Lost Soul (War of Destiny Book 1)

by Theresa Van Spankeren

  Matthew stopped just outside of the main room. “Samuel!”

  “Matthew, do not dare! You do not understand!”

  “What?” Samuel yelled. He sounded irritated.

  Matthew stepped into the room as I ran into view of it. Valerie and Samuel were wrestling on the bed. Samuel flipped Valerie over and straddled her. “I have you now, my darling,” he said playfully. He leaned down, then realized Matthew was in the bedroom. He sat up. “Matthew, can I not have any privacy around here?”

  “Samuel, Julia’s envious of your relationship with Valerie!” Matthew said.

  I froze for a moment in disbelief, then raced towards him. “I swear I’m going kill you, Matthew!” I shrieked and dove at him. I knocked into him and we fell to the floor, my hands encircling his throat. I began to choke him. In my anger, I even forgot Samuel and Valerie were in the same room.

  Samuel stood up. “Julia, do not kill Matthew. That’s enough, both of you,” he said quietly.

  I heard his voice and abruptly stood again. Without a word, I started back towards my room. Matthew began laughing and coughing behind me. I glanced back and saw Samuel look at Valerie. She shook her head, not bothering to sit up. “Children,” she said. Samuel nodded agreement.

  As soon as I entered my room, I told Adam to leave so I could get dressed. He looked up at me dumbfounded. “Leave now!” I repeated. He did, and I slammed and locked the door behind him. I heard Adam’s voice outside the door.

  “Samuel, what have you done to her now?”

  “I have not done anything. I’ve been in my room the entire time,” Samuel snapped. “Ask Matthew, who is hysterical on the floor. I’m not sure what’s going on.”

  “Matthew?” Adam demanded. “What say you?”

  “Julia is envious of their relationship,” Matthew replied.

  “You all certainly know how to wake up the entire household. What the bloody hell is going on?” Mary Anne yelled.

  I heard Adam step away from the door and the voices drop to a murmur. I walked over to the bed and lay down. I stared at the wall and struggled to understand why I was jealous. Adam was the man I loved; I knew that because of how I felt when he joined me, and by the way my heart ached when I thought of losing him. Even the rest of the group said we were we were soul mates. So why did it pain me to see Samuel so happy in Valerie’s presence? Finding no answers, I curled up in a ball and drifted into a half-sleep.

  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when I gradually became aware that someone had managed to picklock the lock and was stepping into the room. I heard the door shut and lock again with a click.

  “Julia?”

  It was Samuel’s voice. I tensed but didn’t move. I didn’t want to see anyone, and I especially did not want to see Samuel. Let him think I’m still asleep.

  “Julia?” Samuel tried again. He came closer and sat beside me on the bed. He reached out and smoothed back my hair. I stiffened and rolled away, giving up my idea of feigning sleep.

  “Do not touch me. Go away,” I said harshly.

  “Julia, are you all right?” Samuel asked.

  “I am fine.”

  “Are you angry about what Matthew said?” He drew closer to me.

  I rolled off the bed and walked to where a glass of water sat on the table. I picked it up and sipped from it while I considered my answer..

  “Are you angry?” Samuel asked again.

  “Nay, I am not angry about what Matthew said,” I snapped. The glass in my hand shattered as I crushed it. Sharp pain raced through my hand and arm. I dropped what pieces were still in my hand and lifted my arm. I swore and turned away to wash it.

  Samuel sprang off the bed and walked over to me. “You’re hurt. Let me look at that, Julia.”

  I cradled my hand close to my body. Blood streamed down my hand and my arm; shards of glass were embedded in my palm and fingers.

  “Get out of here. I have no need of your help. You were not supposed to be in here, anyway,” I snarled. “Get out!”

  “I will not.”

  “I thought I told you to get out!” I said incredulously, looking for a pail of water. When I located it I shoved my hand in, hissing at the pain.

  “I am not leaving, Julia. Let me look at your hand.”

  I grabbed the pail and threw it at him left-handed. He hit the pail away and it clattered to the floor. Water splashed everywhere.

