Making Peace

by Fiona McCallum

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘Well, like the accident that claimed my family. You think it’s really only those who are directly impacted that suffer. Sure, friends and extended family are sad and empathetic, but until recently I never realised to what extent they could be affected too. Sorry, I’m not making sense. It’s hard to explain.’

  ‘I’m listening.’

  ‘It’s the ripple effect. Well, that’s what I’m calling it. So, Rob, that’s Sam’s husband, realises he’s sick of living a lie – as a result of seeing just how quickly things can change because of what I went through. My Tristan and he were dear friends. And then my boss, Craig, he’s decided life’s too short so now he’s starting his own business after procrastinating for several years. And, Sam, well, she’s suddenly decided she’s determined to have a career as an artist after all these years of dabbling. I know she’s been busy raising the boys, but there’s suddenly a fire in her belly that wasn’t there before. Well, there is behind the doubt and indecision. That’s hard to explain too.’

  ‘I think it’s good that people, especially those you care about, are using what’s happened as a catalyst for change in a good way,’ Pete said. ‘I think it’s especially sad when really bad things happen in vain.’

  ‘I met the driver – you know, the guy who drove his truck into … No, that sounds terrible. It was an accident and he was cleared of all wrongdoing. Anyway, I met him.’

  ‘Really. How was it?’

  ‘Strangely good. I think. He seems nice, but badly affected by it all.’

  Hannah proceeded to tell Pete the story of her meeting Henry Peace and how she felt annoyed with him and frustrated that she couldn’t help.

  ‘You are an exceptional human being, Hannah Ainsley,’ Pete said, shaking his head slowly.

  ‘Oh, I don’t know about that,’ she said, blushing. ‘I just can’t not care. And I can’t stand seeing someone sad and not at least try to help. It’s just who I am, I guess,’ she added with a shrug before taking a sip of wine.

  ‘Well, I’m really sorry such a kind person as you had to go through something so horrible and lose so much,’ Pete said.

  ‘Thanks. Ditto. I’m learning to be okay with it all.’

  ‘Me too.’

  ‘What choice do we have?’

  ‘Exactly.’

  They looked around at hearing a squeaky little meow. There were Holly and the two kittens making their way unsteadily across the kitchen tiles. Hannah got off her stool and gently scooped Holly up, taking care near her shaved belly and stitches.

  ‘You darling little thing,’ she said.

  Pete picked the two kittens up. ‘You’re a pair of little cuties,’ he said, nuzzling them.

  ‘Do you ever get tired of animals after seeing them all day?’ Hannah asked.

  ‘Nope. They’re each a little different. If work called me right now I’d go back in. I hope they don’t, but I’d go. Like you, I just want to help. It’s my calling. I’m afraid I am a bit of a workaholic. Though that may have been a coping mechanism. I still can’t believe you’re such a new pet owner, you’re a natural,’ he said.

  ‘It’s not hard. These guys are just so lovely. They say cats are arrogant and aloof. Not Holly, she’s an absolute sweetie. And the kittens – I’m sure they’ll be naughty, but at the moment they’re just plain cute.’

  ‘She knows how lucky she was to find you. I think they understand a lot more than we give them credit for.’

  ‘Are you guys hungry?’ Hannah said, putting Holly down. ‘Is it dinner time for you? Just a little bit while you’re still feeling fragile. More later. Okay?’ she said, dishing out a third of their usual allowance into the bowls. ‘No wolfing it down, Lucky and Squeak,’ she warned. ‘You’ll make yourselves sick. I hope I’m doing the right thing by them – I’m a bit clueless,’ she said, watching the cats eating.

  ‘I think you’re doing great. And you can always ask me or phone the clinic if you ever have any questions.’

  ‘So, that doesn’t bug you, either – ignorant people picking your brains all the time and you never getting a break?’

  ‘Not at all. I’d much rather someone ask than run the risk of harming their pet. If only more people thought to ask questions.’

  ‘Hmm. Fair enough. Right,’ Hannah said, coming back to the bench after washing her hands. ‘Can I tempt you with a warm chocolate brownie with cream or ice-cream – or both?’

