We got to the hospital at five in the morning. I was exhausted and heart sore, but I put it all aside when I saw those kids, eyes red, looking exhausted and scared and lost. I had no idea what I was doing and I had no idea what to say or how to comfort them but, if I had anything to do with it, they would never have any idea I felt as lost as they did.
Cody walked in beside me, but I ran to the kids and dropped to my knees in front of them. They sat on the hard plastic hospital waiting room chairs, huddled together. I wrapped my arms around Kayla and she sobbed onto my shoulder. “I didn’t know who else to call,” she said.
“You did the right thing.” I pulled away and brushed the tears from her eyes.
I didn’t reach for either of the other kids, because I was virtually a stranger to them, but Jenny crawled onto my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. Simon just stared straight ahead and swallowed hard. The social worker, a short, stocky man with a shock of thick black hair and a kind smile, got my and Cody’s information and had us sign some paperwork. He promised to be in touch in the next couple of days. Jenny had fallen asleep in my arms and I held her tight, swaying with her a bit.
“Do you have a booster seat in your vehicle?” Albert asked.
I looked over at Cody. Why hadn’t we considered that? We didn’t even have enough seats in his truck for us and the kids. “No,” I said. “I’m sorry. I don’t.”
“That’s okay,” Albert said. “Just be sure to get one before you go anywhere with Jenny. I’ll follow you with the kids in my car.”
We got to Cody’s and he headed right back out to get air mattresses and sleeping bags, since he didn’t have beds in his guest rooms. I lay Jenny on the couch, where she fell back to sleep almost instantly. I got some food into Kayla and Simon. Simon went right to bed as soon as Cody had one set up for him, but Kayla didn’t seem ready for sleep. Cody must have sensed her need to talk to me alone, because he headed back to his room.
“It’s my fault,” Kayla said. “It’s my fault Dad’s dead.”
“Why do you think that?” My first instinct was to tell her she was wrong, but she was a teenager and I suspected that wouldn’t go over well.
“He overdosed on heroin,” she said. “Did Albert tell you that? I found him on the couch and he was…He was already gone. I kept Simon and Jenny outside until the ambulance and the police got there. I…”
“You did the right thing. I’m so, so sorry you had to see that.”
“It was my fault. I knew he had a problem. I saw the empty pill bottles in the trash. He couldn’t keep a job more than a couple of weeks. I thought…I thought he was better. He seemed to like his new job and there weren’t any more pill bottles. He seemed happier. Better. I mean he’d go out sometimes and be gone a lot longer than he said he’d be gone and he…Sometimes I had a hard time waking him up for work…I guess I just wanted so badly to believe he was better that I convinced myself. I never thought he might have moved on to heroin.”
“You couldn’t have known,” I said. “This isn’t your fault.” I had plenty of experience dealing with a teenager who blamed himself for a parent’s death, but Harrison’s loss hadn’t been as recent as Kayla’s.
“But I did know he was using too much of the painkillers. I knew and I should have…I should have made him get help or told someone.”
I wished she’d told me, but I doubted I could have done anything, either. “You can’t force an addict to stop. Your father wouldn’t have accepted help until he was ready. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“How can you know that?” Tears streaming down her cheeks, and my heart ached for her. If I could have taken all her pain onto myself, I would have. In a heartbeat. “How can you be so sure?”
Jenny must have been woken by our conversation or her sister’s tears, because she climbed up on Kayla’s lap and wrapped her arms around her sister’s neck. I couldn’t imagine what Kayla must have gone through, taking care of her brother and sister when her father couldn’t. Being forced to be both mother and father when she was still so very much a child herself. Kayla cooed to Jenny and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
“You’re a good kid, Kayla,” I said. “You’re a wonderful sister and daughter and if your father was here right now, he’d tell you he doesn’t blame you. I know that because I’d do the same in his place. Any parent would.”
Kayla didn’t look convinced, but exhaustion won out and her body drooped, her eyes trying to close as a yawn took over her whole body.
“Come on. Let’s get you both to bed.”
