OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek!

by Rae Earl

  SATURDAY 13TH NOVEMBER

  10.12 a.m.

  Asked Goose if I could sleep round his whilst he cleaned out Freak again. He said Freak didn’t need another clean and it was probably best if I tried to sleep round mine.

  He’s right. I’ve caused enough trouble.

  2.45 p.m.

  Been asleep WITH NO NIGHTMARES! I texted Goose to tell him and to ask him if he’d fight Jason for me if I needed him to. He said that he’d probably call the police armed-response unit first.

  I think that’s a totally good idea.

  SUNDAY 14TH NOVEMBER

  11.54 a.m.

  I went to the boot sale this morning to take my mind off horrible things. I did not go to be with Goose. Honestly. Though I noticed that Megan Fenton did NOT go! I saw a fantastic ornamental sword but Rob wouldn’t let me buy it. Even when I said it would make me feel better about defending myself against people in films who wear masks and murder people. Rob said a gun would be better but he wouldn’t buy me one of those either. He did however buy me a high-pressure water pistol as that would “at least shock a psycho” and give me time to escape.

  4.21 p.m.

  Just tried the water pistol on Mum. She couldn’t move for about a minute. Then she went crazy. If I did try it on a murdering psycho it would make them even crosser than normal so I’d have to run twice as fast. LOL!

  8.56 p.m.

  Megan Fenton is giggling again.

  They have made up. Great.

  No, I’m pleased for him. Goose is lovely and helped me sleep again.

  I REALLY do HATE her though.

  MONDAY 15TH NOVEMBER

  3.59 p.m.

  OMG – BIGGEST DAY OF DRAMA EVER!

  We were all just standing around at lunch when Nicky came in to officially be excluded. (Why do you have to come in to school to be told to go home again?!) ANYWAY Nicky saw Goose and Goose saw Nicky and THEY TOTALLY STARTED FIGHTING! There were punches flying everywhere. Then Goose totally wrestled Nicky to the ground and they started rolling all over the long-jump sandpit! It was MENTAL. They didn’t have an argument or anything! Eventually a teacher pulled them apart and said to Nicky, “Mrs Cob’s office, NOW!” But Nicky said, “I’m out of this dump! SEE YA!” and just ran off. Then Goose looked at me and just walked off!

  WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?!!

  8.34 p.m.

  Dimple said the fight was TOTALLY about me. Nicky thinks that Goose has been “after me” for ages and has “filled my head up” with lies about Nicky and how much crime he is into. Don’t they both actually realize that I AM MY OWN WOMAN with MY OWN OPINIONS?! I CANNOT be swayed by what a man thinks.

  9.26 p.m.

  Is it feminist to be excited by 2 men having a MAJOR scrap over you!

  10.08 p.m.

  I want to go and see Goose to find out if he’s OK but I’m worried it’s probably not a good idea right now.

  TUESDAY 16TH NOVEMBER

  4.12 p.m.

  Goose has NOT been suspended as several witnesses confirmed he was acting partially in self-defence. However he has been totally shouted at and told that it will be a different story if he ever gets into a fight again.

  He never will. It’s so not Goose.

  6.24 p.m.

  Gran wanted to know ALL the details of the fight. She says it’s TOTALLY feminist for a woman to know the “power that she wields”. “Look at Boudicca,” Gran said. “She didn’t mind the whole of Britain going to war over her, Hattie. If you’re driving men nuts you’re doing your job! They like wrestling anyway. That’s why they do it on the telly. I wish I’d seen it!”

  Who is Boudicca?

  7.04 p.m.

  She is an ancient WARRIOR QUEEN! I am SO calling my daughter Boudicca if I ever have one.

  8.12 p.m.

  Actually I might stick to something more traditional when I have children. I understand what an unusual name can do to a person. I might just call my cat Boudicca or something.

  9.02 p.m.

  Not my cat because you have to shout its name at night and sound like a doughnut. Perhaps just my fish should be called that.

  WEDNESDAY 17TH NOVEMBER

  6.24 p.m.

