The Last Time

by Sharon Haste

  'Mornin'.' His greeting is wary.

  She flies to her feet, adrenaline fuelling her rage. 'Where have you been, and why'd you lock the door?'

  He's stunned into silence as she vents her anger. He holds up the paper bag when she is done and gives it a shake with a forced smile.

  'Breakfast?' he asks. 'I only locked the door to keep ya safe. I thought you'd still be asleep when I got back. Sorry.'

  She slumps to the mattress, her anger spent. Her stomach rumbles at the smell of food. He slides down beside her, a short distance away, and pulls out a paper-wrapped burger. She's sheepish as she opens her hand to accept the offering.

  'Thanks,' she mumbles, two spots of red on her cheeks. 'Sorry I went off.'

  'Forget it,' he says. 'Eat.'

  He pulls out two more burgers and two chocolate cookies, balancing them on the paper bag that is now flattened on the mattress between them. Before she's halfway through her burger, Tobi has inhaled the other two and is starting on the first cookie. He tosses the wrappers on the floor and takes a swig of Coke.

  'Ever heard of a bin?' she asks, watching him add to the rubbish dump in his room.

  He shrugs and keeps chewing.

  'This place is disgusting,' she says.

  'I'll clean it up later.'

  She shudders, wondering how she slept the night in this filth.

  'So whatcha doin' today, Charli?' He burps and leans back on his elbows.

  'I need to go home,' she says, folding her wrapper into quarters and searching for somewhere to put it. 'Do you have a bin?'

  'Nah, just toss it on the floor; I'll clean it up after.'

  Uncomfortable, she places the wrapper inside the paper bag.

  'I don't think you should go home,' he says. 'The cops are lookin' for ya.' He reaches into his jeans pocket and pulls out a folded page from The Delany News.

  'What?' She's at full attention, peering at the scrap of paper.

  Tobi reads the headline: '"Two dead as unlicensed girl drives into lake." Ya never said you were driving.'

  'I wasn't...well, they say I was, but I don't remember,' she stammers, fear crawling through her.

  'How come ya don't remember? Did ya hit ya head or somethin'?'

  'I dunno. Just can't.'

  'Well, if ya don't wanna risk goin' home, ya can stay here until things die down.'

  'I didn't do it,' she says, her eyes pleading with him to believe her.

  'Well, ya got nothing to worry about then,' he says. 'Still, reckon ya should lay low for a bit.'

  She nods, her gut churning. She'd never even broken a school rule before. She hangs her head as her burger rises in her throat.

  'It'll work out,' Tobi says, picking up the last cookie. 'Want this?'

  She shakes her head, wishing she were anywhere but here. She feels so dirty and wrong.

  'Do you mind if I have a shower?' she asks.

  Tobi points her in the right direction and hands her a worn towel from a washing basket in the hall.

  Chapter Eight

  She finds herself in a tiny bathroom with fish printed on a plastic shower curtain and a cracked green washbasin and toilet. She locks the door, uses the toilet, and checks her reflection in a mirror that is mottled with age. A stranger's face stares back: she has hollowed cheeks, dark-rimmed eyes, and bird's nest hair. She finds a brush and untangles the knots before wrapping it in a messy bun on her head. She empties her pockets, placing the pack of gum, forty-two dollars, and the pendant on the bathroom cabinet. Once stripped, she steps under the scalding water, letting it burn her bare skin. It soothes the ache in her muscles; the lavender soap reminds her of better days.

  Tears mingle with the water, ending up in the faded porcelain beneath her feet. Ash crouches in a corner of the tub, letting the water flow over his fingers. Clare stands beside him. She's transparent; she is hardly there at all. She blinks away their ghosts, turning the tap off and towelling dry in slow, methodical strokes.

  Once dressed, she holds the ancient cross between her fingers. She loops the long silver chain over her head, thinking of what she'd been told. As soon as it settles against her skin, she's flooded with memories: a whirlpool of people and events. Acid swirls in her gut, and she closes her eyes, a warm breeze drying the moisture on her skin. Her eyes open to the dark, and her heart slams against her ribs as she squints, making out trees and grass. Her hand flies to her middle, feeling clothes. And there are runners on her feet.

