Refresh

by S. Moose

  Mason and Evan built the safe place three years ago and I’ve never had to use it. We’d practice, but never once has it ever been real.

  Keep running, Caroline. Don’t look back. Keep running.

  Picking up my speed, I zigzag across the woods hoping to confuse whoever is chasing me. Pushing myself faster and harder I see where I need to go and slow down to see what’s going on. Turning around I see nothing, but I hear movement. It sounds like two people are running towards me. Quietly I walk into the dugout, get into the safe place, and arm the door to lock from the inside.

  Walking back, I find myself alone and scared. Holding in my emotions I calm myself down and do everything I can to remain calm. I remember what Evan used to say . . .

  Caroline, if ever you’re in a situation where you can’t get out because you’re not safe you have to always be ahead of trouble. Stay safe, stay smart and don’t ever try to be a hero. You have to stay calm because one cry or one scream and you’re dead. Do you hear me?

  Sinking down to the floor, I look around and find a blanket close by. Wrapping the light blanket over my body I close my eyes and steady my breathing. Turning on my mophie charger I look at the percentage and am thankful I’ll have enough battery life to last me until tomorrow if I’m smart.

  I can’t reach Tonya or Mason and I’m so scared to know what’s going on with Heather. Hearing her scream in my head, I know something horrible happened.

  Placing my forehead on my knee I quietly say a prayer and pray I’ll be okay. I pray Mason and everyone I love will be okay.

  Mason, I love you.

  Slowly opening my eyes, I’m still safe and tucked away. Looking at my phone, I see it’s almost four in the morning. Getting up I find the courage I need to get back out there and figure out what to do next.

  Checking my phone, I realize I have no reception and mutter a few curse words under my breath. No wonder it’s been quiet since I got in here.

  Unlocking the door, I slowly go outside into the darkness and look at my surroundings. When I get out of the dugout my phone vibrates in my hand and I look to see it’s Tonya calling.

  “Where the hell have you been?” I harshly whisper into the phone.

  “Where are you?”

  “What?”

  “I’ve been going crazy looking for you. We all have been. Where the hell are you?” she cries.

  “I’m safe. So much has happened . . .”

  “Get to Strong Hospital,” Tonya cries again. “Hurry.”

  Without thinking, I run back towards Mason’s house. Instead of going through the kitchen to the front door, I run around the side to my car and immediately stop when I see Officer Lawrence getting out of his squad car. I don’t know him very well. He’s new to the department and is quiet for the most part.

  “Caroline,” he slowly says. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” I tell him. “What’s going on?”

  “Come on. Get in the car and I’ll drive you to the hospital. We’ve been looking for you for hours. We thought . . .” he pauses and rubs his face. “There’s a lot going on.”

  “Yeah I heard,” I answer him and close the passenger door. “What’s going on? Can you tell me?”

  “You don’t want to hear it from me.”

  “Is Heather? Is she . . .” I see him shake his head as he gets on the road and heads towards the highway. “Oh,” I let out a whimper and cover my face with my hands. Why is this happening to the people I love? “Does Mason know? Did you guys call their parents?”

  “I know you have a lot of questions. I really don’t think you want to hear it from me,” he quietly says. “We’re almost there.”

  “No, I do want to hear this from you. You waited for me so please tell me.”

  Lawrence sighs and grips the steering wheel a little tighter. “When Mason was in the car with Devin and Javier he was ambushed and captured. Clarke put some things together and figured it out, so he got Mike to talk and the DA made a deal with him. They found Mason, and rushed him to the hospital. There was a shoot-out and Javier’s dead.”

  “What about Devin?” I ask through gritted teeth.

  “He’s at the hospital in surgery too. They were coming after you, but when they couldn’t find you and Mason wouldn’t give you up . . . they beat him. He’s in bad shape and has been in surgery for a while. I don’t know the whole extent of his injuries, though.”

  “Oh no.” I shake my head. “No. Please,” I whimper, “no!”

