Keeping Her Close

by Suzanne Rock

  I chuckled and snuggled closer. “Me neither.” I inhaled his scent and smiled to myself. Never before had I felt such a sense of belonging. It was as if I had found the one place in the world where I belonged.

  “I think that this might be the start of a beautiful friendship,” I joked, quoting a line from my favorite movie.

  “Friendship, yes.”

  There was something in his tone that made me hesitate. It was as if he was already pulling away from me, already retreating to that place inside of his head.

  I leaned up on my elbow and frowned at him. “You’re not going back on what you said earlier, are you?”

  He studied my face for a moment before responding. “You know that I love being with you, Tess.” He reached out and slid his finger down the side of my cheek.

  Oh no, this was it. I braced myself for the rejection that I knew was coming. “But . . .”

  “But it’s more important right now to focus on finding the people who want to hurt you.”

  I shrugged and leaned back down on the pillow. “Yes, for now. We’ll catch them eventually, however.”

  He chuckled as I adjusted myself so my head rested on his shoulder. “I wish I had your confidence.”

  “You’re a good cop.”

  “I won’t argue with you there.”

  When he didn’t continue, I glanced up at his face, but couldn’t guess what he was thinking. “We’ll catch whoever is behind this, and then things will go back to normal.”

  “Normal.” He chuckled and glanced down at me. “What exactly is normal, Tess? I have a dangerous job. My life is on the line every time I show up for work.”

  “So?”

  “So, a lot of times I can’t talk about what I’m doing. I’ll be moody and you’ll have no idea why.” He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling. “And then there’s your traveling.”

  I sat up and gathered the blankets around my chest. “What about my traveling?”

  “You’ll never be around.”

  I narrowed my gaze. “What are you trying to say, exactly?”

  “I meant what I said back there, Tess. It doesn’t matter what I want, or what you want. Our lifestyles are too different to make anything work. We’ll only end up hurting each other.”

  “So you don’t even want to try? That’s crazy.”

  “I’m not being crazy, I’m being realistic.”

  We had already mentioned his father, so there must be something else holding him back from this relationship. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why Max kept getting cold feet.

  Then realization dawned and with it, a chill rippled through my body. “I get it. You don’t have to say any more.” I rolled to my side, away from Max, as tears stung my eyes. “You don’t want to be seen with the freak.”

  “Tess, that’s not it at all—”

  “Shut up, Max. I don’t want to hear it.” I slapped at the tears on my cheeks with the back of my hand. “Let’s just go to sleep.”

  He put his hand on my shoulder. “Tess . . .”

  “I said, go to sleep.” I jerked my shoulder away and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the horrible truth. My father was right. People would always see me as the outcast.

  Max tried to talk to me again, but I waved my hand at him, stopping his words. “We have a busy day of planning tomorrow. Neither one of us can do that without some rest.”

  A long moment of silence passed before he spoke. “Okay, you win—for now. But this conversation isn’t over, Tess. Not by a long shot. We’ll continue this in the morning.”

  Fat chance about that. By the morning, I’ll firmly have the walls erected around my heart once more. I’ll have retreated to my blog, my sanctuary, where no one, not even Max, could possibly hurt me again.

  Chapter Twenty

  Max

  It took me a long time to go to sleep. All I could do was think about how badly I had screwed things up. Tess didn’t understand. No one did. When you grow up in a family like mine, relationships aren’t possible.

  Exhaustion had finally won out, however, and when I finally did fall asleep, I dreamed. The familiarity of it was both comforting and disturbing. I was back in middle school, and my two brothers and I were standing outside of a hospital room with my aunt. She was fussing over us as she often did, but this time things felt different. There was a sense of urgency in the air, as if time was running out.

  “Now you boys be good. Your father has been looking forward to this, and I don’t want to ruin it for him.”

  “I’m not supposed to be here,” I complained. “The team needs me.”

  “This is more important. Baseball can survive without you for one day.” She turned toward the room, and my older brother pinched my arm.

  “Ow!”

  “Stop being such a dork,” he whispered.

  “You stop it.” I rubbed my arm as my aunt quickly ushered us into the room. There wasn’t much space, so we all had to crowd around the hospital bed. My father was little more than a ghost of his former self, and as he hugged my older brother, I secretly wondered how many others had been to see him since word got out about his cancer. As far as I knew, he didn’t have any friends, and his undercover work for the police force meant that he wasn’t close to more than a small handful of cops. Most of the people he knew were in jail. It was a tough job, one that frequently took him away from us for long stretches, but anyone who could see him knew that he loved what he did.

  “Max,” he said as he reached for me. I offered him my hand as my older brother stepped away. I gave him an awkward hug, this man who I loved and admired but didn’t really know.

  “You’re looking good.”

  “So are you.” The words left my mouth before I could stop them. I averted my gaze and shifted my feet as he chuckled.

  “He has a girlfriend,” my younger brother said. I swatted him in the stomach.

