Where There's a Will

by Rex Stout

  Wolfe looked at the good-looking face that was living up to something. "Oh. Are you . . ." He trailed it off. WHERE THERE^S A WILL 37 The face looked faintly annoyed. "Osric Stauffer of Daniel Cullen and Company. The foreign department was under the direction of Mr. Hawthorne and I was next to him. Also I was fairly intimate with him." So it was Daniel Cullen and Company he was living up to. Judging from the way he had been hovering in the neighborhood of April Hawthorne, I had guessed wrong entirely; I had thought he was dignifying a passion. "wolfe inquired, "You know Miss Karn, do you?" "I have met her, yes." Stauffer's voice was clipped and precise. "What Mr. Prescott was referring to, I went to see her this morning about this will business. I was requested to go by him and Mrs. Dunn --and in a way, unofficially, as a representative of my firm. A will contest--this sort of thing--would be highly undesirable in the case of a Cullen partner." "So you saw Miss Karn this morning?" "Yes." "What happened?" "Nothing. I made no headway at all. Naturally, in my position, I have been entrusted with some difficult and delicate negotiations, and I've dealt with some tough customers, but I've never struck anything tougher than Miss Karn. Her position was ^at it would be improper, and even indecent, to 38 WHERE THERE'S A WILL interfere with the wishes of a dead man as he had himself expressed them, with regard to the disposal of his own property. Therefore she couldn't even discuss it, and she wouldn't. I told her she would have a contest to fight and might lose it all. She said she had a great respect for justice and would cheerfully accept any decision a court might make, provided there was no higher court to appeal to." "Did you offer terms?" "No, not specific terms. I didn't get that far. She was--" Stauffer seemed momentarily embarrassed how to put it. "She wasn't inclined to listen to anything about the will, the purpose of my call. She attempted to presume on our comparatively slight acquaintance." "Do you mean she tried to make love to you?" "Oh, no." Stauffer blushed, glanced involuntarily at April Hawthorne, and blushed more. "No, not that, not at all. I mean merely that she acted as if my visit were--just a friendly visit. She is an extremely clever woman." "And you think she wasn't scared by the threat of a contest?" "I'm positive she wasn't. I never saw anyone less scared." Wolfe grunted. He turned to June with a frown. "What's the point," he demanded, "of asking me FR1;FR2;WHERE THERE^S A WILL 39 to bring your game down with ammunition that's already been fired?" "That is the point," June asserted. "That's why we came to you. If a simple threat would do it, it would have been simple. I know it's a hard job. That's why we'll gladly pay the fee you'll charge, if you succeed." "It is also," May put in, "why something my sister said to you at the beginning was untrue. She said we didn't need a detective, but we do. You will have to find a way to bring pressure on Miss Karn much more compelling than threat of a court contest of the will." "I see." Wolfe grimaced. "No wonder I don't like fights about dead men's property. They're always ugly fights." "This one isn't," June declared. "It will be if Daisy and that woman get it into a court, but our part of it isn't. What's ugly about our trying to avoid a stinking scandal by persuading that woman that three or four million dollars of our brother's fortune is ^11 she's entitled to? If her avarice and stubbornness make the persuasion difficult and expensive . . ." "And even if it were ugly," said May quietly, "it would still have to be done. I think, Mr. Wolfe, we've told you everything you need to know. Will you do it?" FR1;40 WHERE THERE'S A WILL Wolfe looked at the clock on the wall. I felt sorry for him. He didn't like the job� but he had to take it. Moreover, he permitted nothing whatever to interfere with his custom of spending four hours a day in the plant rooms on the roof--from nine to eleven in the morning and from four to six in the afternoon--and the clock said five minutes to four. He looked at me, gave me a scowl for my grin, and glanced up at the clock again. He rose from his chair as abruptly as his bulk would permit. "I'll do it," he announced gruffly. "And now, if you don't mind, I have an appointment for four o'clock--" "I know!" Sara Dunn exclaimed. "You're going up to the orchids. I'd love to see them--" "Some other time. Miss Dunn. I'm in no mood for it. Shall I report to you, Mrs. Dunn? Or Mr. Prescott?" "Either. Or both." June was out of her chair. "Both, then. Get names and addresses, Archie." I did so. Prescott's office and home, the Hawthorne house on 67th Street, where they all were temporarily, and, not least important, Naomi Karn's apartment on Park Avenue. They straggled into the hall, and I left the front to Fritz. Stauffer, I noticed, was solicitous at April Hawthorne's elbow. May was the last one out of the office, having WHERE THERE^S A WILL 41 lingered for a word with Wolfe which I didn't catch. I heard the front door close, and Fritz glanced in on his way back to the kitchen. "Pfui!" said Wolfe. "And wowie," I agreed. "But at that they're not vultures. I'm going to marry April. Then after a bit I'll divorce her and marry her blond secretary-"