  Driving to the hospital something inside me breaks and I know it’s a sign. The break I’m feeling isn’t because I’m scared. My heart’s telling me Mason’s gone and I’ll never get to hold him again. He’ll never get to know what I’m feeling or hear the words I’ve wanted to say.

  Looking out the window, I count the stars in the sky and say a prayer. I pray that Mason can hear me and hear my heart. I pray he knows I love him and knows how much he means to me. Without him, there would be no Caroline. I’d be lost without him and every day, every night, every second I’m breathing I’m thankful to have someone like him bless my life.

  People say life happens in funny ways. There are struggles we have to deal with and struggles we sometimes don’t overcome. We have to find ways to overcome each obstacle and find the strength inside.

  The thing about Mason Ryan is he puts everyone he loves in front of himself. He put himself in danger getting in the car with Devin and Javier. I told him to keep me in the loop and I’m not mad he kept this from me. Every plan, every ambush, everything cops do is carefully planned out and secret. If civilians or anyone finds out what cops are doing or their plans it could put many more lives in danger. That’s why I can’t be mad at him. I can’t be mad that he puts my needs first and cares for me so much. I’ll never hold a grudge against Mason. He’s a hero, a man who needs to be remembered for everything he’s done.

  And he’s my love, my life and the man I’ll hold in my heart forever.

  “Mason,” I whisper, “can you hear me when I talk to you? Do you know how much I love you and think about you?” Staring outside I tuck my legs under my butt and get comfortable. I love this spot, especially at night, because it’s quiet and I get to be by myself so I can think and reflect. “Mason let me know if you can hear me okay?”

  Wiping a tear from my cheek I close my eyes and hear his voice. I see his smile and remember the love we shared.

  The only regret I have is neither of us said I love you to one another, but sometimes words aren’t needed. Sometimes we can hear love, feel love and embrace love. That’s Mason and I. We can feel the love surrounding us and don’t need words. Then the woman part of me comes out and rears its ugly head.

  “Mason, you could have said you love me,” I laugh and wipe more tears. “I wish I could hear you say it. Just once. Just once,” I mutter and close my eyes so I can go back to the place I love. It’s the place where I’m with Mason and there’s no one out to hurt us or cause harm. It’s just us.

  Us.

  Us.

  Us.

  It’s been almost four weeks and I can still feel his touch.

  His touch.

  His love.

  His touch.

  His love.

  I can feel him all around me and feel his soft kisses on my forehead, neck and tip of my nose. I love when he kisses me on my forehead. To me, those are the best kind of kisses. It’s gentle, sweet and full of love. There’s nothing sexual or naughty. It shows pure love and joy.

  Kiss me always on the forehead.

  Kiss me always on the tip of my nose.

  Kiss me always.

  Four weeks and I’ll never let go.

  Four weeks.

  Four weeks.

  Four weeks.

  Feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin I hold my head up high and walk into hell. I walk into the place which holds demons, monsters, and people who need to burn in hell. I didn’t believe in evil, but knowing the cruelty several of these people have inflict
ed, this holds the definition of evil and it exists within these walls.

  Taking my seat behind the glass I pick up the phone and wait for him to say something.

  “What are you doing here?” He stares at me with darkness and zero ounce of integrity or wholeness.

  “I’m here to look at you,” I bravely say. “To say I forgive you.”

  “You what?”

  “I forgive you, Devin. I don’t want to live my life hating you and wishing death on your soul. You’re getting what you deserve and there’s nothing that can be done. I thank you for pleading guilty and not dragging us through court. You’re doing the right thing.” He looks away from me and rubs his jaw. “Look at me, Devin.”

  “I can’t, okay?” He sighs. “Hearing you thank me. You’re fucking thanking me, Caroline. I ruined so many lives and you’re thanking me.”

  “I am. Because of you I’m a lot stronger. Because of you I’ve been through the depths of sadness and made it out. You took so much away from me, but I truly believe in forgiveness and letting go. I’m letting go of my anger towards you because you cannot control me. You will not control me.”

  “I don’t know what you want me to say, okay?”