  “What do you not understand, Sammy?” I said, spitting out the name Valerie had called him. “I have nothing to say to you.”

  “I don’t believe that is true. You seem angry at me,” Samuel said, striding the rest of the way to me. He took hold of my wrist, stared at my hand for a moment, and shook his head. “Jesu, Julia, why did you do this?”

  I tried to jerk my hand back, which only made it hurt more. “Because you will not leave me alone!”

  “Julia, do not struggle. I need to pull all the glass out.”

  “Do not touch me!” I yelled, trying to jerk back again.

  Samuel raised his eyes to study my face. I resolutely looked away. “Julia,” he said softly.

  “I can do it myself. Go back to Valerie. Leave me alone! Can’t I have any privacy around here?”

  Samuel shook his head. “You have been in here for over an hour alone.” He paused then said, “I’m not going to hurt you.” He examined my hand.

  I continued to stare in the other direction. “What do you want, Samuel?”

  “I want to take care of your hand. And I want to talk to you.”

  I looked at him grimly. “I do not want to talk,” I said pronouncing each word distinctly. I felt confused and betrayed. I still did not understand why Samuel’s being with Valerie bothered me so much.

  “Then at least let me take care of that hand,” Samuel said with a sigh. “You do not want it to heal with the shards still inside.”

  “Fine. The sooner I can get you out of here, the happier I shall be,” I answered. Samuel guided me back to the bed and sat me down. He started pulling out slivers of glass.

  I gasped sharply once, but my anger kept me silent during the rest of the procedure. He picked up a cloth from the nearby dresser and bandaged my hand. He looked at me. “Better?’

  “Aye. You can go now,” I told him and gestured towards the door.

  For the first time disbelief filled Samuel’s face. “Julia, calm down. I am not the enemy here.”

  I stared at him coldly. “Really?”

  “Julia, Matthew never should have said what he did. It was childish of him.”

  I stood up. “You are all too meddlesome for your own good,” I retorted.

  Samuel shrugged. “What can I say? He was being meddlesome. I would have preferred to hear it from you.”

  I looked away. “Then you have a long time to wait, Samuel,” I answered.

  “We shall see,” Samuel murmured. He stood and said, “I know you are jealous of Valerie. I also know you have been wondering what we did.”

  “What are you trying to say, Samuel?”

  “Nothing happened,” he answered. He paused, and I had the impression he was thinking things through. “I think you are jealous of her because you are attracted to me, Julia. And there is nothing wrong with that. You are young and never had the opportunity to be courted by a man who interested you before you were married.”

  I scowled. “Please just be quiet and go away. I’m confused enough. I do not understand what I am feeling, or why.”

  Samuel sighed. “When will you realize that this is normal?”

  “This is not normal!” I said, throwing my words at him. “I am not supposed to feel like this! I should not be feeling jealous of Valerie! I do not love you, Samuel. I am a grown woman; I was even married once.”

  “Julia, look at me.”

  “No.”

  Samuel put his hand on my shoulder and effortlessly turned me to face him. He forced me to make eye contact. “I never said anything about love. Despite what you think, Julia, in som
e ways you really are not an adult yet. You are nineteen by human standards, barely an adult at best. A child as a vampire.”

  “I was married by fifteen. I know what —”

  “You know what? How would you know what love is? Did you have suitors calling? I doubt it, since you were married at the very beginning of your courtship years. You never had a proper courtship, it seems to me. In your former life, you were denied even simple friendship with Adam, the one man you cared about. Is that not so? So now you are experimenting with this newfound freedom. It is natural to notice other men. It actually shows you are recovering from the horrors you endured in your marriage. Do not be ashamed of it.”

  Speechless, I stared at him. Samuel put his arms around me. “Trust me, Julia. Trying things is not bad.”

  He pulled me close and his lips brushed mine. He immediately pulled back and smiled slightly. Our lips had barely touched, but his kiss left me wanting more. I was surprised at the gentleness of it; I was just beginning to realize this kind of thing could be gentle. I was also surprised that a man other than Adam wanted to give me this kind of affection.