  A deep splash makes her head jerk up; she's in Delany Park. The lake shimmers before her, its ripples devouring the boot of her mother's Mercedes. Her legs mobilise, and she sprints across the grass, hysteria making her fly. At the lake's edge, she wrenches off her shoes and lets them sail behind her, landing with a dull thud on the grass. She wades in, diving in too soon; her clothes weigh her down. She hears a splash and watches herself gasp when she reaches the surface before she dives down for Ash. The thought of him spurs her through the water, reaching the middle in time to see the other Charli break the surface. Present Charli grabs his other arm and swims for the shore. They drag him up, stumbling in the shallows, and she hovers, watching as the other Charli rolls him over and squeezes his chest. Water dribbles from his nose and mouth. She's shaking so much as she struggles to turn him on his back. Charli falls to her knees and presses the heel of her hand into his tiny chest, counting aloud with her eyes on his inflating chest. Her alter ego blows into his mouth. She keeps going until her arm aches, and then they swap, giving it everything they have. It's no good and doesn't work.

  She sags back as the other Charli collapses over him, salty tears mixing with the lake water on her lips. She touches his icy hand, a familiar stab in her chest. A resounding bark has her on her feet, staggering back to the tree. An exuberant Labrador races toward them, sniffing, tail wagging, and running back to a man sprinting across the grass. She watches as he pulls a mobile from his pocket and makes a call. She slumps against the tree, fingering the cross around her neck and tugging it free while resisting the urge to toss it away in frustration. Thus released, she's cast back to Tobi's house, landing in a bean bag chair with a controller in hand, thumbing it like a demented wind-up toy. Tobi and Jael are screaming at her and cheering her on. Her fingers open, and she drops the controller. It hits the floor with a thud.

  'Come on, Charli. You had him,' Tobi screams.

  Music thumps through the room, and the smell of cigarettes hits her. She gazes around, bewildered. Two girls are sprawled on the couch; their eyes are darkened with liner, their skirts are hiked to just below their bottoms, and their thin legs stretch before them. One has a joint halfway to her lips, and the other is sucking on a bottle of cider. Two thin youths join Jael and Tobi, forming a semi-circle around the television. Feeling nauseous, she pushes herself up and staggers from the room to Tobi's disappointed roars.

  She finds Tobi's room along a short hall and stumbles to the mattress. She is washed in despair, feeling her failure to save Ash as much as the first time. She touches her pocket with shaking fingers, somehow knowing the cross is there and starting to comprehend her mother's fear of it. Was that the portal Mrs P told me about? Did I just go back in time? She lies still. Breathe. She tries to make sense of it, her frustration mounting as tears blur her eyes. Then she has a sudden thought: is this the answer to all her problems? Is this how she can get her family back? Her heart lurches, hope flickering like a beacon in the dark. Her mind reels at the possibility. If I did go back in time, can I do it again? She thinks back to what she was doing and remembers putting the pendant over her head.

  'Is that how you work?' she asks, staring at the ancient cross in her hand. Should I try again now? But what if there's a limit to the number of times I can go back? She has to think this through and be strategic. But she doesn't know how. All she wants is for her life to go back to the way it was before. The possibility brings a tiny thrill of excitement like having a secret when you're a small child. Her mother must have known something
would happen. Why else would she give her the necklace? She remembers the silky tones of her voice. 'You must keep this with you always, Charli.'

  'Did you know?' she whispers to the invisible Clare.

  'Know what?' asks Tobi, bouncing onto the mattress beside her.

  'Nothing,' she says, jolting at his sudden entrance.

  'Well, here's something ya dunno,' he roars. 'I'm the champion.' He pumps his fist in the air and screams so loud that Charli loses a few decibels of hearing.

  'The champion of what?' she asks.

  'Devil Rider,' he crows.

  Charli guesses it's a PlayStation game and nods. 'Good for you,' she says without enthusiasm.

  'Ya could've been right up there with me. Ya were rocking it until ya dropped the controller. What happened?'

  Charli feels his eyes on her.

  'Hey, ya orright?'

