Propositions

by Tania Joyce

  Would this be their last dance together before he left?

  * * *

  Sunday morning Jessica woke early feeling less than average. She was tired and lacked decent sleep. With much effort she nudged Nate awake. They both dressed and headed down into the hotel for the final day of events.

  Conner and Becky arrived near lunchtime, taking advantage of Nate’s offer to attend the Sunday barbecue. Jessica shook her head and chuckled to herself as she saw them in the crowd with starstruck looks on their faces and snapped photos on their smart phones.

  At last the afternoon wrapped up and the launch was complete. Jessica was relieved to finally be packing the headsets away, when Conner walked over to her.

  “Hey, Mom. How’d it all go?” He swigged on his cold beer.

  “I think very well. Nate seems to be happy.”

  “So do you. I saw you with him at lunch today. I haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time.”

  Jessica wound up the charger cords and placed them in the equipment case. “Well, it doesn’t matter. He leaves soon.”

  “Are you okay about that?” Conner asked.

  “You know I’m a tough cookie. I’ll be fine.” She closed the lid of the case and clipped it shut. She didn’t want to think about the end—it was coming too close, too quickly.

  “You sure?” Conner’s face was full of concern for a moment. But then he went on, obviously forgetting his worry. “Well, Mom, I’ve got something more important for you to think about now. Since you put on one hell of a show here, what can you pull together for my twenty-first birthday party next year?”

  Chapter 19

  Jessica was glad to see the light of Monday morning shine through her window. She’d given her team the day off to sleep and recover, but she was too eager to get into the office and view all the online news reports about the opening. After a quick shower and breakfast, she drove into work and was behind her desk, sifting through newsfeeds and video highlights from around the world. Nothing but positive reviews brought a smile to her face. Somehow she’d managed to pull it off—a world-class event in a ridiculously short timeframe. Upcoming Christmas functions and advertising campaigns would be a piece of cake after what she’d been through over the past several months.

  A letter on top on Jessica’s in-tray caught her attention. She grabbed it and quickly read over it. Through all the crazy workload of organizing the launch, she’d forgotten that Kick had been nominated for an International Advertising Award. Yet another achievement for her company, as the IAAs were equal to the Oscars in the advertising world. She was quietly chuffed that she’d also been selected to present an award on the night. Jessica flicked through the pages of the letter. Zoe had attached flights, accommodation, and details of the rehearsals—all to be held in Los Angeles at the end of the week.

  Her calendar flashed through her mind. Nate left in two weeks, and there was no other major function until mid-December. The very thought of more events, long days and late nights made her aware of her fatigue. Regardless, she would attend the IAAs. A few days chilling out in LA would do her a world of good. Maybe Nate would go with her as her ‘plus one’?

  Jessica’s belly grumbled loudly. It was time for a cuppa and a snack. She grabbed her mug from her desk and headed for the kitchen. Alex stood at the coffee bar frothing milk for his cappuccino.

  “What are you doing here, Jess?” he asked. “Everyone else on your team has the day off—why not you?”

  “Too much to do,” Jessica sighed as she grabbed the tea tin.

  “You’re married to this place like I am, sweetie.”

  “Yes, I am indeed.” She nudged his arm. “Hey, the IAAs are on in LA at the end of this week. I leave on Wednesday, and I’ll be back Monday morning.”

  “I know. Zoe emailed me a copy of your itinerary. We need to catch up on so many things now the launch is over so I’ve scheduled some time with you for next Tuesday after your return. Is that all okay with you?”

  Jessica was about to respond when she felt a bit strange. The sound of the machine gurgling made her ears ring. The seductive aroma of coffee usually filled her with comfort, but this morning things were different.

  Very different.

  Her stomach flipped and curled itself into tight knots. Her throat went dry. All she wanted to do was … throw up.

  Jessica cupped her hand over her mouth and fled past Alex, across the hallway and into the toilets just in time.