  ‘Is there no end to your cooking skills? Your spaghetti bolognaise was incredible, by the way.’

  ‘Thank you. I’m afraid the ice-cream isn’t my doing. If I wasn’t pretty much addicted to the stuff, I would have bought myself one of those fancy churner machines. As it is, I have to exert all my willpower to not polish off a whole tub in one sitting.’

  ‘So I’d be doing you a favour, then?’ Pete asked, smiling cheekily.

  ‘Yes, you would.’

  ‘Well then, how can I resist? Both cream and ice-cream, thank you,’ he said, beaming.

  ‘Come on, let’s go into the lounge room,’ Hannah said, carrying their desserts from the kitchen. ‘Feel free to kick off your shoes and make yourself comfortable.’

  ‘God, I feel so much better now after that crazy day,’ Pete said, stretching as he put his bowl down on the coffee table. He yawned. ‘Sorry. I’d better get going before I embarrass myself by falling asleep. I blame your wonderful food.’

  ‘You’re welcome to stay if you’d like. The spare bed is all made up. I don’t want you driving if you’re exhausted.’

  ‘Would you mind? Would it be too weird?’

  ‘No, I offered. And, no, not at all, but I, um, I …’

  ‘It’s okay,’ he said, holding his hands up. ‘I completely understand. Slow. I know.’

  ‘Come on, I’ll get you a towel and show you where everything is.’

  *

  Hannah woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed. She’d gone to bed and laid there wondering how she’d get to sleep as she’d switched between feeling bewildered, disappointed and a little relieved at Pete’s apparent lack of romantic inclination towards her. But if she were being honest with herself, she wasn’t entirely sure she was ready for full-blown intimacy just yet. She thought he was handsome – a handsome man who clearly had a kind, wonderful heart and soul. She felt a strange sense of gratitude for having met him, similar to what she regularly felt for Holly when she watched the cat who had brought so much good into her life.

  She looked over the side of the bed to where she’d placed a soft cat bed in a basket on the floor in the hope Holly wouldn’t put her stitches at risk by jumping up onto the bed. She’d also placed a chair with a small box next to it, to create a set of makeshift steps.

  ‘Hello there, kitties.’ She noticed they’d made use of the basket. ‘Is it breakfast time?’ She pulled her bathrobe on and quietly made her way down to the kitchen.

  Hannah was surprised to find Pete at the bench fiddling with his mobile phone.

  ‘Good morning,’ she said, ‘how are you?’

  ‘Good morning. I’m good, thanks. That bed is amazing. I slept really well.’

  ‘That’s great. You’re up early for someone who slept well,’ Hannah said with a laugh. It suddenly felt very awkward having a man she barely knew in her kitchen looking like he belonged there and her dressed in a robe.

  ‘No matter how well or how poorly I sleep, I always wake up at five-thirty.’

  ‘Me too, but it’s usually closer to six for me. You could have helped yourself to coffee.’

  ‘I didn’t want to overstep the hospitality or risk waking you. It is Sunday morning after all. I’ve just been texting with the surgery. My patients made it through the night. I’m so relieved.’

  ‘Oh, that’s great news. I’m so pleased for you. And them.’

  ‘They’ve still got a long way to go, but this is an important milestone. Speaking of patients, how are you and your little ones this morning?’ he said, speaking to Holly and
the kittens who were sitting patiently by their bowls.

  ‘They seem fine. And hungry.’

  ‘That’s the best sign of all.’

  ‘Do you think they can have their full allocation now?’

  ‘Yes. They should be okay. And then could I interest you in breakfast out?’

  ‘Oh, yes. I love breakfast out.’ It had been one of Hannah and Tristan’s favourite things to do on a Sunday morning.

  ‘I’m not too unpresentable, am I? I could go home, but I do want to stop into the surgery and check on things for myself, and collect Charlie.’

  ‘I think you look fine, but I need a quick shower.’

  ‘How about we take separate cars and you meet me at the surgery in, say, forty-five minutes? I can shower there. How would that be?’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘Well, I’ll get going.’ He held her by the shoulders and pecked her on the lips. ‘Thanks again for taking such good care of me last night. It was just what I needed.’

