Lost Soul (War of Destiny Book 1)

by Theresa Van Spankeren

  “Valerie?” I said, suddenly frightened. Seeing her and Samuel in so much pain since the fire had awakened unpleasant sensations in me, like ghosts of injuries past. I remembered feeling so much pain that I could have sworn every bone in my body was broken. I shuddered at the vivid, unsought memories.

  Valerie’s hand jerked, pulling me out of my thoughts. She spoke in a barely audible whisper. “So much

  pain . . .can you do something, please?” she pleaded.

  I felt helpless. What could I do? I had no knowledge of medicine, or even the treatment of wounds. I had never before had to take care of anyone; usually someone attended to my injuries.

  “Soon, Valerie,” I said, trying to sound reassuring.

  Her eyes fluttered open again, but they were glazed over with pain. She only moaned in response, and her eyes slipped shut. I began pacing in frustration. “Damn it, Samuel, what are you doing out there?” I hissed.

  There was a light knock on the open door. I turned and saw Jeffrey.

  “Julia? Can I see you out here for a minute?” he asked, sounding unusually timid.

  I looked towards Valerie and then back at him. I nodded and followed him out, shutting the door behind me. “What is it, Jeffrey?”

  “They are about a hundred yards down the lane on the verge of a fight. They did not even acknowledge my presence.”

  Anger flashed through me. I was right. Damn, I hate being right about some things, especially when it comes to those two. However, I still couldn’t believe it. Adam and Samuel fighting, when Valerie is here suffering?

  “I will go,” I muttered. “Watch Valerie and make her as comfortable as possible, please.”

  I ran out the front door, once again thankful I wasn’t wearing a dress.

  This time I let the link of the ka-tet guide me to the other two, not bothering to listen and look for them, but followed their presences as I felt them through the telepathy. I moved swiftly, impelled by angry urgency. I heard them long before I saw them. Insults were flying between them like sparks.

  I drew closer and saw Adam kneeling down beside some pulled-up plants. Samuel was leaning against a tree, looking tired as he spoke. “That is not comfrey, fopoodle.”

  “Aye it is, Samuel. I should think I would know; I am sure I know more about medicinal herbs than you do. I have many brothers and sisters and my mother always used herbs when we were ill. I learned by watching her. Why do you always think you know more than anybody else? Why does Julia even pay any attention to you? Speaking of Julia— I cannot believe you took advantage of her like that!”

  “She could have said no,” Samuel snapped.

  “Why did you do it, Samuel? Why did you kiss her?” Adam demanded, his voice nearly a snarl. “Are you such a foul brute?”

  I paused on the hill overlooking them, uncertain about what I should do. I did not move closer; I feared, perhaps irrationally, that they might turn their wrath on me. I reasoned if I waited, they would either resort to physical fighting yet again or finally make some kind of peace. The moment of possibility would be broken if my presence was noticed. I decided to wait a little longer before interrupting.

  Samuel shifted positions and seemed to carefully consider the question. “I wished to see what would happen,” he answered thoughtfully. “A few days ago, Julia mentioned that she felt uncomfortable around men during intimate moments. That includes both you and me. I do not know much about her human life,” he lied, “but I do know she had been attacked at least three times.”

  He paused. “I know nothing about her assailant, whether it was the same man each time, or three different men. I do not even know if she knows. Has she told you how I found her?” he asked calmly.

  “Only that you rescued her from ‘a dangerous situation’— her exact words,” Adam answered curtly.

  Oh Lord, what is he doing? Did my wishes mean nothing to him? I told Samuel I didn’t want Adam to know.

  I never wanted Adam to know I had given birth to Gregory’s child, nor did I want him to know about my husband’s beatings. Adam knew Gregory and I had never gotten along and that was enough. I wanted to spare him from knowing about what I went through, because he would probably be angry that I had lied to him about it, even though the reason I had lied was fear for his life, as well as my own. And in the last year, my child’s. And I did not want Adam to see me any differently. Selfish thoughts and selfish reasons? Probably. But it was my choice.

