The Deadbeat Next Door

by Katharine Sadler

  “Sure I can. You marry that girl here on this property and I’ll knock another twenty grand off my asking price.”

  I stood, caught somewhere between fury and despair. Maybe I should just move on, accept Bart was never going to sell me this property, and go somewhere else. The only problem was, my savings were dangerously low, my investors were muttering about backing out, and I was running short on options. Plus…I looked around, at the view of the mountains and the golden fields around us, and I felt certain I’d never find a better place. “I’ll talk to Carrie.”

  I texted her as soon as I got home and asked her to meet me at her house after she got home from work. I promised it would just take a couple of minutes.

  She showed up just after five and I let her in. My palms were sweating and my heart was racing. Why was I nervous? None of this was real.

  “What’s up?” Carrie asked, her eyes on my chin. “The kids are hungry for dinner.”

  “I have a…A suggestion.”

  She raised her eyes to mine, her eyebrows high.

  “Maybe we should get married.”

  She took a step back, her frown severe. “Why would you think that?”

  “You shouldn’t have to take care of three kids on your own and we get along well. Living together was fun and easy, and it’s not like I’m looking for a real marriage.” She winced and I wished I’d prepared better, had thought of better words. “I want to help you.”

  She stared at me like I was crazy, and then her eyes narrowed. “You talked to Bart today, didn’t you? How’d that go?”

  Damn it. I was hoping I’d have more time to argue my case, but I wouldn’t straight out lie to her. “He’s going back on the deal. He wants us to get married on his property, and then he’ll sell it to me.”

  Her shoulders slumped and she sighed. “So all this, the pretending, it was for nothing?”

  “Not if you marry me. I promise I’ll help with the kids in every way I can.”

  “The kids aren’t a bargaining chip,” she said, venom in her tone. “And how exactly is this marriage supposed to work? We just pretend we’re happily married and then we divorce after what? A month? A year?”

  “I hadn’t really thought that far ahead, but it won’t be forever. We’ll keep on like we have been, friends who share a bed and help each other out. It doesn’t have to be more than that.”

  “Too late.” Her voice broke and tears filled her eyes.

  “What?” I didn’t want to understand her words. Didn’t want to be the asshole who put that pain in her expression.

  “It’s. Too. Late. I have…Feelings for you. Feelings that would only get more intense if we had a pretend marriage.” She held up her hands. “I know you don’t care for me. It’s not like you’re marriage material anyway, and you certainly aren’t the guy I see myself with for the rest of my life. A pretend marriage would be a horrible idea.”

  She turned and stalked from the house before I could say a word. I dropped to the couch, my dream property gone. Only, I couldn’t focus on the property I’d lost or my next steps. I just kept seeing Carrie’s expression, the pain on her face. I did that to her. I hurt her. I’d lost her. She had every right to hate me. How could I not have seen that she had feelings for me? How could I not have seen that I’d fallen for her? Because I had. I’d felt it every time she’d walked away from me, I just hadn’t realized until now that every time she’d left me it was her absence making me feel hollowed out and lost.

  She cared for me, but only against her better judgment. I wasn’t good enough for her. I wasn’t the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. And she was right. The right guy for her wouldn’t offer her a pretend relationship or a pretend marriage. The right guy would see how amazing she was the first time she crossed his path. He’d grab her and never let her go, never give her any reason to walk away.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Carrie

  I walked away from my house, the house where Cody was living, and I bit my lip hard and pulled in deep breaths. When he’d asked me to marry him…Just for a moment, I’d thought he meant it and, just for a moment, I’d wanted to say yes. Just for a moment, I’d pictured our future together, laughing and fighting and making love, and I wanted that more than I’d ever wanted anything.

  Reality had hurt like a bastard when it crashed down on my head. Of course he was only asking because he needed a bride to get Bart’s land. He didn’t want to marry me and saddle himself with a ready-made family.