Kayla and Jenny curled up together on an air mattress and I joined Cody in bed. I had so much to do and figure out that my brain was whirring and I wanted to stay up and get started, but I knew I couldn’t function or be any help to the kids if I didn’t get sleep. I closed my eyes and drifted off.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Cody
I woke up with Carrie’s warmth next to me and it took me a moment to remember why the afternoon sun was streaming in through my window and why the theme song to SpongeBob SquarePants was playing somewhere in the house. When it came to me, I sat up and stretched. Carrie was sprawled out, her face peaceful in sleep, and I didn’t want to disturb her. She needed to get her rest.
I pulled on pants and a shirt over the boxers I’d worn to bed and left, shutting the door softly behind me. I found Jenny on the couch, remote in her hand, flipping through the channels on her own. She smiled at me when I sat next to her. “You’ve got a jamillion channels.”
“Your brother and sister still sleeping?”
She nodded. “They sleep a lot. When’s daddy coming to pick us up.”
My heart clenched. I didn’t know anything to do but tell her the truth. “Your daddy’s not coming,” I said. “You’re going to stay with us for a while.”
“Where is he?” Jenny asked.
“He’s dead,” Simon said, his voice harsh and angry. He dropped onto the chair next to the couch and crossed his arms over his chest. “We told you that already.”
Jenny looked at me, clearly wanting to hear it from someone with more authority. “Is that true, Mr. Cody? Is daddy dead and in heaven with Mommy?”
Her lower lip trembled and tears shimmered in her eyes. That same punch to the chest I’d felt when I saw Carrie crying hit me all over again. “Yeah, sweetheart. He is.”
The tears spilled over her bottom lids and she sobbed in earnest. “I want Daddy. I want my daddy.”
“Shut up, Jenny,” Simon said. “It’s not like he was around much anyway. You’ll hardly even notice he’s gone.” His tone was raw and hard, but tears shimmered in his eyes, too.
I didn’t know what to do. There was no one I could punch for making them cry, and I felt helpless. I fucking hated feeling helpless.
Jenny climbed onto my lap and I wrapped my arms around her as her small body shook under the weight of her sobs. I really wished there was someone I could punch. Anyone. Once Jenny’s sobs subsided, I offered the one thing that had always made me feel better. “You kids ever been on a nature walk?”
“No,” Simon said.
Jenny shook her head, her thumb in her mouth.
“You wanna go on one?”
“Why would we wanna do something so stupid and boring?” Simon said. “Our dad just died and you want to take us on a nature walk? What kind of idiot are you?”
I shrugged, I’d been called worse. “What about you, Jenny? Wanna go for a nature walk?”
She nodded again, thumb still in her mouth.
“Okay, Simon. Jenny and I are going on a nature walk. You can stay here or you can come with us. Your choice, but there’ll be ice cream at the end of the walk.”
There was a trail, a walking path, that wound through the back side of our neighborhood for about half a mile and ended at a little shopping complex that had an ice cream shop and a couple other stores. I was hoping one of those stores sold booster seats and coloring books and video games and kid movies. I had no
confidence that the court system or CPS would find family to take in the kids in any kind of a hurry.
“Fine,” Simon said. “But I want two scoops.”
“You got it.”
The kids disappeared into the guest room Simon had slept in and returned a few minutes later dressed. Jenny was in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that didn’t match, and her long, dark hair looked like it had been caught in a tornado, but I didn’t figure we’d be seeing anyone she needed to impress.
I had no idea what the stamina of a five-year-old was and I wanted to be sure we could make it home, so I gave Jenny a piggyback ride to the shopping center. I named every tree and plant we passed. Jenny repeated the names, but Simon muttered how lame I was and how lame nature walks were. If he hadn’t just lost his dad, I might have suggested he show a little respect, but I figured he had every right to be pissy and grumpy.
