The Wright Brother

by Marie Hall

  “And then last night, I don’t know. I felt something I hadn’t felt in months. Desperation. Need. I wanted you to see me for who I was now. And last night when I held you in my arms and you said my name and I felt your laughter move through me, God, Smile Girl, it brought it all back.

  “I’m so sorry for leaving you this way, but I can’t do this again. I can’t sit and wonder and hope. I’m still in high school, you’re in college. This could never work, no matter how much I might wish it were otherwise. I know that now.

  “I came to you last night, Elisa, because it had to be you. I’m no Saint, but I held myself back from everyone, because it had to be you.

  “And if you don’t understand what that means I don’t think I have the strength to explain it further. I’m sorry that I could never let you go. I’m sorry that I barged back into your life the way I have, and I’m sorry for what I’m doing to you now. More than you can ever know.

  “But part of loving something sometimes means you have to let it go. I learned that lesson with my dad, I clung to his ghost to the point that I thought I would die from the pain. I can’t make that mistake with you. I won’t do that to you.

  “I love you. I think I will always love you, but I’m finally ready to say good-bye.

  Julian.”

  A violent wave of nausea had her shoving off the bed and racing to the bathroom. She gripped the toilet bowl, gasping and dry heaving, feeling as though her soul was trying to forcefully expel itself from her body.

  Nothing came up, but all she could do was curl against the wall and sob until there were no more tears left to be shed.

  But gradually misery began to turn to rage.

  He would not do this to her. Not like this, she deserved better than this.

  Getting up, she brushed her teeth, took a comb to her ratty hair, and marched back to her room. It was past noon—she’d spent three hours in that bathroom like an idiot.

  Yanking on whatever clothes she could find that smelled halfway decent, she snatched up her phone and called Lori.

  She answered on the first ring.

  “Elisa, hello. How are you, honey?” Her words sounded entirely too chipper and happy for how Elisa currently felt.

  She frowned. “I’m fine.” Not really. “Is Julian there?”

  “Oh,” she sighed, “well, you just missed him, sweetie. He’s out with Mandy.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut as her insides grew cold. Telling herself not to ask. “Who’s Mandy?”

  “Um. Well…” She drew out the words. “That’s his girlfriend, hun.”

  Shaking her head as tears she’d thought she no longer had began to drip down her cheeks.

  “Lisa?” Lori’s voice sounded strained and worried. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  She sniffed. “Lori, what time did Julian get back home?”

  “Back home?” she asked and suddenly Elisa understood.

  Julian had snuck out and returned home before anyone in his house had realized it. Making her feel like she’d been nothing more than a dirty, little secret.

  Anger spent, and feeling like all she wanted to do now was curl under her sheets and pretend like the rest of the world didn’t exist, she said, “I’ve got to go.”

  “Are you coming home for Christmas?”

  “No. Tell the boys I said hi.”

  “Aw, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure Christian and Roman are going to miss you. They talk about you all the time.”

  And the only name that mattered to her hadn’t even been mentioned. Julian had written her off. It was what she deserved really. She’d pushed him to it. But only because she’d had to. Because she’d had no choice. It’d never been because she’d actually wanted it to be though.

  “Sorry, Lori. I’m…” She hung up.

  It was rude. But if she’d had to stay on that phone for another second, Lori would have heard her tears. Heard her heartache.

  Julian had shattered her, but how could she hate someone whom she’d shattered first?

  Two hours later a knock sounded on her door and for the briefest moment her heart had twisted with joy. Until she’d opened it to see Thomas smiling back at her.

  “Hey, baby,” he said, rubbing his hands together and giving a shudder. “Cold out here, can I come inside?”

  The day had gone from bad to worse.

  She was still dressed in her canary-yellow sweatpants and pink Juicy tank top. Her hair was a rat’s nest on her top of her head, her nose was a bright red from crying and screaming for the past two hours, and in all that time she’d not thought of Thomas once.

  He cocked his head as he glanced quickly over her shoulder. “What’s the matter?”