  “And that’s fine,” I tell him. “You don’t have to say anything. Have a good life, Devin, and I hope you can find who you used to be, because honestly,” I pause and really look at him, “you used to be a good man.”

  Hanging up the phone I give him one more look before getting up from the chair and walking out. The warmth of the sun brightens my soul and when I lift my head to the sky I feel strength and courage that I need-that I’ve been looking for. Everything in life happens for a reason and sometimes we may not know the reason, but it’s there, and it will be apparent when you’re ready to face it.

  So many people surround me. Our family and friends and fellow officers talk and smile because today’s a celebration. Today’s a celebration of bravery, heroism, and conquering the depths of evil. I see so many smiles and my heart grows bigger knowing what today means; knowing people are here for Mason and Evan. Their bravery inspires people and shows their act of courage should be honored.

  Looking up from putting together food I see Mary coming towards me. She’s holding Lila and her smile is addicting.

  “How are you holding up, honey?”

  “I’m okay.” I smile. “It’s been a rough few months, but I’m truly okay.”

  Two months ago Tonya and I brought Lila to the Reeds and told them everything. Mary cried and Christian held me as Rick looked at pictures of Evan. The family, my family, has been through so much and now they’ll have a piece of Evan to hold on to.

  “That’s good. Did Tonya tell you? We’re taking Lila for the week to visit my sister and brother-in-law.”

  “She did! How exciting is that! She’ll love it.” I look at Lila and hold her tiny little hand. Looking at her brings me peace. Even though Evan did this to me, I have to look at it from another perspective. He’s gone, but a piece of him will remain.

  Mary and I talk for a few more minutes before Tonya drags me away so we can go outside by the grill.

  “You’re doing okay?” she asks while holding onto my arm.

  “Yes,” I laugh. “I don’t know why everyone keeps asking if I’m okay.”

  “Because, babe. What you went through is so hard to imagine. I’m proud of you though. You held on and stayed so strong.”

  “It’s the only thing I had,” I explain and smile when I see what’s in front of me.

  I take a moment and think about the past and the strength I needed to go on. I couldn’t give up, not when Mason was fighting to come back to us. Six months. Six of the longest months I’ve endured. I missed Mason desperately, to the very end of my soul and prayed for him to wake up. I prayed for him to come back to me and hold me like before. I needed to feel safe in his arms. I needed Mason.

  Each agonizing month passed and there was no improvement. Doctors told me I needed to think about the next step and I knew that was something I couldn’t do. I felt alone during through months and felt pushed against the wall. At one point I thought about what Mason would have wanted and realized we never talked about what to do if he were ever in a coma. But then I remembered, I knew Mason, and I knew he wouldn’t want to go out like this so I prayed and prayed for him to come back to us . . . to me.

  The months passed, but on April tenth, just a little past midnight, Mason opened his eyes and opened his mouth. He took my hand, startling me, and said what my heart already knows.

  I stood by his side with each therapy appointment with his physical therapist and therapist. Mason went through some rough patches, but I was never scared of him. I kept telling myself he went through hell and back and I needed to be patient. There would be nights I found him standing by the window and he wouldn’t say anything. He had trouble sleeping and wouldn’t open up. But, everyday that passed, I cherished the good and bad. I cherished every moment because Mason was back and I wasn’t letting him go.

  “Why hello future Mrs. Ryan,” I laugh and wrap my arms around his waist as his warmth brings me back to the present. “I love you, baby.”

  “I love you too.” I lean up and kiss his lips.

  “I can’t wait for tonight,” he whispers in my ears. “In our new house so we can create new memories.

  My cheeks turn pink thinking about all the ways Mason can make me moan and the ache between my legs returns.

  “Are you thinking about this morning in the bathroom?” He kinks his brow.

  “Oh shut up,” I laugh and slap him on the chest.

  “That’s a yes,” he laughs with a cocky grin lighting up his face.

  “You know I can always withhold sex from you, mister.”

  “But you wouldn’t. I’m still wounded . . . just remember that.”

