by Clare Ashton
“You’re being naïve.”
“Don’t patronise me.”
“Have you even thought about children? What will a third person do to your relationship? You have no idea of the pressure that brings.”
Jude cried out in frustration, “We might not even have children.”
“Don’t be contrary,” Maggie spat.
“Don’t be so close minded,” Jude fired back as quick.
The silence descended again and the clock echoed around the room, beating out the painful time.
“I will not give her up,” Maggie said, defiance in her eyes. “If you split, I will not abandon her.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to.”
“It won’t be like Bill. You can’t grab your things and leave without a trace. I will always be there for her.”
The vehemence with which Maggie said it made Jude step back, her foot hitting the sofa.
“And me?” she wondered out loud. “Are you there for me too, or is it just Abby you worry about?”
“You need me less,” Maggie said simply.
If the sofa hadn’t been there, Jude would have reeled back further. She couldn’t deny what Maggie said. Abby did need her more, but it still felt like rejection.
“My dear,” Maggie said, her voice softened with regret. “If ever you needed me, I would be there. I couldn’t help myself.” She looked at Jude. “But you never have. Not since you were thirteen.”
Jude suddenly felt sorry for Maggie. Guilty too. There was a wide streak of that pulling hard inside. It pricked her bubble of fury as she stared at her mother, looking smaller suddenly in her empty house, children grown up long ago and no longer heeding her advice let alone compulsion.
“Abby has been in love with me for years,” Jude said quietly. “What do you expect me to do?”
Maggie was silent.
Jude waited and the clock counted the minutes as the sun was snuffed out and only the faint glow from the town’s streetlights formed the edges of the room.
“I’m taking my things to Abby’s,” Jude said finally, and she walked to the stairs. She stopped with her foot on the first step, her hand resting dejected on the bannister.
“You know,” she called out, “you’re not saving Abby from women. You’re trying to save her from love.” Jude listened for but didn’t expect a response. “And I can see why, Maggie. I really can. But it’s impossible.”
The house was silent.
-
Maggie sat in darkness, the garden faded into silhouettes and the moon glistening on the river. She heard Jude pack, the rumble of Richard’s voice upstairs and the front door click shut when Jude left.
She didn’t turn when Richard padded into the room, his presence looming.
“I’ve never blamed you,” he said at last. “All the things you felt, everything you said and did, I understood. Truly I did. That was until now.” His disapproval hung heavy in the room. This mild man’s disapproval was worst of all.
Maggie twitched and peered round. He was barely visible in the room.
“I can’t understand this,” he said, shaking his head. “I will never understand this.” And he left the room.
Night became darker and the house colder. Maggie stared on through the window. She remembered Jude when she was three years old, still small enough for Maggie to carry. When Jude was tired she’d throw her arms around Maggie’s shoulders and nuzzle into her neck, her breath warm and humid on her skin. Jude would hum Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star to soothe herself, and Maggie too.
Only Maggie remembered. For a while she kept the memory alive in Jude with her reminiscing, until Jude grew tired of the repeated story; then it was Maggie’s once more.
It was the most tender of memories, little Jude’s fingers clutched behind her neck, and Maggie would walk the long way home, just to hold her that bit longer. It could have been yesterday.
Chapter 39.
Maggie knocked on the door with a trembling hand.
“Who is it?” Juliette’s voice came from within.
“It’s Maggie. Please let me in.”
The door opened without hesitation and Juliette’s anxious face appeared.
“What’s wrong?”
Maggie opened her mouth to respond but noticed the soft light of the hotel room and Juliette wearing only a large white shirt. Her feet and legs were bare and the shirt loosely buttoned. “Sorry, had you gone to bed?”
“I retired early to read,” Juliette replied. “It’s no matter. You must come in. You are upset.”
Juliette led her inside and Maggie sat despondent at the foot of the bed.
“What’s happened?” Juliette knelt before Maggie and gently took her hands.
