All This Time

by Marie Wathen

  He wraps me in a tight embrace and moves us to the slow groves of the sultry music. Surprisingly his hands, remaining around my back behave. He leans down placing his forehead against mine, staring into my eyes.

  “I missed you,” Decks says seriously and I nod hoping to get away without responding verbally.

  “I didn’t know you were coming back tonight. Actually I didn’t know when to expect you back.”

  “Sorry, I got caught up in the excitement of how well the business meeting went and hung around for a couple of days. I didn’t have cell service or I would have texted you.”

  “Wait Decks,” I cut him off, needing to clarify. “I didn’t mean for you to think you need to check in with me. I was simply making a statement.”

  “It’s cool babe, but,” he smiles, “I liked thinking about you wanting me back sooner.”

  Now his hands roam along my sides, landing on my hips and pulling me closer against him. His thick erection presses into my belly and I glance up, noticing his eyes darkening with desire. I put my hands on his shoulders, pushing away from him slightly.

  “You’ll need to calm down.” I say, arching an eyebrow. “Please tell me that you remember what we discussed before you left.”

  Sighing, he lowers his eyes to my lips and I know that he really wants to kiss me, but I just can’t do it. Without him noticing, I roll my eyes at his reaction and in the process they land on the man standing center stage narrowing his eyes on us. I can’t understand all of these confusing looks that Blues keeping giving, but for someone who doesn’t want me, I’m beginning to think he isn’t succeeding in that belief at all.

  “You’re killing me Angel,” Decks says, pulling me back into his arms securely. “I remember what we talked about, but I wanted to give you another chance to change your mind.”

  “Let’s get a drink,” I say twisting out of his embrace and grabbing his hand tugging him toward our table.

  “How’s it hanging, Decks?” Wise asks jokingly, slapping hands with his buddy before stating in a serious tone, “We need to talk.”

  Releasing me, Decks nods his head and motions toward the back of the bar. Wise follows him through the large crowd on the dance floor, leaving behind the rest of his guys. I am dying to know what is so serious that Wise needed to speak to Decks the minute he gets back.

  “I’m going to the little girl’s room,” I say leaning into Natalie and thankfully she just nods rather than offering to join me. I steal a quick glance at Blues as he starts another song and realize it’s the same song he heard me listening to when he intruded on my hot tub time. He twists to the right slightly, following me all the way with his eyes while he croons through the sexy Miles Davis song.

  “It doesn’t look good on our part. He wants action not excuses.” I hear Wise shout as I pass the men’s room. I stop in front of the door leaning my back against it to eavesdrop.

  “I’ve got it covered,” Decks growls angrily. “And I don’t need you telling me how to run my goddamn business. Just do the fucking job I pay you to do.”

  “Easy man,” Wise says. “I don’t doubt you’re all over it. I’m just relaying what Juan told me yesterday. He’s antsy as hell to get his shipment replaced. You know as well as I do that he will retaliate soon if we don’t meet his demands.”

  “You know what, fuck him. All I care about is what happens next. We’re getting this bullshit settled and then leaving Juan’s demands behind so we can move onto bigger and better brother.”

  “Fine,” Wise relents and before the bathroom door jerks open I spin around, pretending I’m exiting from the ladies room.

  “Angel?” Wise says, spotting me first.

  “Hey guys,” I smile, but neither of them drop their scowls as they allow me to pass in front of them striding back toward the front of the bar.

  I’m happy that I overheard all that I did, but now I’m anxious to pass it along to Russ so he can get down to the bottom of who the pissed off party is. Now that a true retaliation is anticipated I will be extra cautious when hanging out with the X’kapz.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  I’ve tried the best I can for the past thirty minutes not to stare. I fail miserably. Seeing Lourdes hand lying on Blues lap across the booth from me is driving me fucking mad. I hate her touching him, but he’s just sitting there lifeless and cold. Not once has he made eye contact with me either. He knows that I can clearly see everything she is doing to him, confirming that he absolutely doesn’t want anything more that the one-night stand we had over four months ago.

