Worth the Risk (St. James Book 3)

by Jamie Beck

  “I’m not joking, Gabby.” Noah’s voice cooled, his temper now under control. “I doubt anyone else thinks letting a guy with a drinking problem get involved with Luc shows good judgment. Worse yet, you let your drug addict mom back in your life, where she could have a bad influence on our son.”

  “You’re more likely to hurt Luc than Jackson ever will. And I didn’t let my mom see Luc, nor will I.” Gabby’s anger flared to life, resentment brimming over like lava. “What gives you a right to dictate to me? You, who’s never paid one penny in child support? You, who never showed your face during the first nine months of Luc’s life? You, who maybe give your son a total of ten hours per year of your time? The only reason you give a lick about Jackson is because your ego’s bruised. If you think this attitude is winning you any points, you can think again. How about you walk away now, and I’ll forget we ever had this ridiculous conversation.”

  She yanked the garage door closed and stalked past Noah toward the house. She hadn’t quite hit the porch when he called out, “You best not make an enemy of me.”

  Gabby stopped and shot him a cold stare over her shoulder.

  He crossed to his car and opened the door. Before he got in, he said, “Contrary to your opinion, I have some say in Luc’s life. I’ll give you a day or two to come to your senses, but this discussion isn’t over.”

  With that, he hopped in the driver’s seat, slammed his door, and took off, leaving her whole body feeling wrung out, like she’d been tossed into the spin cycle of her aging washing machine.

  As soon as she entered the house, she bumped into her dad, who’d apparently been watching the whole scene through the window.

  “What’re you doing?” The deep creases in his forehead showed his bewildered concern. “Why rock the boat with Noah for a guy who’s leaving in another week?”

  “Oh, come on, Dad. Noah can’t do anything. We don’t share custody. He’s not even named on Luc’s birth certificate.”

  “Gabby, Noah’s a town native and beloved by many. He’s a cop in good standing in this community. You’ve openly acknowledged him as Luc’s dad. What if he tries to assert his rights? Setting aside the stuff with your mom, is this fling with Jackson worth disturbing our situation with Luc?”

  “Noah doesn’t want custody. He’d never want to be on the hook for child support. He’s throwing a temper tantrum because I turned him down when he asked for a second chance.” Gabby crossed her arms.

  “Are you willing to roll the dice? The stakes are sky high.” After a brief pause, her dad’s tone turned softer. “Noah’s not the only one around here who can see the potential danger in having Jackson’s problem around Luc.”

  Gabby had grown tired of defending her choices, so she hugged her dad. “You worry too much. I know Noah. He won’t do anything, and even if he tried, he can’t win with his track record as a dad. But I don’t have time to hash this out now. I’ve got to run and pick up Luc from nursery school.”

  “This is a train wreck waiting to happen, despite your attitude.”

  Gabby wrapped her favorite blue scarf around her neck. “I’m realistic. And I’m done letting anyone, including Noah, tell me what I can and can’t do. I’m almost twenty-three, for Pete’s sake. And I deserve a little romance in my life.” She kissed his cheek. “See you later.”

  As she drove toward the nursery school, however, a slight tremor whisked through her body as adrenaline ebbed. Noah shouldn’t have a leg to stand on, but what if she was wrong? What if Noah used her relationship with Jackson against her? Used her own mother against her? She’d learned the hard way that Noah could be a dick, but would he sink so low as to use their son as a pawn?

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  The roaring fire gilded the neutral tones of the Chop House’s tastefully decorated dining room. Gabby savored another bite of the pistachio crème brûleé she’d ordered. Decadent, like the grand old resort and the handsome man sitting across the table.

  Jackson had pulled out all the stops to treat her to a magical night, although occasionally he’d appeared preoccupied. She’d also noticed his gaze linger once or twice on other patrons’ glasses of wine or cocktails tonight. Seeing that struggle pass through his eyes had troubled her.

  However, at the moment he sported a goofy grin. Unlike his mercurial eyes, those grins always made her smile.

  “Why are you staring at me?” She licked her spoon.

