The Good Mother

by Karen Osman

  She waited and then, when Alison wasn’t forthcoming, she asked, ‘So where did you go?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘With your parents – where did you go?’

  ‘Santorini,’ Alison said, relieved at being able to tell the partial truth.

  ‘Very nice,’ responded Laura. ‘Did your dad change his mind or something, then?’ she asked.

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘You said your parents had decided against going abroad this year,’ reminded Laura.

  ‘Er, oh, yes, well, in the end he decided to treat us,’ said Alison. Eager to get off the topic of holidays and her parents, she went to put the kettle on. Alison was too engrossed in her happiness to see Laura watching her back, quizzically.

  The first few weeks of the new term passed by in a flurry of activity. They were second-year students now, no longer the newbies, and the arrival of a new batch of freshers gave Alison a renewed feeling of confidence. She knew what to expect, she knew where she was going, and most importantly, she was in love. Their holiday had cemented their relationship. One evening on Santorini, he had turned to her and told her he was in love with her. It had been the perfect moment with the sun setting, and the gentle bubbly effect of the champagne. Alison had never felt so happy. Any previous doubts were washed away as she gazed into his eyes and leant in to kiss him.

  It was a few weeks into the following term when it happened. Alison was at The Professor’s flat, her books spread out on the dining table before her. He was sitting on the sofa, flicking through the TV channels. He seemed agitated, unable to watch one show for too long. Out of the corner of her eye, Alison saw him get up and go into the kitchen. She heard the bottle uncork and he returned with it along with a full wine glass. He hadn’t brought one for her, which was unusual, but she tried not to read too much into it, focusing on her books instead. The class was in the middle of family law and she was quite enjoying it. In fact it was her favourite part of the course so far. It was an hour later when she realised that the television had been switched off and he was sitting there looking at an empty screen. The wine bottle was half empty. He wasn’t moving and his face was unreadable. Alison felt a knot of fear and quickly suppressed it.

  ‘Everything OK?’ she asked, cautiously.

  He didn’t respond. Alison got up and went over to sit next to him.

  ‘Hey,’ she said gently.

  He slowly turned his head towards her, their eyes meeting – his of steel and hers of apprehension. She went to hold his hand but he placed a firm grip on her forearm.

  ‘Why do you have a love bite on your neck?’ he asked.

  ‘Wha-what?’ Alison responded. She was confused – where was this coming from? Her mind raced, trying to work out what he was seeing.

  ‘There’s a love bite on your neck.’

  ‘Well, that’s from you,’ she said logically.

  ‘No,’ he responded firmly. ‘It’s covered in make-up. Why would you cover it in make-up if it was from me?’

  ‘I had classes today and I couldn’t go in like that,’ responded Alison. She knew very well what it was. It wasn’t a love bite – it was a bruise from their lovemaking the night before, when his hands had been around her neck. It was quite large and difficult to cover so she had added a layer of concealer along with the scarf bought especially for the purpose.

  The grip on her forearm started to get stronger. Alison tried to ignore it.

  ‘I spent all that money on you for our holiday and this is how you repay me?’ said The Professor, his voice rising. ‘Who the hell is it? Is it that guy you always sit next to in class? Eh? What’s his name?’ He already knew his name so she didn’t know why he was asking. When she didn’t respond, he shouted. ‘Answer me!’

  ‘Mark,’ she said quietly.

  ‘Mark,’ he confirmed menacingly. ‘Exactly. Is that who you’ve been carrying on with behind my back?

  Alison instinctively knew she had to do something quickly. She began to protest, declaring her love for him, now and for ever, and how she wouldn’t be able to live without him. She wondered if it sounded to him like she was begging as much as it did to her. And then something snapped inside and she became angry. She couldn’t live like this anymore.

  ‘It was you, you idiot!’ she screamed at him, tears of frustration threatening to fall. ‘You were the one who did this to me. Nobody else, and certainly not Mark. He would never do something like this. And, by the way, it’s not a love bite!’

