The Good Mother

by Karen Osman

  ‘Come on now, Alison, why do you want to bring a man down?’

  ‘I don’t – I just want this man to move a bit faster so we can get to the library!’

  ‘OK,’ he replied. ‘I’ll race you!’

  And with that he was off, running ahead until Alison, a great runner in her school days, could no longer resist the challenge and raced to catch up with him before gleefully pipping him at the post.

  *

  They were twenty minutes into their study session before he could no longer resist talking again. ‘You cheated!’ he announced. Alison smiled to herself, winning her own little bet that Mark wouldn’t be able to last a full hour without getting the last word in.

  ‘What? No, I didn’t! It’s not my fault you’re out of shape! Too many pies?’ she asked cheekily.

  ‘I have the physique of a gazelle,’ he retorted, making her laugh as he flexed his arms and legs. ‘And besides, who was carrying all the books, then? I was at a disadvantage.’

  Fair point, Alison thought. He was an old-fashioned gentleman in that respect and always offered to carry the books.

  ‘I thought you said you were the utmost of upstanding citizens and your father would stop your allowance if he caught you letting a woman carry the bags.’

  ‘True, true,’ replied Mark, ‘but he also said, “To let a woman win, you will reap the rewards,” so I, Mark Gallagher – which means lover of foreigners, by the way – challenge you, Alison O’Studious One, to a rematch!’

  ‘Ssh!’ A girl with large round glasses looked over at them impatiently.

  Stifling their giggles behind their textbooks, Alison struggled to compose herself. How did he come up with this stuff, she thought, suppressing the urge to laugh uncontrollably as Mark continued to dramatise their rematch with his eyebrows.

  Taking her pen, Alison wrote ‘Stop before you get us kicked out!’ on a piece of paper and slid it under his nose before determinedly focusing on the chapter she was meant to be reading.

  Things were quiet for a good ten minutes before a note came back surrounded by doodles. ‘Rematch! Tonight, along the towpath, winner gets their notes done for a week.’

  As she looked up at him, he winked at her and whispered to her to get back to work before she got them kicked out of the library.

  *

  Alison breathed in deeply. She had always loved the river and, as the nights got lighter, the view of the water lifted her spirits. It was good to be outside and as she gently stretched her muscles in preparation for the run she felt her body respond in protest at the amount of weight she had put on.

  Mark jogged up to her, exclaiming in mock surprise, ‘Hey, you made it! I made a bet with my friend that you wouldn’t show, but here you are, and I’m twenty quid down again!’ he joked.

  ‘You have to stop betting, but most of all you have to stop betting on me!’

  ‘Never!’ he said, winking.

  ‘OK, so let’s get down to business,’ said Mark. ‘A 100-metre sprint is approximately from here to the third bench – can you see it?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Whoever reaches the bench first is the winner. You ready?’

  ‘Yep, bring it on, Gallagher.’

  As both of them adopted the starting position, Alison could feel the blood surging through her body.

  ‘Ready, steady, go!’ shouted Mark.

  Feeling the adrenalin, Alison focused only on the finish line. She didn’t notice the team of rowers as they pulled their way up the water. She didn’t notice the birds as they called to each other, or the way the leaves of the trees whispered as the gentle breeze stroked them. For the first time in a long time, her mind and body were working as one, moving together to achieve a goal. It didn’t matter that it was just a stupid race. Alison felt alive and connected, so it was with a sense of surprise that she noticed Mark had overtaken her and was just crossing the finishing line.

  ‘Come on, slow coach!’ As he cheered her on, Alison pretended she was running a marathon, breaking the ribbon with her body.

  ‘Whoop! You did it!’

  ‘I did, didn’t I?’ said Alison, breathing heavily. ‘Shame you beat me, though. I’m so out of practice!’

  ‘Don’t worry, if you like I’ll let you practise with me,’ he joked. ‘No, seriously – you’re fast – where did you learn to run like that?’

  Alison felt her breath return to normal. ‘I did a lot of running at school. I loved it but I have let the student lifestyle get the better of me, unfortunately!’