  I almost began to move towards them when Samuel’s response stopped me. I always wondered how he had found me in time, but never had the courage to ask.

  “Damien fetched me. He was headed for her mansion for a visit. When he got close to the house, he heard a strange sound, something that sounded like a scream. He’s human, you know, with a wife, and did not want to take foolish chances. He knew I was out hunting nearby, so he sought me out.”

  I heard frank truthfulness in his voice and was sure Adam could as well.

  “He was concerned, afraid his sister-in-law was in trouble.” Samuel fixed Adam with a defiant stare. “I promised him I would go by the house to make sure everything was all right. When I got to the mansion all I heard was a few moans and soft crying from the back of the house. I circled the place until I found the exact room Julia was in. She had been locked in, bruised and bloody. I helped her out by way of the window, but she was weak, and unable to really tell me what had happened.”

  Samuel paused again. “All she told me was that she could not trust anyone in that house and someone would hurt her if she returned. She neglected to say who,” Samuel said, slipping in a slight lie. “I brought her back with me. She learned to trust me. She went back for you. She came to me a few days ago and told me she was frightened to be intimate with anyone, especially you. I pondered for a while and came up with an idea. I thought that maybe I could help her, that if she could learn to be intimate with me, someone she trusts and knows better at the moment, she might get over her fear,” he finished coolly. “That was what was going on when you so rudely barged in.”

  Adam sat back and was silent for a moment. Samuel’s words seemed to have shaken him. I don’t think the possibility had ever crossed his mind that the ‘situation’ I had mentioned to him had actually left me hurt. I wondered if he suspected it was Gregory. I knew that some things from my past were t too hard to explain away with my lies.

  “At least let her decide those things, Samuel. Do not force them on her.”

  Samuel sighed. “She did not resist me, Adam. Nor did I use any powers on her to force her to comply,” he said in anger, anticipating the question. “We cannot hypnotize other vampires, you know. Or maybe you did not know.”

  “Then why did she react the way she did to you?”

  Samuel was silent yet again. When he spoke next it was obvious he had chosen his answer with care. “For one thing, you walked in at the worst possible moment … not that I understood how you got in anyway. Instead of waiting —or even leaving and coming back later — you violently separated us and came at me with malicious intent, although I do understand your anger. Obviously, she recalled unhappy memories. With all that happened immediately afterwards, I have not yet had a chance to speak to her about it. When things calm down a bit, I shall.”

  Adam’s reply was so soft I could not hear it. Shifting uneasily, I realized I had to do something. Valerie had suffered enough pain because of their quarrel. I circled the area to get closer to Samuel, reasoning that since my plea was for Valerie, he would respond better and faster than Adam. I supposed they forgot why they had come out here. I moved up behind Samuel as if I had come from the road, which I had not.

  “Samuel!” I said sharply. “What in heaven’s name is going here? Valerie is in immense pain. I fear she may not be able to endure much longer if you do not make haste and return with those herbs.”

  Both Samuel and Adam turned towards me. They looked surprised. “Julia, how long have you been standing there?” Adam asked.

  I cr
ossed my arms and shrugged. “We expected you back a good while ago. I came out to find you. Valerie is agonizing. You should be ashamed of yourselves. If I am interrupting something urgent, at least give me the herbs so I can help her.”

  Samuel looked away. He was ashamed, I thought, as well he should have been. To Adam he said quietly, “We will finish this discussion another time.”. He turned back to me. “Let’s go.”

  Adam nodded and stood. He handed Samuel one pile of herbs, me another, and took the last one himself. We hurried back to the house without speaking.

  Mary Anne met us at the door. Her demeanor was cool as she regarded the men. “Thank you Julia. It took you two long enough,” she said, as she let us in. I shared a look with her, and she seemed to understand my meaning. “Keep your discussions for a time when you do not have another depending on you. Come; show us what to do, Adam. Enough time has been wasted.”

