House of Dreams

by Pauline Gedge

  “My dearest sister,” I read. “Forgive the length of time that has passed since I received your letter. And forgive, also, the words I must reply. I cannot come to Pi-Ramses. I am now fully employed in a position of trust by the priests of Wepwawet, and Isis and I signed our marriage contract last month. We have a house behind the temple, with a small garden and fish pond, and we are expecting our first child towards the end of the year. Please understand, dear Thu. I love you but I would not be happy in Pi-Ramses, and surely the harem does not need yet another able scribe as much as Wepwawet, and my wife, need me here. Write to me soon and tell me that I am forgiven, for until then I will live in the utmost fear that I have lost your affection.”

  But I do need you, Pa-ari, I thought in anguish as I let the scroll fall from my hand and curl in upon itself. I need you desperately. I have no friends here, no one who will give me a rock of unselfish love on which to plant my feet! Oh my brother, will you desert me also?

  I was shaken by a fierce jealousy, seeing in my mind’s eye the little mud brick house in the shadow of my totem’s temple, the slow-moving orange fish undulating placidly in the depths of the modest pool. Pa-ari would come home to the adoring dark eyes of his Isis and together they would eat their simple meal in the peace of an Aswat evening while the sunset glowed red in their tidy little garden and the palm trees stood in a dignified stillness, outlined against the copper-coloured sky.

  “Disenk,” I called gruffly, “bring me my medicine box. I will lie here in the grass and chew kat leaves. I do not wish to exist in the glare of this reality any more.” Picking up Pa-ari’s scroll I held it to my face, trying vainly to catch from it a whiff of his comforting smell, but the papyrus was dry and odourless. I tore it in two and dropped it into the water.

  My punishment lasted three days, during which Pharaoh’s silence was like a wall of adamant around me. The women eyed me warily. Their servants, when I chanced to meet them, were respectful but distant. Hatia shocked me by giving me a smile of such malevolent complicity as I passed her on the second day on my way to the bath house that my scalp prickled. I hated them all, the silly, shallow females, the ridiculously snobbish underlings, the spoiled, pouting children always underfoot. I wanted to scream at them, strike out in some way, but I moved from my privileged quarters to my bath, from the pool where I swam to the grassy spot where I blatantly exercised under their avid eyes, with my chin high. “Never mind,” Hunro said on the one occasion when she came to my rooms. “It cannot last, Thu. Ramses is not used to hearing intelligent argument from the women he sleeps with, only from the Queen and the Chief Wife who do not challenge his virility any more when they open their mouths to engage him on some point of political strategy. You madden him but you also fascinate him. He will send word soon.” She grinned at me, the picture of vigorous good health and beauty, making me feel pale and thin. “If not, you can always choose a lover from among the rest of us. There is satiation in a woman’s arms as well as a man’s, you know.” I answered her sourly, curtly, but she was right, for on the evening of the third day I was summoned to the royal bedchamber. I went apprehensively, feeling as though I would have to conquer Pharaoh all over again.

  But he greeted me effusively, enfolding me in an embrace even before I had fully risen from my obeisance and leading me to the table where sweetmeats and wine had been set out. Still holding my hand he urged me to sit and then bent over me, searching my face, his smile one of unaffected joy. “Dearest Thu!” he said. “I have missed you so much! My nights have been miserable without your warm body beneath the sheets and I have not slept well. How are you? A trifle wan, I see. Can it be that you have missed me also?” He spoke as though we had been apart for months rather than three tortuous days and I thought resentfully that if he had missed me so acutely it was his own fault, yet I could not help but respond to the note of insecurity in his voice.

  “My King,” I responded, “of course I have missed you! And I have been prostrate with the fear that I had seriously offended you and you had banished me from your presence for ever.” He wagged a finger at me, took the chair opposite, and raised his eyebrows.

  “You did offend me. And I have chastised you, my Lady. Let us speak of it no more. Tell me of Adiroma’s report on your land. I hear he took a female Overseer with him to the Fayum. Most intriguing!”