  A good guy. That’s what he was. An honorable and good guy and she was about to do to him what Julian had just done to her.

  She blinked.

  Why couldn’t Julian have stayed out of her life forever?

  “Elisa?” he asked, gripping her elbow and stepping inside, dragging snow in with him.

  Extricating herself from his hand she wrapped her arms around her chest.

  “Oh shit,” he drawled and drew his hand down his jaw. “Are you doing what I think you’re about to do?”

  He’d grown his hair out longer, because she’d mentioned once how much she liked longer hair. But it’d never quite feathered out the way Julian’s would. Never seemed as natural on him as it had on Jules.

  “Thomas, I—”

  His blue eyes grew stormy. “What the fuck happened last night?”

  She was sick to her stomach. Because last night, before Julian had shown up, everything had been right between them. Happy. Comfortable.

  And now she couldn’t stand for him to touch her.

  She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

  “Elisa, what the hell did you do?”

  Sobbing, she stuck a hand in her mouth. “I can’t. We can’t anymore.”

  His chest heaved like a bellow. “We’re going to Aspen, you said you were going with me. What changed?”

  She shook her head harder. “Things just change.”

  “Not that fast. Not this quick. Who’d you sleep with?”

  That he’d jump to that conclusion—even though it was entirely accurate—hurt her deeply. Never in her life had she cheated. She wasn’t that kind of girl. Never had been.

  And yet…she was that kind of girl.

  Julian Wright had ruined her.

  She blinked through her tears. “Tom, I’m so…I’m just so sor—”

  “Save it,” he said through clenched teeth, swiping a hand through the air. “We’re over. Don’t—” He held up a finger, and the way his throat worked, she knew there were words on his tongue.

  Probably terribly, hurtful, shameful words. Words she deserved to hear. But Thomas Mason was a good guy. Would always be a good guy.

  Snapping his mouth shut, he turned on his heel and walked out the door.

  Elisa stood numb as she watched him go, swallowed up by the gentle snowflakes of winter’s embrace.

  He’d been safe. Warm. She’d loved him. In her own way. Not in a fireworks and destiny kind of way, but she’d cared for him deeply. He was the kind of man any woman could be proud of, she’d had him and she’d lost him.

  Thomas Mason walked out of her life not with a bang, but a whimper.

  Knowing there was no way she could go home now, she pulled herself together as best she could and called her mother.

  “Mum?” She said it like she used to when she was little.

  “Baby girl?” she asked, and Elisa heard the anxiousness. Even though Elizabeth Adrian would never learn of what’d happened to her daughter that day, mother’s intuition told her everything she needed to understand.

  “Mum, I can’t come home.”

  Elisa had expected an argument from her mother. But she heard none of that. “Don’t worry, honey. Daddy and I will go up there this Christmas.”

  When they hung up five minutes later Elisa did
n’t know what to do with herself. She was stuck in the apartment for the winter. There was no boyfriend to whisk her off to Aspen. No Chastity to make her laugh. And most especially there were no Wrights she wanted to go home and see.

  She was too raw, too hurt to even consider going home and sucking it up. But if she didn’t tell someone soon, she felt like she might do something stupid she’d regret later.

  If only she could have talked to her parents. But they didn’t know. And after that one time her dad had caught her, and the way he’d kept silent about the incident, she was pretty sure he wouldn’t want to know, and if her mother found out she’d go to Lori and then Julian would find out and that was the last thing in the world she wanted.

  Sinking into the ratty recliner, Elisa called the one person she could trust not to tell a soul.

  “Yello?” Chastity’s chuckle filtered through the line. She sounded happy, and Elisa didn’t want to dump this kind of baggage on her. But there was literally no one else she could talk to.

  “Chas, oh my God.”

  “Hey, hold on, Luke.”

  Elisa could hear Chastity whispering something to her boyfriend before quickly getting back on the phone. “Girl, what’s wrong? You sound like death.”