  ‘It’s a way of life for me,’ said Mark in a rare moment of seriousness. ‘It helps get rid of stress, and keeps me fit.’

  ‘You? Stressed? I don’t believe it!’

  ‘Ha-ha, no, you’re right. It doesn’t happen often. Maybe because of the running. Right, shall we go and recover with a pint?’

  ‘Why not?’ responded Alison. ‘I’ll quiz you on the chapter over a beer.’

  Mark groaned. ‘You always have to spoil everything!’

  Swatting him on the head, Alison laughed. ‘OK, how about I invite my friend Laura to join us. You’ll love her!’

  ‘Now that sounds more like it!’

  ‘Come on, I’ll race you to the pub!’

  *

  Laura had arrived just as they had found a table and were sitting down. She looked gorgeous, thought Alison, even with no make-up on, and her hair scraped back in a ponytail.

  ‘Nice to meet you at long last, Mark! Alison’s talked a lot about you,’ said Laura, winking at Alison.

  ‘Let me guess, she says I’m tall, handsome, funny, and charming?’

  Alison laughed. ‘More like distracting! Do you know what he did today?’ turning to Laura. ‘We nearly got asked to leave the library!’

  ‘Anyone who is able to get Alison kicked out of the library is a genius, in my book!’ joked Laura. ‘Alison works far too hard!’

  ‘You see,’ Mark pleaded to Alison. ‘Genius. Now that’s what I’m talking about.’

  ‘Was she about to quiz you when I walked in?’ Laura asked Mark.

  ‘What? How did you know that?’

  ‘Because she has done it to me sooooo many times!’

  ‘Er, hello! I’m right here!’ Alison wasn’t sure how she felt about being the topic of conversation.

  ‘Right, ladies, shall I get the drinks?’ asked Mark, standing up. ‘What are we having?’

  Over a few beers, Mark kept them both entertained with stories of his childhood and his extensive family. With four sisters, and being the only boy, Mark grew up being the centre of their affection.

  ‘Well, he’s nice!’ said Laura as the girls walked back up to their rooms together.

  ‘He is, isn’t he?’ responded Alison, missing the subtle inflection in Laura’s voice.

  ‘He seems very fond of you,’ continued Laura.

  ‘Really? No, I think he sees me as an easy target for all his jokes!’ laughed Alison.

  ‘But you have a good time together?’

  ‘Always,’ replied Alison thoughtfully. ‘He’s so easy to be with.’

  ‘And how’s things going with…you know who…?’

  ‘Fine, fine,’ responded Alison quickly. ‘He’s good. Busy, actually.’

  ‘Well, better for me, then,’ said Laura. ‘Thanks for inviting me today. I really enjoyed it.’

  Alison beamed at the unexpected thanks. ‘You’re welcome – I enjoyed it, too.’

  ‘You go on ahead to your room,’ said Laura. ‘I’ll bring the tea and the biscuits.’

  ‘Sounds good!’

  While she was waiting, Alison straightened up her room and prepared her bag for the next day. Just as she had finished packing, her phone beeped. Opening the message, she saw a message from The Professor.

  What are you up to? x

  Quickly writing back, she typed:

  Thinking about you and revising x

  It wasn’t strictly a lie. She was planning to do some work shortly, but it had bee
n good to have a break and The Professor had told her he couldn’t meet up tonight as he had work to do.

  Her phone beeped again, just as Laura walked in with the tea. Glancing down, she read:

  Will be away for work for a couple of days. Call you soon x

  The race forgotten, Alison’s heart beat a little faster. Where had that come from? Remembering her vow to trust him, Alison stifled the urge to call him and ask him what was going on. Surely, he would have known he was going away in advance? They had just seen each other yesterday and he had made no mention of it.

  ‘Everything all right?’ asked Laura, placing the tea next to her. ‘You look a little tense.’

  ‘No, everything’s fine.’

  ‘That damn phone – it owns you.’

  Alison looked up, her thoughts still on The Professor. ‘Sorry?’