  I looked into those dark brown, lively eyes and thought how grossly Hui had underestimated this man who knew with pitiless omniscience the exact limits of his position and who obviously kept his stubby finger on the pulse of his domain. For the first time it struck me as puzzling that Hui, powerful and intelligent in his own right, a privileged physician with access to every member of the royal family, should have a weaker grasp of Ramses’ true character and the issues confronting him than I did. But perhaps Hui had never faced his King in the way I had, nor heard his clear, succinct exposition.

  I described my dealings with Adiroma and Wia as vividly as I could. It was not difficult. At the thought of my property I was filled with delight and did not need to feign animation. Ramses listened with a smug smile. “I am happy to have been able to bring you such pleasure, my little scorpion,” he said at length. “Your words have kindled an interest in me. How would you like to take a trip to the Fayum, you and I, so that together we may inspect this piece of Egypt’s dirt you have imbued with such sacred virtues?”

  “Oh Ramses!” I cried out, leaving my chair and climbing onto his knee. “You are a good man and I love you! I would like it more than anything else in the world!”

  “I am not a man, I am a God,” he returned, amused as always at my enthusiasm, his arm encircling my waist. “And I hope there is something else in the world you like better, otherwise your King will be bitterly disappointed.” He heaved himself upright, carrying me with him, stalked to the couch, and threw me upon it. Both of us were laughing. Falling beside me, he pulled me to him and began to kiss me avidly and I found, to my great surprise, that I had missed the scent of his skin and the taste of his mouth. Lust rose in me, and with a grunt I surrendered to its mindless insistence.

  He had not directly commanded me to stay for the night. When he fell at last into an exhausted sleep I dressed, and Paibekamun let me out into the cooler air of the passage. As he held the door for me he said in a low voice, “The Master wishes to see you as soon as possible.” I turned sharply. The face so close to mine was indistinct in the dimness. It told me nothing. Yet the impression of aloof superiority Paibekamun always gave was as strong as ever as our breath mingled. It came to me then that Paibekamun did not like me at all.

  “If that is so, why does he not come to me?” I inquired, tired and annoyed. Behind us, on the great couch, Pharaoh stirred and groaned but did not wake. Paibekamun shrugged, a supremely indifferent gesture.

  “I do not know. Perhaps he is too busy.” Deliberately he withdrew and closed the door and I was left to make my way towards the harem. The guards at the meeting of passage and path greeted me quietly and I answered them absently. What did Hui want? Was something wrong? Had there been bad news from Aswat about my mother, my father? I sighed audibly as Disenk heard me coming and opened for me. Why had Hui not sent a message to my quarters? I did not worry about it overmuch. I was too relieved to be back in Pharaoh’s bed.

  Early in the morning I received word that Ramses was too occupied to travel at present but I was to be ready to sail to the Fayum at dawn the following day. At once I ordered out my skiff, hoping irritably that news of my visit to the Master would not reach Pharaoh and make him wonder why I had fled to my old home as soon as I was restored to favour. His jealousy was seldom expressed but very real and I did not want to prompt it so soon. As unobtrusively as possible I slipped out my private door, along the path, through the main entrance of the harem, with Disenk behind me, but of course I passed several guards on the way and Hunro, swimming her lengths in the pool just within the boundary of the House of Women, waved to me as I left.

  However, once on
the Lake I regained my equilibrium. The morning was fresh, with a strong breeze blowing off the water that tugged at the hangings of my cabin and pulled at my hair. My helmsman was singing softly as he guided us. My two rowers were working in unison. I could see their naked backs gleaming in the sun. The road on the bank was almost empty.

  I could have reclined on my cushions for ever, savouring the feeling of freedom the scent of the orchards brought to me, but all too soon Hui’s watersteps came into sight and we berthed, the helmsman scrambling from his perch to run out the ramp for me. This time no delegation waited to welcome me home. Disenk and I walked under the pylon. Hui’s porter rose from his stool and at my terse order let us proceed. The only sounds came from the birds who whistled and piped above us.