  A Harry Connick, Jr. song begins playing and all the couples move to the dance floor. I shake my head letting Decks know that I’m not really in the mood for his groping. I watch Blues snake his arms around Lourdes impossibly tiny waist while she presses her body into him hard. The distant look in his eyes makes him appear to be in a far off place away from Holidays and her, but that’s probably just my wishful thinking.

  About a minute later a loud roar comes from the middle of the dance floor. I glance at the side door seeing a couple of Lourdes friends bouncing over to her and Blues. One of the girls, Jessie Mae, dressed like she should be working a pole somewhere, struts over to our table and grabs Decks by the hand, pulling him into the swaying crowd. Decks glances over his shoulder with a hopeful expression communicating that he wants me to fight for him. Thankful for her blatant disregard of the chick-code, I smile sweetly, encouraging him to just do it, and then watch him dissolve into the masses before releasing a happy sigh.

  After catching Lourdes grinning smugly my way, I smirk while thinking to myself that she has no idea how much of a favor she actually did for me. Once the first song ends, the crowd thins and I spot two new girls grinding all over Decks who appears thoroughly pleased with their risqué ménage dance moves. Sadly, it isn’t enough to hold his tiny attention span for very long and a couple of songs later they all return to the table.

  “I’ll be right back,” I tell Decks sliding out and making my way toward the bar. I order another drink and wait, but before the bartender returns, I feel my phone vibrating in my back pocket. I slip it out and see that it’s the code phrase I left for Kris to text me if she needs to talk. I tell the bartender that I’ll be right back, leaving my drink and slipping out the side door.

  “Hello,” Kris says breathlessly after answering on the first ring.

  “Hey, it’s me. Are you okay?” I ask, concerned instantly that something bad has happened.

  “Yeah,” she laughs before whispering something unintelligible and then says, “Sorry Sam, hang on one more second.” I can tell that she’s covering the phone and after a few seconds she returns on the line giving me another apology.

  “Are you busy?” I giggle, thinking that I’ve clearly interrupted something.

  “Oh shut up. Tate’s staying over,” Kris says and I can hear the smiling through the explanation.

  “Good. Wait! Why in the hell are you sending me a text if you have your man there?”

  She laughs now. “I didn’t realize you would call me back so quickly. A package came for you today. It’s from Willow Police Department.”

  “Okay,” I slump, completely relieved that it isn’t anything bad. “I’ll see you Christmas Eve I can get it then. I’m sure it’s identical to the one I got six months ago. Granddad is relentless on trying to lure me back home, but it’s just not where I want to be anymore.”

  “I understand Sam,” she sighs, “Too many bad memories outweigh the good ones.”

  “Not really outweighing them, but overshadowing them for so long,” I counter, feeling a tug at my heart thinking about the lies that my parents continue to call a happy life, but I refuse to think about either of them or the pain they inflicted on me while growing up.

  “Alright, well I need to get back to Tate.” Kris hums for a moment, hesitating on telling me something, but then adds, “He’s coming home with us for the holidays.”

  “Ooh, somebody is being naughty,” I
tease, knowing it didn’t take long for my friend to give her heart away because she is in a place where she’s ready to accept the love of a good man. I’m so happy for her, but a bit of envy runs through me at the same time.

  “I love you,” Kris says, ignoring my reference to her being in love with Tate.

  “Love you too,” I reply, clicking off my phone.

  I turn toward the door and find Blues staring at me suspiciously. The look in his eyes tells me that he definitely overheard the last part of my phone call. I fake a smile rushing around him through the open door. A wide hand wraps around my forearm, squeezing tightly and pulling me back outside.

  “Hey, that hurts,” I wince, jerking out of his painful hold.

  “What game are you playing?” he growls, standing several feet away from me, folding his arms and piercing me with a hateful glare.

  “You know…” I pause. Crossing my arms and mimicking his stance, I spit, “None of what I do is your business.”

