by A J Rushby
It does.
I remember the book then and reach over to the drawer in the bedside table. I pull it out and can’t help but notice how badly my hands are shaking. My experiment is as good as over.
Slowly I open the book to show the ID card. Ryan’s ID card.
I stare at it. At his likeness. At the name that isn’t his.
I don’t even know why I took it. But now … now I see how valuable it is.
The thing is, everything I’d thought was so important—my experiment, advancing my career—suddenly seems so meaningless in the face of what’s going on down here. And I’m willing to give that up—all of it—for this. For me, this journey I’ve been on with the Society was never really about the money or the easy ride. Those were benefits, sure. But really it was about the work. About the knowledge. About my belief in pushing the boundaries of medicine by self-experimenting. I really believed in what the Society stood for. Or what I thought it stood for. Because that sort of knowledge means nothing to me if it comes this way. What’s happening here is wrong, and I’m betting it’s just the tip of the iceberg.
I turn the ID card over and over in my hands, thinking.
Ryan was up the front of the plane and has undoubtedly been coming and going from the area for the medical and support staff, hiding behind a cap and a mask and a set of blue scrubs.
He’ll have access. Probably to any and all areas if his card had allowed him into the medical and support staff area and into the fifth room as well.
I sit for a long time, gripping the ID card tightly, trying to ignore how it shakes.
And, as I sit, I begin to formulate my plan.
After an hour or so, I go on back towards theatre one to see how Steen is doing. When no one appears and Marcus isn’t anywhere in sight, I head into the meals area. With nothing else to do, I grab a drink from the fridge, sit down at the table and wait for Marcus to turn up.
It’s not long before Lauren walks in, pausing in the doorway when she spots me. ‘I’ve got good news,’ she says, looking smug. ‘My proposal has been officially accepted.’
It can’t be true.
But it is. I can see it written all over her face.
The Society really has passed her proposal. ‘And you’re truly going to try to re-animate him using his spine? That’s honestly what you’re doing?’
‘With my self-experiment, I only had the time to use one of my limbs, and it would have been too dangerous to use my spine. This could be ground-breaking research.’
‘And when is this ground-breaking and unethical research going to start?’ I ask her, my body feeling as numb as her arm was not that long ago.
Lauren leans against the door frame. ‘We have to wait to hear about Andrew’s proposal. If it’s also passed, which I’m sure it will be, then we can work on the timing of our experiments and get started.’
The timing of using Ryan’s body, she means. Taking turns. Using different parts of it. Carving him up. His spine. His brain. Now I know why my dad got out of the Society.
I think about Ryan’s ID card, back in my lab. ‘How long do you think before they make a decision on Andrew?’
‘I’m hoping by this evening, so we can get started in the morning.’
I stand, leaving my drink untouched upon the table.
It takes all the strength I have not to do a Lauren and slam her head into the wall as I pass her by.
As I exit the meals area, Marcus appears through the medical and support staff area door. ‘Ah, there you are,’ he says. ‘I suppose Lauren’s told you the news?’
‘Yes.’ I answer him through gritted teeth. I can feel the smug wafting off her behind me like a skunk’s stench.
‘We just need to wait to hear about Andrew’s proposal and then we’ll discuss exactly how … well, how everything will work.’
‘What do you mean?’ I say. I didn’t like how he’d hesitated.
‘I mean that there will most likely need to be some changes.’
‘Like?’ I say a bit too loudly. My voice echoes off the corridor walls. Does he mean he’s going to pull some of my support to facilitate what Lauren and Andrew want to do? Or is he now thinking more like Lauren—to keep me at bay somehow. The Society would love that. Or maybe she wants me to react? To look crazy. She wants to sabotage my experiment and …
‘Miri? Are you all right?’
I open my mouth to say something along the lines of how him thinking I wasn’t would be a convenient excuse to lock me in my lab, then remind myself to keep calm. Everything’s all right. I’m okay. I can find a way out of this mess if I just keep calm. ‘I’m fine,’ I say.