  He’s not the guy for me, I reminded myself. He’s not the guy for me. Maybe if I told myself that enough times, I’d believe it. If only I could forget how sweet he was with the kids, how much he wanted to take care of them, even Simon had only gotten grumpier and surlier since Cody moved out.

  I squared my shoulders, wiped the tears from my cheeks and walked in on world war III in the living room. Jenny was crying, loudly, Kayla was yelling at Simon, and Simon was stomping around and yelling at Kayla. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen them fight. I shut the door behind me and walked into the middle of the fray. I just stood there, hands on my hips and waited for all of them to quiet down enough for me to speak.

  “Kayla,” I said. “What’s going on?”

  “You always take Kayla’s side,” Simon said. “She’s the only one you really want. Why don’t you adopt her and send me and Jenny into foster care?”

  I knew Simon was going through an extremely harsh time and I knew he was speaking out of fear and heartbreak, but I’d been letting him get away with a lot, probably more than I should. “Nope,” I said. “I’m doing everything I can to get guardianship of and adopt all three of you kids, and I’m not going to change my mind about that no matter what you say or do.” I took two steps toward Simon. He bared his teeth and crossed his arms over his chest. “No matter what happens. No matter how difficult you are or how many tantrums you throw, you’re stuck with me until you’ve graduated from college and are out on your own. Then, you can choose to never see me again, if that’s what you want, but I will always want you in my life.”

  “You don’t mean that,” Simon said. “You’re just saying that to make Kayla want to stay.”

  “Simon—” Kayla said.

  I turned to her. “Why don’t you take Jenny out to swing? I’ll have dinner ready in just a few minutes.”

  She nodded, scooped up a still-crying Jenny, and went out the back door. “Now they’re gone,” Simon said. “You can tell me the truth.”

  I sat on the couch and patted the cushion next to me. He sat, but he didn’t uncross his arms and he didn’t look at me. “The truth is,” I said. “I’m going to do everything I can to make sure I can adopt you and your sisters. I’m going to make sure you have everything you need and I’m going to make sure you get a college education. If, during the time you’re under my care, you choose to hate me, if you choose to be angry at me, if you choose never to love me as much as I love you that’s okay. I’m not asking for or expecting your love, but I will give you mine, unconditionally.”

  He continued to stare ahead, seemingly untouched by my words, and I bit back the urge to growl in frustration. I’d tried everything with him and nothing I did made him smile or relax.

  “What I will not do,” I said. “Is allow you to yell at me, disrespect me, or ignore my rules in my home.”

  “This is Cody’s home,” he said.

  I sighed. “I won’t tolerate rude behavior towards me or your sisters in this house or in any house. If you’re rude or disrespectful, you’ll be punished as I see fit. That means you’ll lose privileges or you’ll be asked to do extra work around the house. Do you understand?”

  “Yep. Can I go now?”

  “No. I also think it would be a good idea for you and your sisters to talk to someone about your father’s death. I can be there with you if you’d—”

  He spun to face me, his face white, his eyes wide. “I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to go to jail.”

 
; “Jail? Why on earth would you think you’d be going to jail?”

  It was like he didn’t hear me. “I know how Daddy died. It was because he took too much drugs. I…I…He told me he was hurting and he needed more pills. I was supposed to tell the doctor I’d hurt my leg and that it hurt really, really bad. The doctor thought I had a bad sprain and he gave me some pills. I know you aren’t supposed to share prescriptions, but I gave them to Daddy and then he…He died.”

  I schooled my expression as best I could, but fury raged in my gut. What kind of parent put that burden on their own child? I took two deep breaths and faced Simon. Tears streamed down his face. “Honey, your dad died because he took too many drugs, he overdosed. But what he took, what caused his death, was not the pills in that bottle you gave him. He overused something else.”

  Simon sniffled and wiped his nose. “Are you lying to me?”