  All ANYONE could talk about at school today was STILL THE FIGHT. Some people are calling it FIGHT-GATE. Here are some of the rumours I heard:

  • It was about ME as Goose and Nicky fancy me. (Well – Nicky does a bit but Goose doesn’t – I was lying on his bed asleep and he did nothing.)

  • It was about Megan Fenton as they both fancy her. (IF THAT IS TRUE I WILL GO MENTAL!)

  • It was a lover’s tiff as Nicky and Goose are actually gay. (THAT rumour has Dibbo Hannah written all over it.)

  10.54 p.m.

  Asked Mum her advice about the entire Goose/Nicky/Megan situation tonight. She said, “Hattie, just concentrate on your schoolwork.”

  THURSDAY 18TH NOVEMBER

  10.01 p.m.

  I just got home after seeing Gran. Mum is asleep on the sofa AGAIN! Remind me NOT to ever make bacon sandwiches for a living.

  10.04 p.m.

  Goose and Megan are shouting at each other. I think Goose’s mum lets her stay there far too late. She should get tougher!

  FRIDAY 19TH NOVEMBER

  8.24 p.m.

  I did something odd tonight.

  I Skyped Dad.

  It was really early in the morning his time but I just wanted a chat with someone who wasn’t a woman or didn’t think anything could be cured with a Reggae Reggae Sauce sandwich. I told him all about Nicky, about Megan and about Goose. I mainly talked about Goose. And the fight. He listened to it all and at the end said, “Well, Hattie – just from an outsider’s view 10,500 miles away, I’d say you’re madly in love with Goose and you’d like Megan Fenton to drop down a big hole. What you did with Nicky was wrong but love makes you do stupid things – especially when you’re young. Look at me! But learn from me too. Don’t cause anyone any more pain. Leave Goose alone. If it’s meant to be it will happen. And really you owe Nicky an apology.”

  When I said, “But he set me up for death from social-media embarrassment hell!” Dad said, “You set him up for something worse than that. You broke his heart.”

  I did.

  Oh, COW! COW! COW! Not Megan Fenton! ME!!!

  Then Dad said, “I’m thinking of coming over next year again. Trace— sorry – Butterfly and me will stay at a caravan park or something? Think it’s a good idea?”

  Dad was right about everything.

  Everything.

  SATURDAY 20TH NOVEMBER

  9.56 p.m.

  Texted Nicky today and just said:

  Sorry, Nicky. I didn’t treat you well. Was confused. Sorry. Hope you’re OK.

  I haven’t heard anything back but at least I did the right thing. For ONCE!

  SUNDAY 21ST NOVEMBER

  10.34 p.m.

  OMG – just saw Goose going to the boot sale without Megan AGAIN!

  No, Hattie. You’ve caused enough trouble. JUST LEAVE IT.

  MONDAY 22ND NOVEMBER

  5.19 p.m.

  I JUST WANT TO SAY BEFORE I WRITE THE NEXT BIT THAT I HAVE DONE NOTHING NOR HAVE I SAID ANYTHING.

  Apparently Goose has finished with Megan Fenton. She “shouted too much” and admitted to him that she “actually hated boot sales and lizards”. Goose said, “Some things you have to love to love me.”

  BUT DON’T GO MAD WITH MAX JOY because we’ve both been single before and NOTHING happened and I don’t like Freak. I don’t even think I can grow to love him.

  I’m off boys anyway.

  TUESDAY 23RD NOVEMBER

  4.54 p.m.

  Weirdo Jen and Dimple nagged me for hours today about Goose. Because Weirdo Jen has been with Simon FOR EVER she thinks she’s a HOTNESS expert. My love life is not a soap opera. I am not going to make a fool of myself over Goose. I need a break. I have to learn lessons from this experience and fully mature – OH, I WANT TO SNOG HIS FACE OFF NOW.

&nb
sp; I JUST NEED TO KNOW if he feels the same way and if he’s ready.

  WEDNESDAY 24TH NOVEMBER

  6.38 p.m.

  Went round to see Goose after school.

  Conversation went like this…

  GOOSE: Hi.

  ME: Hi.

