The Christmas Star

by Donna VanLiere

  “It’s beautiful!” Maddie squeals.

  “It’s not done yet!” Maryanne says, walking behind her. “Now it’s time to dress it up.”

  Gabe uses the hot glue gun and Maddie puts fake pumpkins, gourds, and autumn leaves into place as Maryanne instructs them. When it’s finished, Maddie throws her hands on top of her head. “I can’t believe it! It’s awesome!”

  Gabe holds the wreath out in front of him. “We made a wreath! I’ve never made a wreath in my life!”

  “Can I give it to Linda? My foster mom?”

  “You bet! That way she’ll always have something that will remind her of you.”

  He didn’t know why he said that. It came out of his mouth as if one day Maddie would not be in that home. But if not there, where? Maddie is too excited to pay attention to what he did or did not say and chatters brightly as he walks her down the hall and out the front doors. Linda gets out of the car when she sees them coming.

  “We did this all by ourselves!” Maddie says. “It’s for your front door.”

  Linda marvels at the wreath in her hands. Her hair is mostly gray and the lines around her eyes crease together as she smiles. “This just made my day. Thank you, Maddie!” She looks at Gabe. “And thank you. I know she loved doing this.”

  Gabe smiles and helps Maddie inside the car. “See you tomorrow, Madeleine!” He emphasizes her name, making her smile.

  “And the day after that. And the day after that!” She begins to giggle, teasing him. “I have no idea why I said that!”

  “I do,” he whispers, as he watches them drive away.

  TEN

  It’s a beautiful but unusually warm November afternoon for the Glory’s Place Concert and Fund-raiser. The storefronts and buildings around the town square are dressed with twinkly lights and evergreen and a Salvation Army bell ringer stands in front of Wilson’s Department Store, announcing the season of giving to shoppers and passersby. The star on top of the gazebo is beginning to cast a warm glow in the first shadows of dusk and Gabe tilts his head to look up at it through the truck windshield. Most of the parking spaces are already taken so he finds a spot a couple of blocks away, grabbing his jacket from the front seat in case he needs it. It’s crowded around the gazebo but he cranes his neck, looking for Maddie. She spots him first and hurries down the steps of the gazebo to get to him.

  “You came!” She’s wearing a red sweatshirt with the words GLORY’S PLACE stretched across the front in white letters, along with a silver scarf and matching hat.

  “You’re as pretty as a Christmas present,” he says, patting her on the back.

  “Come on! We’re about to start. Come meet Miss Jenson.”

  Gabe smiles, following her. He had already resolved when he got up this morning that he was going to make the best of this and do it for Maddie.

  “Miss Jenson!” she says, tapping her shoulder. Amy turns at her voice and her smile fades. “This is Mr. G.”

  He is stunned. His face looks paralyzed as he whispers, “Amy.”

  Amy shakes her head. “No. Oh no!”

  Gabe’s heart pounds in such a way that he knows Maddie must hear it. He fumbles for something to say, feeling uncomfortable and terribly self-conscious, even embarrassed. “Amy. I didn’t know.”

  “You know each other?” Maddie says, delighted.

  “You said her last name was Jenson,” Gabe says, his voice flat and lifeless.

  “It is.”

  “It’s Denison,” he says, correcting her.

  “I thought Miss Glory said it was Miss Jenson. They sound alike.”

  Gabe shakes his head. “Not even close.”

  Maddie looks up at him, oblivious to what she’s done. “I need to go take my place. I’ll see you both later, okay?”

  Gabe’s heart is beating loudly in his ears and his back is covered with sweat. He unzips his jacket to cool off. An awkward, clumsy silence stretches out as the singsong voices of children chatter around them. “She told me that Miss Jenson was single,” Gabe says, unable to make eye contact with her.

  “I am single, Gabe. You know how all that came about.”

  He glances at her. “I heard you were engaged so I assumed you were probably married by now.”

  Amy’s hands are sweating but she can’t let Gabe know how unnerved she is. “I don’t know where you heard that. I’m not married.”