‘You don’t look fine,’ Lauren puts in.
‘I said I’m fine,’ I bark. ‘Just fine. Do you know how Steen is doing? Have they finished?’ I turn my back on her, changing the subject before I really lose it. The surgery should be well over by now. Unless there’s been a complication, and I don’t want to think about that. Please let there not have been a complication.
‘He’s in the pre-op area, which they’re using for recovery also. Everything went well,’ Marcus answers.
‘I was wondering if I might be able to see him. It’s only … he was a bit delirious. He told me some things about his family. I’d just like to reassure him.’
‘Of course.’ Marcus walks towards theatre one and I follow him, not giving Lauren the satisfaction of one last smug grin as I pass her by. ‘After you,’ he says when we get there, pushing the pre-op doors open.
And there’s Steen, on a bed, a masked nurse beside him.
‘And how’s our patient?’ Marcus asks, the doors swinging closed behind us both.
‘Great,’ she says. ‘He seems to be enjoying the rest.’
I bet, I think. After the stress of the past few days.
On both his body and his mind.
‘I might leave you to it.’ Marcus nods at me. ‘As you can imagine, there’s a lot going on behind the scenes.’
There’s so much I could add to that, but I simply watch him leave before turning back to the nurse. ‘Can I?’ I gesture towards Steen.
‘Of course,’ she says. ‘Though there’s nothing to worry about.’
‘Oh, I know!’ I reply. ‘I just … felt bad for him, that’s all. His experiment didn’t go as well as he’d hoped.’
She nods, though as one of the nurses attached to the theatres and recovery area, I doubt she knows the details of what I’m talking about.
I approach the bed, and glance at his vital signs. Everything’s fine—his heart rate’s come down, his blood pressure’s close to normal, his temperature is still high, but I’m guessing nowhere near as high as before. She’s right. He’s recovering. There’s nothing to worry about.
I’m still worried.
Taking a deep breath, I look around the room for a moment and my eye happens to fall upon a linen cart holding a pile of fresh blue scrubs.
Not green, like I’m wearing, like all the other students wear, but blue scrubs like the support staff wear. And next to them, disposable caps and masks.
Blue scrubs, caps and masks.
Now I just have to work out how to steal one of each without being seen.
ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN HOURS AWAKE
I stand very still beside Steen’s hospital bed and think as hard as I can. How can I take what I need and get everything back to my room without being seen? I can’t shove them up my own scrubs—it’s too obvious. I need to conceal them somehow.
But with what? Slowly I look around the room, trying to find an answer to my problem. My eye falls on the blanket warmer, sitting on its wheels in the corner, not far from the linen cart. It’s to the side of the nurse—hopefully in her blind spot. I take a moment to centre myself.
‘I guess I’ll get going.’ I start around the bed, then glance at the blanket warmer as if I’ve just seen it. ‘Oh, do you think it’d be okay if I took an extra blanket with me? It’s freezing in my room.’
The n
urse looks up. ‘Sure, help yourself.’ She twists in her seat, pointing towards the blanket warmer. She watches me as I go.
‘Great. Thanks,’ I say, trying to sound breezy even though my heart is beating a million beats per minute. I walk on over. She’s still watching me.
I bend down and open up the blanket warmer and hear her twist back in her seat.
That’s when I make my move. My hand juts out to the left and grabs a set of blue scrubs, which I swiftly stick inside the middle of the blanket I’ve taken out of the blanket warmer with my right hand. But the cap and mask will be harder. They’re in boxes.
‘Got it?’ the nurse asks.
‘Yep.’ I stand up suddenly, the blanket tucked under my arm and act as if I’ve lost my balance. My left hand flies out, knocking a box of surgical gloves to the floor on the other side of the nurse. ‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ I say as, just like I’d hoped, she gets up and goes to retrieve the box. As she does so, I place the blanket on the bench and grab a mask and cap from the boxes that sit beside each other, cramming them into the middle of the blanket as well. I turn and reach out for the box she’s holding out to me just in time.