  “I’m trying to decide if you’re prettier in your overalls and ponytail, or with your hair done up like that and those shiny earrings.” He smiled, his amber eyes warm and relaxed.

  Self-consciously she touched her fake gold hoops. “I hope the former, because this getup isn’t something you’ll see me in often. Doesn’t quite suit yard work.”

  “I suppose not, although when you come to visit me, pack it and I’ll take you to some of my favorite places.”

  Gabby’s heart sped up. Contrary to her father and Noah’s warnings, the invitation proved Jackson had every intention of keeping in touch beyond his lease. “I’d love to visit, but what would I do with Luc?”

  Jackson shrugged. “Until your dad is well enough to handle him, bring him with you.”

  The mere idea of her and Luc taking a road trip to see Jackson in his own environment shot a thrill through her until she remembered Noah’s threats. Her face must’ve revealed the dark memory, because Jackson asked, “What’s wrong? You don’t want to bring Luc?”

  “It’s not that.” She set her spoon down, determined not to let Noah usurp one of the most romantic evenings she’d ever enjoyed. “It’s nothing. Let’s not spoil our night by dwelling on when you’ll be gone.”

  “I thought we agreed to be honest with each other.” Jackson tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. “You know how I feel about trust, Gabby. Please don’t keep anything from me.”

  The sugary dessert she’d inhaled now soured in her stomach. Noah’s warning might not only insult Jackson, but also cause him to rescind his invitation. Of course, she couldn’t be in a relationship that required her to censor herself. She’d already ridden that merry-go-round with her mom, and look how that turned out.

  “Noah and I argued today because of my mom’s accusations about your drinking. He’s pretending to be concerned about Luc’s safety, but I think he’s just jealous.”

  Jackson leaned forward. “So he doesn’t want me around Luc?”

  “It doesn’t matter what he wants.” Gabby averted her gaze while folding her napkin and setting it on the table. “He’s got no right to get involved.”

  “I’m no fan of the guy, but he is Luc’s dad.” Jackson’s slightly defensive tone caught her off guard. “I think that gives him some rights.”

  “He’s a glorified sperm donor, Jackson. Little more. If it had been up to him, Luc wouldn’t exist.” She could feel her brows pinching together. Then she remembered Jackson’s ex stripped his rights as a father, so she softened her tone. “As far as I’m concerned, Noah gave up his rights when he walked away. He can’t waltz in now and pretend to be more important to, or care more deeply for, his son.” She clasped Jackson’s hand. “Besides, I know you’re not a danger to Luc. That’s all that matters.”

  Jackson’s expression grew pensive while he drew a deep breath. “Maybe so, but I can’t blame the guy for being worried. He doesn’t know me, and now your mom’s got him thinking my problem is as bad as hers. Maybe I ought to talk to him.”

  “No.” Gabby shook her head. “Don’t dignify his BS with a response. This will blow over as soon as Noah finds a new woman to chase. Trust me, right now he’s mad because I turned him down.”

  “Turned him down?” Jackson drew back.

  Oops. She’d forgotten that she’d never mentioned Noah’s recent plea for a reunion. “The other week he asked for a second chance, but I’m not interested.”

  “He blames me.” Jackson nodded, as if finally fitting together pieces of a puzzle.

  “Maybe, but it isn’t about you.
Noah blew any chance he ever had with me a long time ago.” She cocked a brow. “That’s all on him.”

  “I’m sure he doesn’t see it that way. I’m an obstacle he needs to get rid of.” Jackson’s heavy sigh loomed between them. “Guess he’ll be celebrating when I take off later next week.”

  “He might.” She squeezed his hand. “But I won’t.”

  “Neither will I.” He raised her hand to his lips. “That’s why I hope you’ll visit. I won’t be able to get back up here for a while. My business will demand my full attention in the coming months, especially with this damn lawsuit I’m going to have to settle.”

  “What lawsuit?” An unpleasant jolt of surprise arrested her, having believed he’d shared all of his troubles with her earlier.