  If he could bolt from here he would but there’s no place to run in the middle of all these kids and parents. “My mom heard it from your aunt and—”

  “Your assumptions were wrong,” Amy snaps. People shuffle around them to take their seats but Gabe and Amy continue to stand, uneasy with each other and unsure what to do next.

  “Amy, I wouldn’t have come if I’d known it was you.” He thinks for a moment and shakes his head. “Actually, I would’ve come because I’m here for Maddie.” He looks at her and feels his throat tighten; he has so much to say, so much to make right. “I’m sorry this is awkward for you. I don’t mean to…”

  Amy shakes her head. “You don’t need to apologize for this. Like you said, we’re doing this for Maddie. I’d do anything for her.”

  He looks at her. “Yeah, me too.”

  Gabe follows behind as she walks to the rows of chairs; he realizes that she has changed her perfume and she’s wearing glasses. Her hair is different too. It’s longer now and a darker shade of brown, but she’s still beautiful to him. He knew that if he ever saw her again, she would still be beautiful and she is. He finds a seat a couple of rows behind her, and as the children sing, he notices that Maddie keeps looking, searching for him, so he smiles and waves when her eyes meet his. The crowd surrounding the gazebo is large, there must be at least three hundred people sitting and standing nearby, but he’s not aware of who’s sitting around him or what’s on the tables nearby for the silent auction; he’s only aware of Amy. How could this have happened? How can she be a few rows away from him after all these years? When Lauren leads the children in “Joy to the World,” tears fill his eyes at the words Let every heart prepare Him room. His heart was so full of himself years ago that there was no room for Amy, let alone God, but today his heart is different.

  At the close of the concert, Gloria, Miriam, Dalton, and Heddy make their way into the gazebo to begin auctioning items for the fund-raiser. Gabe knows they’re talking in the background but he can’t hear them. All he can hear is the sound of blood rushing through his ears.

  “Did you like it?”

  He turns to see Maddie beside him and wraps his arm around her, hugging her. “I loved it!”

  She grabs his hand, pulling him to Amy, who bends down to squeeze Maddie. “Even though I’ve heard you practice all of the songs,” Amy says, “they sounded completely different inside the gazebo. It was just awesome!”

  “Are you going to look at the auction stuff?” Maddie asks Gabe. “You might want to buy something!”

  “Sure,” he says, glancing over his shoulder at the tables. “I could use a basket filled with soap and candles.”

  “Miss DENI-SON,” Maddie says, exaggerating the name to get it right, “can show you everything while I go back to the gazebo.” She runs to be with her friends, leaving Gabe and Amy together.

  “You don’t really need to show me what’s—”

  “It’s all right,” Amy says coolly. “It won’t take that long.”

  They walk to the tables lined with baskets filled with all sorts of goodies, generous donations from the community to help Glory’s Place, and Gabe picks up a basket, examining the contents. “There is a gift card in there for a day of pampering at the spa, nail polish, hairbrushes, a new hair iron, and a gift card for a new cut and color with Randy at Hair Raising Experience,” Amy says.

  Gabe shakes his head. “If only the hair color had been with Leon, then I would have been all for it!” He notices Amy try to hold a smile away from him and picks up another basket. “How long have you been working at Glory’s Place?”

&n
bsp; She keeps her head down, pretending to study each basket. “I don’t work there. I volunteer a few days a week after work. I started last week.”

  He feigns interest in a basket while watching her. “Do you still work at Redmond?”

  “No. You’re still working with your dad?”

  “No. After you and I … I work at Grandon Elementary, actually. In the maintenance department.” She nods. “If you don’t work at Redmond, then where?”

  “I work in insurance,” she snaps.

  “Insurance? I never knew that you—”

  She stiffens, a fierce look crossing her face. “I think we can stop pretending to be interested in each other’s lives. We’re looking at this stuff for Maddie. That’s it!”

  He sets the basket down. “I’m not pretending. I want to know what you’re doing. For six years I’ve wanted to know, Amy. I thought you moved away. I thought you were engaged.”