  She snort-chuckled. An ugly sound, but a comment like that deserved a snort-chuckle. “I feel like I am dying.” Her words trembled and she had to take three deep breaths before she trusted herself to speak again. “I broke up with Thomas.”

  “Oh no. Why, Lisa?”

  Chastity must think all of this blubbering was because of Thomas—God, if she only knew. For so long Elisa had ignored her true feelings for Julian. Buried it so far deep down that not even Chas would have a clue.

  “Did that asshole cheat?” she growled, “because I will stick a fist up his—”

  “Not him.” She shook her head, rocking hard. “Me. I did.”

  “You what!” she shrieked. “No, wait a second, hold on. Say that again?”

  Cringing, because it sounded worse when she actually said it out loud, she sighed. “I cheated on him, Chas.”

  “With who?” Her voice sounded incredulous.

  “Julian. I slept with Julian.” It was the most bizarre thing, but she literally felt like she couldn’t feel her tongue anymore. Her insides were cold and her stomach rioted as she waited for that to sink in.

  “Wright? The boy who made you those drawings?”

  Elisa’s eyes snapped open. “How did you know that?”

  “Lisa, did you really think I wouldn’t notice the way my best friend mentally undressed the weird emo kid in school?”

  “I did not!”

  “You most certainly did. And I never said anything about it because I could tell how much it freaked you out. But I saw. Hell, I bet the whole school saw.”

  She shook her head. “Stop it. I didn’t either.”

  Rather than try to pound the point home, Chastity asked another question. “How old is he?”

  She plucked at a spot on her bright yellow pants. “Eighteen last night.”

  Chastity sighed loud and long. “So how exactly did this happen? Did you go home?”

  “No, he showed up here, out of the blue. And my God, Chas, he was gorgeous. And my heart—” Voice quivering, she clutched at her chest, wishing she could just cut the thing out and throw it away into the icy river.

  “He loves you too. I know he does.”

  “He dumped me with a Dear John letter. Just bailed. Ditched.” She swiped at the hot tears. “Didn’t say goodbye. Nothing. Told me he was letting me go.”

  “That asshole.”

  She laughed, but it really wasn’t funny. Because she wanted to hate him, wanted it desperately with every fiber of her being, but she just couldn’t. “It’s not his fault. He’s always tried to tell me how he felt and I was always the one pushing him away.”

  “So this was payback?” She sounded disgusted.

  Sobbing, it took her a minute to say, “I hope not. I mean, I don’t think so. The way he touched me last night. The words he said. I felt something I’ve never felt before. Not even with Thomas. And I think he felt it too, Chas, I swear he did.”

  Memories shoved through her brain. The way he’d moved on her, how he’d worshipped her with his mouth and hands, the attention he’d laved on her. It had to have been real. His letter even said it was.

  “Why did he do that to me?”

  Chastity sighed. “Because he’s eighteen and an immature little prick.”

  She shook her head, but couldn’t vocalize anything. Elisa was crying ugly now, the tears welling from the deepest depths of absolute pain.

  “That boy has been a fool for you ever since I’ve known him, Lisa.” Chastity’s words were soft. “He’s just confused. And he’s still in school.”

  Elisa croaked out a choking, “I know. It’s why this situation sucks so much. Because even though it’s okay legally, it’s still not okay. It’s like were ships in the night, constantly passing by.”

  “It won’t always be that way.”

  She clenched her jaw. “I can’t allow myself to think like that, it has to be over. I can’t go through this again. It hurts so bad, Chas.”

  “Are you going home?”

  “No.” She rolled her eyes. “I can’t. I just can’t see him. Not like this. He has a girlfriend.”

  She growled. “Forget him, Elisa. You’re beautiful, you’re smart. I’m sorry about Thomas. He was a good guy.”

  He was a good guy, but Elisa wasn’t as sorry as she knew she should be. What if down the road he’d ever asked her to marry him? And what if she’d said yes? Was it fair to marry someone who she couldn’t even cry about breaking up with now? That wasn’t fair to him or to her. Maybe sometimes comfortable was good enough, but maybe sometimes comfortable was just cruel.