“It’s Jude. We argued horribly and I don’t know what to do. She and Abby are together and I can’t think of anything worse.”
Juliette smiled with sadness in her eyes. “And I can’t think of anything better.”
“Really?” Maggie said. “After everything we went through? Even now, the past can reach in and tear open my heart. And with Jude of all people. If there was anyone who could crush Abby beyond recovery it’s her. She’s never had a romantic interest in women and Abby will be left with nothing when she leaves.”
“Maggie,” Juliette sighed.
“And even if they stay together, how long until some bastard crushes their skulls in rage?”
Juliette’s spirits visibly flagged. She couldn’t refute that. She’d been there at the death of Maggie’s friend too.
“Christ, it’s bad enough fearing for Abby’s safety, now it’s Jude as well.”
“Have some hope,” Juliette pleaded. “As for everything else, I’ve rarely seen a more responsible young woman than Jude. You couldn’t ask for a better partner for Abby. And in any case, you are too late.”
Maggie frowned in response.
“They are in love.” Juliette beamed and she pulled Maggie’s hands into her chest. “They are madly in love. You can see it blooming in their faces. They won’t be able to help themselves for months, hopefully years. And right now their greatest threat is you.”
Maggie felt that, as a sharp twinge inside her chest.
“Don’t you remember how my mother’s disapproval weighed on me?” Juliette begged. “Please don’t do that to Abby, because you are a mother to her now. And Jude,” Juliette laughed quietly, “she is a mature woman, but a mother has the power to make or break a child no matter their age.”
Maggie suddenly couldn’t look her in the eye.
“I know this, Maggie, so please listen. A mother can provide a bedrock even when their child has flown the nest. But your disapproval will fester like a disease. If you let it spread untended, Jude will have no choice but to cut it out for her own sanity.”
Juliette knelt closer, her belly touching Maggie’s knees. “You will lose her. You will lose them both. I beg you, don’t let that happen. I can’t bear to see our past ruin everyone’s future.”
Everything Juliette said rang true. Maggie remembered how a phone call from Juliette’s mother would drain her. Maggie’s confident, intelligent lover would sit on their flat window ledge staring outside as the mother rattled on inside the hand piece, and Maggie would watch Juliette wither, clutching knees to chest and shoulders sagging with the weight of incessant disapproval. That Maggie could do this to Jude or Abby made her reel with nausea.
“They are in love,” Juliette said. “It cannot be stopped. You can support and nurture it, or blight it with your disapproval. It will not simply disappear. It cannot be taken back.”
Juliette smiled and knelt up to cradle Maggie’s face, her own just a few centimetres away.
“They have so much to look forward to.” She gazed at Maggie. “Don’t you remember? Don’t you recall what it was like to be in love? Fresh, young love when your world is filled by the light of another person?” Juliette stroked round Maggie’s cheek, her fingertips gentle and urgent. “I envy them. What I would give to
feel that again.”
She kissed Maggie on the forehead, a light consoling touch. “You mustn’t stop them. Don’t stop their young love.” She kissed Maggie’s eyebrows and Maggie closed her eyes, succumbing to Juliette’s appeal. “Don’t stop this,” Juliette murmured, as her delicate kisses fluttered on Maggie's eyelids.
Juliette cradled Maggie’s head with the determination of someone consumed. “I can’t bear to see you in pain anymore. You must remember what it’s like.”
And Maggie did. As Juliette covered her face with urgent consolation, the familiar caresses awakened her body. Her face tingled, head swirled, stomach fluttered inside.
“Remember,” Juliette whispered as she traced across Maggie’s cheek with kisses of entreaty. “Don’t tell me you can’t.”
Juliette pulled her close, hands desperately clasping at her sides, higher and higher, and when she stopped shy of Maggie’s breasts, warmth flooded though Maggie and her body caved with an audible breath.