The shopping center did have a store that had coloring books, games, and books for the kids, but no booster seats. I let Jenny and Simon each pick out a few things to play with. Jenny’s eyes widened and she ran around the store like she’d just won a million dollars. Simon frowned and muttered something about toys not fixing anything, but he picked out a book and a game. I had no idea what a teenage girl might want, but I didn’t want to show up with nothing for her. The sales clerk suggested a crossword puzzle book and a jewelry-making kit.
The ice cream shop was just a wooden shack with outdoor seating. Even at ten in the morning on a cool spring day, they had a line of people waiting. We stood in line, our purchases heavy in my hands. Simon slouched and scowled, while Jenny ran circles around him and did her very best to drive him crazy. He ignored her.
“Jenny.” I had to say her name three more times before I got her attention. She looked at me, her eyes wide, her little body bouncing in place. “I need your help with something important.”
She tilted her head, skeptical. “What?”
I shook my head. “You know what, never mind. You probably can’t count.”
She frowned and stuck her hands on her hips. “I can so count. I can count to two hundred.”
I pretended to doubt her. “Are you sure? This job is really important. I need a really excellent counter.”
She straightened, her shoulders back. I even had Simon’s reluctant attention. “I am a really excellent counter. One, two, three, four—”
“Hmm. That’s impressive. Maybe you can help me.”
“What do I need to do?”
“I’m taking a survey of which flavor of ice cream people buy more of. Can you pay attention to what people order and keep a count of the flavors?”
“Why?” She was back to looking skeptical.
I hadn’t been prepared for so much doubt, so I had to think fast. “I’m planning on starting a business of my own and I need to know what kind of ice cream flavors to serve.” I hadn’t considered serving ice cream at my winery, but I wasn’t against it, so I figured I wasn’t really lying.
She grinned. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
She moved to stand right next to me and stood stock still while she listened to the orders of the people in line ahead of us and kept count on her fingers.
“Ten chocolate, five strawberry, and three vanilla,” she said when it was our turn to order.
“Really?” I said. “That’s very helpful. I didn’t think chocolate would be the favorite.”
Simon rolled his eyes, but kept his opinion to himself, and I ordered all of us waffle cones with two scoops. I realized my mistake when I handed the cone to Jenny and it was as big as her head. She carried it as though she was carrying a rare and expensive treasure. We found a table in a warm spot of sunlight.
Jenny made it a third of the way through her dessert, her face, hair and clothes covered in ice cream, before she tipped the cone the wrong way and lost the rest of her treat. As soon as the chocolate hit the pavement, she began to shriek like someone was beating her with a cattle prod.
Simon, helpfully, rolled his eyes and kept eating. “It’s okay, Jenny,” I said in my most soothing tone. “I’ll get you another one.”
Her tears instantly stopped and I got back in line to get her a bowl of ice cream that she could rest on the table and would be less likely to drop. She grumbled a bit about the absence of a second cone, but she ate it.
By the time she’d finished her ice cream, Simon was grumbling about being bored and harassing her to hurry up, which only seemed to encourage her to eat more slowly. I wasn’t used to refereeing arguing kids before I’d had my coffee, and I was getting a touch grumpy myself. I reined in my annoyance, pulled up a game on my phone for Simon to play and tried to enjoy a moment of peace while Jenny ate and babbled about her friends and her toys and what she was going to do with the rest of her day.
Jenny, high on sugar, ran all the way back to the house. Kayla ran out as soon as we stepped onto the sidewalk. “Where were you?” she asked. She scooped Jenny up in her arms and glared at me.
“We went for a walk,” Jenny said. “Mr. Cody carried me all the way on his back. He bought us some books and stuff and he got us ice cream.”
Carrie walked out and placed a hand on Kayla’s back. “They’re okay, Kayla.” She turned to me. “Maybe just let us know where you’re going next time?”
Shit. I’d never been responsible for little people before. It hadn’t occurred to me that anyone would worry. I patted my pocket to check for my phone, but it wasn’t there. I must have left it on the dining room table. “I’m sorry, Kayla,” I said. “I didn’t want to wake you.”
“It’s okay,” Kayla said, sniffling. “I’m just…I can’t lose anyone else right now.”