  It was the wrong thing to say. But it was too late. As the back of his hand collided with the side of her face, she felt herself thrown against the coffee table by the sheer force of him. Bending down, he grabbed her by the hair, yanking her head back. As he leaned over her, she could smell his sour breath and she thought she was going to be sick.

  ‘If you so much as even look at that guy Mark, never mind have cosy cups of coffee with him, it’s over between us. And what’s more, your law career will never even get started because I’ll make sure the whole faculty knows exactly what you’re like – a slut.’

  As he let go of her hair, her face fell on the carpet. Unable to move, she heard the front door bang shut, and as she lay there, the shock of such an assault flooded her entire being. Absorbing the pain, its throbbing undulations peaking and falling, she felt a familiarity that she was coming to dread.

  Chapter 36

  Kate

  It was a couple of days after their meeting in the hotel that Kate had received a call from Mr Barnes. ‘Hey, Mrs Robinson,’ he said warmly. ‘How are you?’

  Her body responding before her mind, Kate felt herself flush with warmth at the sound of his voice.

  ‘I’m fine, thanks. How are you?’

  ‘Good, good. Sorry I had to rush off like that. Afterwards, I thought it may have come across a bit rude.’

  ‘No, not at all. You have things to do, I understand,’ replied Kate, not really understanding at all.

  ‘I do – in fact, I’m trying really hard to get my thesis finished but I’m finding it harder than I thought I would,’ he said ruefully.

  ‘I’m sure writing a thesis can’t be easy,’ said Kate. ‘How many words do you have left to do?’

  ‘Pretty much all of it!’ he laughed. ‘No, just kidding. I would say I’m around halfway there but I seem to have lost all motivation to work since I met you! How about you make it up to me and we meet tonight after the class so I can get my inspiration back?’

  Unable to resist, Kate found herself agreeing. One drink wouldn’t hurt, she decided. She would be out at the writing class anyway.

  ‘OK, but just for an hour as I have to get back.’

  ‘That’s better than nothing. Let’s meet in our usual spot after class. See you later.’

  Kate slowly replaced the handset in the cradle. Her heart had already begun thumping at the thought of seeing him again. What was wrong with her?

  ‘Was that Daddy on the phone, Mummy?’

  ‘No, darling, it wasn’t.’

  ‘Who was it then?’

  ‘No one important.’

  ‘Can I watch TV, Mummy?’

  ‘Yes, just for a few minutes.’

  Surprised at her mother’s consent, her younger daughter jumped onto the sofa before Kate could change her mind while Kate made herself a cup of coffee.

  ‘Mummy,’ her daughter said, her eyes still glued to the screen.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘What’s a thesis?’

  And in that moment, Kate knew if she was going to continue down this path, she would have to be more careful.

  *

  Kate was cold, the watery sunshine of the day long gone. Slipping her cardigan out of her bag, she waited for Mr Barnes to arrive. It had been several weeks since their illicit afternoon, and these walks along the riverbank had become something of a regular thing. At night it was quiet, apart from a few students walking into town, too lost in their own groups to pay much attention to them. The walk ran alongside St Hil
d and St Bede College, with the flow of the river guiding them through the scenic surroundings, contrasting with the grey stone of HM Prison Durham, which stood solitarily in the distance. While loving her hometown, since meeting Mr Barnes Kate had a new-found appreciation for how lucky she was to live in such a beautiful city. With its iconic cathedral and historical buildings, the familiar landmarks had taken on a new meaning with him: Elvet Bridge where they shared their first kiss under the stars; the grounds of the cathedral as they strolled amongst the tourists, their hands no more than brushing against each other in an attempt to be discreet. But Durham was a small city and she knew that she was being reckless by meeting in public during the day. As a result, they met in the evenings, the darkness hiding what had now become a full-blown illicit affair.

  Kate checked her watch. He was already fifteen minutes late. She paced impatiently. She couldn’t be held up too long. She had told her husband she was just popping round to see Jan to discuss a homework assignment.