Juliette froze, her mouth nuzzled on Maggie’s cheek. Her breathing was fast, matched by the rapid rise and fall of Maggie’s chest. Juliette pulled back to gaze at Maggie, wide eyes betraying utterly her longing. They stared at each other, desire burning in their faces. They wanted each other and with another touch there’d be no turning back.
Juliette inched her hands higher, ever so slowly, the tantalising expectation building inside Maggie as her breasts cried out for her lover’s touch. The two women gasped in time, deeper and deeper with anticipation. When Juliette stroked her thumbs over Maggie’s nipples her reserve was spent and she groaned. Maggie caved forward and was met by Juliette’s ardent kiss.
She remembered. Maggie remembered with vivid, fluid heat. As Juliette swept her tongue inside her mouth Maggie responded with impassioned kisses. Pleasure burst inside her with Juliette’s every stroke of her breasts.
Yes, she remembered. Juliette could have seduced her like this for hours, incapacitated by this deliciously incessant touch. Every shot of arousal coursed from her breasts to her centre and stunned her in tingling ecstasy so that she couldn’t think or move. All she could do was kiss Juliette deeper and deeper like all those years ago.
She couldn’t help her desperate moan when Juliette slipped a hand away for a moment. Maggie gulped as their lips parted, ready to beg for Juliette again. But her eyes were drawn irresistibly to Juliette’s chest. Her lover slipped her own shirt buttons apart, letting the garment tease open a little at a time. When Juliette reached the last, her shirt fell open to reveal her breasts in shadow.
Maggie groaned. Juliette too, it seemed, remembered. Nothing aroused Maggie so much as a glimpse of what she craved. She couldn’t help but reach out, her fingers encountering the tender softness of Juliette’s belly. Neither could she resist exploring higher, until the exquisite curve of Juliette’s breast filled her palm, her nipple warm and pert at its centre.
“Oh,” Maggie moaned, and Juliette took her again. They kissed more fervently than before, Juliette pressed between her legs. Maggie could feel the warmth of Juliette’s naked belly while the taste of her lover’s lips made her mouth water. Like the sweet tang of fruit on a summer’s day, Maggie was overcome with the intense gratification of Juliette’s intimacy. For years, nothing had matched its compelling piquancy and Maggie’s body flooded with forgotten sensation.
“Come to bed,” Juliette urged. “Please come to bed.” The plea from Juliette had Maggie unravelled and they stood, struggling to keep their hands from one another.
Juliette drew back the duvet and slipped inside, her beautiful body reclined on the bed. It was the perfect sight for Maggie – her lover’s skin darker against the bright white of her open shirt, her shapely breasts in full view. Juliette raised her knee so her thighs fell apart, and Maggie’s gaze swept down. Juliette’s underwear was wet and the temptation to slip her fingers around the edges was building inside Maggie so strongly she feared she might lose control.
“Undress for me,” Juliette said.
While glimpses of Juliette’s body had always driven Maggie insane, Juliette had craved nudity, and Maggie teased her buttons apart with no reservation. Even though they hadn’t seen each other for years, she held no embarrassment. The way Juliette’s eyes devoured her as the clothes slipped away urged her on. It had always been like this. To undress in front of the impeccable Juliette and see her undone with need had always captivated Maggie, as it did now.
She lay beside Juliette, her lover’s body thrilling with anticipation. Maggie reached out and trailed her fingers down Juliette’s belly.
“You are divine,” she whispered. “Your body has been seared into my mind as perfection.”
Juliette quivered with the attention, her mouth clenched against a cry as Maggie explored further. Maggie leant down and took Juliette’s nipple in her mouth, pinching it gently between her tongue and teeth. The reaction was as beautiful as it was predictable, and Maggie purred as Juliette clenched her fingers hard into Maggie’s back. Again she squeezed and deep pleasure thrummed through her body as Juliette kneaded her back in desperation.
Maggie’s fingers explored lower, teasing and dipping into the waist of Juliette’s underwear, but she had no intention of removing it. She lingered to enjoy the smoothness of Juliette’s buttocks and around her thighs so that Juliette thrust into Maggie’s hand trying to catch her touch. Maggie stroked at the material between her lover’s legs, becoming dizzy at the warmth there, then teased some more, circling through the material where she knew Juliette craved.
