Norma Jane huffed. “We don’t get involved in domestic matters, Carrie Harrison. You know that. And no one can save a drug addict but himself.”
Carrie’s grip on my hand tightened until it hurt. “So, what you’re saying, Norma Jane, is that if I had children and you knew I was in a bad way, you’d do nothing? You’d let me waste away while my children starved?”
“Well of course not, you’re one of ours.”
Carrie shuddered and shoved the envelope back at Norma Jane. “I appreciate you stopping by, but I don’t want your money.”
If it had been Betty sitting across from Carrie, she would have taken the money and stormed out, but Norma Jane was one of the sweetest people I’d ever met. She didn’t take the money and she didn’t get angry. Her expression softened. “It’s not right, child. It’s not okay that none of us stepped in and stood up for those children and that man. I accept that. I could have done something, we all could have done something. You have every right to be angry about that. But keep the money. Let us do something now.”
Tears slipped down Carrie’s cheeks. “At the very least,” she said. “You could have told me. I would have tried to do something.”
“You asked me years ago to stop sharing gossip with you, child. And you were right. It’s better not to know people’s secrets until they’re ready to share them with you.”
Carrie shook her head. “I could have done something. I could have helped him.”
“How, sugar? Would you have dragged him into a rehab center? Moved in with them to make sure he never used again? And what about your other students? Sometimes you have to let people make their own choices and just be there to catch them when they fall.”
“No,” Carrie said. “You don’t really believe that. If you did, you would have stopped meddling in my life years ago.”
Norma Jane stood. “Like I said, sugar, you’re ours.”
“Wait,” Carrie said. “Do you know if the kids have any other family? Any relatives who can take them in?”
“They aren’t from here, Carrie. I don’t know their family.”
Norma Jane left, closing the front door quietly behind her. Carrie dropped my hand and stood. She stormed into the kitchen and slammed the envelope down on the table. “Sometimes I hate this backward, xenophobic, small-minded town.”
I followed her into the kitchen and reached for her, but she dodged away. “Do you know what she meant when she said I’m theirs and Kayla and her family aren’t?”
I had a pretty good idea, but I kept my mouth shut and let her get it out.
“She didn’t mean that I’m a better person, or earned their love and respect. She meant the Parsons haven’t lived in Catalpa Creek for generations. They’re outsiders, even though Kayla was born here and her daddy moved here right after college. They’re outsiders and they’re poor. I’ve heard Norma Jane say it about other people. She’d say, ‘they’re do-nothing people,’ as though they’re evil just for not being able to earn a living. Norma Jane could have saved them all this pain. I could have saved them.”
I grabbed her and pulled her into my arms. I stroked her hair and hugged her tight. “She was wrong not to do anything to help those kids, but she’s right that there was probably nothing anyone could have done for their father.”
“Someone should have tried,” she said between sobs, her body limp against mine. “I should have tried.”
“You did what you could. You tried to get Kayla to open up. Sometimes people make poor choices and there’s not a damn thing you or anyone else can do about it.”
She didn’t agree, but she didn’t argue either. She straightened, wiped her eyes and forced a weak smile. “We should probably get to bed. Jenny will be up at the crack of dawn.”
So, we went to bed. And we slept. I tried to cuddle up to her, but she shifted away from me, saying she just wanted to sleep. I knew it was more than that. She was pulling away from me and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it, because it was what I wanted. It was what I needed.
***
On Thursday, everyone went back to school and I was home alone when Albert Bennett banged on the door. “Come on in,” I said to the older man. He smiled, but he seemed unsure. When he’d learned the children were staying at my house and not at Carrie’s, he’d been less than happy. I’d had to fill out some paperwork and agree to a background check. I also had to agree to stop having wine tastings in the house, and I had to demonstrate that all the wine was stored out of reach of the children.
“I’d hoped to speak to Miss Harrison.” He stepped inside and I closed the door behind him. “But I suppose you can pass on a message to her.”
“I’d be happy to. Have a seat.”
He shook his head. “Oh, no. I’ll only be a minute. I wanted to let her know that the children have only one living relative, an aunt, who resides in Arizona. She doesn’t want custody and has signed the documents to withdraw any and all rights she may have had to the children.”
My heart sank. “Are there no other living relatives.”
“None,” Mr. Bennett said. “Miss Harrison must decide if she wants permanent guardianship of the children. If not, they will be placed in foster care and, hopefully, adopted. It is likely they will be split up.”
I grimaced, Kayla adored her brother and sister and poor Jenny would be lost without her older siblings. The idea of splitting them up was unthinkable, but was I ready for a family? Could I run a vineyard and help Carrie raise three kids? The questions assailed me without warning. When had I started to think of them as my family? Carrie was pushing me away and our relationship was set to end in a few days.
Carrie would insist on doing this on her own and she’d spend the next twelve years caring for the kids alone. She’d put off finding a husband and having kids, she’d put off her own needs. Or worse, she’d find a husband, someone more stable and more willing to commit than I was, someone who’d help her take care of Kayla, Simon, and Jenny and give her a couple of her own kids, too. They’d be one big happy family and she’d remember me as a mistake that was better forgotten.