  “Uh huh,” I laugh again and kiss him. I’ll never get enough of Mason and the feeling of protection he brings me. “And I’m leaving now. Tonya’s making her special drink and Heather’s giving me the eye.”

  That night when Devin and Javier broke into Mason’s home, Devin shot Heather and left her for dead. She wasn’t their target. I was. But because they needed me, wanted me, Devin never checked to make sure she was dead and I thank God every day she survived the gunshot wound.

  “I’m stealing my future sister-in-law.” Heather grins at Mason and drags me away. “Seriously, I know you guys are making up for lost time and everything, but don’t forget about the girls who love you!”

  “Of course I could never forget you girls!”

  When the party’s over and the cleaning crew has left, Mason wastes no time in taking my hand and bringing me upstairs. His hand caresses my face, down my arms and then grips my waist.

  “I love you, Care. I love you so fucking much. I know I was gone for so long and I know I’ve said this a million times, but thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for sticking by my side and loving me through the bad times. This hasn’t been easy for you and I can’t thank you enough for saying yes to being my wife.”

  “Mason,” I start to say and look into his beautiful eyes. “You have nothing to be thankful for. I was never going to leave your side. You’re my refresh. My life started again when you came back. You gave me reason to believe again. You gave me hope. What you went through. What those two monsters did to you. It’s okay, I get it. The nightmares are slowing down and you’re sleeping a lot better. No one will hurt you and I will be by your side forever. You’re the one for me and I’ll do anything for you.”

  Feeling his breath in my hair, my pulse races when his hand grips the material of my dress and slowly he pulls it off and leaves me standing before him in my red strapless bra and panties. He’s studying me, memorizing me again, and I let him. He presses his lips to my neck and I throw my head back moaning in the pure ecstasy he gives me. Closing my eyes I feel him everywhere. I feel him in every inch of my body and soul. My impatient pussy is pulsating and I can’t wait much
longer. I open my eyes and stare up at him adoringly. With his eyes on mine, I slowly unhook my bra and slide down my panties.

  “Take me, Mason. Take me now.”

  Without saying a word he picks me up and instinctively I wrap my legs around his strong waist as he pushes me up against the wall as his hungry lips find mine. Our kiss is passionate, hot, and ignites our bodies. I hear him unzipping his jeans and soon he fills me with what I’ve been waiting for all day.

  “Yes, Mason. Just like that,” I whimper and grip his shoulders tight for support. Everything I’m feeling and everything he’s giving me makes me come apart.

  “You feel so fucking good, Care,” he grunts giving me everything he has and holding nothing back. “Shit. I can’t hold it much longer.”

  “That’s fine,” I moan. “I’m coming, Mason.”

  We ride out our orgasm together and soon he has me on our bed, licking me seductively from my calf to my thigh and doing the same to my other leg. Shit, I don’t think I have enough energy for round two, but this feels too good to tell him to stop.

  “Now,” he kisses my inner thigh, “I’m going to clean you up and dirty you again, but this time,” he looks into my eyes and cocks his brow, “I’m going to make it slow so you can see how irresistible you are and how much I love you. I’m going to spend the rest of the night cherishing you, Caroline.”

  Leaving our bedroom for a moment I try to catch my breath and brace myself for more mind-blowing sex. If I know Mason he will try to kill me tonight.

  “Death by insane pleasure,” I mutter and shake my head. Turning to look at my left hand I smile when I see the solitaire diamond ring resting on my ring finger. Our wedding is next June. The anticipation of being his wife is overwhelming and waiting a year to be married isn’t good for my patience. Mason wants to give me the wedding of my dreams. We’re planning on going to Hawaii to marry and spending our honeymoon there. In his eyes I deserve my fairy-tale wedding, and he wants to give that to me. I love him, but honestly, Vegas would be perfectly fine too. It doesn’t matter how we get married because what matters is we get to stand in front of each other, telling the world how we feel, and hearing the words you may now kiss your bride. Those things mean more to me than anything.