She circled and circled, her head spinning with the pulsing rhythm of want that sent Juliette thrusting into her. And at last she could resist no more. She slipped her fingers around the edge of material, gaining a tantalising glimpse of Juliette beneath. Maggie doubled over at the sight but it was nothing to the surge of excitement when finally she slipped her fingers inside.
They clung tight to each other. It was so familiar. It felt the same yet agonisingly arousing, like Maggie had craved this for years.
They matched, moving together, and without thinking found the position where they fit. Maggie lost awareness of where she lay and how she made love. All she knew was she was bound with Juliette again and they loved with the same flow and rhythm they always had. Juliette caressed her and they embraced each other as they built together. They didn’t speak, only clasped each other cheek to hot cheek, listening to each other’s gasp become tighter and feeling the tension build exquisitely through them both.
When a groan built at the back of Juliette’s throat it was all Maggie could take. The familiar sound of her lover coming had her undone. The soft grip took her inside and started to squeeze as every nerve in her body turned hot. Harder and harder it took her so that she grasped her lover with the same ferocity that Juliette held her.
They thrust together as their orgasms peaked and rode out the wave in a passionate knot pulled so tight Maggie didn’t think it feasible to undo. And when their breathing became slower and regular it was almost a shock to find they were two separate women.
Chapter 40.
Maggie was drawn into Juliette’s dark eyes and her soft expression as they lay together, the duvet snug around them.
“Don’t go,” Juliette whispered, reaching out to stroke Maggie’s cheek.
“I don’t want to. Although,” her heart sank with all the repercussions, “that was probably a bad idea.”
“A terrible idea.” Juliette chuckled. “But I wouldn’t change it.” Her eyes devoured Maggie again. There was no doubt about the depth of Juliette’s hunger. Maggie felt it herself and she couldn’t let go of her lover.
“Stay,” Juliette said. “Please. I’m only here tonight and it will be weeks until I return.”
Maggie nodded. “I…” She could hardly say the words.
“I’ve missed you too. So very much,” Juliette said, taking pity on her and she kissed her with a tender touch that spoke volumes about her regard.
“What are we g
oing to do?” Maggie said.
“I don’t know.”
“I promise, wherever this is going, I won’t let it interfere with our families.”
Juliette smiled, with a sparkle in her eye and pinch of naughtiness in the corner of her mouth. “They are used to us tearing each other apart one moment, then laughing the next. I shouldn’t worry unduly. I doubt we could be any more perplexing.”
Maggie had an urge to kick her, but settled on a kiss instead.
“I love you,” Juliette murmured.
Even now the words caught at Maggie’s heart. She gulped, trying to return the declaration. “Never stopped,” she whispered.
“And with Jude and Abby?”
“I will try. Of course I want to support them, despite my reservations, but please,” she gazed fearful into Juliette’s eyes. “Don’t even hint about us.” The prospect of explaining this relationship to Jude made her icy cold, and a sharp pain twinged in her chest.
“Hey,” Juliette said gently, and it was only when Juliette placed her hand on Maggie’s chest that she realised how fast she breathed.
“We’d have to handle it very carefully,” Juliette said. “I’m sorry I was brash and careless when I first arrived. I won’t be again.”
Maggie inhaled deeply, her stomach swirling with fear. What a confession this would make to her daughter. Another sharp pain seared across Maggie’s chest and she winced this time.
“If something happens between us,” Maggie said, frowning through the discomfort, “we’ll tell everyone. We mustn’t rush though – whatever this is, or telling Jude about it.”
Then Juliette kissed her, delicious lips slipping over Maggie’s so divinely that she had to moan in appreciation and her fears and pain were, for a moment, wiped away.
Juliette pulled back to smile at her. “This is not what I expected when I walked past your house that first time.”