I growled at the thought, my hands curling into fists.
“Mr. Reynolds?” Albert said, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
“It’s just a lot to think about.”
Albert’s eyes narrowed. “I imagine it’s a lot more than you’d intended to take on when you asked our Carrie to marry you.”
What the hell was wrong with this town? As far as I knew Mr. Bennett hadn’t even known Carrie four days ago and now she belonged to him? “No.” I hated the way he’d already judged me and found me lacking. Hated that he was right. “No, it’ll be fine. I’ll pass the message on to Carrie.”
“You do that. You should also let her know that Mr. Parsons died a broke man. There will be no money from him to help her raise those kids.”
Restless, I cleaned the house. I went to the store and got the fixings for a cookout dinner, instead of pulling out another of the casseroles that now filled our fridge and freezer.
At three, I met Jenny at the bus stop at the end of the street. She came flying off the bus and threw her arms around me. “Mr. Cody,” she said. “I missed you.”
A knot formed in my throat and I couldn’t swallow it away. Not even when I reminded myself that she was young and she’d forget me easily once I was gone. Simon got off the bus at a more sedate rate, scowling at me like I was somehow responsible for every bad thing in his life. I scooped up Jenny and gave her a piggy back ride to the house.
Simon started up the stairs into the house, stomping all the way, but I stopped on the sidewalk. “Where you going, man?”
Simon didn’t even look at me. “Homework.”
“When you’re done, why don’t you come out back. I’ve got something to show you.”
I carried Jenny to the back yard. I’d picked up a few surprises for them while I’d been out getting groceries. I’d spent money I should have saved for the winery, but Jenny
’s face-splitting smile and squeal of joy when she saw the tree swing I’d tied to a high branch of a huge Oak, made it all worth it. I took a seat at the picnic table on my patio and watched her swing. When she got hungry, I offered her the fruit and cheese I’d prepared for her and she read me a short book for her homework. She ran right back to the swing after, her smile still firmly in place. I couldn’t bring back her father, I couldn’t be her father, but I’d given her a few moments of happiness and I felt pretty damn proud of that.
Simon came out the back door not long after. “We’re not staying here you know,” he said. “We’ll go live with relatives we’ve never met or go into foster care. You shouldn’t have wasted your money.”
“I don’t know about that.” I wasn’t going to tell him anything until I’d talked to Carrie. “But you’re here now, and I’ve got something for you, too.”
I reached under the table to grab the new soccer ball I’d gotten him and pointed out the goals I’d set up to the left of and just behind the tree swing. Simon’s scowl didn’t fade, but he took the ball and carried it over to the goals.
“What’s going on here?” I spun on my seat at the table to see Carrie, Kayla next to her, looking seriously pissed off.
“I got a couple of things for the kids,” I said.
“Kayla,” Carrie said. “Why don’t you go say hello to Jenny and Simon.”
Kayla did as she was asked, but she gave me a small smile and whispered thank you as she passed.
“Cody,” Carrie said. “Can I speak to you inside for a moment?”
“Sure,” I said, my own anger ramping up. If she was going to get pissed at me for doing something nice for the kids, I was going to get pissed right back.
“What the hell is all that?” she asked once we were standing in my kitchen.
“It’s not a big deal. The soccer goals were on sale.”
She threw her hands up and started pacing. She was angry and I should have been worried about that, but it had been three days since she’d smiled at me, three days since she’d touched me or let me touch her, and the way her hips swayed when she walked was hypnotizing. I pushed away thoughts of sex, of how much I hated the way she’d been pulling away from me, and focused on her words. “That’s not the point, Cody. You buy them this stuff and they think this is permanent, that you’re permanent. They might have a new home in a few days and you’re setting them up for hurt.”
I put a hand on her arm, but she pulled away like I disgusted her. “Albert stopped by today.”
Her face drained of color. “He found a relative.”
“Yes, an aunt, but she doesn’t want the kids. Albert said you need to decide if you want to keep the kids and apply for guardianship if you do.”
Carrie dropped into a seat at the dining room table. “Me? He wants me to apply for guardianship?”
“If you don’t, the kids will be placed in foster care and there’s a possibility they’ll be separated.”
She straightened her spine and steeled her expression. “I won’t allow that to happen. Of course I’ll apply for guardianship.”
I knelt in front of her. “This isn’t your dream, Carrie. I know you wanted to get married and have your own family.”
Tears glittered in her eyes. “Those kids need me. I won’t let them down. I have no idea how I’ll afford to take care of the three of them, but I’ll apply to be their guardian.”
“What do you need?” I asked. There was no point in arguing with her, and the truth was I didn’t want to see those kids in foster care or separated either. “What can I do to help?”
Her expression shuttered and closed. “This isn’t your problem. We made a mistake staying here.”
“I’ve liked having you here. Stay as long as you want.”
She swallowed and shook her head. “This thing between us was never supposed to be anything but fun. Kids were never part of the deal. I’ll move us back into my house this weekend.”
“There’s more room here. You should stay here. Stay with me.”