  Samuel waited before trying a second kiss; I think he wanted to see if I pulled away. When I didn’t, he kissed me again, deeper this time, but with the same gentleness. He pulled me to him until I was pressed against him fully. My eyes closed.

  The next thing I was aware of was someone violently tearing us apart. Adam pulled me aside and looked furiously at Samuel. “Damn you, Samuel,” he said. and threw a punch.

  Samuel blocked it with ease. He grabbed him by the throat and lifted him off his feet. “You still think you can harm me? You cannot Adam. You’re just a child,” he said patiently. He set him aside and strode out of the room.

  Adam said nothing. The pain and confusion in his eyes filled me with guilt. I tried to speak, but found I could not. We gazed at each other until Adam turned and left the room, his stride filled with anger I knew he was desperately trying to control. He did not bother to close my door.

  “Oh my. Now what have you done, Samuel?” I could hear Mary Anne’s voice distinctly from the other room. “You did what?!” she shouted.

  I slammed my door shut again and heard no more of the conversation. I stood for a moment in a stunned trance, from which I revived gradually. I locked the door again and dragged the table in front of it. I stepped away from the door and sighed miserably. I knew that barricading myself in the room like that was a fire hazard but couldn’t bring myself to care.

  “Who gives a damn about fire? I can burn in hell for all I care. I probably deserve it!” I spat the words out loud. I stomped over to my dresser and hurled my dresses and skirts, one by one, across the room. Where was an outfit in which I could fight unencumbered?

  “Dresses! Whose idea were they anyway? And where on earth is that outfit?”

  At the very bottom of the dresser I found my only shirt and trousers outfit.

  Suddenly, past memories swamped me, and my vision clouded. I was walking down the hallway when Gregory dragged me into our bedroom. He pushed me against the wall and leered at me. “You must come when I call for you.” I whimpered and shook my head slightly. “Aye. I own you, Juliana. I can do whatever I wish,” he said, and kissed me so roughly that my lips became bruised. It felt more like a bite than a kiss.

  I blinked as my simple furniture came back into focus. I kicked my dresser. Surprisingly, the pain in my foot felt kind of satisfying. Catching sight of something out of the corner of my eye, I whirled towards it, figuring one of the vampires had somehow gotten in despite the locked and barricaded door. What I saw was not a vampire, but a shadowy figure.

  “Juliana, you are just as bad as I am.”

  I gasped and threw the empty bucket at the form. The pail hit the wall. “You are dead. You are not here!” I said, and turned to pick up some of my clothes.

  Gregory suddenly materialized in front of me. “Adultery Juliana. You are still committing it. You are nothing but a concubine. You were seeing that damn peasant boy while you were married to me, you go to him a year after you vanish, and now you’re consorting with another man. And such uncontrollable rages,” he said mildly. “You really are my wife.”

  A half-strangled scream left my lips. I backed away. “Nay.”

  There was a knock on the door. “Julia, are you all right?” Mary Anne asked.

  “Whore,” the image of Gregory said. “So, you little harlot, what will you do? You could kill the one and have the peasant to yourself, or you could kill the peasant and have the other one to yourself. Or if you are really greedy, you can have them both.”

  I screamed again, louder, and backed away farther. “Leave me in peace! You have tormented me enough! You cannot hurt me now.”

  The doorknob to my room rattled. “Julia! What is going on in there? Let me in, honey!”

  Gregory shrugged. “You are doing this to yourself, Juliana. ‘Tis not my fault you have become like me.”

  “Begone!”

  I could hear Mary Anne, but just barely. I said nothing to her, though. I knew Gregory could not really be here, yet I could not comprehend how it could seem that he was, especially when he smiled at me.

  “I dare say, Julia, I do not feel so bad anymore. You treat the peasant the same way you treated me. You are so very like me. We must be meant for each other.”

  I backed up further until I collided with my dresser and collapsed with another scream. I curled up in a ball, hiding my face in my hands. I heard Mary Anne step away from the door and say, “Samuel? Richard? Christy? Anyone!” But her voice seemed to come from far away.