  “Goddamn it!” Jessica coughed and spluttered. “I’m never sick like this!” Beads of sweat broke out on her brow and she felt lightheaded. She convulsed and vomited again.

  Alex came in through the doors. He grabbed her hair back off her face and rubbed her back. “Jess? Sweetie, what’s wrong? What brought this on? Did you drink too much last night after the launch?”

  “No, I went straight home. I was too exhausted. I hardly touched a drop all weekend.”

  “You got a bug or something?”

  “Fran was sick. Maybe I’ve caught something off her.” She pulled off a run of toilet paper and wiped her mouth clean.

  “Throwing up like this in the morning is no fun.” Alex shook his head with a grimace. “I’ve done it way too many times.”

  Jessica froze as the words left Alex’s mouth. Throwing up in the morning. Nausea at the smell of coffee. She quickly did some calculations in her head. Counting days, weeks and the month. “Oh shit!”

  “What, Sweetie?” Alex looked oblivious as she flushed the toilet and walked to the basin to wash her hands and mouth.

  “Oh Alex! What have I done?” Panic flooded every cell of her body. She stared at his reflection in the mirror. “I … I think I might be pregnant.”

  Alex gasped. Then a look of sheer excitement swept across his face. “Really? A baby?”

  * * *

  Jessica sat in the sterile waiting room at her doctor’s practice. Her mind was in overdrive. She’d only missed her scheduled contraceptive injection by a week. Surely there was more of a grace period with these injections than a few days. Oh please, God. No! As always, work had absorbed her so much, she’d simply lost track of time.

  What am I going to do?

  A million thoughts ricocheted around her head. She already had Conner. She’d been there, done that! Sure, she had wanted more children when she was younger, but it just didn’t happen. She couldn’t possibly consider a child at this time in her life.

  Could she?

  Thirty minutes later Jessica walked out of the doctor’s office and shut the door behind her. She leaned back against the smooth surface of the hard white door and tried to absorb the coolness into her heated skin. She shut her eyes tightly to stop the tears from escaping.

  Pregnant! Two blue lines on a stick confirmed it all.

  Jessica sucked in a deep hard breath. Putting one foot in front of the other in a trance-like state, she made it back to her car. She got in and sat staring out the windscreen at nothing for a good fifteen minutes.

  Slowly sensation returned to her hands, fingers and toes. She became aware of air moving in and out of her lungs, and the beating of her heart in her chest.

  First things first. She had to tell the father.

  * * *

  Jessica hesitated before she swiped her access card to enter Nate’s apartment, and made her way down the short hallway.

  “Hi. Did you forget something? I didn’t expect to see you until tonight,” Nate said as he stood at the dining table staring down at a newspaper, barely raising his eyes to greet her. “Want to grab some lunch?”

  Taking a deep breath, Jessica’s whole body trembled from head to foot. She wrung her hands together as she tried to piece the words together.

  “Nate, we need to talk.”

  “’Bout what?” He glanced up. There was no way Jessica could hide how upset she was. She felt the color drain away from her face. Nate rushed to her side in two long strides and slid his arm around her waist. “What’s wrong? Come and sit.�
� He led her over to the couch and sat down beside her. “What’s wrong?”

  Jessica shook her head slowly and stared at nothing in particular on the coffee table. “Everything was going so well. Why did this have to happen now?” Her hands sweated and shook uncontrollably as she rested them on her lap.

  “I don’t understand. What are you talking about?” Nate’s expression was full of concern.

  Her eyes focused on his and she blurted. “I’m pregnant.”

  His mouth fell open. He jumped to his feet and raked his hands through his thick brown hair, leaving tousled tracks. “What? You said you were on birth control.”

  “I did. I was. I mean, I am. When we went to Byron last month, I delayed my injection by just a few days. And well …” she winced.

  Nate pulled his shoulders back straight, his jaw flexed with tension. The look on his face was hard and cold as ice.