  She nods and then shakes her head. She's bursting to share her secret with him, but she plays it down so he doesn't get suspicious.

  'It's been a long couple of days,' she says instead. 'I'm thinking I need to work things out with Dad. He's all I've got left.'

  'Are ya mad? He'll have to turn ya in; otherwise, he'll lose his job.'

  'I'm more important than his stupid job,' she says, indignant. But as soon as the words are out, she's not so sure. Her mind dredges up every significant event he's ever missed: concerts, sports days, and recitals. Her mum was always in the front sitting next to an empty chair. Work consumes him, always making him late or absent, more so since Ash was born. But this is different, isn't it? She's all he has left. Didn't he tell her life's too short? Then she ran away screaming how much she hates him. Maybe Tobi's right, but she can't stay here forever, and she doesn't want to.

  'I have to do the right thing, Tobi. Hiding's making it worse.'

  'Well I'd rather be in hiding than in DJ,' he says, stretching back on the mattress and putting his hands behind his head.

  'DJ?' She frowns.

  'Delany Juvenile, it's where ya'll go if ya caught,' he says with an air of nonchalance. 'Heard some real bad shit 'bout that place.'

  Charli thinks about a prison filled with young criminals and shudders. Even though she's got no idea what it's like, she knows the kids in there don't come from her kind of privilege. Most come from places that have nudged them towards a cell since birth. She can't even begin to comprehend any other life than the one she has, which is why she needs to go home and sort things out with her dad. Besides, all of this will be over as soon as she saves her mum and Ash. Then she can focus on the travel plans for her gap year.

  'Dad won't let me go there,' she says with confidence.

  'Ya make him sound like some sorta God, Charli. He's just a pollie; he is not above the law.' He rolls on his side to eyeball her. 'Anyways, I'm starvin'; I need to fill the hole.'

  She shakes her head at his endless appetite, glad to be left alone for a minute. She's not used to having people around her all the time, and it's testing her patience. She thinks of Tobi rummaging through the fridge to find leftovers, her belly still churning from the time travel. She is not the least bit hungry.

  Tobi returns, moments later, with a large pizza box and half a bottle of cola.

  'Scored some pizza,' Tobi says with a grin. 'Meat lovers—me favourite. Ya want some?' He tosses the box at her feet and joins her on the side of the mattress. She shakes her head, stomach clenching; she is preoccupied with thinking. The pile of rubbish grows as he tosses a dried crust of pizza on the floor. She stares, dazed, and fingers the cross through the denim of her jeans, wondering how he stays so thin with all the junk he eats. Noticing her grim face, he pats her shoulder while chomping, open-mouthed, on another slice.

  'I just want to go home.' she says. 'Can you take me?'

  He keeps chewing, giving her the thumbs up.

  'Are ya gonna talk to ya old man?' he asks.

  'If he's around, I will. But I need clothes and money anyway, whether he's home or not.' She scans the floor. 'And a couple of decent-sized garbage bags. I don't know how you live in this mess.'

  He swallows his mouthful of pizza, shrugs, and snatches up the last piece of pizza, shovelling half of it into his mouth.

  'I'll make it worth your while; I'll give you some cash for your trouble.'

  Tobi's eyes light up, and his jaw works faster. 'So what's the plan?' he asks, taking a swig of cola and kicking the pizza box aside.

  'No real plan. Just head over there, sneak in the back way—if there are reporters in the front—and get what I need. If Dad's there, you can keep an eye out for the police while I talk to him. Make sure I don't get caught. Just need to get in and out without anyone seeing me.'

  'How we gonna do that if the place is crawling with cops and reporters?'

  She looks at him incredulous with her eyes wide. 'You watch too much television. Don't you think you're being a tad dramatic?'

  'Maybe.'

  'Are you coming?'

  'Yep, count me in, but can we hang for five 'til my lunch settles? I'm stuffed.'

  She's not surprised, eyeing the empty pizza box and cola bottle. Tobi lies back; his face goes slack, and his eyelids are half-closed. She stretches back beside him, her mind playing real and exaggerated memories and potential scenes over and over.

  'What was she like?' Tobi asks.

  'Who?'