  “What is it, Mary Anne?” Christy asked.

  “Julia’s acting oddly in her room.” Mary Anne answered. “She’s screaming and talking to herself.”

  “What?” Samuel asked. His voice was farther away than the others.

  I raised my head as Gregory took a casual step towards me. “Do not come near me! ‘Tis all your fault!” I slammed my head against the wall. My vision mercifully went black.

  ***

  I dreamt while I was unconscious. It didn’t make much sense, but it seemed real, almost like a memory, except this particular “memory” was of something that had never happened.

  There were other vampires inside the house. We were fighting them in the main room. Matthew flung away a vampire. ‘Hmm, I knew we were forgetting something,’ he said in amusement.

  I flung one of my attackers at him. ‘You would have,’ I answered sarcastically. I turned and jumped on one of the assailants attacking Samuel.

  Samuel snapped another’s neck. He smiled at me in appreciation and then looked around. ‘Valerie!’ he screamed, rushing towards her.

  I looked in the direction I had seen him disappear, but my vision was obscured by the confusion of fighting all around.

  I whirled to strike another vampire when I saw one of them knock over a candle, one of the few we had lit. It smoldered for a second before flames licked upwards from the wall. I could sense fear everywhere.

  I started to surface from the dream, whimpering. “Julia, it’s all right. I’m right here,” Mary Anne said. Her soothing voice calmed me enough to slip back under.

  Chapter 14

  “Shh. Julia, it’s all right. You need not talk yet. We are right here.” Christy’s voice was soothing, and the cool cloth she laid on my forehead was refreshing. I heard other voices too.

  “Matthew, wherefore did you say what you did?”

  “Nay, Samuel, you cannot blame this on me. You were the one who kissed her.”

  “I did not imagine it would trouble her so. I thought she was strong enough to handle it.” Samuel replied.

  Then, Adam’s voice. “Julia! What the hell happened to her? What did you people do!”

  “I did nothing,” Richard snapped.

  “Calm down, Adam,” Christy said. “When did you get back, anyway?”

  “A moment ago.”

  Samuel resumed his conversation with Matthe
w. “What I did is not the issue here. If you had not acted like such a child, she would not have been upset in the first place.”

  “On the contrary, Samuel. What you did is the issue here.,” Matthew retorted.

  “You should not have told me she was jealous of Valerie. I went in to talk to her, and one thing led to another.”

  I groaned at the almost painful level the noise had reached. Someone put their hand on mine reassuringly.

  Adam said, “You were planning this all along, Samuel.”

  “No, I was not. I thought she would rebuff my kiss. I certainly did not expect this result,” Samuel replied.

  “Of course, ‘one thing just happened to lead to another.’ You probably forced her.”

  “I do not force anyone to do what they do not want to do, Adam,” Samuel said, his voice filled with anger.

  “Then wherefore did she react like this right afterwards, Samuel? You said it yourself: ‘Give her time. Let her go at her own pace.’ What happened to that advice, O Great One?” Matthew said sarcastically.

  “Sometimes memories and what will activate them are hard to predict,” Samuel said.

  “Well, perhaps you should mind your own business, both of you!” Adam snapped.

  “Boys, that’s enough. Your bickering isn’t helping the girl. You are probably just giving her a headache,” Valerie said sharply. “And no one likes to be talked about as if they are not present.”

  “Adam, why don’t you take a walk? You need some time to calm down. You shouldn’t have come back so soon anyway. We’ll take care of Julia,” Mary Anne said.

  “I do not think so. I’ve seen the way they’ve been taking care of her. And I neither need nor like to be told what to do,” Adam retorted.

  “You never did anything to help her,” Samuel murmured in a barely audible voice.

  “And you—” Adam started and then paused. In a quieter voice he said, “What are you implying? I never knew Julia needed help. I knew she had been attacked once. She told me she didn’t know her attacker. But other than that time, I could not have known. I heartily wish I had.”