  Where was he, she wondered. Usually, he was early, often impatiently waiting for her, claiming that he was too eager to see her to wait at home. They had made the arrangement a few days ago and normally he called her on the day to reconfirm he could still make it. Today, he hadn’t called and Kate wondered if she was being stood up. Glancing up, she heard him before she saw him, quick footsteps almost running towards her.

  ‘So sorry,’ he said, catching his breath. ‘I was doing some research and lost track of time.’

  Surprised, yet understanding, Kate replied, ‘No problem, you’re here now. I missed you.’

  ‘And I missed you,’ he said, his arms around her, but when she looked into his eyes, she sensed distraction.

  ‘Shall we walk?’ he asked.

  Kate let the silence settle around them as they strolled down the towpath, the gentle hum of nature providing a therapeutic backdrop. Tentatively, Kate spoke. ‘Is everything OK?’

  ‘Yes, sorry,’ he reassured her. ‘I’ve just got a lot on my mind at the moment with work. How was your week? You did great in class this week, by the way. Your book is really coming along.’ Pleased that he had noticed, Kate jumped on the conversation, explaining a new idea for a character she wanted to include. As they walked back towards the city, Kate was reluctant to leave; yet she had to get back. Saying her goodbye with a kiss, she tried not to mind that he had not made another arrangement to see her. Usually, he wouldn’t let her go home without making her commit to a date, a shared joke that had become their parting conversation. Hurrying back, Kate tried to put it out of her mind.

  *

  He didn’t call the next day. Or the next. By the third day, Kate thought she might go slightly insane with his game-playing. She had done everything possible to distract herself, including baking, which had ended in disaster. She hadn’t left the house in three days apart from dropping and picking up her daughter from school and her younger child was getting fed up. Kate had checked the phone several times to make sure there was a ring tone and it hadn’t been disconnected. Finally, on the fourth day, he had rung. He sounded normal but busy.

  ‘Hi, how are you?’ he had asked.

  ‘I’m fine, thanks,’ the slight chill in her voice conveying her displeasure. She would let him do the talking, she decided.

  ‘What have you been up to? Sorry, I haven’t rung for a few days, it’s been really busy.’

  ‘That’s fine, I’ve been busy too.’ Kate could hear a lot of noise in the background, as if there was music being played.

  ‘Good, good… Listen, I have to go. Can I call you later?’

  ‘Yes, if you manage to find the time,’ Kate retorted, before slamming down the phone. Furious, she paced the living room. What was the point in him calling if he was only going to speak for a few minutes, she asked herself, forgetting that she had stayed by the phone for three days.

  ‘Mummy!’ her little girl called out from her bedroom.

  ‘What?’ she snapped.

  ‘Are we going out now?’

  Kate sighed. She couldn’t let him get to her like this, to the point where she was taking it out on her daughter.

  Composing herself, Kate walked slowly to her daughters’ room before taking the girl in a big hug. ‘Of course we are! Where would you like to go?’

  Her daughter looked at her in astonishment, before quickly announcing, ‘To see Emma!’

  ‘Then to see Emma, we shall,’ said Kate in a singsong voice. ‘Would you like to wear your princess outfit? It’s a nice day.’ Unable to believe her luck, the child ran to her wardrobe to put on the dress, then placing the tiara firmly on her head. Taking her sister’s tiara, she put it firmly in her mother’s hands, informing her that she could be her lady-in-waiting. ‘You have to do everything I say,’ she instructed.

  ‘Yes, Your Royal Highness,’ Kate replied with mock seriousness. She took a moment to enjoy the innocence of childhood. If only everything was as easy as make-believe princesses.

  ‘Are you ready to go, Your Royal Highness?’

  ‘Yes, Mummy. And Emma can be my second lady-in-waiting.’

  ‘I’m sure she would love to be,’ said Kate, keeping the doubt from her voice. Emma could be a bit of handful. ‘Let’s go then and see if they’re at home.’

  *

  They had spent an enjoyable afternoon at Emma’s house. Her mother, Susan, was easy to get along with. They had met at the baby clinic just after the girls were born and had bonded almost immediately. Their daughters were just a month apart in age, but both had suffered from colic as babies and both girls had older siblings. Susan was also a housewife and Kate felt they had a lot in common.