  Blues steps forward, placing his hands on my shoulders and pushing me against the cold brick wall. His touch and forcefulness take my breath away. He releases me quickly, but remains just inches away with his face hovering closely to mine.

  “You’re trying to make everyone believe that you’re with Decks,” he says locking gazes with me. His whiskey and smoke-scented breath brushes across my lips, and I want to taste him so fucking badly. My body comes alive with his closeness and from the fierce stare he’s holding me in. “But I can see that you’re not really feeling it.” His eyes drop to my lips and I watch as he licks his before speaking again. My nipples perk up and beg for his fucking delicious mouth. “You’re playing a very deadly game, Angel.” I stiffen at his words and he glances back up at my eyes. The cerulean blue color in his is sparking like fireworks with white hot desire, and I can’t tell for sure if this is for me or residuals from what Lourdes has been doing to him all night. That thought sobers me.

  “How about you let me worry about Decks and you keep doing your thing with Lourdes, seems like you two have really enjoyed playing under-the-table games all night. Run along and keep your Queen happy.” I finish with razor sharp anger in my tone.

  Fuck, now he probably thinks I’m interested or jealous of her stupid ass. You are!

  Blues stares at me hard. The words are unnecessary. I can see all the things he wants to say rolling around in those heated eyes. He wants me and the feelings are mutual, but…

  He reaches a hand up, placing it on my neck while slipping his thumb under my chin and forcing my face upward toward his. Instantly, my skin pricks both from his touch and his desire filled stare. His thumb strokes slowly along my jaw line and down my neck, pressing on my raging pulse point. I squeeze my legs together feeling excitement rushing down through my core. Damn I want him to spin me around and fuck me hard again.

  “Angel,” he growls, lowering his mouth to mine, grazing his lips slowly over them. I want this kiss, but it’s too dangerous.

  “Blues,” I pant, reaching up and wrapping my hand around his arm. “Please don’t,” I beg hoping that he will just let me go. I need for him to stop this now before someone sees us and ruins everything. Damn being alone with him is such a bad thing.

  Blues drops his hand and his gaze. I watch as his rigid stance, always so strong and domineering literally slumps in defeat. My heart clinches seeing this tough and confident man appear hurt. But that just can’t be. He has Lourdes and what we had was only one fuck, a damn good fuck, but still it didn’t mean anything to him. It couldn’t have.

  “Angel,” he breathes heavy through his slightly parted mouth, slowly lifting his eyes to mine again. His voice is thick, raspy and panty soaking when he speaks, “I need –”

  “No,” I cut him off shaking my head while holding a hand up. Disappointment, along with a little bitterness, shifts my attitude taking my voice along with it, and this time it’s me who growls. “I really don’t care about your needs. Now, get out of my way.” I push passed him, heading back toward Decks. Satisfying needs, his or mine, will never happen again. I want this damn job over like yesterday and I can’t allow myself to be alone with Blues ever again. I stop at the bar and the guy working holds up a finger indicating he will be with me in a minute.

  “He left,” A snotty voice filled with smug laughter says behind me. I don’t glance back at Lourdes, so she moves around to sit on the barstool beside me. “Did you hear me you little piece of nothing?”

  I shift around, grab her by the upper arm and lean in close. “I’ll warn you once. If you ever speak to me this way again,” I squeeze her upper arm with all of my strength, and tears prick her eyes instantly, “I will be the one laughing after I beat your fucking ass. Are. We. Clear?” I growl, dropping her arm and taking the drink the bartender holds out to me. At first he was staring completely shocked, but his face instantly brightens with a proud grin. God putting Lourdes in her place felt so fucking good.

  After walking away from the bitch, I let Natalie know that I’m heading home and pass my whiskey over to Murph who simply nods once.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  December

  It’s a week before Christmas and the temperatures are finally dipping down into the upper thirties at night. Decks has mentioned having a large holiday party at his place after the new year, inviting all of his friends and the group over for a fancy dinner then some dancing, but I couldn’t care less really. I haven’t been back with him to the stash house since that first day and he hasn’t opened up about the trip to the east coast. I’m beginning to get frustrated with him withdrawing from me, but I should have expected it. I was the one who told him that I wasn’t ready for a relationship so he has been spending his evenings out late almost every night since. We’ve seen each other in passing twice and both times he gives the impression that he’s irritated with me. Something about his erratic behavior is troubling.