  "That will do. Confound it, anyway. Well, you have two hours--" "Sure." I assumed a false cheerfulness. "Let me say it for you. I am to have Miss Karn here at six o'clock. Or a few minutes before, so as not to keep you waiting.'1 He nodded. "Say ten minutes to six.'* It was too damned hot to throw something at him. I merely made a disrespectful noise, beat it out to the sidewalk where the roadster was parked, climbed in, and was on my way. CHAPTER THREE I suppose altogether, in business and out, I've had dealings of one kind or another with more than a hundred baby dolls. I was more or less taking it for granted that my call on Naomi Karn that afternoon would add one more to the number, but I was wrong. As the maid escorted me through the large and luxurious foyer of the apartment on the twelfth floor, on Park Avenue near 74th--where I had got admitted by saying I was sent by Mr. Glenn Prescott--and ushered me into a cool dim room with cool summer covers on the furniture, and I got close enough for a good look at the woman standing by the piano bench, I saw right away that I was wrong. She smiled. I wouldn't say she smiled at me, she just smiled. "Mr. Goodwin? Sent by Mr. Prescott?" "That's right. Miss Karn." "I suppose I should have refused to see you. Only I don't like to do that--it's so stuffy." "Why should you have refused to see me?" "Because, if you were sent by Mr. Prescott, you've come to bully me. Haven't you?" "Bully you about what?" "Oh, come, now." She smiled again. 42 ; WHERE THERE'S A WILL 45 I waited a second, saw that she wasn't going to add to it, and said, "As a matter of fact, I wasn't sent by Prescott. I was sent by Nero Wolfe. He has been engaged by Noel Hawthorne's sisters to discuss Hawthorne's will with you." "Nero Wolfe, the detective?" "That's the one." "How interesting. When is he coming to see me?" "He never goes to see anybody. He dislikes motion. He passed a law making it a criminal offense for his feet to remove him from his house except on rare occasions, and never on business. He hires me to run around inviting people to come to see him." Her brows lifted. "Do you mean you came to invite me?" "That's right. There's no hurry. It's only 4:30, and he doesn't expect you until ten minutes to six." She shook her head. "I'm sorry. It would be interesting to discuss something with Nero Wolfe." "Then come ahead." "No." It sounded final. In fact, it sounded as near irrevocable as any "no" I ever heard. I looked at her. There was no indication whatever of any strain of baby doll in her that I could se^- She was close to something new in my experi- ^ce. She wasn't homely and she wasn't pretty. She .J�te FR1;44 WHERE THERE'S A WILL was dark rather than light, but she wouldn't have been listed as brunette. None of her features would have classified for star billing, but somehow you didn't see her features, you just saw her. As a matter of fact, after exchanging only a couple of sentences with her, I was sore. During nine years of detective work I had polished up my brass so that I regarded a rude stare at any human face nature's fancy could devise merely as a matter of routine, but there was something in Naomi Karn's eyes, or back of them, or somewhere, that made me want to meet them and shy away from them at the same time. It wasn't the good old come-hither, the "welcome" on the door mat that biology uses for tan- glefoot; I can slide through that like molasses through a tin horn. It was something as feminine as that, it was a woman letting a man have her eyes, but it was also a good deal more--like a cocky challenge from a cocky brain. I knew I ha
d looked away from it, and I knew she knew I had, and I was sore. "The truth is," I said, "this thing has been handled incompetently. I understand that fellow Stauffer came to see you this morning and said if you ^didn't diwy_up^ Hawthorne's widow was going to contest it." She smiled. "Yes, Ossie tried to say something like that." FR1;WHERE THERE'S A WILL 45 "Ossie? Good name for him." "I think so. I'm glad you like it." "I do. But Ossie was deceiving you. The real point of the thing is much sharper than a court contest and it's apt to hurt more." "Dear me. That's alarming. What is it?" I shook my head. "I'm not supposed to tell you. But this room is the coolest place I've been in today. I could give you a piece of marvelous advice if I felt like it. What are those things with four legs, chairs?" A breath of a laugh came out of her. "Do sit down, Mr.--------" "Goodwin. Archie." "Do sit down." She moved. It would have been ^ a pleasure to watch her move if I hadn't been sore at her. She wasn't as graceful or overwhelming as April Hawthorne, but her motion was just as easy, and more straightforward, without any tricks. She was pushing a button. "What kind of a drink would you like?" "I could use a glass of milk, thank you." I selected a chair two paces away from the one she was taking. The maid entered, and was instructed to bring a glass of milk and a bottle of Borrand water. Miss Karn refused the cigarette I offered. When I had mine lit she remarked: "You have alarmed me, you know. Terribly." 46 WHERE THERE'S A WILL She sounded amused. "Will the milk make you feel like surrendering the advice?" "I feel like it already." I met her eyes and went on meeting them. "I advise you not to see Nero .Wolfe. I'm being disloyal, of course, but I'm naturally treacherous anyhow, and besides, I don't like the way they're ganging up on you. I felt that way already, even before I saw you? but now ..." I waved a hand. "Now treachery is sweet." "It could be." "That's very nice of you. Why do you advise me not to see Nero Wolfe?" "Because I know the kind of trap he's setting. What you should do is get a lawyer, a good one, and let Wolfe deal with him." She made a face. "I don't like lawyers. I know too much about them--I worked for a law firm for three years." "You'll have to hire a lawyer if there's a contest."