  ‘You’re very welcome,’ she said as she walked him to the door. ‘I’ll see you soon, then.’ She closed the door behind him and rushed to get organised. She’d had plenty of meals out recently, but hadn’t had breakfast out for ages. She couldn’t remember when the last time had been. None of her friends were true morning people. Sam would have been keen before the twins had come along. Now she preferred to dine out without them, even if she could get them dressed and in the car before noon. Without ever acknowledging it out loud she, Rob, Hannah and Tristan had made a pact to not bother trying for breakfast together anymore.

  As Hannah drove towards the vet practice, she began yearning for eggs on heavily buttered sourdough toast and cooked tomato and crispy bacon. She often cooked herself a big breakfast on a Sunday, but there was something exquisite about it appearing without any effort. She hadn’t realised how much she’d missed it, she thought as she parked beside Pete’s car.

  ‘Hello, Charlie,’ she said to the dog as she walked in. She gave his ears a good ruffle.

  ‘Come on through,’ she heard Pete call. Hannah walked into the surgery. She felt sad when she saw the rows of cages with listless animals inside. ‘I won’t be a minute, I just want to change this dressing,’ Pete said. He stood at a stainless-steel bench with a small dog stretched out in front of him. Hannah’s heart lurched and her stomach turned at hearing the whining and seeing the huge jagged wound that had just been exposed. She nodded and smiled weakly in greeting at the nurse who stood on the other side of the bench, holding down the squirming dog. Hannah swallowed and tried to ignore the light-headedness she was feeling. She felt the blood drain to her feet and she became clammy all over. Suddenly the clean smell of the room became intense and overpowering.

  ‘I’m just going to wait in the other room,’ she said and hurried away back the way she’d come.

  As she sat on one of the chairs in the waiting room she was thankful she’d managed to not throw up. She’d probably come very close. Thank goodness she hadn’t had eaten anything this morning. She tried to ignore her thumping head as she ran a hand through Charlie’s fur – the faithful dog sitting beside her.

  ‘Sorry about that,’ Pete said as he came out drying his hands on paper towel. ‘Are you okay? You look a little pale.’

  ‘I’m fine. I think my stomach’s weaker than I realised.’

  ‘Right, come on, breakfast time. Hopefully you’ll feel better with some food in you. Do you want to come, Charlie, or stay here and look after your patients?’

  Hannah was stunned when the dog tilted his head as if to ponder the question and then got up and trotted towards the reception desk and disappeared behind it.

  ‘Well, I guess it’s just us, then.’ Pete put a protective arm around Hannah as he held the door open and ushered her out.

  At a café just down the road Hannah ordered what she’d initially craved, but wasn’t entirely sure she could face it now. She was unable to shake from her mind the icky image of what she’d seen. And the smell. Also, when she’d sat down, she’d suddenly remembered with a jolt that the last time she’d been out to breakfast with anyone it had been Tristan. She suddenly felt desperately sad.

  Hannah moved her food around a little while Pete attacked his with gusto, oblivious. Even though she scolded herself for wasting food, she couldn’t eat more than half of her meal.

  ‘What you saw back there has put you off your breakfast, hasn’t it?’ Pete said as he put his knife and fork down on his almost empty plate. ‘I’m so used to it, I didn’t think. I’m really sorry.’

  ‘It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Maybe I’m just not as hungry as I thought I was.’ It’s only a meal, only food, she thought. But it didn’t help. She suddenly so desperately wanted to have Tristan across from her, reading out items from the paper in one of the various voices he was so good at putting on – butch sports reporter, posh food reviewer. Oh, Tris. She knew Pete would understand, but if she tried, she might just cry. And doing that in public was the worst.

  ‘Okay, then, if you’re done, I’ll get this. And then I’d better get back,’ Pete suddenly announced when he’d pushed his plate aside and drained his coffee cup.

  ‘Yes, sorry, it was very nice, but I can’t manage any more.’

  ‘That’s okay. You might be coming down with something. There were a few sniffly people in last week, so there are definitely bugs around.’

  ‘Hmm. Yes, I probably am.’