  GOOSE: You OK?

  ME: Yeah.

  GOOSE: Hats. I just need to, er…

  ME: Yeah. Yeah. Ermm. I’m thinking you need to…

  GOOSE: Yeah.

  ME: I will see. You. Then. Around?

  GOOSE: Yeah.

  He is clearly NOT ready and it is certainly NOT obvious that he wants to SNOG MY FACE OFF.

  THURSDAY 25TH NOVEMBER

  4.32 p.m.

  Ruby called my mob after school today and made the following statements:

  1. “HATTIE – why aren’t you going out with Goose yet? It is OBVIOUS that you totally fancy the hell out of each other. Have you asked him out?!”

  2. “Dad is definitely coming over next year! TELL YOUR FAMILY!”

  Answers – no, no – AND WORLD, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!

  FRIDAY 26TH NOVEMBER

  8.34 p.m.

  Told Mum about Dad. She was unbelievably relaxed about it and said, “Let’s not tell your Gran till we have to.”

  THEN OUT OF THE BLUE SHE SAID, “By the way, Hattie, it’s obvious you like Goose and he likes you! I know you’ve had your ups and downs but no one argues with a boy and gets annoyed with him unless they LOVE them. Goose is lovely and I think you should … concentrate on your schoolwork but give him a break!”

  SATURDAY 27TH NOVEMBER

  4.32 p.m.

  Gran has given me a lecture on men too. Basically they are “not women”. Thanks, Gran!

  Everyone wants me and Goose to happen except Goose. And Megan Fenton. And Nicky. But mainly Goose.

  SUNDAY 28TH NOVEMBER

  11.12 a.m.

  According to Weirdo Jen Nicky is going out with a girl called Stephanie Rowland. She’s a skater. So even Nicky probably doesn’t care now either.

  His heart was obviously not THAT broken!

  3.24 p.m.

  Goose has texted me to see if I want to go and see a film at his house. He says his mum will be there but would I like to go and join them?

  Got nothing else on. Might as well.

  9.29 p.m.

  OMG!

  We watched The Notebook on DVD (my favourite) and then it got all weird. I cried at the end. I always do. Then Goose’s mum went out to make me a cup of tea and Goose started talking about how it’s worth waiting for the love of your life. I said I wouldn’t wait for years! And … Goose went all quiet at that point. He was just about to say something and his mum came in with a packet of chocolate HobNobs.

  That … I mean … Nicky NEVER did anything like that. SAID anything like that.

  OMG – just remembered I’ve got the dentist tomorrow. That will stop any love with ANY man DEAD in its brace tracks.

  It was tense tonight. Erotic sexy tense. You could feel the hotness. Before the HobNobs. They ruined everything.

  MONDAY 29TH NOVEMBER

  4.21 p.m.

  Just been to see Mr Winkler the dentist. I still have to wear my brace. Probably for ever. I will never be able to go abroad without setting off a beeper and being frisked. AND there’s still a massive gap where they took my teeth out. I may sue for emotional damage and snog starvation.

  6.29 p.m.

  OMG – What have I done?! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

  Just went to see Goose:

  GOOSE: How was the dentist?

  ME: Great – I have to wear the braces for EVEN longer!

  GOOSE: Well, I think they’re cute.

  ME: Well, that’s OK then – the biggest GEEK in the world who I totally LOVE thinks they’re cute! World sorted!

  GOOSE: What?!

  ME: I said ‘the biggest geek in the world who I’m in love—’

  OMG – I SAID IT!!!

  I SAID IT!!! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

  I just ran out. Goose said, “Hattie!” but I kept on running. WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

  TUESDAY 30TH NOVEMBER

  4.34 p.m.

  Just ran home. Avoided Goose all day. Dimple and Jen think it was a good thing to do. The fact that he has NOT been round has convinced me it was a BAD thing to do.

  10.32 p.m.

  OMG – just had the most AMAZEBALLS NIGHT EVER!

  Was watching EastEnders when Goose burst in and THIS HAPPENED…

  I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M WRITING IT!

  ME: Are you OK, Goose?