  “Is this some kind of sick joke?” He started to pace back and forth across the floor. “I don’t want any more children. I have one and I’m a terrible father to her. You’ve got Conner. Surely you don’t want more kids at this age. You’re like me, work is our life. You’re … you’re … going to terminate it, aren’t you?”

  Wow. Abortion. She hadn’t thought that far ahead. She’d been operating in a void since finding out she was carrying his child.

  “I haven’t had time to think this through yet. But what … what if I decide to keep it?” Jessica shut her eyes and waited in silence for his response. All she could hear was the rasping sharpness of his breath. When she looked up again he was just standing there. Would he still leave? Abandon her, just like she thought Troy did all those years ago? She knew his answer even before he spoke a word.

  Nate turned his back on her.

  “I know getting rid of it is the easy option,” said Jessica. “We have to sort this out because you’re only here for two more weeks—”

  “Jess.” Nate turned to face her again. He swallowed hard and the muscles in his jawline twitched. “News came through on our latest refurbishment this morning. I leave for London on Thursday.”

  Although she was sitting down, Jessica felt as if the floor gave way beneath her and she was plummeting into the unknown.

  “What?” She wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him. Not now. Not yet. She tried to steady her breath. “You’re leaving? In three days? I was going to see if you wanted to come with me to the IAA’s in LA for a few days.”

  “I was going to tell you tonight. But now this. You being pregnant changes everything.”

  “You make it sound like I’m diseased or something.” She fought with all her might to control her flaring emotions. “It’s a baby, not something contagious.”

  Nate clenched and released his fists several times, before he turned away from her again to face the window that overlooked the harbor. The air between them was usually hot and heavy, now it was cold as ice. Ready to shatter like a crystal vase falling on to the floor.

  “You know what I want you to do. I don’t want another situation like Rachael in my life.”

  Jessica nearly choked. “Rachael? I’m nothing like her. I don’t want or need your money, if that’s all you care about. I’m perfectly capable of supporting myself financially. I would never guilt trip you into being part of our child’s life if you didn’t want to be. This was an accident, not some malicious plan to trap you.”

  “My life is based out of London and yours is here. You know the responsibilities of being chairman lie ahead of me. Keeping this baby is just not an option for us.”

  Jessica crossed her arms over her chest. “Keeping it is an option, but not one you have to be part of.”

  Nate glared at her. “Let’s be realistic so we can get on with our lives.”

  Jessica nodded slowly as his words sunk in. Wiping her clammy palms across her thighs she stood up. “I’m going to go now.” She was no clearer on what to do about being pregnant. It was not a decision that could be easily made. At least she knew exactly where Nate stood on the matter, and somehow she had to work out where she did.

  Picking up the pieces of her heart, Jessica headed for the door. With the baby hanging between them, there was no point in delaying the inevitable any longer. It was time to say goodbye. She’d make this decision on her own and like everything else of late, live with the consequences. “Don’t bother about dinner tonight. Don’t bother about tomorrow either. Saying goodbye to you now will be hard enough. I love you, Nate—but that just isn’t enough.”

  Nate dashed over to her and took her face in his hands. His pressed his lips hard up against hers. Every fiber of her being wanted to stay. As his hold on to her tightened, tears fell from her eyes. He had kissed her like this once before … the last time he left. But this time she knew it was for good.

  “Don’t leave, Jess. Not like this. We still have time.”

  She pulled away gasping for air. He reached up and wiped the tears from her cheek. His eyes were dark with emotion; she had to look away.

  “Goodbye, Nate.”

  Somehow her hand found the door handle and opened it. Her legs managed to carry her down the hallway and into the elevator. She found her way into her car and started the engine. As tears streamed down her cheeks, she tried to resist, but had to glance in the rearview mirror as she drove out of Somers Hotel for the very last time.

  * * *

  It was mid-afternoon by the time Jessica dragged her weary feet back into her office. As she pulled into the carpark underneath her building, she saw Troy’s Landcruiser parked in the visitor’s bay.