  Gabby listened while he explained the incident with his former employee; the incident that had led to the intervention that had prompted Jackson’s trip to Vermont. The details confirmed her suspicion that he hadn’t yet fully accepted the significance of his drinking problem. If he couldn’t admit the truth to himself about that, might he also be lying to himself about the depth of his feelings for her?

  “You’re not asking my opinion, but settling seems like the best way to stay focused on being healthy and moving on.”

  “Quickest way, but not the best. You weren’t there that morning, so you didn’t hear Doug’s smug voice or see the look on his face.” The golden light in Jackson’s eyes dimmed as he cracked his knuckles. “Dammit, I can’t let him win.”

  As someone who’d never been too proud to ask for help, shied away from admitting mistakes, or allowed humiliating experiences to destroy her attitude for long, Gabby couldn’t relate to Jackson’s feelings at all. In fact, they rather annoyed her. “So your ego is more important than your employees’ concerns, or your family’s? More important than keeping your recovery on track?”

  Jackson scowled. “No.”

  “Great.” Gabby smiled. “Then walk away from the fight.”

  Jackson’s mouth fell open, but the waiter arrived with the check, thankfully shutting down the discussion. She didn’t want to argue, nor did she want to end the lovely date on a sour note. And ultimately, it was his call, not hers.

  Gabby covered a gasp when she watched Jackson toss two hundred dollars on the table. He’d just dropped more money on a two-hour dinner than she’d spend on Luc and her dad this year for Christmas.

  Somewhere in the back of her mind she’d known he must be wealthy, but she’d never before considered how it was yet another gulf between them. Would his family consider her—an undereducated, slightly impoverished single mom—a gold digger?

  Jackson tucked his wallet away. “Are you still upset because I don’t agree with your advice?”

  “No.” She was glad he didn’t know what she’d been thinking. “Although I wish you’d reconsider. Compare the worst-case scenario of each choice. Settling will cost you something you can probably afford and makes you eat a little crow—not so bad. But the worst case of not settling could,” she began enumerating her points on each finger, “a, cause you to drink to cope with the stress of the lawsuit, which would b, cut you out of your soon-to-be niece or nephew’s life. Not to mention c, how I couldn’t stomach seeing you backslide toward alcoholism. Add to that the potential damage to your business and employees and that all seems a lot worse than swallowing a little pride.”

  She braced for everything except his smile. His gorgeous, dazzling smile. “Not saying I totally agree with that analysis, but sometimes your way of looking at things is pretty smart. Anyone ever tell you that?”

  “Never.” She chuckled.

  “Well, you’re wise beyond your years.”

  Despite the compliment, what she heard was another reference to their age gap. Although he hadn’t mentioned her age in a while, she still wondered if some small part of him was bothered by it. As much as she enjoyed this fairy tale she’d been living lately, so many forces worked against it. Forces she didn’t know how to control.

  When they stood to leave, Jackson draped his arm over her shoulder, kissed her temple, and whispered in her ear, “Let’s go someplace more private.”

  As usual, her entire body hummed in response. Physical contact and anticipation made it easy for her to push aside her doubts and live in the moment. What else could she do?

  Once alone in his apartment, Jackson’s shifting thoughts and moods swirled together. With each passing day, life encroached more and more on his newfound happiness. He’d be gone soon, unable to see Gabby, hold her, make love with her.

  When they were alone, a universe unto themselves, time stood still. He’d been no more able to avoid falling for her than he could ignore gravity, but now what? How would he leave her without losing a part of his heart?

  He unzipped Gabby’s dress while pressing kisses on her shoulder. Her silky garb dropped to the floor before he unfastened her bra and cupped her bare breasts. All evening he’d been fairly mesmerized by the sight of her more sophisticated, stylish appearance. Her twisted knot of hair with curling tendrils brushing her cheeks. The dip in the front of the dress that revealed a hint of her perky cleavage. The high heels that showed off her prettily shaped calves. Throughout dinner, he’d found himself counting the minutes until they could be alone.