  We followed her into the kitchen, where we lay the plants on the large old wooden table. Adam gestured to one of the piles. “Could someone grind the chamomile leaves and flowers to make tea?” Mary Anne nodded and set to work. “The lobelia needs to be ground also, but it will be made into an ointment. We need honey for the ointment. Or butter, but honey would be better. Maybe there is some here in the kitchen, or in the cellar, if there is one.”

  “I can grind it and look for honey,” Samuel said, his eyes cool. Adam nodded without a word. Samuel began to work in silence. He was obviously angry, and it seemed to me his anger was at himself.

  I turned to Adam. “What can I do?”

  Adam had already turned to the last pile of herbs and the warm cloths. “I’ll show you,” he answered. He took a few of the plants and wrapped them in a cloth, layering them and tying it off. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “A comfrey poultice,” he explained as he put it together. “My mother says it helps wounds heal. I have seen her use it often.”

  I watched him for a while and began to mimic his movements. We all worked quickly. It was a moment before I answered. I realized how providential it was that he was there at this time when his knowledge was vital. “Thank you for being here,” I said. I reached for more herbs and smiled as our hands grazed each other’s as he also reached for more. I realized that it was not only his herbal remedies that made me grateful he was there.

  Adam saw me look in the direction of Valerie’s room. He glanced at Samuel and Mary Anne, noting their progress, then back at me. “You and Samuel can take the tea and the two finished poultices in and care for Valerie. I’ll stay in here and finish the other poultices and the ointment. More tea can be made later. In all, we should have enough supplies to last us a week or so.”

  I nodded, picking up the two poultices. I looked over at Samuel and saw him carrying a mug of the tea. I silently led the way back to Valerie.

  Jeffrey was still with her. He was readjusting her position when we entered. He smiled when he saw us. “I am relieved you’re back. She is unconscious again, but she keeps moaning and whimpering. She jerks sometimes too — I think the pain has become even more severe.”

  I nodded as we laid our supplies on the table in the room. I smiled at him gratefully. “Thank you, Jeffrey, for staying in here while I found Samuel and Adam.”

  Jeffrey looked at Samuel and nodded. He glanced back at me. “Of course. Call if you need me,” he said and left.

  I had no real experience with medicine but intuition guided me. I pulled back the blankets and gently undid the bandages covering Valerie’s wound. I laid the poultice on the wound and surrounding area. “Do you know what all this does? Because I do not,” I asked as I worked.

  Samuel nodded. “A basic understanding. I am not knowledgeable about medicine either, except for what little I learned dealing with battle wounds. The comfrey in the poultice helps wounds heal faster, and chamomile tea should relax her and help her sleep. The lobelia ointment Adam is preparing soothes pain.”

  “Ah, I see.” Valerie moved slightly as I finished adjusting the poultice. She didn’t cry out, and I was relieved. Slowly, with extreme gentleness, I secured the poultice in place with strips of cloth and draped the sheet lightly over her. “Try to wake her so you can give her a few sips of the tea, Samuel.”

  Samuel nodded. He still looked distressed. I think he felt the guilty weight of having allowed himself to jeopardize Valerie’s life by not bringing the herbs home as quickly as he could have. “Val? Valerie?” he said, while stroking her cheek.

  Valerie’s eyes fluttered feebly. Her complexion was even more ashen than when I had left. Samuel repeated her name and I gently massaged her shoulders. Finally she opened her eyes. “Samuel? What took you so long?” she croaked.

  “I’m sorry, Val. Adam needed to speak to me about something. Here, drink this. It should help you feel better,” he said gently. He held the mug with one hand and lifted her head tenderly. Valerie drank a little of the tea and then turned her head away. Samuel sighed and helped her lie back down. He turned to put the mug down.

  I continued to massage her shoulders, knowing the muscles had to be sore from the pain. I looked at Samuel. “What were you and Adam talking about out there?”

  Samuel glanced at me and then resumed stroking Valerie’s cheek. “We were trying to make peace, trying to resolve the issues between us,” he answered quietly. He paused, then shrugged. He glanced down at Valerie. “I should not have gotten caught up in the discussion and forgotten about why we were out.”

  “Any success?”