  GOOSE: I’m fine.

  ME: Are you though? Because I was worried.

  GOOSE: Why?

  ME: Why … because … I shouldn’t have said what I said—

  GOOSE: Why?

  ME: Because…

  GOOSE: Yes, you should. Hattie, I bloody love you. I thought you might not be interested.

  ME: I thought YOU might not be interested. I really like you, too Goose. Always have. ALWAYS HA—

  AND BEFORE I’D EVEN FINISHED MY ACTUAL SENTENCE WE JUST HAD THIS MASSIVE DESPERATE SNOG THAT WENT ON FOR ABOUT 15 HOURS AND WAS JUST HOT AND MENTAL AND COMPLETELY WONDERFUL AND I AM TOTALLY, TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH GOOSE. GOOSE. GOOSE. GOOSE. GOOSE!!!

  And then he said, “Why has it taken us this long to do THAT?”

  I DON’T KNOW BUT WE ARE NOW IN SNOG CENTRAL STATION ON THE HOT EXPRESS, GOOSE, AND IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL THING IN THE WORLD.

  I’m holding the wall tonight. Goose is holding his too.

  This is FINALLY the REAL, real thing.

  11.08 p.m.

  Texted Dimple and Weirdo Jen. Jen said:

  Finally! HURRAH!!! Luv u!

  Dimple didn’t reply. She’ll be asleep.

  I can’t sleep.

  Goose.

  11.23 p.m.

  Weirdo Jen just texted again to ask if I knew Goose’s time of birth, as she needed to do a full astrological relationship chart for us. She had done one for her and Simon and he has an “uncomplimentary Neptune”. Apparently she has to make “allowances”.

  I don’t care about Goose’s planets. I just care about his HOTNESS SOLAR SYSTEM.

  WEDNESDAY 1ST DECEMBER

  7.23 a.m.

  Dimple just texted to say she was:

  REALLY happy for u.

  I am really happy for us. I’m tired though because I held the wall all night. Actually I held Goose all night. In my head. The wall was just a way of being closer when there’s an actual wall between you.

  Am I even making sense? I don’t care.

  4.24 p.m.

  I am so LOVED up I am totally making other people want to be sick and I don’t care either.

  Mum seems to be really happy about it. It’s because she thinks Goose is a “lovely, sensible boy”. He is, Mum. He is also a TREMENDOUSLY AMAZING SNOG MACHINE.

  4.53 p.m.

  Nathan just barged into my room and started chanting, “Hattie has a LOVER, Hattie has a LOVER!” I tried to throw my duvet over his head but I just knocked over a chair which made Nathan start singing, “Hattie’s arms are weak now from all the huggy loving!” HE IS UTTER EVIL. I told him that YES I DID have a boyfriend and that HE should GET A REAL LIFE, A REAL JOB and a REAL GIRLFRIEND. Then he looked sad and said “Actually Hats – I think you and Goose are … alright.”

  Then he left.

  Feel bad now.

  5.35 p.m.

  Just went in to see Nathan to say … sort of sorry for trying to kill him with bedding and sort of thank you.

  He grunted. But it was a grunt with a bit of a smile.

  6.17 p.m.

  Rob just ran in my bedroom singing this song called “Oh Happy Day”. Everyone sings stuff in this house! It’s like living in a musical. No wonder Goose loves my family.

  Rob is happy because he thinks I am coming to every boot sale with him and Goose on a Sunday.

  NO!

  7.31 p.m.

  Ruby just called my mob and said, �
��Why didn’t you tell me about Goose?!”

  I said, “Er … because you did actually go out with him last year, Ruby.”

  Then she said, “Hattie – that was HARDLY a real relationship. We didn’t even snog.”

  When I shouted, “That’s not what I heard!” Ruby snorted, “Rumours, Hattie, are for fools. Unless they make you look good.”

  Ruby is still Ruby and slightly MGK … but I like her.

  9.43 p.m.

  Goose kisses like … oh, THE best kisser, and – he even smells like … really nice soap.

  THURSDAY 2ND DECEMBER

  8.45 p.m.