by Jo Ann Brown
“On the table?” Katie Kay asked.
“Ja, while I check your heartbeat and the boppli’s. After that, you can sit on a chair if you’d rather. This appointment is for us to get to know each other, so you’re comfortable with me when it’s time to give birth. I’ll also have to take blood for a few tests.”
“Will they show if the boppli has any birth defects?”
Beth Ann rested one hand on the table. “Are there many bopplin in your family born with defects?”
“One I know about. My youngest sister died when she was almost four years old. She was born with multiple handicaps, and my parents considered it a blessing she survived as long as she did so we could have her in our lives.”
“Tell me about the problems she was born with.”
Katie Kay began to list the challenges Sarann had endured. Her little sister had never learned to sit by herself and had to be fed through a special tube in her stomach. Someone had to be with her always. Katie Kay had treasured her times with Sarann because the one thing her little sister did well was smile. Nobody knew if Sarann understood anything said to her, but it didn’t matter. Seeing her brilliant smile was like beholding the face of their Heavenly Father shining through her.
Their mamm had never once uttered a word of complaint about the long hours of caring for a kind who couldn’t do anything for herself. Instead, Mamm had made sure Sarann shared every experience with the rest of the family. Mamm took Sarann to church Sunday services, at least for the first hymns because the little girl seemed to be soothed by the Leit combining their voices in slow unity to praise the Lord.
Katie Kay had adored her little sister, and she’d feared her heart would never heal after Sarann’s death. Mamm’s passing a few years later had changed everyone in the family more than any of them wanted to admit. Daed had thrown himself into his work on the farm and as bishop. She’d struggled to meet the high standards set by her older sister and tried to oversee her younger sisters, who were having as much trouble with their grief as she was.
Mamm had been strong while dealing with Sarann. Katie Kay wondered if she could be the same. No, she couldn’t. Mamm had Daed and the rest of the family—as well as a powerful faith—to hold her up. Katie Kay was alone, though she hoped God would eventually welcome her among those He loved.
You are among those He loves. Go home to be with them.
Ach, how she was coming to hate her conscience that spoke at the most unexpected times! It made everything sound simple. Go home as she had the other times she’d left to stay with her Englisch friend, but it wasn’t straightforward this time.
The problems she’d left behind were waiting for her to face them. She couldn’t deny that. She hadn’t figured out how to deal with Micah. It would have been much easier if his glance didn’t cause a once-familiar ripple of emotion to reach to her toes and fingertips.
Odd that she’d never felt anything similar with Austin.
What was she doing? She should focus on what the midwife said.
“Is it possible this boppli will be born with the same problems Sarann had?” she asked.
“Anything is possible, Katie Kay. That’s why we must put our faith in God. He—and He alone—can see beyond this moment. He knows and loves your boppli. He will never—”
“Don’t say it!” Katie Kay was sorry for her outburst the moment the words were out of her mouth, but she’d been unnerved by how Beth Ann’s words matched her own thoughts.
The midwife looked at her as if she’d turned into a wild beast. “Say what?”
“God will give us nothing more than we can handle.”
Beth Ann frowned. “I wasn’t going to say that.”
“Oh, sorry. I thought—”
“What I was going to say is God won’t ever give us more than we can handle with His help.”
Katie Kay bit her lip, not wanting to retort that she didn’t want to hear that either. Getting off on the wrong foot with the midwife who’d done her such a great favor by seeing her after-hours would be ludicrous.
She submitted to the examination and listened to Beth Ann’s instructions for what to expect as her body changed. She agreed to make an appointment to return in two weeks for a more thorough exam but otherwise spoke only when Beth Ann asked her a direct question. The midwife believed God stood beside Katie Kay. How she wished she could believe that, too!
Chapter Eight
In Katie Kay’s opinion, every adult at the table that evening deserved an award for their acting. She’d learned about movie award shows from Cherokee, Vinnie’s girlfriend, who was fascinated with everything Hollywood. Katie Kay doubted those excellent actors and actresses would have been able to show such feigned enthusiasm for the stilted conversation at the table as the Donnellys, Micah and she did. Everyone acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
She’d played her part. She’d bowed her head while Sean said grace. That he spoke aloud was something she found disconcerting, because it was a reminder of how different this household was from the one where she grew up. Her daed had bowed his head in silent prayer before and after each meal, and the family did the same.
Yet it was nice to share prayers. While she lived in Lancaster, she’d seen the curiosity aimed in her direction when she bowed her head before she ate at the restaurant where she worked. She wasn’t the only one who thanked God for a meal, but everyone there knew she’d been raised Amish. They watched what she did to see if it matched what was on reality shows about people who claimed to be plain.
As the evening meal progressed, Katie Kay smiled when one of the kinder told a silly story, and she passed the serving bowls whenever anyone asked. She insisted on clearing the table and putting the dishes into the dishwasher, so Gemma could have time with her husband and kinder.