  ‘See what I mean? It distracts you. You’re always checking it.’

  Alison sipped her tea. It was true, she did seem to be continually checking her phone and she got nervous if she forgot it in her room. In fact, she had been known to run back for it, making her late for her class. Not many students had a mobile phone and she had told Laura her parents had bought it for her as a way of keeping in touch. She tried to keep her bills down, but having looked at her bill last month, Alison could see she had already gone way beyond her budget.

  ‘Here, give it to me,’ said Laura, and before she could stop her she had taken the phone and put it in a drawer.

  ‘But—’

  ‘No buts,’ replied Laura, determinedly. ‘Here, have a scone.’

  Helping herself absent-mindedly, Alison tried not to panic about not having access to her phone. What if he called tonight? She hadn’t responded to his last text and she needed time to think about how to word it.

  ‘… and then I said, well, I need to check with Alison to see what she’s doing. Shall we go shopping for new outfits? I’m so bored of everything in my wardrobe.’

  Alison slowly realised Laura was talking about the up-coming social. It was going to be a grand affair and every student looked forward to it.

  ‘Sorry, check with me about what?’

  ‘About who we’re having on our table. Shall we invite Mark? I think he would scrub up rather well in a tuxedo!’

  ‘Sure, sounds good. I’m happy to shop with you but I don’t think I’ll buy anything.’

  ‘Do you want to have a look in my wardrobe? Perhaps we can swap?’

  ‘Sure, that sounds good but I don’t think you’ll find anything in mine that you like.’

  ‘Why don’t we take a look in mine now?’

  As Alison started to try different outfits on, encouraged by Laura, she realised what a good friend she had. There weren’t many people who would open up their designer wardrobe and let someone help themselves. As she looked at herself in the mirror, a chiffon creation swathing her body, Alison didn’t see her beauty. Instead all she could think about was where The Professor was going and for how long.

  *

  ‘He’s coming!’ announced Laura over breakfast.

  ‘Who’s coming?’ replied Alison, still half asleep.

  ‘Mark.’

  ‘Coming where?’

  ‘Duh! You’re really not with it today, are you? To the social! He’s on our table. I definitely think you should wear the red dress – it looked amazing on you. He’ll love it.’

  ‘I don’t think Mark will really care one way or the other what I’m wearing,’ said Alison tiredly.

  After Laura had left the night before, Alison had called The Professor but he didn’t pick up the phone. Instead she sent him a text.

  She had stayed awake most of the night waiting for the phone to ring and finally, at 2 a.m., she accepted that it wasn’t going to – certainly not that night, anyway. Having fallen into a fitful sleep around three thirty, she had woken up late and stumbled to breakfast. Laura, in contrast, was looking fresh and rested.

  ‘So that’s you sorted, but what about me? Shall we go to Newcastle on Saturday and try to find something?’

  ‘Sure, sounds good.’ Picking up a piece of toast, Alison decided to eat on her way. ‘OK, I’m off – I have a ton of work to do.’

  ‘Maybe you should go back to bed,’ said Laura. ‘You look wrecked.’

  ‘Thanks – I feel it. I would love to but I have so much to do today. I’ll see you later.’

  Relieved to be with her own thoughts and not to have to make conversation, Alison walked slowly along the towpath towards the library, the energy she felt from the night before nowhere to be found.

  *

  Alison and Mark were sitting in a quiet coffee shop, near the window. They were supposed to be reading and planning for their next course-work assignment but instead they had found themselves talking about the much-anticipated social. She hadn’t admitted it to Laura at the time, but she was looking forward to it even more now that Mark was on their table. The events were always a lot of fun and much-needed respite from all the hard work.