  “I did … and I was,” she says, not wanting to look at him but holding his gaze. “I don’t live in Grandon. I had to get out. How could I stay here and run into you? I was engaged. I’m not anymore.”

  “Look, Amy,” he says, beginning to raise his hand to touch her arm but instead putting it at his side. “You don’t have to tell me how I messed up because I know!” Her eyes are steely but he presses on. “I’m embarrassed to see you. Embarrassed by my behavior toward you. I destroyed us. I know that! And if I could go back, I would. I would go back and I’d change everything.” He shakes his head, groping for the right words. “I think about you every day. Every day, Amy! I think about how I would apologize and hope that you would believe me. I think about the things that I said to you, how I treated you in the last six months of our marriage that were pure hell. And I think about…”

  “How would you do it?” She looks at him. “You said that you thought about how you would apologize. How would you do it?”

  After so many years of going through the words in his mind, when faced with her, he can’t remember how he put the words together. “I would say that I know I was a bad husband. I was a bad son. A bad person. I was all about me all the time. Alcohol took that person to a whole other level and I let that person destroy us. That person nearly destroyed me. I’m sorry for all of it, Amy. I’m sorry for who I was and what I did, because you deserved the world. And you still do.”

  She glances away, clearing her throat. “Thank you, Gabe. Thank you for telling me that. And I forgive you. Actually, I forgave you three years ago because I couldn’t let bitterness eat me up anymore.”

  “Do you think maybe sometime we could—”

  “No,” she says. “No.”

  “I was just thinking that we could get a cup of coffee. That’s all.”

  She holds up her hand to stop him. “I understand, but no.”

  He nods. For years he had wanted to see her face-to-face and apologize and he has. He can’t expect her to sit down and talk about old times because there’s very little to look back on with any sort of joy or happiness.

  “Are you buying anything, Mr. G.?” Maddie is standing with her foster mom, Linda, who is holding a fake floral arrangement.

  “I won the bid,” Linda says, lifting the arrangement higher. “It will look perfect in my living room.”

  Maddie looks at the table, still covered with baskets, and then back at Gabe. “Have you found one you like?”

  He glances back to the table and notices one filled with Armor All, tire shine, window cleaner, car deodorizer, and a gift card to the express car wash and oil-change business down the road. “I think I’m getting this one.”

  “Whoa!” Maddie says. “That basket is one hundred dollars! Can you afford that?”

  He laughs, picking up the basket. “I can afford it because the money is going to one of my favorite causes.”

  “I hope you have money left over,” Maddie says.

  “I have so much money left over that I was wondering if I could take you to Betty’s Bakery for dinner after you’re finished here?” He glances at his watch and up at Linda. “I can drop her off a little after seven.”

  “Yes!” Maddie says. “Can Miss Denison come too?”

  “I can’t,” Amy says, jumping in.

  “Why not?” Maddie says.

  Amy can’t think fast enough. “I have to go to—”

  Maddie is impatient. “Where? Can you go there after we eat? I really want you to go. Please?”

  “Gabe?” Gabe turns to see that Travis is staring at him in disbelief. “Hi, Amy,” Travis says, trying to mask the surprise in his voice.

  “How do you know Amy?” Lauren asks.

  Travis looks at her. “How do you?”

  Lauren laughs. “She volunteers at Glory’s Place!”

  Travis looks at Gabe. “I didn’t know you guys were here together—”

  “We’re not,” Gabe says. “Amy is the new person there that Maddie wanted me to meet.”

  “Oh,” Travis says. His eyes get bigger, realizing. “Oh! Wow. Okay.” He lets out an uncomfortable laugh. “This is awkward,” he says beneath his breath.

  “How do you and Amy know each other?” Lauren asks again.

  “She’s Gabe’s ex-wife.”

  “Ex-wife?!” Maddie yells.