  The courtyard glared white and deserted but beyond the entrance pillars there were the subdued murmurings of household industry. A servant padded by at the far end of the long passage, catching the shaft of light from the open rear doors as he went. There was a clatter of dishes upstairs and an abrupt, nasal laugh. We waited. Presently the imposing form of Harshira emerged from the gloom in which we stood, and coming towards us with his usual unhurried dignity he bowed.

  “I see that I am not expected, Harshira,” I said.

  “You are indeed expected, Lady Thu,” the Steward replied calmly, “but we did not know at what time. Please forgive me this lapse. Disenk, you may wait in the servants’ quarters. The Master is in his office, Lady.” I nodded and brushed by him.

  I knocked on the office door, and at the invitation to enter I went in. The inner office was open and as I approached it Hui came out. He looked tired but his smile was generous as he saw who it was. Taking my hands he pulled me forward. “Thu!” he exclaimed. “So my message reached you. Sit down.” I arranged myself in the familiar chair that had received me so many times before.

  “I cannot stay for long, Hui,” I said. “Tomorrow Pharaoh and I are sailing to the Fayum to inspect my land. Why did you not come to see me yourself?” He had perched on the edge of his desk and was looking down on me.

  “So you are back in the King’s favour,” he said thoughtfully. “Good. I am sorry for the summons, Thu, but there is an outbreak of fever in the city and many noble families have required my attention. Tell me what happened between Ramses and you.”

  “I am surprised that Paibekamun has not acquainted you with every word!” I responded hotly. “I resent that man, Hui. He has a secret contempt for me. There is no human warmth in him!” Hui leaned down and stroked my cheek and as always at his touch I felt my indignation begin to evaporate.

  “Tell me, little one,” he repeated gently.

  “It was your fault,” I said sulkily. “The scribes were there and Ramses was making decisions about the apportionment of the goods the trading vessels brought home. I listened, and afterwards I remonstrated with him. Too much was going to Amun and not enough into the royal coffers. He was very angry. He gave me a precise lesson in royal policy and sent me away.” I swallowed. “I was in disgrace for three whole days, Hui! For three days I was scorned by all and I did not know if Pharaoh would ever invite me into his presence again!”

  “But he did.” Hui folded his arms. “He is your prisoner, Thu. He may appear to discipline you but he cannot live without you. After a decent interval you can bring up the subject again. Eventually he will submit.” I stiffened.

  “No, I don’t think he will,” I said deliberately. “I trusted your judgement, Master, but in this instance I believe it to be flawed. I have come to know Ramses better than you. He is perfectly aware of his situation, its causes and its dangers. He will not act to free himself because he cannot. I will never be able to change his mind, and I have no intention of trying any more.” I rose and faced him. It took an act of courage to meet his eyes, this man who had been friend and mentor, father, judge and arbiter of my fate since I was little more than a child. I felt as though I was standing against a god. “I owe you everything, Hui,” I went on with difficulty. “All my dreams have come true because of you, and I can never repay you for all you have done. But I can no longer risk losing all I have gained. You and your friends—they think that Egypt can be righted, that Ma’at can be restored, but I have come to the conclusion that under Ramses it is impossible. Besides, which Ma’at, Hui? The Ma’at of an Egypt long gone? I will not plead the cause you follow with Pharaoh any more. I beg you to forgive me.”

  He did not move. His whole body went very still, apart from his eyes which travelled my face, sliding over each feature and back again. His own face was curiously blank. For a long time I stood tensely under his examination, outwardly calm but inwardly trembling. Then he sighed, nodded, and slid from the desk.

  “Very well, Thu,” he said equably. “You have been an obedient girl. You have done your best for me. Of course I forgive you. Now.” He walked to the open door of the inner office. “You are in a hurry. What do you need to refurbish your medicine box?”