  'Ya mum.'

  A fresh surge of pain stabs at her chest, and she almost cries out loud; she misses her so much. She'd give anything to have her here now. She can feel her arms around her and whispered reassurance that life, as she knows it, will return.

  'Charli?'

  'She was a good mum; she did everything for us. She had loads of energy and crazy ideas and was the life of every party. Everyone loved her.' She never stopped to think about it before, and it smacks her in the face. She took her mum for granted; she expected her to do everything.

  'You're lucky you had a mum like that,' he says.

  'Guess so,' Charli whispers, eyes fixing on the cobwebbed ceiling. 'She was a good person, always helping others. Every week she went to the charity kitchen to serve meals to the homeless, and she had this breakfast that she used to do, down by the river, every year around Christmas. I went with her a couple of times. She was nice to everyone, even people she didn't know.'

  'She sounds too good to be true,' Tobi says.

  'Wasn't always sunshine and roses,' Charli snaps. 'She made us do jobs at home and was always nagging about homework, what I ate, exercise, and all that.' Her own voice sounds petty in her ears. None of that matters now. She doesn't even know why she's saying it.

  Tobi nods, and they lay back in silence for a while.

  'How about your mum? Where's she?' Charli asks.

  'Died ages ago,' he says. 'Don't remember much about her; I was only five when she went.'

  She turns in time to see the sting of sorrow in his face and realises he's still feeling the pain. 'I was so scared when she died that I'd forget everythin' about her. It's hard to hang onto memories when yar a kid. So much other stuff pushes them away until one day you try to remember somethin', and it's gone. Bit by bit, it fades, and ya end up looking at pictures to remember. All I got left is her smell; she always smelt like lavender.'

  Charli thinks of the soap in the bathroom. As if reading her mind, Tobi continues. 'My Aunt Rosa keeps buyin' lavender soap to keep her alive for me. She knows how much it means and knows how much I miss her.' He falls into silence.

  'Me ole man did it,' he says. 'Killed her with his bare hands in a fit o’ rage one night. Too much booze. I'm lucky I was sleepin' at Rosa's or I'd be dead too. She must've known somethin' was gonna happen. She's been like a mum to me. Never had any kids but brought me up like I was hers.'

  'That's awful, Tobi. So is your dad in prison?'

  'Yep, still doing time for it. Hope he rots in there. If he ever got out, I'd wanna kill him anyway.'

  She looks at him. His face is contorted, and his lips a
re puckered.

  'I don't blame you; that's a terrible thing to do. Must have been awful for you at the time.' She doesn't know what else to say. It happened so long ago. He must over it by now. Will it take her that long?

  'It's a crap time for ya, Charli. I don't remember it that well. I was so young, and Rosa filled the gap. But I do know it tears ya apart inside.'

  Charli thinks of the pendant and wonders about the extent of its ability. She toys with the idea of being able to take him back and save his mother. Would I even do that if I could? It happened so long ago. I'm better off focusing on my own future, aren't I? I doubt Tobi's life would be much different if his mother was still here anyway. What kind of person marries a man like Tobi's dad?

  'Must've been hard for Rosa though, losin' her sister like that and gettin' used to having a kid around all the time. She never whinged about it; she always had a smile for me. I would've ended up in foster care if it weren't for her. Could be in prison or worse.'

  Charli tries to imagine losing both parents and living with strangers. It'd be hard for kids forced into that. She's never thought about it before and starts to realise how privileged her life has been. She catches Tobi staring and knows he's waiting for her to say something.

  'I'm really sorry that happened to you. Can't imagine what it's like having a dad like that. No wonder you hate him.'

  What is my Dad really like? Do I really know him? He did something so bad his own mother stopped talking to him. Something he won't talk about it. Fear shoots through her at the thought of ending up in foster care.

  'Yeah, well, I don't think of it much anymore. I've seen hate consume people and not in a good way. I don't wanna end up bitter and twisted; I'm already crazy enough.' He chuckles at his own joke. 'Rosa's done everythin' she can to make me forget about him and make somethin' of myself. I'm not like my Dad, and I'm glad about that. I think I'm lettin' her down by not going to school though.'