  I shook my head. “No, sweetie. I would never lie to you about something as important as this. Your daddy used a drug that is administered with a needle, a shot. Not pills that are swallowed.”

  “So why’d he want the pills I got?”

  Oh, god, I had just said I’d never lie to him and yet I’d never wanted to lie to a kid more than I did in that moment. “Your father was addicted to those pills, Simon. He might have wanted to stop taking them, but they made him feel good and, eventually, he felt really, really bad if he didn’t take them, so he kept on taking them. That’s why he wanted your pills. Eventually, the pills probably weren’t making him feel as good as they used to, and he found something stronger, something he shot in his arm.”

  “That’s what made him die?”

  “Yes, Simon. It was nothing you did or gave him. When I said I wanted you to talk to someone, I meant a therapist, someone who can help you understand all the sadness you feel right now and can help you feel better.”

  He didn’t smile, but some of the tension left his small body. “Okay.”

  “Want to tell me what the three of you were fighting about?”

  He looked down at his feet, sheepish. “Jenny wanted to watch T.V. and I wanted to play a video game. I…Um, I pushed Jenny, and then Kayla yelled at me for hurting my little sister.” He looked up, belligerence on his face. “She shouldn’t get her way all the time just because she’s littler than me.”

  “You’re right. You were wrong to push your sister, but it wouldn’t be fair for any one of you to get your way all the time. Maybe we should sit down tonight after dinner and come up with a T.V. schedule so that you can all have turns watching or playing games.”

  “Yeah,” he said. “That would be good.”

  “I’m going to heat up some dinner. You want chicken pot pie tonight?”

  “Could we have that homemade macaroni and cheese Miss Betty brought over?”

  “Sure. I’ll heat it up, if you set the table.”

  He hurried to the kitchen, his legs a bit too long and awkward for the rest of his body. I called Jenny and Kayla in, knowing it would take them a few minutes to get inside and get hands washed for dinner. Our little family was still a work in progress, one I had no idea how I’d finance, but I felt I was somewhat getting the hang of it and figuring it out.

  It might not be the family I’d always dreamed I’d have and it might not have come about the way I’d wanted it to, but I loved Kayla and Simon and Jenny and, already, I couldn’t imagine my life without them. It would probably be a long while before I had room in my life for romance or for finding that perfect man I’d wanted, but I was learning to be okay with that, too. I may not have had much of a chance to be young or build the secure life I’d always wanted, but I’d never been truly unhappy and I wouldn’t trade the years I’d had with Harrison or the relationship I now had with him for anything. I was lucky to have such a close relationship with my nephew and I was lucky to have the opportunity to help Kayla, Jenny, and Simon, to watch them grow up and to help them achieve their own dreams.

  I looked out the window of the breakfast nook as the microwave hummed. I wanted to tell Cody about my semi-breakthrough with Simon and about what a monster Simon’s dad had been to use him that way. But Cody didn’t want to hear about any of that. He was probably looking for a new property, making a new plan for his winery. He’d probably be leaving town. Which would be for the best, I told myself. He’d always been an awful neighbor.

  ***

  I went to bed that night exhausted, worn out, and pretty sure I was failing. My success with Simon had been short-lived, he retreated into sulky silence and a snippy attitude for the rest of the evening. Jenny and Kayla weren’t in much better moods. After the younger kids had gone to bed, Kayla had talked to me for an hour about how angry she was at her father for abandoning them in favor of drugs. She didn’t put it into those words, but she expressed her anger and her guilt for feeling anger. I just listened and told her it was normal to feel that way, but I heard her crying in the bathroom when I headed to bed. I gave her space and didn’t go barging in there, but as I slid into bed, I felt guilty and confused. Had I given her space because I believed that’s what she needed? Or had I given her space because I was too exhausted for another conversation and needed space myself?

  Harrison had been difficult, but he’d been one kid, he’d been older, and my main goal had been keeping him safe from himself. With Jenny, Kayla, and Simon, I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing or the absolute worst thing from one moment to the next. They were all so fragile and hurting so much, I didn’t want to cause them more pain or permanently damage them in some way.