‘It’s pretty cramped in here,’ she tells me, passing it over. ‘I’m knocking things off the benches all the time.’
I smile at her. ‘Space is limited when you’re installing theatres underground, I suppose. Anyway, thanks for that.’ I nod at the blanket under my arm.
‘You’re welcome.’
Not looking back, I push through the swinging doors and walk directly to my lab. I’m almost there when Marcus calls out. ‘Miri!’
I freeze, then turn slowly to see Marcus walking quickly down the corridor towards me. The first thing he looks at is the blanket.
‘Bit cold in my bedroom,’ I tell him, following his gaze.
He looks back up at me. ‘Your next round of testing is from three o’clock to six o’clock, is that right?’
‘Yes.’ I hold my breath.
‘I’m not sure yet, but we might gather everyone before dinner. It depends if Andrew has received an answer on his proposal by then. Anyway, I’ll let you know.’
‘Okay.’ I turn, holding my ID card in my hand. I swipe it and the door to my lab opens. ‘Thanks.’
It’s only as I hear his footsteps retreating that I begin to breathe again.
When I inhale, I swear I smell death.
I sit on my bed, thinking, for some time. As Marcus mentioned, my next round of testing is at three o’clock. And then there might be a meeting during my three-hour break that takes me up to nine o’clock and then another round of testing that will end around midnight.
And then … Well, if I’m planning on doing something, that’s my time. Midnight until three in the morning. I know all too well how quiet this place is around then.
But just what am I going to do?
The obvious solution would be to call the police, but I can’t see how that’s going to work in this situation. For a start, I don’t have access to a phone. And then, how do I know I can even trust the local police? Maybe the Society has spun the police some kind of tale about what goes on here? Maybe they believe it’s a different sort of medical facility? Or maybe they do actually know? Maybe the Society is paying them to look the other way? Who knows how far the Society’s tentacles reach?
I shift on the bed, thinking of the scrubs, cap and mask I’ve just stuck underneath my mattress. I glance at the drawer where Ryan’s ID card is hidden away.
Okay, plan B.
I don’t go to the police, but to the media. Not just to anyone, but to someone I trust. Someone who trusts me.
I need to get to a phone. I need to put on the cap, mask and blue scrubs, use Ryan’s ID card to enter the medical and support staff area, find a phone and call my dad and Emily. I can use Emily’s parents to get the word out about what’s happening down here—about the Society and the fact that it’s out of control. Then I get back to my lab before anyone notices I’m gone. I need to finish the job the Argentinian journalist started.
I can’t see any other way to stop what’s about to happen. The Society is obviously not going to listen to reason. And I know that if the Society is sanctioning this experimentation on Ryan, I’m also guessing they’ve sanctioned a lot of other things in the lead up for years. Probably decades. Things such as other non-self-experimentation activities. Cover ups. I can’t even imagine what else. Except I can, I think, remembering that lab fire that killed my mother.
They need to be stopped tonight.
So, that’s the plan. At around one in the morning, when everyone’s left my lab and gone for at least a nap, or is asleep, I’ll don the blue scrubs, cap and mask and see how close I can get to a phone.
And if I’m found out? Well, I don’t know. If Marcus catches me in blue scrubs, a mask and a cap entering the medical and staff support area with Ryan’s ID card, he’ll know for sure I’m up to no good. I guess I could blame it on my lack of sleep. Or on the drugs I’m taking. Act crazy. But Ryan’s ID card and the stolen scrubs are some seriously orchestrated crazy. And there’s no excuse in the world he’ll believe when it comes to why I’m breaking into a part of the facility I’m most definitely not supposed to be in, so I might as well not bother making one up. I’ll just have to hope they’ll know better than to do anything to me if they think my dad might have an idea of where I am.
