not saying them in desperation; he's saying them because he wants to....because he wants me.

  My confession is on the tip of my tongue, I almost blurt it out, but I can't. I can't tell him I'm pregnant with his baby over the phone. It needs to be in person, it needs to be the right time. Tonight? This moment? It's just not the right time. When Jeremy realizes I'm not going to say anything, he says, "I swear, baby, I'll prove it." His words start coming faster, "I'll do whatever you need me to. Just please don't shut me out. I know I have no right to ask that of you, not after the past few weeks, but I'm asking anyway. Just talk to me...even if it's just as friends. I need you in my life."

  "Okay," I choke out, my voice thick with unshed tears. "Okay. I won't shut you out, but I'm not ready to move on. I'm sorry, I know that probably upsets you, but that's not what I'm not trying to do. I just...I need more time, Jeremy."

  He's silent at first, finally asking quietly, "Do you still love me or did I kill that too?"

  "Oh Jeremy, of course I still love you." My heart breaks at the pain in his voice when he asks me that. I hate that he's wondering, but at the same time, I'm a little glad he has to go
through it. He's having to feel what I felt, wondering if I'd done something to make him hate me, to stop him from loving me. But, I love him too much to let him wonder. "I will always love you...I just need some time. I need to learn to trust you again, because right now, I don't trust you at all."

  He sucks in a breath, and I imagine him closing his eyes as he absorbs my words. He clears his throat, but his voice is still rough when he says, "I'll earn your trust baby, I swear I'll make things right again."

  "I know," I whisper. I really don't know, but I hope he does. I really hope he does.

  This time he does laugh. "No you don't, Sarah - but you will." His voice is confident, his defenses back in place. For a split second, I wish he'd remained the vulnerable Jeremy who wasn't sure he'd ever get me back. Confident, self-assured Jeremy terrifies me. I have a hard time saying no to that guy. "All right baby, I'm going to let you get some sleep. What are you doing tomorrow? Can I pick you up?"

  I want nothing more than to see him tomorrow, but I already promised David I'd help him do something for Lyric. He won't tell me what it is, but I said I'd help him with whatever it is. We're just getting our relationship back, so I can't tell him no. I tell Jeremy, expecting he'll be upset, but he isn't. "Have fun with your brother, I just wanted to see you. I have a business thing Monday night, but maybe we can get together Tuesday?"

  I don't even pretend to think about it. I just immediately respond with, "Yes. Tuesday is fine!"

  "Goodnight sweet girl. I'll call you tomorrow. Love you."

  Melting, I tell him, "Sweet dreams. I love you too." Then, he's gone. I lay back on the floor, clutching the phone to my chest and smiling like an idiot. Now, I'm just hoping that tomorrow goes quickly so I can talk to him again. I don't move from that spot until the hard floor makes my back hurt, and I'm in danger of falling asleep down here. My last thoughts as I crawl into bed are that maybe, just maybe things will work out, and that Jeremy and I will end up together, that we'll be a family. I need to tell him, and I need to do it soon.

  Jeremy

  I feel pretty good about the way things are going with SarahBeth. It's been over a week since she let me take her to dinner, we've talked every day and I've seen her three times. I can tell she's slowly beginning to trust me, and tonight I'm going to bring her back to my apartment. Not that I'm planning for anything to happen, but I'm hoping she will at least allow me to hold her while we watch a movie.

  Wanting to be at her house when she gets home from school, I've made sure that there are no meetings on my agenda for the afternoon, telling Tonya that I had things to do offsite, but to please take messages for me. I also want to talk to David before she gets here, so pulling into the driveway I sit for a moment to organize what I want to say. I not only owe SarahBeth apologies for the way I treated her and the things I said, I also need to apologize to my friend. Not just for the things that have happened since everything came out, but for lying to him and sneaking around behind his back. I've never said the words to him, and I'm going to correct today. I can't move forward with Sarah with this hanging over both our heads. I know she and David are getting along better, but it's not hard to see that the fact that he and I are still not talking is taking its toll on her.

  I don't even get to the top of the front steps before David opens the door and walks out to meet me. He folds his arms across his chest and stares at me, tension rolling off of him in waves. "What are you doing here, Jeremy? SarahBeth isn't here; she's still at school. I'm sure you're already aware of that considering she says you've been talking every day."

  "I know she's still at school. I came to talk to you. Can I come in?" It's strange to have to ask permission to enter this house, a house I lived in for six years, minus the last two months.

  Staring me down, he doesn't agree at first but finally nods and steps aside to gesture for me to walk in first. We head straight for his office, where he shuts the door before sitting behind his desk and leaning back in the chair. Never once taking our eyes off of each other, we wait for the other to speak first. Knowing we're not going to get anywhere like this, I'm the first to break. I exhale slowly. "Look David, I'm sure SarahBeth told you why I pushed her away, but I just want to tell you, you don't have to worry. I'll keep her safe."

  His eyes widen, then narrow as he continues to stare. "You'll keep her safe?" Fuck. I thought she'd told him...maybe she didn't? "SarahBeth told me there was some shit going on with your fucked up mother?" He says it like it's a question, but it's more of a statement. I nod, and he continues, "Exactly what kind of shit has she gotten herself into and how bad is it? Dammit Jeremy, my sister may be willing to see you, but there's no way I'm letting her get mixed up in this kind of trouble."