  Just when she thought the day couldn’t get any worse.

  Troy smiled broadly from where he stood at the reception counter as she walked out of the elevator. But the smile dropped when he caught sight of the look on her face. “Jess?” He rushed toward her and put his arm around her waist. “What’s wrong?”

  “What are you doing here?” She tried to brush him away and keep the exasperated tone out of her voice.

  “I wanted to see if we can catch up before I head off home. I’ve just been at a meeting about some renovations we’re going to do at Gumtrees.”

  “What, one last feeble effort in trying to persuade me to be yours?”

  “There’s always hope.” He smiled warmly.

  “I haven’t eaten all day. I’m not sure if I can stomach too much, but let’s go to the cafe downstairs.” She turned back toward the elevator and headed down with Troy.

  They slid into a booth at the side of the restaurant. As they perused the menu, Troy kept on glancing at her. Worry filled his eyes. The waitress momentarily interrupted and took their orders. After she turned to go, Jessica leaned back into the soft leather seat, trying to make sense of the day.

  “You’ve been crying,” said Troy. “Is it not all bells and whistles with Nate?”

  “Okay, this has to stop or I won’t see you. Do you understand? We’re not in high school anymore.” Tears welled in her eyes again.

  “Sorry. I wanted to find out how your big launch went on the weekend.”

  Jessica blinked hard. A distraction was what she needed. Talking about the hotel was ideal. “The launch went great. Did you see it on the news? We had a few hitches along the way, but other than that it was spectacular.”

  “So why the tears?” He leaned forward and rested his arms on the table. “What’s lover boy done?”

  “Nothing.” She squirmed uncomfortably in her seat.

  “Jess?”

  He wasn’t going to let up. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I just found out I’m pregnant. I told Nate. Of course, he doesn’t want a bar of it. He’s returning to London on Thursday. That’s it.”

  “He’s going to leave? What are you going to do?”

  “I just don’t know yet whether I’m going to keep the baby or have an abortion.” This time it was her choice to make, not her strict Catholic parents giving her no rights.

  “Are you serious?” Troy gasped. “I’d
do anything to have a family.”

  Jessica stared at her hands as she twisted them in her lap. “I could have two children with three different fathers. Does that make sense?” She shook her head and tried to laugh. It was the best she could do. The only other option was to cry.

  “Lots of families have kids with different fathers these days. It’s becoming the norm.”

  “I’m far from normal though, aren’t I?” Jessica shook her head bleakly.

  “Well, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here for you as a friend or in whatever capacity you want me. You know I love you.”

  The waitress defused the moment when she placed their orders in front of them. Jessica dipped her spoon into the bowl of hot soup and took a bite of the freshly baked crusty bread roll. She didn’t know how to handle Troy’s confession of being in love with her when her heart lay elsewhere. Hadn’t she hurt him enough already?

  “I fly out to New Zealand on Thursday,” Troy went on. “You could do with a break. I’ll be true to my word—come with me as a friend for a holiday.”

  A vision of what could be flashed before her. A happy home life raising a child together. Sitting together on rocking chairs on their veranda looking out over the countryside. All peace and serenity. She wanted to scream as she thought about it. It was like something out of her nightmares.

  “I can’t, Troy. I just can’t.”

  * * *

  Nate’s concentration had evaded him ever since Jessica left an hour ago. Anger had the better of him at the time, but at least she knew how he felt about the baby and what she needed to do. Jessica knew he loved her, but the end had finally come. His shoulders slumped toward the ground and every footstep took too much effort. Why did an end to a relationship have to hurt so much? He unconsciously wandered over to the kitchen and made himself a pot of tea. He sculled the hot liquid down and placed the cup on the bench before him. His heart jolted as he looked at the dregs laid out in the perfect shape of an anchor, signifying the end to a personal affair. Ha! Even the damn tea leaves knew.