  ELEVEN

  Betty’s Bakery is crowded. By the time Gabe helped Travis, Dalton, and other men clean up all the tables and chairs at the gazebo, and cleared up the entire area, the crowd seemed to be of one mind: eat at Betty’s Bakery. Gabe spots a small, two-top table in the back corner and leads Maddie there, pulling over an extra chair from a nearby table.

  “I’m so glad you could come with us,” Maddie says, as Amy sits across from Gabe. Maddie takes the third chair, positioned between them.

  “Guilted into it is more like it,” Amy says, trying to smile.

  “Well, you did say that you wanted to hear all about my night at Beside Me.”

  Amy bobs her head. “Yes, but I assumed you would tell me Monday at Glory’s Place.”

  “You assumed wrong,” Maddie says, making her smile.

  Travis was right: this is awkward, and every time Gabe and Amy make eye contact, they glance away to Maddie, or the sugar dispenser, or find great fascination in their silverware. But Gabe finds himself glancing at Amy again and again. Her eyes seem browner and her skin more radiant, her smile is more brilliant and her laugh is filled with an ease he’s never heard. She is more beautiful than he remembers, and despite his best efforts, he can’t will himself to stop looking.

  “Gabe was my partner last night at Beside Me!”

  Amy is surprised. “Really? You didn’t expect that, did you?”

  “I didn’t expect it either,” Gabe says. “But we had a great time. All the kids did.”

  “We made the best wreath ever and I gave it to Linda.”

  Amy leans back in her chair, smiling. “I bet she loves it!”

  “It looks awesome on her door! Me and Gabe could make you one!”

  Amy begins to shake her head. “Oh. No. That would be too much trouble.”

  “No it’s not! Is it?” Maddie says, looking at Gabe.

  “No. It’s no trouble at all. As a matter of fact, we’re experts at it now and might very well star in our own DIY show on TV.”

  Maddie giggles. “What does that mean?”

  “Do it yourself,” Gabe says matter-of-factly. “Because that’s what we do … We do it ourselves. And we do it amazingly!” Maddie laughs and high-fives him as Amy observes, wishing she was home.

  They each order a different sandwich, and to make sure the conversation never lulls, Amy says, “I can’t wait to see how much money you raised at the fund-raiser.”

  “I hope it’s a million dollars!” Maddie says. She sips her lemonade and sets it down with a thud. “So! You were married!” Gabe and Amy nod, both hoping not to have to explain their marriage to a seven-year-old. “But now you’re friends again,” she says, smiling. Neither of them reply. “Right?”

&
nbsp; Gabe looks at Amy. “I hope that we can be but sometimes adults can’t make their way back to being friends the way that kids can.”

  This sounds absurd to Maddie. “Why not? Kids fight and then they make up. It’s the same thing with you, except you’re taller.”

  Gabe thinks for a moment and then says, “Maybe it’s the height thing that’s the issue.”

  Maddie looks at Amy. “Gabe told me that he was a bad husband but I know that he makes a really good friend.”

  Amy forces a smile. “I’m sure he does.”

  “Do you remember why you were friends with him?” Maddie says, taking another sip of lemonade.

  Amy twists the napkin in her hands, glancing away. “He made me laugh.”

  “He makes me laugh too!” She kind of bounces in her seat as she looks at Gabe. “Why were you friends with Miss Denison?”

  “Because I thought she was the kindest person I ever met. I still think that about her.” He glances at Amy and she catches his eye for a moment before looking at Maddie.

  “So he made you laugh,” Maddie says to Amy. “And you still think she’s kind. And pretty, right?” Gabe clears his throat and Amy looks over her shoulder, hoping the waitress will arrive with the food. “Right?” she says, pressing further.

  Gabe nods. “Yes. I think she’s very pretty.” Amy is so uneasy; she can’t make eye contact with him.

  “So maybe we can all go to a movie,” Maddie says, shrugging, as if all is settled and happiness has been restored.

  The food arrives and, thankfully, the conversation turns to Maddie. “You should hear her presentation about Florence Nightingale,” Gabe says, biting into his sandwich. “She is very smart!”