  “A girlfriend, eh?” My father coughed again, causing the IV bag above his head to jiggle. “You listen to me.” He tugged me closer and lowered his voice. “You forget about her. Women bring nothing but trouble.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “I mean it, Max. Women only want to use you for your money or your strength. A pretty face will cause you to lose your head, and losing your head will make you weak. The Ferreira men are strong, and it’s up to you to keep that legacy alive.”

  “Really, Antonio,” my aunt said. “You shouldn’t be putting such things into their heads.”

  “Don’t tell them the truth?” He coughed as he let go of me and turned toward my aunt.

  “Linda was a good woman,” she said.

  My father sighed and crossed his arms. “She was a mistake. If that woman didn’t distract me, I would have solved the Calvino case three months before I did.”

  “If she didn’t distract you, you wouldn’t have sons.”

  “About the only good thing she did,” he muttered as he turned toward us. “You mark my words,” he said, shaking his fingers at me. “Women are nothing but trouble. Focus on school, then on the police academy. Do your father proud by carrying on my legacy, not by chasing skirts.”

  The words “chasing skirts” echoed in my head as I opened my eyes. A movement next to me reminded me of where I was, and who I was with. I wondered what my father would think of me if he saw me now. Somewhere along the way, Tess had become more than a job to me. More than my duty. I no longer wanted to just protect her, but something deep inside of me wanted to make her happy as well. My father was right: she was a distraction, but she was a nice one. I knew that my father wanted what was best for me. He didn’t want me to make the same mistakes he did. I didn’t want to disappoint him, nor did I want to be the one to bring down the family legacy. No, it was much better to push Tess away. Knowing this didn’t make anything easier, however.

  “Good, you’re up,” Tess said from the foot of the bed.

  Rubbing my eyes, I glanced down to see Tess sitting at a small table w
ith the laptop. “Where did you get that?”

  “Dr. Mayalla let me borrow her laptop. I’m going through the comments on the blog. Our friend is at it again. He left another comment.”

  “He did?” Sitting up, I pulled on some pants and went over to join her. As I leaned over her shoulder and stared at the screen, I couldn’t help but catch her sweet aroma. Remembering my father’s words, I pushed my desire aside and leaned closer to the screen. “What did he say?”

  “He’s chatty. I wanted to talk him up and see if he would reveal anything. We’ve been talking in the comments section for about ten minutes now.”

  I quickly scanned the comments and shook my head. “You shouldn’t be doing this, Tess. It’s too dangerous.”

  She glanced over her shoulder at me. “You get no say over what I can and cannot do.”

  Ouch. It was obvious that she was still upset about last night. I made a mental note to tread carefully. After scanning the screen, I pointed at one of the comments. “This looks like a warning.”

  “Yeah, I mentioned that my talk about the Tanzanian government at New York University was going ahead as planned. It seemed to really upset him.”

  I glanced at her. “You can’t give that talk.”

  “What do you mean?” She pointed at the screen. “Look, it’s perfect. He’s even threatening that something will happen to me if I say anything about the albinos’ plight. It’s perfect.”

  “It’s dangerous.” I pushed away from the computer and began to pace. “You can’t go.”

  “I have to go.” She turned toward me. “It’s the only way to draw them out.”

  “You’ll get hurt.”

  “So what do you suggest I do, just sit around and wait for these people to catch up to me, for them to kill me?” She waited for me to stop pacing before she continued. “Admit it. This is a good idea. If I give that talk, then there is an excellent chance we’ll draw this weirdo and his vigilante group out and put an end to this once and for all.”

  “There’s an excellent chance that you’ll be killed.”

  She frowned. “Be careful, Max. One might think that you care.” She turned back to her computer and scrolled through the comments.

  I started to retort, then stopped. She was right. I owed her an explanation for how poorly I had behaved last night. She deserved to hear the truth. Not just part of the truth, but all of it.

  “I do care, Tess.” I moved and crouched down beside her chair. “Caring has nothing to do with this.”

  She snorted and crossed her arms. “Could have fooled me.”

  I let out a long breath and pushed my hair back on my head. “Growing up, I idolized my father. We all did. He was a great man, and an excellent undercover cop.”

  “You already told me—”

  I held up my hand. “Let me finish.” When she relaxed into the back of her chair, I continued. “You were right last night. Part of me is pushing you away because of a promise I made to my father, but that isn’t the only reason.”

  She put the laptop aside. “It isn’t?”

  I shook my head. “I know that he was dying, and it was unreasonable of him to make tough demands on his kids. But this is more than about that promise I made. This is about me.”

  “Go on,” she said when I didn’t continue.

  I took in a deep breath and let it out. Knowing the truth and saying the words were two different things. Coming clean about my deepest fears was a lot harder than I expected. “My father made a lot of mistakes in his life. Out of his three sons, everyone says that I’m the most like him. I’m . . . I’m afraid that I might be destined to make the same mistakes he did. I’m afraid I’m just going to mess things up and end up hurting you, Tess.”

  “You won’t.” Tess stood and closed the distance between us. “You can’t.”

  “I don’t think you understand. I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I don’t know how to be in one.”