  ‘Well, come on then, let’s get you home.’ Hannah longed to have him take her back to her house, tuck her into bed and leave water and paracetamol by her bed, and generally take care of her. But instead she was deposited back at her car and then given a quick kiss on her forehead and a hug.

  ‘Feel better soon,’ he said as he closed her car door for her. And that was it.

  Back at home Hannah stood with her house keys in hand and toyed with going inside or popping across the road to see if Beth was home. She felt fine now, still a little sad, but not actually unwell.

  She heard a distinctive ‘Yoo-hoo’ and looked up. She smiled at seeing Beth waving with one hand and holding up a teacup in her other. Hannah hurried across the street.

  ‘I saw a different car parked in your driveway overnight,’ Beth said as she put cups of steaming tea and a plate of buttered date loaf on the table and sat down in her usual spot at the end.

  ‘You don’t miss anything, do you?’ Hannah said with a faint chuckle.

  ‘Not if I can help it,’ Beth said cheerfully. ‘So, tell me.’

  ‘There’s nothing really to tell. It was Pete, the vet who owns Charlie the dog. I invited him back for dinner because he’d had a really bad day.’

  ‘And then he stayed the night,’ Beth prompted.

  ‘Yes, in the spare room.’

  ‘It makes no difference to me,’ Beth said, raising her hands palms out.

  ‘He took me out to breakfast this morning and now here I am.’

  ‘Right. So why do you look more like you’ve been to the dentist than been on a date with a nice man? I take it he is a nice man.’

  ‘Oh, yes, he’s lovely.’

  ‘Also, why have you eaten two slices of cake if you’ve just been out for a meal? Were you too excited to eat?’

  ‘No. Oh, Auntie Beth,’ Hannah said, and dissolved into tears.

  ‘Darling, there, there, let it all out,’ Beth said, rubbing Hannah’s shoulder. ‘What’s up? Did he say something to upset you?’

  ‘No. He was lovely. He is lovely. I think.’

  ‘So, what’s wrong?’

  ‘He’s not Tristan.’

  ‘Oh. Oh, darling.’

  ‘He’s nothing like Tristan.’

  ‘Maybe that’s a good thing. I know you can’t help it, but do you think it’s wise to make comparisons?’

  ‘And I’ve got a weak stomach.’

  ‘Sorry, whatever do you mean?’

  ‘He took me into the back of the surgery and there was a dog with all these stitches
and …’

  ‘Well, that’s some date he took you on. What a charmer.’

  ‘He just didn’t think. He needed to check on something and …’

  ‘Sounds like you need a do-over, as they say – rewind and start again. Have another go.’

  ‘Yes, all of the above. Maybe I’m just expecting too much.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Is it too much to want to be wooed?’

  ‘It is if you’re not ready. Don’t forget you turned him down that time. His pride is hurt, so he’s not going to be in a hurry to do candlelit dinners and send flowers. And he mentioned being friends. Have you told him you want something different now?’

  ‘I don’t know what I want. Just not that – this morning.’

  ‘Dear, men are simple creatures. And a lot less brave than we tend to give them credit for. So, what changed, anyway? You weren’t interested in him a few months ago.’

  ‘I didn’t think I was ready then.’

  ‘Do you feel ready now?’

  ‘Honestly? I don’t know. Maybe. I thought I was.’

  ‘How did last night come about, anyway? It might help if you start from the beginning.’

  ‘I offered to cook him dinner because he looked so shattered – I was at the surgery to pick up Holly and the kittens. They had their operations yesterday.’

  ‘Oh, the little darlings. How are they?’

  ‘Bit under the weather last night, but fine this morning.’

  ‘Sorry, back to the problem at hand.’

  ‘It’s okay, Auntie Beth, you don’t need to solve it. I guess perhaps I wasn’t ready after all.’

  ‘Or he’s the wrong one. I don’t think it helped that you took him in and mothered him. It’s nice of you, but hardly romantic.’

  ‘Oh. Oh! We’ve put each other into the friend zone, haven’t we?’ Hannah’s eyes were wide.

  ‘I don’t know what that means, but I think it would have helped if the first date was left to him to take the lead. Though, I don’t know the man from Adam, obviously.’