“Why?” she asked, her chin high. “Why would you want us to stay?”
“Because it makes more sense.” I knew my words were the wrong ones as soon as tears spilled down her cheeks, but I couldn’t give her the right words. I wasn’t ready for a family, wasn’t the dependable sort of guy those kids needed. “I’d like…I’d like you to stay here.”
“I’ve had fun with you, Cody. But the longer we stay with you, the more we’ll all come to depend on you. The more the kids will see you as a permanent fixture in their lives.”
“Then I’ll move out,” I said. “We can let everyone think we’re still engaged, but I’ll spend my time at your house. Eventually, you can sell your house and take over the rent on this one.”
“I can’t let you do that,” she said. “This is your house.”
“Just let me do this one thing for you. You’re right, it’s weird for the kids to see us here, sharing a bed, when we aren’t married, but I’d like to keep seeing you, Carrie. I really…I’ve really had fun these past few weeks.” Mentally, I slapped a hand on my forehead. Why couldn’t I tell her how much I cared for her?
She stood and maneuvered past me. “I doubt I’ll have much time for myself or for fun in the future.”
She walked out of that room and I felt like letting her go was the biggest mistake I’d made in a lifetime full of them. I made another when I didn’t call her back, didn’t tell her how much she and the kids meant to me. But I couldn’t call her back, couldn’t make her any promises, because I had nothing to offer.
I cooked a big dinner of hamburgers on the grill, pasta salad, and grilled vegetables and then I packed a bag and headed to Carrie’s place for the night. She walked me over and let me into the house.
“I can still get Jenny and Simon from the bus,” I said.
She gave me a tight smile. “Norma Jane volunteered to get them from the bus from now on. She’ll watch them until Kayla gets home, but thanks for the offer.”
“Of course.” Why was I sad that I wouldn’t get to be attacked by sweet Jenny the next afternoon? “Let me know if you need help with the petition for guardianship or anything else.”
“I won’t need help, but thanks, anyway.”
She left and I settled into her house. I wasn’t lonely and that ache in my gut wasn’t sadness. I was just missing the chaos of bedtime with three kids, it wouldn’t take me long to get used to the peace and quiet. I had a winery to start and I had to prove to the rest of my family that I was every bit as capable of starting a business as the rest of them. That goal felt hollow and less important than it once had, but I was sure, once I got on the property and started preparing the land for my vineyard, my priorities would settle back into the right order.
***
“Hello, young man,” Bart said from his rocking chair on the front porch.
I shook his hand and took a seat in the chair next to him. “You ready to sell me this property?” After four days spent alone in Carrie’s house, I was long past stir crazy and on the verge of complete and total mental breakdown. I’d set her kitchen up for wine tastings and put the word out that I was open for business again, but there had so far been no takers and there was nothing else for me to do until I had the property from Bart. I’d resorted to working on her flower beds and taking care of the exterior of her house just for something to do. I tried not to go outside during the hours I knew the kids would be out. Carrie was right, it was best to make a clean break and be out of their lives for good.
Even so, I’d taken my creeper status to a new low, watching the kids from the window to make sure they were doing okay. Simon hadn’t smiled once, yet, but Jenny and Kayla seemed, if not happy, at least content. I’d attended their dad’s funeral on Saturday and I’d stopped by Norma Jane’s house twice to find out what she knew. Not much. Carrie was still miffed at her and applications for guardianship apparently took time, so there was no word on that, yet.
Bart
stared out at his front yard, rocking, and sucking his teeth. “I’d like to, son, but I hear you and Carrie are on the outs.”
Shit. Bart wasn’t the first person to mention that, Norma Jane had fished for gossip about my engagement to Carrie, said she’d noticed I had moved into Carrie’s place. “There’s been a bit of a change,” I said, repeating what I’d told Norma Jane. “She’s taken in three children and we felt it wasn’t right to share a bed if we weren’t married.”
“Uh-huh. They’re good kids from what I’ve heard.”
“They are good kids. Jenny is adorable and already reading at a second-grade level. Simon is a bit grumpy, but he’s got good reason. He’s amazing at math. Kayla is like a mom to those kids and she’s stronger and more mature than anyone her age ought to be.” What was that tightness in my chest? I ignored it. They were the past and the winery was my future.
“They’ve been through a tough haul, but kids are resilient.” He rocked for another few moments. “I want you to get married on this property.”
“What?” I tensed, hot anger making me brittle. “I’ve been engaged for a month, that was the deal.”
“But there are kids in the picture now. There’s no harm in moving up the wedding date so you can all live as a family, right?”
“I’m not sure any of us is ready for that.” I definitely wasn’t ready for that. Marrying Carrie would be making a promise to her and the kids that I was incapable of keeping.
He shrugged. “Then I guess you’ll have to wait another little while to get this here property.”
I was beginning to think he was never going to sell me the property, had never had any intention of selling it to me. Maybe he’d only played along to this point to appease his sons. “I’ve met the terms of the deal and I’ve got your money. You can’t set new terms.”
The Deadbeat Next Door Page 23