  She put her finger on my lips, stopping my words. “I’ve never been in a serious relationship, either.” She slid her fingers over my jaw, sending tingles over my skin. “We can figure it out together.”

  “Tess, my job is dangerous and time consuming. I don’t want to hurt you like my father hurt the women in his life.”

  “You won’t.”

  “You keep saying that, but you have no idea–”

  “I know that you are stronger than you think.” She leaned in closer. “You are more than your genetics, Max. You are more than your parents. Don’t let the bad choices they made prevent you from living your life.”

  “Things aren’t that simple.”

  “Yes, they are. You forget, I know what it’s like to live under my parents’ shadow.” She turned back to the computer screen. “I know you’ll make the right decision about our relationship, just like I know that giving this speech for Dr. Mayalla is a good idea. Admit it.”

  “I don’t want to put you in danger.”

  “I won’t be in danger.” She smiled and kissed my cheek. “You’ll be there to protect me.”

  I rolled my eyes as she returned to the laptop. “It’s foolish.”

  “It’s a public place. If we don’t do this, then we’ll be on the run for months.”

  “I can’t protect you all by myself, and there’s no one I can trust in the police force.”

  “Not even Vash?”

  I hesitated. Something about our conversation in the drugstore yesterday didn’t sit right. Vash had kept insisting that if Tess shut down the blog, her problems would go away. It didn’t make any sense and sounded a little suspicious. While I didn’t want to believe that my best friend was behind this, I didn’t want to gamble with Tess’s life, either.

  “He could be compromised. Whoever is behind this seems to have an ear on the entire police department.”

  Tess thought for a moment. “The school has security. We could talk to Professor Mayalla, and she could put us in touch with the person in charge. I’m sure they’d help.”

  She had a point. I hated to admit it, but her idea just might work.

  “Okay,” I said. “But we have to do this my way.”

  “Of course.” She glanced over her shoulder at me. “Now come on over here and tell me what to say to this guy.”

  It was a long morning, but after we finished talking to Anarchy and securing the manpower for Tess’s talk, I was beginning to think that we might actually catch this guy. My only hope was that Tess wouldn’t end up hurt in the process.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Tess

  The plan was simple. The professor would introduce me, and I’d go up to my podium and give my lecture as if nothing was amiss. Meanwhile, Max and college security would watch the crowd and look for anyone suspicious. He would stand by me, and others would be watching throughout the room. The entire time I’d be perfectly safe, or so we thought. About five minutes earlier, Max heard something over his earpiece. His grim expression had spoken volumes.

  “What is it?” I had asked.

  He didn’t answer, just told me to stay put and he’d be right back.

  That felt like ages ago. Now Dr. Mayalla was introducing me, and I didn’t have my bodyguard on hand. I felt exposed and vulnerable, not to mention a little bit frightened. We had riled up Anarchy quite a bit yesterday on the computer, and had even gotten Unity326 to show up and comment. Who knew what those two were capable of doing.

  “Are you okay?”

  I glanced over my shoulder to see Vash standing behind me. “What are you doing here?”

  “Max called me.”

  I frowned. Yesterday, Max had said that he couldn’t trust anyone on the police force, including his best friend. He thought that the entire department had been compromised.

  Vash must have seen me frown, because he rushed to explain. “He felt he needed more professional help in case something big happened and he needed a quick response. He doesn’t trust campus security.”

  It made sense. Max had
said just as much right before we left for the university.

  Vash pulled his gaze away from the crowd and glanced at me. “You have nothing to worry about, Tess. I will make sure that the truth is told.”

  “What?” I widened my eyes at his words. They were very similar to what Anarchy had said before we signed off last night. The Wild Ones will make sure that the truth is told. Others will soon fear us because of our purity and strength.

  “You’re Anarchy?” I turned to face him. “But why? Max had said that they had gone to both high school and the police academy together.

  “I live in America, but my heart has always lived with my family in Tanzania. The Rattans have survived for centuries by playing the political system. Once we control Tanzania, we will take what we have learned and bring it to the rest of the world.”

  Before I could respond, the professor said my name, and the crowd in the auditorium began to clap. I walked onto the platform as if my feet had been filled with lead. My mind raced to process what had just happened. Damn it, why hadn’t I paid more attention to Kami and his lessons in Tanzanian politics?

  Vashon Rattans. Rattans, as in one family who controlled the largest percentage of the shipping industry in Zanzibar. It was the shipping trade that had come under fire recently for human trafficking, and it was the shipping industry that was bringing albinos in from other countries.

  I don’t know when I stopped walking, only that I did. The papers in my hands shook as Vash came up to my side and put his arm around me.

  “You all right, Ms. Abbott?” he whispered into my ear. I felt something cold and hard press against my side. “We wouldn’t want to disappoint your followers, would we? After all, they gave up their afternoon to be here. They all deserve to know the truth.”

  I slowly straightened and glanced in his direction. “And what truth is that?”

  His smile was pure evil. “That everything you have told them up to this point was a lie. There are no human rights violations going on in Tanzania. In fact, thanks to the Wild Ones, the country is getting stronger every day.”