I exhale, thinking of the other person I’ll need to give an excuse to—Steen.
I’m going to have to hide something from him again. But this time … this time is different. This time he can’t help me. I only have a small window of time to act in and Steen is going to be well out of action for all of it.
I’m on my own.
But somehow I don’t feel on my own this time. I know Steen wants to put a stop to this even more than I do and that he’s standing right behind me in spirit.
All I have to do now is wait.
And cross my fingers.
They’re preparing to move Steen back to his room just before three o’clock, which means I don’t get to see him again before my next round of testing. I figure I’ll see him afterwards, but Marcus stops by my lab halfway through my tests and informs me there will be a meeting—at six o’clock—so I won’t get to see him after my testing either. I know what this means. Andrew’s proposal has been accepted.
I don’t want to see either Lauren or Andrew, but know I have to play the game right now. I have to look as if I’m cool, calm and collected, even though I’m not. I decide to head out early, before the meeting. So, at a quarter to six, I place some papers I’d been looking through on one of the lab benches and go to leave for the meeting.
Except when I get to the lab door, it won’t open.
I immediately begin to panic. My heart rate jumps and my breathing quickens.
It’s started.
They’ve locked me in. I’m locked in. Lauren’s really got to Marcus now and I’m locked in.
I don’t know what to do.
I go to raise my fists, ready to bash on the door. To yell. But then I stop myself. Who’s going to come? No one, that’s who.
I’ve got to think.
Adrenalin surging through my body, I retrace my steps and pick up my papers. I drag a stool over and sit at the bench, leafing through them like everything’s normal, my mind racing all the while. What’s happening out there? What are they planning to do with me? What will they do with Steen?
Out of the corner of my eye I watch the clock as the hands tick ever closer to six o’clock.
What’s going to happen then? I’m supposed to go to the meeting. But will I be able to get out of my lab? Will Marcus come for me?
At six o’clock on the dot, I get up. I place my papers in a neat pile on the bench once again. And then I approach the door.
It remains firmly shut.
Now I do raise my fists. My mouth is open, ready to yell.
The door swishes open.
It takes me a moment t
o figure out what’s happened …
I’d approached the door from the side. I’d been standing too close.
But is that what had happened the first time? Or had Marcus locked me in until six o’clock?
I don’t know.
Only one thing’s for sure—I’m losing it. I’m losing it right at the point in time when I need to keep it all together.
Maybe I am crazy after all?
I sit in the meals room staring at the table, focusing on my breathing and trying to forget what just happened back in my lab. Had Marcus locked me in until six o’clock? I don’t think so. But what terrifies me is not only that I so readily believed it, but that I think it might be possible. That with a few wrong moves, being locked in my lab could be my reality.
I feel as if I’m on another planet as the meeting gets under way. Everyone is talking, talking, talking, but the words bounce over the top of me like I’m in a protective bubble. I’m not a part of what’s going on. This isn’t real.
Until it is.
Because there’s news. News that pierces this bubble of mine. Marcus informs Andrew that his proposal has been officially accepted, as I thought.
So that’s it. The experimentation on Ryan is definitely going ahead.
Unless I can stop it.
Andrew’s original experiment looks like it’s forging ahead as well. He has his camera attached to his head again, though it’s shut off during our meeting. When I accidentally catch his eye, he takes this as an invitation to speak to me. ‘This is the infrared camera. It’s better, actually. In the dark I don’t get the motion sickness as much.’
I look away.
‘Can you show us?’ Lauren, across the table from me, is genuinely interested. I would have been too, a week ago. But no more. I haven’t been able to look at her at all during this meeting. Her excitement over what’s about to occur is almost palpable. She’s completely abandoned her experiment—the electrodes are all removed and her arm is bandaged and obviously healing well. ‘Is that all right?’ she asks Marcus.
‘Be my guest,’ he says.
‘I’ll go out the door,’ Andrew says. ‘You turn the lights off and place yourselves anywhere in the room.’