  "I suppose I will. But you said I am threatened by something more dangerous than a contest. That trap Nero Wolfe is setting. What's that like?" I grinned at her and shook my head. The maid came with the liquids, and after Miss Karn's Borrand water was poured and iced I took a sip of roy milk. It was a little too cold, and I wrapped the r WHERE THERE'S A WILL 47 t glass with my palms, grinned again, and said, "It certainly is nice and cool here. I'm enjoying myself. Are you?" "No," she said, with a sudden and surprising sharpness in her tone, "I am not enjoying myself. A good friend of mine has died--just three days ago. Mr. Noel Hawthorne. Another man whom I regarded as my frSnd to a certain extent--at least not an enemy--is acting abominably. Mr. Glenn Prescott. He came here last evening and informed me of the terms of the will with a manner and tone that were inexcusable. Now he is openly conspiring with Mr. Hawthorne's family against me. He sent that Stauffer here to threaten me. He sent you here with your childish babble about traps and treachery. Bah! Is your milk all right?" "Yes. Excuse me, but like hell you're not enjoying yourself. Shall we discuss it seriously?'* "I have no desire to discuss it at all. The one sensible thing you've said was that it has been handled incompetently. To send Ossie here to threaten me! I can make him stammer by looking at him! Incidentally, I can't do that with you." - ' "No, but you came close to it." I grinned at her. "Also you have an idea that another twenty minutes will do the trick; that's why you invited me to sit down. You may be right, but I can assure you I'm no Ossie. The fact is, I'm just killing time. FR1;48 WHERE THERE'S A WILL My boss asked me to bring you to his house, down on 3 5th Street, at ten to six, but I'd prefer not to get you there until ten after. He needs a lesson about what to expect and what not to expect." I glanced at my wrist. "We ought to be leaving fairly soon, at that. I had to park over east of Third Avenue."

  "I told you, Mr. Goodwin, that I'm not enjoying myself. I see you have finished your milk." "No more, thank you. So you don't intend to come?" "Certainly not." "What are you going to do, just refuse to say boo till you're served with a summons and complaint?"

  "I'm not refusing to say boo." Her voice got sharp again. "I tell you, what I resent is the way they've gone about it. I know that nothing rational could be expected of Mrs. Hawthorne, but couldn't Mrs. Dunn have come to see me, or asked me to come to see her, and talk it over? Couldn't she have said simply that they regarded it as unjust and asked me to consider an adjustment? Couldn't she have condescended to say that she and her sisters felt they had a natural right to some share in their brother's estate?" "But they didn't. That wasn't it. It's Daisy that's raising hell." WHERE THERE'S A WILL 49 "I don't believe it. I think Glenn Prescott started it, and they helped him prevail upon Mrs. Hawthorne. They think the way to do it is to browbeat me. First they sent that Stauffer here, and then they hired a detective, Nero Wolfe, whose specialty is catching murderers. You might think I was a murderer myself. It won't work. They may be perfectly correct in thinking they should have a slice of Noel's--Mr. Hawthorne's wealth, but if they get it now it will be because a court awards it to them." "Okay," I agreed. "I'm with you. Absolutely. They're a bunch of wolverines, Prescott is a twofaced shyster, and Stauffer is Ossie. But may I ask you a hypothetical question?" "It would take more than a hypothetical question to make me budge, Mr. Goodwin." ? -_----s-- "I'll ask it anyway. It'll be good exercise for us and pass the time. Let's say, of course just as a hypothesis, that Nero Wolfe is ruthless, unscrupulous, and quite cunning; that you get him sore by refusing even to go and discuss it with him; that he's out to do you; that he gets the bright idea of basing the attack on the will, not on the ground that it's unfair, but on the ground that it's phony; that he is able--" "^ ^. >--/- <? "So that's it." Miss Karn*s eyes were going through me. "That's the new threat, is it? It's no FR1;50 WHERE THERE'S A WILL better than the other one, not even as good. Didn't Mr. Prescott himself draw the will? Wasn't it in his possession?'* "Sure it was. That's the point. It's your own idea that he's conspiring against you, isn't it? Since he drew the will and had it in his possession, isn't he in an ideal position to support White's contention that there has been a substitution and the will's a phony?" "No. He couldn't. He is on record as accepting the will's authenticity." "On record with who? Wolfe and the Hawthornes. His fellow conspirators." "But--" She chopped it off. Her eyes had narrowed and she sat motionless. In a moment she said slowly, "Mr. Prescott wouldn't do that. After all, he is an attorney of high standing and reputation--"