  "I know," I say emphatically, "I'm not willing to put her in danger either. Do you really think I'd be doing this, that I'd be putting her through all of this if I weren't sure I could protect her? The whole reason I stayed away was to protect her. I wanted her to be safe, to not have to look over her shoulder constantly. Unfortunately, Teresa doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut, and now Charles knows about her." I haven't answered his question, not wanting to admit just how deep in it my mother is. I'm more than thirty years old, and I'm downright embarrassed by my mother's actions.

  "She's getting high again," I confess, running a hand through my hair in exasperation. "She's getting high, and whoever's warming her bed this week is helping her get deeper and deeper in debt to Charles again. I've already told her that I'm not paying for it this time, and now she's gone to my grandmother and Constance. Teresa was quick to throw it in my face that Charles knows your name and SarahBeth's and that he'll come after the two of you if I don't help her."

  David isn't staring at me in anger anymore; instead his eyes are full of sympathy. He knows about my childhood, about the shit my mother put me through...he doesn't know as much as Sarah, but he knows enough to know how miserable it was. Hating the thought of anyone pitying me, I turn away from the look on his face before saying; "The only reason I stayed away was to ensure no one would tie her to me. You and I were already not speaking, and you'd told her not to talk to me either, so it seemed like the easiest course of action. But," I clear my throat, trying to dislodge the sudden lump when I think about her, "SarahBeth just kept trying. She wouldn't give up; she wouldn't leave me alone...it fucking killed me to tell her I didn't want her, knowing that it couldn't be further from the truth."

  "You don't know what it did to me every time she came to see me. How hard it was to turn her away, to watch her crumble and know that it was because of me. Fuck, I spent just about every night drunk off my ass trying to forget her." Turning back to meet his eyes, I say, "You're my oldest friend, more like a brother, and I know I went about this completely the wrong way...but Dave, I love her. I've loved her since the first time I saw her, even though it wasn't always this all-consuming feeling, it wasn't always the same type of love it is now. I want her more than I've ever wanted any fucking thing."

  He stares at me for a few minutes; his eyes and expression carefully guard his thoughts and his feelings, until finally, David smiles. He stands slowly before coming around his desk and holding out a hand for me to shake. "It's about damn time. Glad you finally got your head out of your ass, man." I look at him in shock because this is the last reaction I expected, and he laughs. The fucker laughs at the expression I'm sure is on my face. "Oh, don't get me wrong, Jer, I'm still fucking pissed off at you for going behind my back the way you did, but if I had to choose anyone for my sister to fall in love with, I'd choose you."

  I can't even speak at this point. We went through so much trouble trying to hide it, and he tells me that he would have chosen me? David continues, "I know you think the two of you hid shit well, but that couple of weeks before her birthday? I kept waiting for one of you, for you really, to come to me, to tell me what was going on. If you guys had been honest, if you had told me you wanted to be together and that you cared for her, I wouldn't have liked it, but I co
uld have dealt with it. I would have dealt with it..." The anger is creeping back into his voice, and I know without a doubt that while he says he would have been okay with it, it would have been hard for him to handle. "You should have given me a chance to deal with it, Jeremy. You were my closest friend and you betrayed my trust. SarahBeth was young; she's still young. I can forgive her for sneaking around, for thinking that I'd overreact, but I'm just not sure I can forgive you for it."

  My stomach sinks at the thought that we may never get past this, that we'll never move forward. I'm in love with his sister, and he's the only real family she really has left. If he can't be okay with this, with us, then how can I do this to her? "David, I wanted to tell you. I didn't want to keep our relationship a secret...but it was just so new. There was so much going on, so much that could go wrong. I tried to stay away from your sister; I did everything I possibly could to keep my feelings brotherly. It. Just. Wasn't. Possible. There was no exorcising her from my heart. God, if you knew half the things I did to try to keep some distance between us--"

  He cuts me off, grimacing as he says, "I don't even want to know." Then, he sighs, "Look, I'm going to try to get past it, to get past what the two of you did...the lies, the sneaking around. I just don't know if I can." I nod, unable to offer anything else in my defense. His jaw tightens, and I turn to walk away...heading out to the foyer to wait for Sarah when I see that it's almost time for her to get home. David stops me with a hand on my arm, "Just a heads up though, my sister loves you, Jeremy. Not only that, but she needs you...more than you realize. You have a shit ton of mistakes to make up for, and I don't envy you for it. But, you'd better treat her right." He grins over at me now, saying, "If you don't, I'll kick your ass...for all of it."

  "I wouldn't expect anything less." The tension diffused, David laughs, clapping me on the back as he leads me out of his office. When we get to the front door, SarahBeth is just getting out of her car, but she freezes when she sees us standing next to each other. Her eyes fill with tears and David rushes down the steps to hug her tightly, whispering something in her ear that has her eyes widening, suddenly fearful as she stares back at me. He pulls back, forcing her to look up at him, and finally, she nods. My brow furrows as I take in their serious expressions, and I make a mental note to ask her what's up when I get her alone later. Shit is beginning to add up, and I'm more than a little worried at the possibilities.