  Sitting with my legs pulled under me in the bay window, I flip through a motorcycle magazine, looking for a new exhaust system with carbon silencers for my little kitten so she will really purr when we race down the interstate on my off days. A knock on my bedroom door jolts me out of my daydreaming and I drop the book on top of my bed as I pass it, making my way across the room.

  “Hey beautiful,” Decks says smiling naughtily while roaming his eyes over my chest.

  “Hey stranger,” I laugh, watching his brows furrow.

  “Yeah, we really haven’t seen each other much lately, huh?” he poses simply, stepping into the room after I turn around and return to my seat. The time apart wasn’t what I was referring to, but I don’t correct his assumption.

  He sits down at the foot of my bed and picks up the discarded magazine. After flipping through a couple of pages he grins at me. “Are you making a list for Santa?”

  I laugh, “Nah, just daydreaming. Since I don’t have a family I usually just indulge in one stupid gift for myself and call it a holiday.” I nod toward the magazine he’s holding, “I just can’t decide which one it will be this year.”

  He places the book back and stares down at it briefly. “I have to go out of town again for a few days, but I’ll be back on Christmas,” he looks up guardedly, “Can we spend it together?”

  “No,” I sigh. “I am going to Savannah to visit a friend. I won’t be back until New Year’s Eve.”

  “What?” Decks roars leaping to his feet and rushing over to me. He drops his face within a few inches of mine making me flinch away from him, pressing my back against the window and watching as his face flushes red with anger.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask with a slight tremble in my voice while staring deeply into his eyes. I’m not afraid of Decks. I could kill him with just my thumb without breaking a sweat, but Angel isn’t Sam.

  “Who is this friend?” he asks mockingly, standing up straight again while shuffling his feet closer.

  I lower my eyes to his chest and with a little more force tell him, “You’re acting awfully possess
ive all of a sudden. What is going on Decks?”

  “Angel,” he growls, reaching down taking my chin and lifting it so that I’m looking into his eyes again. “I thought I made myself clear when I said that I want you. I do not like competition in any form, but when it comes to women I fucking hate it. Now, are you going to tell me if this friend is a guy or not?”

  “First of all, no my friend isn’t a guy and second, you need to calm down speaking to me like this. Do you really think I would date another man with rage issues after what my piece of shit ex-boyfriend put me through?” Lowering my voice, I push his hand away, slide off the window seat, and then stomp over to the desk on the other side of the room. I scribble down the information and slam my ink pen back onto the desktop. Retrieving the piece of paper, I walk back over and shove it at him.

  “What is this?” he asks, taking it and scanning over it. “Heather Dillard?”

  “My friend in Savannah,” I say softly, staring at the paper instead of him. “Her address and cell phone number. You can call her now if you don’t believe me. She’ll confirm everything I’ve said, but,” Keeping my eyes averted, I exhale loudly, “If you take our relationship to this level then I will move out. I don’t give a damn if I have to sleep in a mission until I find a place. I won’t go back to living with someone who mistreats me and dismisses my feelings.”

  “Fuck,” he growls deep in his chest, crinkles up the paper quickly, tossing it into the wastebasket beside my bed. “I’m not going to check up on you. Dammit, I don’t know why I just went off on you like that,” he sighs before saying, “I don’t blame you for being pissed at me. I’m really sorry.”

  “Do you want to tell me what is going on?” I ask, looking up at him now.

  He shakes his head slowly after averting his eyes to the bedroom door. “I can’t discuss anything right now.”

  “Okay,” I say, seeing something strange pass over his face. It resembles pain. “Well if you change your mind you know where to find me.” I grin when I see a small smile tip the corner of his lips before he glances back toward me.