  Samuel shrugged. “Perhaps,” he answered cryptically, giving me an odd look.

  I shrugged, deciding it was best they didn’t know I had overheard part of their conversation.

  “That feels good, Julia,” Valerie whispered, her voice groggy. “You must have a healing touch.”

  I laughed. “I do not think vampires are healers … at least not by touch. I just have a mother’s touch, I suppose. My sister always liked my massages. She said they made her feel warm and tingly. I always thought she was half dreaming.”

  “Nay, she was right,” Valerie murmured drowsily, before drifting into some state of unawareness.

  I looked back at Samuel. “The chamomile must have taken effect already.”

  “That is good. Julia, may I talk to you for a while?” he asked quietly.

  I looked back down at Valerie. Her rest seemed more peaceful than before. “All right.” I had a pretty good idea what he wanted to speak about. I backed away from Valerie and sat down. “What is it, Samuel?”

  He was still standing at Valerie’s side. “Before the other vampires attacked us, you said you had a vision of Gregory calling you a whore?”

  “Aye, if indeed it was just a vision.” I glared at him, my anger finally resurfacing. But I kept my voice quiet. “He told me I was a whore because I was ‘consorting’ with you. Why did you kiss me, Samuel?” I was both angry and confused.

  “Almost a week ago you came to me after a sudden movement Adam made had upset you. Though it was not menacing on Adam’s part, you admitted you do not know how to react to him in intimate situations.” He seemed to choose his words carefully. “Because you will not tell Adam about what Gregory did to you, your actions baffle him. You do not trust him in intimate moments, but you need someone, Julia. What better way to learn than with me? Someone you trust? You do trust me, do you not?”

  For a long time I stared at him and said nothing, almost wishing I could say no. But I knew that would be a lie. I trusted Samuel with my life. But what exactly did Samuel mean? What sort of help was he proposing?

  He left Valerie’s side and knelt in front of me. I glanced at him and saw pain deep in his blue eyes. “I did not mean any harm, Julia. I only wanted to help you.”

  “I do trust you, Samuel,” I answered quietly. “Of course I do. How could I not? I just do not understand your motives.”

  Disappointment filled Samuel’s eyes. “I do not want to cause you distress, Julia. I just thought I could help you with
this.” He took my hand. “You are not a whore, Julia. I want to help you learn to trust a man again . . . even to relearn to love. But I need you to trust that I will not hurt you, not intentionally.” He squeezed my hand. “Can you do that?”

  “I will try. It is hard, Samuel. You are right. I was very young when I was married. I did not learn to love; I only learned to fear,” I said wearily.

  Samuel reached up and brushed back some of my hair. His expression was tender.

  “Do not worry,” he said simply. A mischievous glint suddenly entered his eyes. “Have you ever been given a back massage?”

  I frowned, trying to remember. “Once or twice, when Gregory was in an unusually nice mood. Why?”

  Samuel made a face. “That must have been a pathetic attempt at a massage. You are tired and tense. A massage would relax you.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Only if you put on a suitable shirt!” I said, throwing the newly made shirt at him. Samuel grabbed the garment and slipped it on.

  “Is this acceptable, Sunshine?” he asked with quiet amusement.

  A smile touched my lips. “All right,” I said and walked to the bedroll. I lay down on my stomach, turning my head to the right.

  Samuel walked over and knelt down beside me. He reached over and began to knead my shoulders and lower back. I moaned in surprised pleasure. It felt nothing like the massages Gregory had given. I realized that even my husband’s ‘massages’ had a touch of cruelty to them.

  “That feels wonderful, Samuel.”

  Samuel smiled. “Good. Everything’s going to be all right, Julia.”

  I closed my eyes as he kneaded the knots out of my back. “You give a wonderful massage, Samuel,” I whispered.

  He pushed some of my hair back away from my face. I knew he was probably still smiling. I turned slightly and felt his lips against my cheek. “Samuel . . .” I whispered.

  His hands came to rest on my shoulders. I re–opened my eyes and saw his face was startlingly close. “Feel better?” he asked.