  ‘Hi, Kate, so nice to see you! It’s been a while,’ said Susan, when they had arrived.

  ‘I hope you don’t mind us dropping by?’

  ‘No, not at all! I was just wondering how to keep Emma entertained, so perfect timing! Come in, come in, I have the kettle on. Coffee?’

  ‘Yes, please!’

  ‘So, how is everything? I haven’t seen you for ages! All OK?’

  Kate felt guilty that she hadn’t been in touch with her friend for a few weeks. Something else Mr Barnes was responsible for, she thought angrily.

  ‘Yes, sorry about that. The family has been keeping me busy!’

  ‘Yes, I know what that feels like,’ sympathised Susan. ‘Emma has decided that she no longer wants to sleep through the night and would like to have a tea-party at 2 a.m.’

  Susan was making light of it, but Kate could see she looked tired. ‘Oh dear,’ she said. ‘It isn’t easy, is it? People say it gets easier but I’m beginning to think that’s only going to happen when they leave home!’

  ‘And we’ve still got a long way to go before then!’ chuckled Susan. ‘Anyway, in the meantime, there’s always cake. Here, try some of this carrot cake. You look like you’ve lost a few pounds, Kate.’

  ‘Yes, I think I have – probably from running around after the children.’

  ‘I wish I could lose a few – I can’t call it baby weight anymore.’

  As Emma and her daughter played together, Kate relaxed in Susan’s warm and good-natured company, regretting not having been in touch sooner.

  At three thirty, they went to collect their elder children from school before heading to the school library for story time. After two hours, Kate hugged Susan goodbye. ‘We’d better be getting back home for tea and bath time.’

  ‘Ah yes,’ said Susan, ‘my favourite part of the day.’ She winked. ‘It was great seeing you and the girls – take care of yourself.’

  Hurrying her daughters out, Kate started walking back home. The weather was still fine, and the girls skipped ahead of her as she pushed the empty buggy. After five minutes, her younger daughter got tired and wanted to ride home in the buggy. Kate strapped her in and was just straightening up when something caught her eye. The coffee shop on the corner was always busy. She never went there herself as it was one of the more expensive ones, but as the door ope
ned Mr Barnes stepped out. He was smiling and talking to someone behind him: a woman with blond hair and a slick of red lipstick, which made her stand out. Inexplicably, Kate wanted to call out to him, but before she could do so he had turned towards the woman and reached for her hand. As she stepped out of the coffee shop, both turned to walk down the street, but not before Kate saw them lean into each other. She watched as she saw him kiss the woman full on the mouth, her red lips crushed under his.

  *

  Inserting her key into the lock, Kate noticed her hands were shaking. Her thoughts were whirring around her head as she tried to understand what she had seen. Maybe it was just a friend? But deep down she knew that the woman with the red lips was more than that. Going on to autopilot, she got the girls fed and into the bath before putting them to bed. Having kissed each one good night, she closed the door quietly. Only when she was in her bedroom did she let out a shuddering sob of disappointment. How could she have been so foolish? What did she expect? He was a single, educated, good-looking man with a fantastic career ahead of him, surrounded by beautiful, young students. She was a bored and frustrated housewife who could only reference high school and sixth form on her CV. Had it all been one big lie? Was his praise of her writing just a way to get what he wanted? The thrill of the chase? As she lay down on her bed, she saw her papers covered in her scrawl on her desk. She thought of how he had flattered her, telling her how talented she was, how much he had enjoyed her writing. Yet, it was all a scam. His praise meant nothing and he probably said it to every woman who took his fancy. In one quick movement, she had grabbed the papers and was ripping them into shreds, her anger propelling her to destroy any reminder of him. Exhausted, she lay back down, the pieces scattered around her like confetti. While she had known their relationship wouldn’t last for ever and eventually he would move on, she hadn’t expected it to end so abruptly. And while it hurt to see him with another woman, what hurt more was the doubt that now plagued her about her work. Perhaps he hadn’t thought she had promise after all and had only said all those things in order to get what he wanted?