When Katie Kay lingered rinsing out the cooking pots, nobody came to ask what was taking so long. Tears welled into her eyes when she heard the laughter from the other room. The Donnellys were a family, loving each other and spending time together each day. Micah had become part of their family, too, the onkel who offered a knee for a kind to perch on. Once, she’d had that sense of family; then her mamm died and she’d gone from being a kind to a surrogate mamm.
How had her older sister, Priscilla, made the transition when Daed’s first wife passed away? Katie Kay had hoped in the days after Mamm’s funeral that Priscilla would give her hints of how to manage, but her sister had acted as if the answer should be obvious...if Katie Kay worked harder. She’d tried but never matched her older sister’s skills at cleaning a house or canning garden vegetables or making a cake.
Another failure.
She wiped away dampness from the corners of her eyes. Beth Ann and Gemma had warned her tears were a common side effect of pregnancy, especially in the early months. She was glad—for once—to be alone.
* * *
Micah listened to his friends talk and laugh, but his ears strained for the sound of Katie Kay’s footsteps. She was taking too long to clean up after the meal. He guessed she was trying to avoid them. All of them or just him? On the way home from the birthing clinic, she hadn’t said more than a handful of words, and those had been to thank him for making the appointment and driving her there. She hadn’t looked in his direction through the whole meal. He worried when she became taciturn.
Then he heard the soft sound of her sneakers. He didn’t look over his shoulder, not wanting to spook her.
Instead he listened as Gemma laughed. “As you know, Micah, Sean and I have had a long discussion about what we’ll name the baby. A very long one.”
“Which she won as always, so the new baby will be called Dylan.” Sean patted his wife’s hand. “A wise man knows when the route to victory is surrender.”
As they continued to tease each other, Micah risked a glance toward where Kati
e Kay stood in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen. Her face was blank, but she had laced her fingers together and leaned forward as if she wanted to absorb the love swirling around Sean and Gemma. That, he could understand.
How many times had he wondered what it would be like to have someone love him as Gemma did his partner? Only he and his brother Jeremiah remained unattached among the Stoltzfus siblings. He was very happy his brothers and sisters had found love but yearned for the same for himself.
Once upon a time, he’d thought he’d found true love with Katie Kay. No longer. When she’d tossed him aside as if he were last week’s newspaper, he’d closed his heart like a shop shuttered and out of business.
Yet, when he saw her in his friends’ living room, he couldn’t help feeling sorry for her. She was so alone and too stubborn to admit that she didn’t need to be if she returned to her own family.
When Katie Kay sat in a chair behind his, Olivia scrambled down from Sean’s lap and crawled into Katie Kay’s. Gemma and Sean exchanged a look. Were they worried about their daughter getting attached to Katie Kay or glad that Olivia eased her obvious loneliness?
Again he wondered what would have happened if he’d insisted Katie Kay let him take her home that rainy night. She was impetuous, but he found himself thinking he’d given in to her because he wanted to spend more time with her.
As soon as Gemma announced it was time for the kinder to go to bed, Olivia gave Katie Kay a hug before going with her parents. The boys followed.
Before Katie Kay could disappear, too, Micah said, “Let’s talk outside while they get the kids ready for bed.”
“I thought—I mean, it’s late, so I assumed—”
“I’m going to be heading home, if that’s what you’re trying to ask, but I thought we could talk a few minutes.” He stood and motioned toward the kitchen. “It’s a nice night. Let’s talk while I get Rascal hitched to the buggy.”
He thought she might refuse, but she said, “What do you want to talk about?”
“You choose.”
He could tell that startled her, because her steps faltered as they went into the kitchen. She hurried past him and pulled the windbreaker Gemma had lent her out of the closet by the back door. As she slipped it on, she said, “Okay. We’ll talk about you.”
“Me?”
“Sure. Tell me about how you got into installing solar panels.”
He shrugged and picked up another cookie as he walked out with her. Gemma’s baking wasn’t as gut as his mamm’s, but he never passed up her chocolate chip cookies...or anyone else’s.
The night was cool but not cold as the past few had been. The threat of a hard freeze had passed temporarily. Despite that, he glanced at Katie Kay to check her coat was zipped. He buttoned the top button on his own coat as he followed her down the steps.
Light from the waxing moon glittered off the dew scattered across the lawn. The silhouettes of the garage and the two vans concealed his buggy and Rascal, who must be eager to return to his warm stall.
As they walked on the wet grass, he said, “I feel like I’m serving God by helping others use the gift He created on the very first day.”
“You’re talking about light.” The edge had left her voice, and he guessed he’d surprised her with his answer.
“Ja. There’s something wondrous about light, which has shone since the beginning and hasn’t abated once. It’s waiting for us to use it as a precious legacy from the earliest moments of Creation.” He grinned. “At least you aren’t laughing.”
“Why would I laugh? God gave Adam and Eve dominion over His creation and urged them—and their descendants—to use what He’d created. A gift that keeps on giving.” She smiled and then laughed. “Something I heard Englischers say at the Central Market in Lancaster, and I liked it.”