  As Alison looked out of the window, she could see the cobbled streets leading up to the cathedral, and while the temperatures were freezing, the sky was clear and blue. She felt a moment of contentment as she wrapped her hands around the mug of coffee, and enjoyed the warmth of the café, the smells of freshly baked bread and cakes, and the easy-going company of Mark. They had become firm friends and she felt she could talk to him about anything. Well, except The Professor. If Mark had heard the rumours, he never mentioned anything. She hadn’t really had a male friend before, and she enjoyed the subtle differences between him and a female friend. He was slightly traditional in his manners, holding doors open for her, carrying her book bag, and walking her back from lectures if it was dark at night. But it was his easy take on life that really appealed to Alison. He never seemed to worry about anything (he didn’t see the point, apparently), and would always see the funny side of a situation. As a result, he was well liked and Alison couldn’t help feeling just that little bit special that he chose to spend so much time with her. As they sat there, talking and laughing, Alison felt a chill ripple across her body. She looked around, thinking a gust of cold had blown in, but was surprised to see that the door of the coffee shop was closed. Her unease increased and she was suddenly aware of being watched. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught the scarlet hue of a scarf through the window as a man abruptly turned and walked away. Noticing her distraction, Mark said, ‘Are you OK? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’

  Bringing herself back to the present moment, Alison replied, ‘Yes, of course – just thought I saw someone I knew but it couldn’t have been. It must have been someone else.’

  Quickly changing the subject so Mark couldn’t see how shaken she was, Alison said, ‘Right, we really need to get on with this reading! How about you do chapters one to four, and I’ll do five to eight and then we can swap notes and discuss.’

  ‘Aye, aye, Captain!’ He was always joking with her about her dedication to study and he’d told her that if he passed the course it would be because of her pushing him to work.

  Settling into the textbook, she could still feel the gaze of the man she’d seen through the window. It couldn’t have been The Professor – he was away on a conference… wasn’t he?

  Chiding herself, she realised how paranoid she was being. There were lots of people with red scarves in the city. It could have been anyone. She tried to read. When she lost her train of thought for the third time, she took out her phone and texted him.

  Hi, how are you? How’s the conference? Miss you x

  He never replied.

  *

  It was three days before she heard from him again, and by that time Alison felt like she was going mad. Despite numerous texts to check where he was, there had been no response and no calls. Her anxiety had increased into full-scale paranoia and she was constantly checking her phone. She found it difficult to eat, study and even sleep. In fact, when she did manage to sleep, her mind was
haunted with darkness – strange, undefined images that couldn’t be described.

  Finally, he got in touch, and Alison could’ve sobbed with relief at the thought of the mind games finally coming to an end.

  ‘Where have you been?’ she asked, trying to calm the hysteria in her voice.

  She had expected him to call full of apologies, explaining that his phone had broken or the battery had died and he’d forgotten the charger. Instead, his tone was cool.

  ‘I told you I was going to a conference.’

  ‘Yes, but why didn’t you respond to my messages? I was worried sick!’

  ‘Really? It seems to me like you’ve been too busy to spend much time thinking about me.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘How’s Mark?’ he asked before promptly hanging up.

  Alison stared at the phone in disbelief. What was he playing at? Doubts chased each other around in her mind and as she struggled to work out what was happening, the stress of the last three days took its toll. Frustrated, she grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be a hand-held mirror, and threw it as hard as she could at the wall. As she stared at the broken pieces, she felt she didn’t know who she was any more. Certainly she didn’t recognise this violent, paranoid person. As she felt herself falling deeper and deeper into an abyss of confusion, the last of her self-confidence was washed away by doubt and fear.

  Chapter 30

  Kate

  While waiting for her family to come back from Edinburgh, Kate spent the remainder of the afternoon and early evening in bed trying to concentrate on reading her book. But what should have been a rare few hours of bliss turned into a horror movie as her mind started to explore the various potential scenarios. What if the train had crashed and her last interaction with her family was based on lies? What if someone had seen her leaving the hotel? What if someone had seen her and Mr Barnes together? As the thoughts tumbled around in her mind, Kate became more and more agitated. The guilt came over her wave after wave, each one more powerful than the last, until she couldn’t bear to lie still any longer. Pacing the small flat and not knowing what else to do, she made a bargain with God, a ritual she used to do when she was a little girl, although of course the stakes were much higher now.