  I was also worried about money, because I was now a single mom, trying to pay for a funeral and think about health insurance and college funds for three kids. Not to mention clothes, food, toys, books, braces, and whatever else they might need. I needed a budget and a plan, I might need a second job, but I was so tired I couldn’t wrap my mind around any of it. I knew I’d figure it out, there was no other option, but I also knew it would be hard. It had been hard with Harrison, and he was just one kid. Now, I’d be going back to worrying about every expense, back to an empty bank account and the stress of waiting for the next paycheck, the stress of not being sure we’d make it. I’d have to sell my house, but I wasn’t at all sure I’d be able to afford Cody’s house. I knew my parents would help if I asked, but they were on a tight budget, too, and I wanted them to be able to enjoy their retirement.

  Just as my brain was finally quiet and I was drifting off to sleep, I heard a shriek from Jenny’s room. I dragged myself out of bed to go to her. I’d been getting up at least two times a night every night with Jenny since Cody left. I missed him most in those moments, not just because he’d been the one to get up with her, but because he’d seemed better at comforting her. I had no idea what he’d done, but he’d been able to get her to go right back to sleep, while I sat up with her for thirty minutes, holding her and rocking her and promising her it would be okay, before she’d finally go to sleep.

  When my alarm went off the next morning, I pushed out of bed, bleary-eyed and groggy, and pulled on workout clothes. My run was the only time I felt I had to myself anymore, the only thing that truly relaxed me and made me feel strong enough to be everything the kids needed. Kayla and the others were familiar with my routine, and I set out at a good clip, trying to run from the stress and negative thoughts.

  I was rounding the final bend in my run, about a half block from the house, when Cody came running toward me from the opposite direction. My heart stuttered and I stumbled a bit, before I recovered. Images of his beautiful, bare body, of the way his hands felt on my bare skin, the way his arms felt around me, his easy laugh that had so often eased my worries, flashed through my brain, but I pushed those memories down and focused on my run, careful not to look at him.

  “Carrie,” he said, when he reached me. He spun on his heel and jogged along beside me. “I wanted to let you know I’m moving out of your place.”

  “Okay.” I wanted to ask where he was going,
but I didn’t need to know.

  “You’re welcome to stay in my place as long as you want. The rent is paid until the end of the year.”

  I stopped. He jogged on for a few paces before he realized I wasn’t beside him and turned back to me. “I can’t accept that,” I said.

  “You will. Consider it payment for being my pretend fiancée.”

  My jaw dropped and I stared at him. Did he really just say what I thought he did?

  “Shit,” he said. “That’s not what I meant. Please, just accept it. The owner said there will be an option to buy at the end of the year if you want it. You could sell your place and move into the rental permanently.”

  I stared at him, considering. The truth was it would be a tight squeeze for all of us to live in my place, and Cody’s house fit us really well. “Okay, but I insist on paying you back.”

  He grinned, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You’d have to find me first.”

  He took off at a sprint away from our houses and I watched him go with a sinking heart. I knew it was over and I knew it being over was for the best, but a part of me had still hoped. . . It didn’t matter. He was leaving and I’d probably never see him again.

  ***

  That Saturday, I invited Mary Ellen over for a chat about real estate. I’d never really liked Mary Ellen, she’d always seemed aloof and snobby. She’d been a year behind me in school, and our paths rarely crossed, so I’d just judged her by my distant perception. After the dinner at Bart’s though, I’d begun to think my opinion of her had been unfair.

  I sent the kids out to the back yard and Mary Ellen and I sat down at Cody’s dining room table. “I heard you and Cody broke up.”

  I tensed, expecting her to say something catty. “Yep.”

  “He’s a nice guy. And he seemed crazy about you…Maybe…just don’t give up on him, yet.”