  “I forgot to bring the box, Master,” I said humbly. “But I need more acacia spikes. They are very important to me. And castor oil, and grey antimony for my salves. Cinnamon and fresh natron …” He held up a finger.

  “I will make them up for you. Meanwhile, drink some wine.” He pulled the door closed behind him, and miserably I poured wine and stared into its scarlet depths. I had let him down. I had failed him, and no matter how strong my resolve to avoid the subject of policy with Pharaoh in the future, I wished things could be different.

  Hui emerged with a small chest which he placed in my hands. “The acacia spikes may appear to have a slightly blackish tinge,” he said. “But do not worry. They are still efficacious even though they were harvested some time ago.” Brushing the hair from my forehead he placed a lingering kiss between my eyes, sighed again, and pushed me kindly towards the passage. “Be happy, little Thu,” he said. “I wish you well.” A stab of alarm went through me. His words sounded like a farewell. I swung round to speak but his door was closing, and even as I stepped forward it was firmly shut.

  Lifting my hand to knock I paused and lay my fingers flat against the fragrant cedar wood. No. I had made a decision. I had cut one more thread that bound the child I no longer was to the Seer who must not control my destiny any more. Nevertheless I was troubled as I sent for Disenk and we walked back to where my skiff rocked, and I saw the ramp run in and the ropes cast off with a sense of foreboding. Behind lay the roots I had sunk day by day, month by month, during my long sojourn in Hui’s house. Ahead was the palace, where I was not yet anchored by any but the most delicate tendrils. I felt uncomfortably defenceless.

  But just after dawn the next day I made my way proudly to the palace watersteps where the royal barge floated, waiting for me. The morning still held a fleeting coolness and the fragile pink in the eastern sky had not yet turned to blue. Although the distance to the Fayum was not great, little more than a day’s swift sailing, a whole flotilla of craft jostled behind Pharaoh’s boat and the steps were crowded with servants weaving their dance of preparation and calling to each other. All movement ceased as I came into view, Disenk behind me carrying the box containing my needs for the journey, and every head was lowered. I had placed a foot on the ramp of the barge when there was a further commotion. Ramses was coming, surrounded by his servants and guards. He strode purposefully towards me, smiling, looking refreshed, his jewelled sandals briskly slapping the stone. I, along with everyone else, prostrated myself. “Up!” Ramses barked, and I felt his heavy hand on my neck. “A fine morning, a beautiful morning,” he almost sang. As I rose he flung an arm around my shoulders and ushered me onto the deck where chairs and cushions had been arranged.

  In a flurry of activity the ramp was pulled in, the helmsman scrambled up to his post, the guards deployed themselves around the edges of the deck, and we cast off. The imperial flags of blue and white began to flap as they caught the breeze, and the captain’s voice echoed as he set the pace for the rowers.

  Ramse
s sank into a chair, lifted his feet onto a cushion, and folded his hands across his abdomen. He was wearing a long, pleated skirt fringed in gold tassels and topped by a filmy tunic. The royal Uraeus glinted above his wide forehead, and his gold-worked linen helmet moved stiffly against the gems lying across his collar-bones as he turned to beam at me. “A brief respite from the demands of the court,” he said happily, “and my scorpion will once more be transformed into something less venomous. A dove, perhaps? A lamb? I feel expansive today, my Lady Thu, so we will sit here under the shade of the awning and allow my subjects to catch a glimpse of my holy person. Is not the season of Peret still glorious, though Shemu is almost upon us? Once past the city we will delight in the greenness of the orchards, and the crops springing thick in the fields.” He leaned sideways and his kohled eyes twinkled into mine. “You see,” he went on. “For your sake I am turning myself into a farmer today. Would I make a good farmer, Thu? It is a pity that you received your land too late to be sown this year, but we can stand in the mud together and take a rustic satisfaction in the future!” He was teasing me and I answered him in the same vein as the jumbled might of Pi-Ramses drifted past, its filth and noise interspersed with scented fruit trees and the flower-bedecked gardens and white watersteps of the rich.