  Gabby turned to face him, her blue gaze penetrating his with desire. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him as if she needed to taste him to survive. He loved being needed. Loved being her confidant and lover. Loved every single thing about her except for the fact she’d be forever tied to Noah through Luc.

  Determined to block out all the negative events of the day, he swept his hands down her back and settled them on her bottom. Cute and petite like everything else about her.

  She unbuttoned his shirt and pants, and helped peel him out of his clothing. The sweet scent of pears pulled him further under her spell. He didn’t mind being her captive, and for the first time in years, wasn’t afraid of his feelings. He trusted her completely.

  Skin to skin, awash with surges of possessiveness and lust, Jackson growled a little when holding her dainty form in his arms. “You overwhelm me.”

  He felt her smile against his neck before she kissed him. “Prove it.”

  Gladly. Without breaking apart, they staggered across the room toward the bed. When they landed on the mattress, Gabby climbed on top of him. In the dim lamplight, she appeared to glow with equal parts pleasure and yearning. She reached up to undo her hair, then shook her head to let her loose curls cascade around her shoulders.

  If possible, he grew even harder at the sight. When he sat upright, Gabby pushed him back against the mattress. She attempted a seductive grin, which mostly came across as cute. Her face would likely always look too young and innocent to pull off a sultry appearance. Not that he minded. He loved her doe eyes, deep dimples, and fresh-faced appeal—a perfect reflection of her open, hopeful personality.

  “Come here,” he coaxed, reaching up to her neck to ease her nearer so he could capture her breasts in his mouth.

  When his mouth clamped over one nipple, she moaned and writhed against him in a tantalizing rhythm.

  They spent an hour lost in a private, perfect world—kissing, touching, suckling, savoring—until they came together in a sweat-soaked rush of intense lust laced with tenderness.

  Lying beside her in the dark, he believed himself to be a starving man who was only sated when Gabby fed him pieces of her soul, as if her absence of bitterness with life’s disappointments could seep into him by sheer proximity.

  He needed more time with her. In a wild moment, he wondered if his life would be better if he sold everything and moved to Winhall. The stray thought ran counter to thirty years of his father’s grooming.

  His dad measured success by statistics, with little interest in invisible measures like happiness. According to him, money, power, and respect were the only worthy goals for any man. His mother had never contradicted her husband, but her acti
ons suggested she didn’t agree. She’d thrived on the intangibles, like warmth and affection, and had little interest in keeping up with the Joneses.

  Jackson recalled David’s questioning whether their mom had been happily married. His heart ached a little for having never considered whether or not his mother had enough affection in her life. Jackson doubted he could ever be happy married to someone as cool and driven as his father.

  Might Jackson’s life be different—more satisfying—had he not been compelled to take on more and more projects because he’d heard his father’s voice inside his head, driving him to do and be more? Because he’d been aware of his father’s comparing him against David’s success, something he’d never honestly cared to match?

  He’d never questioned his goals before, but he couldn’t ignore the satisfaction he’d felt working here, eating with Gabby, Luc, and Jon, hiking, and reading the books he’d been meaning to get around to but had never found the time for.

  “I really like it here.” He hadn’t meant to say those words aloud.

  Gabby kissed his chest. “Will you miss Vermont?”

  “Not as much as I’ll miss you.” He peered down at her. “You’ve restored my faith in love. I wish I could pack you and Luc in my suitcase and take you home with me.”

  Although he hadn’t directly told her he loved her, the word lay there between them. It seemed impossibly soon to make a declaration, yet he didn’t recoil from the idea, either. If anything, he only rebelled at the thought of giving it up.

  She laid her head against his chest and he squeezed her tight. A few seconds later, he felt something wet on his skin.

  “Are you crying?” He tipped up her chin.

  “I’m sorry.” She sniffled and forced a small laugh. “I’ve always known you would go, but now that we’re closer to the end of your stay, it’s harder.”

  “If I didn’t have so many responsibilities, I’d stay longer.”

  “Don’t apologize.” Then she grimaced. “We both knew the situation from the beginning.”