I felt like punching myself for making Kayla cry. I handed her the bag of stuff I’d gotten for them all. “Why don’t I run out and buy a booster seat for Jenny and then we can all go to your house and get whatever stuff you want to have with you for now?”
“That would be wonderful,” Carrie said. She started back toward the house. “Let me just get my wallet and I’ll—”
“No. We’ll settle up later.” I had no intention of letting her pay, but that was a fight we didn’t need to have in front of the kids.
I drove to three different stores and talked to six different sales people before I found a booster seat that was suitable. I picked up a pizza on the way home, because it was after six.
The kids cheered when I walked in with a pizza in one hand and a booster seat in the other. Carrie had already set the table and there was a bowl of some sort of yellow pasta in the center of the table.
“They don’t like my cooking,” she said, with an adorable pouty frown.
“Good thing I brought pizza.” I pressed a kiss to her temple. She smiled and put the pasta in the kitchen. I put the pizza in its place and we all sat down to eat. All of us except for Kayla and Simon, who just picked at their food. I couldn’t blame them. I wasn’t going to push them to eat the day after they’d lost their father. Carrie didn’t say anything either.
After dinner, they all squeezed into Carrie’s car and I followed in my truck. We grabbed enough clothes from their house for a couple of days, as well as their favorite toys, stuffies, and books.
After they were in bed, Carrie and I sat down at the dining room table. “I’ve taken the next three days off from work,” Carrie said. “The kids should take at least that much off, but I’m not sure they should take more. The sooner they get back to their normal lives, the easier it will be for them, right?”
“Sure,” I said, even though I had no idea.
“I’m going to need to talk to someone at the funeral home and talk to a lawyer or…Who do I talk to about their dad’s finances?” She looked out the window at her house. “I doubt he had any money. Kayla said he’s been out of work a lot. Their house will need to go on the market. I guess I can talk to Mary Ellen about that.”
I placed my hand over hers. “We can figure this out. I’m here. You don’t have to do this alone.”
<
br /> She shook her head. “You’re here for eight more days and then you’ll have your vineyard and I’ll be on my own.”
I opened my mouth to tell her it didn’t have to be that way, that our relationship didn’t have to end, but a loud knock at the door stopped me.
Carrie got up and hurried to the door like she was grateful for the interruption. I stood and followed her more slowly. This was what I wanted, so why did I feel like I was losing the best thing that had ever happened to me?
Norma Jane stood at the door, a covered dish in her hand. “I just heard, dear. I’m so sorry for those poor children.”
Carrie took the dish and stood aside. “Come on in, Miss Norma Jane.” Carrie handed me the dish and I took it to the kitchen. I lifted the lid to see what looked like lasagna. I stuck it in the fridge and went back to the living room just in time to see Norma Jane hand Carrie an envelope. “This is a collection I took up from the neighborhood. That poor man didn’t have a cent far as anyone can tell.”
I sat down next to Carrie. Her posture was rigid and fairly vibrating with some emotion. “How could you know that?”
Norma Jane gave her a gentle smile, having no idea she was in dangerous territory. “People talk, sweetie. He hadn’t held down a job for any length of time and he’d taken out a second mortgage on his house so he could replace his car when it broke down.”
“What else did people say?” Carrie’s teeth were gritted tight.
Norma Jane flinched, like she was starting to figure out something was off. “Nothing, sugar. Nothing that you need concern yourself with.”
“What did people say, Norma Jane?”
The older woman steeled her own spine, her frown fierce. “Only that the man had a bad habit. He was fired from one of his jobs for using drugs at work.”
Carrie grabbed my hand and gripped it hard. I knew this was going to be bad, I could see the light of the oncoming train and I wasn’t going to do anything but back Carrie up on this one and hold her when she cried. “People suspected he had a drug problem? They knew he wasn’t holding a job? And they also knew he had three kids to support on his own? Is that what you’re telling me, Norma Jane?”
The Deadbeat Next Door Page 22