“I like it, too. A gift that never runs out. Sunlight is that, so I can’t think of a reason not to use it.”
“Especially since the bishops have approved solar on plain houses.”
“Not all of them, but many are seeing the light.”
When she groaned at his pitiful pun, he chuckled. He was relieved they could laugh together again. After she’d been silent on the way back from Paradise Springs, he hadn’t been sure if they could salvage their fragile friendship.
He almost laughed again, but this time with regret because their relationships had teetered on the brink of disaster. And he had to admit, as he hadn’t wanted to before, that the uncertainty hadn’t always been her doing.
When he whistled, Rascal appeared out of the darkness. Sean had set aside a pasture for the horse and the pony he kept promising Olivia. Micah guessed his friend would want his help finding a gentle-spirited one that wouldn’t bite the kinder.
“Before you go,” Katie Kay said as he led Rascal to the buggy, “I’d like to say something.”
“Go ahead.”
“I appreciate—no, that’s not right. I needed to hear what you said before we went into the clinic this evening. You’ve done so much for me. Danki.”
As he set Rascal into place and secured him to the buggy, he said, “You don’t have to thank me for doing what friends do.”
She glanced at the house, which was brightly lit upstairs. “I am grateful to the Donnellys, too.”
“They’re gut people.”
“Ja. They try to make me feel like family.”
As he watched, the window of the boys’ room went dark. “That’s their way.”
“But not everyone’s.” She wrapped her arms around herself as he stepped from the buggy and faced her. “It’s special to have the chance to be with a loving family again. I’ve missed that.”
He frowned, though he wasn’t sure if she could see his expression in the moonlight. “If you miss being around a family, why don’t you go home to yours?”
“I told you I need time to figure out what I’m going to do.”
“You’re going to go or you’re going to stay, ain’t so?”
She stepped away from him. “It’s easy for you to say, but it isn’t that easy for me to decide, Micah.”
“Why not? You need to do what’s right for your boppli.”
“I am! I don’t need to explain myself to you, Micah Stoltzfus!”
Before he could say another word, she whirled and ran into the house. He expected her to slam the door in her wake, but she closed it quietly. Because she knew the kinder might already be asleep?
He sighed. It wasn’t for him to judge her and her intentions. That was God’s task.
“You’re being really tough on her,” said Sean as he emerged from the shadows by the garage.
“You heard?”
“Yeah. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but...”
Micah waved aside his words. “It wasn’t as if we were whispering.”
“One thing I’ve learned is the most even-tempered woman can be volatile when pregnant.” He glanced in the direction of the van Katie Kay had borrowed. “Katie Kay hasn’t had a great week.” He put his hand on Micah’s shoulder. “If you want my advice, give her a break. Yourself, too.”
“Me?”
“You’ve apologized to me at least two dozen times about a tiny dent, and I’ve told you every time it’s okay.” He gave a half laugh. “You Amish don’t have a monopoly on forgiving others.”
Micah sighed at the truth in his friend’s words. “Or being grateful for forgiveness when it’s offered.” He stared at the house. “Or wondering why it hasn’t been offered.”
“Micah, if you want my opinion, you’ve gotten too wound up in Katie Kay’s problems. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want your help when it comes to reconciling with her family. Why don’t you back off until she figures out what she wants to do?”
“You’re right, and taking
your advice is the least I can do after you’ve taken her in, Sean. I never intended for her to stay here past that first night.”
“Gemma told me how she appreciates having company during the day. Someone who discusses something other than Sesame Street and what color was used in kindergarten that day.”
“I’m glad.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I need to let her get over visiting the midwife, as well as whatever happened in Lancaster.” He almost revealed what Katie Kay had told him, but he wouldn’t break the promise he’d made to her.
Sean gave him a half smile. “Another thing I’ve learned through Gemma’s pregnancies is to avoid arguing with her when her hormones are raging. You’re smart to let Katie Kay come to terms with being pregnant.”
Micah flinched as he did each time someone spoke of the baby who belonged to Katie Kay and her unfeeling Englischer. “I see your point.”
He did, though he wished Katie Kay would ease Reuben’s worries about her. Yet, he knew she needed to make the decision for herself.
Why don’t you help her see what’s right instead of pushing her to do what you think she should do?
That thought surprised him. Why wasn’t he helping her discover what God’s will was for her? Wasn’t assisting one another what the gut Lord taught His kinder to do?
“Good,” Sean said, interrupting Micah’s musings. He turned toward the house, and Micah heard a tapping at a kitchen window. “Looks like Gemma’s ready to call it a day, too.” He started to leave and then paused. “By the way, I forgot earlier. She wants to know if you’re planning to join us a week from Saturday at the harvest festival in Exton.”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
“Glad to hear it.” Sean clapped him on the shoulder. “Safe drive home. See you in the morning. We should be able to finish the house by the end of tomorrow. It’ll be good to move on to the next, and Gemma told me a couple more people have called and want to talk to us about installing solar panels. Will you have time tomorrow if she can set up appointments for us?”