  “I’m going to get off now. I hear Missy scratching at the back door.”

  She didn’t really, but she didn’t want to stay on the phone anymore, either.

  “I wish I could be there for you right now.”

  “It’s okay. I’m a big girl.” Elisa gave a watery grin then, saying a quick goodbye, she hung up the phone.

  Talking with Chastity hadn’t helped much at all. Her heart still felt like it’d been shredded and tossed into a meat grinder. For the next two weeks the most that Elisa could do was get up, nuke a Lean Cuisine, and crawl back under her sheets.

  By the time school was ready to start back up she’d gotten over the worst of the pain. Showering, she took her time getting dressed and decided that as much as it hurt, she was done crying over Julian Wright.

  ~*~

  The rest of the term went by in a blur. So fast that it was like Elisa had barely blinked and now it was time to pack up and head home for summer break.

  She’d barely eked out a C in advanced chem. Elisa was starting to get to a point in her college career where she really needed to decide on a major. She still didn’t really have a clue, but at least she had the summer to mull it over.

  Chastity slammed the trunk closed and waved to Luke as he walked back into their apartment.

  Dressed in a powder blue kimono robe with flower print, she walked around toward where Elisa stood by the driver’s side door of her Beetle.

  “You sure you wouldn’t rather just stay with us this summer?”

  Luke would be temporarily renting out her portion of the apartment while Elisa was home.

  It wasn’t that Elisa hadn’t looked to go abroad this summer. But she was tired and she was so over Julian. Staying away seemed ridiculous at this point. Plus, she was still paying off her time spent in Italy; the last thing she wanted to do was add anything else to her credit card bill.

  “Nah.” She shook her head and tucked a thick strand of Chastity’s ropey hair behind her ear. “The way you and Luke go at it like rabbits, yeah, count me out.”

  She punched Elisa on the arm. “Hey! Need I remind you that I was definitely not the only one.”

>   Elisa snorted. “I brought two guys over, and one time it wasn’t what you thought it was anyway.”

  Chastity laughed and gave an exaggerated wink. “If you say so.”

  Both girls seemed to realize at the same time that it was time to go.

  “Well,” they said in unison, and then Elisa chuckled.

  “Yeah, it’s…yeah. It’s that time.”

  Drawing Elisa in so that she could give her a big hug, Chastity squeezed tight. “Take care of yourself, babe. And don’t let Julian get to you, okay?”

  “Oh please.” She turned and opened the door, sliding into the seat and shaking her head. “I’m over him. One hundred percent.”

  Leaning forward, Chas placed her hands on the open window. “If you were over him, you would have taken those pictures down, just saying.” Her pretty brown eyes looked sad. “Be real with yourself at least, Lisa.”

  Then pressing a hard kiss onto Elisa’s forehead, she stepped back and waved.

  Elisa didn’t bother waving back.

  She was over Julian. And whether she’d taken the pictures down or not really meant nothing. She’d simply been too busy and had forgotten.

  By the time she pulled up into her parents driveway two hours later she was in a pissy mood. The first thing she’d do when she got back to campus would be to take those pictures down.

  Why she hadn’t already was totally beyond her.

  Getting out of the car, she pocketed her key, noting the absence of her father’s red Ford pick-up.

  Likely her parents were out doing some last minute grocery shopping. Mom had a thing about keeping a well-stocked pantry when Elisa came home.

  Thankfully she knew where her parents hid the spare key. She was just about to walk to her trunk to pull out some boxes when she heard the loud banging of drums.

  Snorting, because either Christian or Roman had obviously decided to learn something new while she’d been gone, she thought it might be fun to surprise them.

  She’d told her parents not to tell the Wrights she was coming home today. Mainly because she didn’t want to see Julian.

  Biting her lower lip, she brushed her hand down her slightly wrinkled crop top, and jogged toward the Wrights half-open garage door.