Love You

by Stacy Finz

  “You’ll call me, right?”

  “As soon as I know something. Cell reception there is shoddy. So stay where you are.” He hung up.

  She couldn’t wait. There were a couple of zip-line employees waiting to help customers rappel down after their flight. One she recognized as a part-time guide at GA. A lot of college kids came for the summer for seasonal work and to enjoy the Sierra and patched together enough hours from various jobs to support themselves.

  “Hey, Darcy.” He waved.

  She walked over to him. “Jamal, do you know anyone who could give me a ride to town? Win’s got the keys and he’s up there.” She pointed at the line. “It’s an emergency.”

  “I’ve got lunch in twenty minutes. Can you wait that long?”

  “I can’t. You think there’s anyone else?”

  “I’ll check.” He got on his walkie-talkie and had a conversation with a lot of static in the background. Jamal signed off and said, “Billy can take you. He’s waiting up at the office.”

  Thank God. She didn’t think she could stand here a minute longer and hiked back the way she came. Billy had an old Honda Civic with more dents than a crushed soda can. She got in and prayed it made it the eight miles to Garner Adventure.

  “I really appreciate this,” she said.

  Billy was about Jamal’s age, twenty, twenty-one, with a hipster beard and red bandana tied around his head. “Sure thing. Where do you want me to drop you?”

  “Garner Adventure on Main Street. Do you know where it is?”

  “The big log lodge near the Morning Glory?” His car hiccupped on an incline and she crossed her fingers that they didn’t stall on the mountain.

  “That’s it.”

  Billy seemed unfazed by the Honda’s sluggish performance, easing some of her concern. She spent most of the ride firing off a text to Colt that she was on her way home. As soon as Garner Adventure came into sight, she rushed out of the car before Billy even came to a complete stop. Thanking him again, she ran behind the building to GA’s small lot, got in her car, and took off. Colt still hadn’t called and a million images flashed through her head.

  There were so many damned cars on the road, tourists up for the weekend, that it took Darcy twice as long to get home. When she saw an ambulance, a fire truck, and Colt’s pickup in the driveway her heart dropped. She wedged her Volkswagen next to her grandmother’s car and rushed to the house.

  Colt met her halfway, his face grim. “They’re taking her to Sierra General. She’s unresponsive.”

  What does that mean? “She’s not—” Darcy couldn’t say it.

  “No. But it’s not good, Darce.” He rested his hands on her shoulders.

  “She has hypertension.” She pulled away. “I have to tell the paramedics.”

  “They know. Her meds were in the kitchen.”

  “I want to go with her.” For Nana’s sake she was desperately trying to hold it together.

  “Jake?” Colt called. “Can Darcy ride in the ambulance with Mrs. Wallace?”

  “Yep. We’re leaving right now.”

  Colt hurried Darcy to the back of the truck and helped her get in. Nana was lying on a gurney with an oxygen mask over her face, hooked up to an IV.

  “Nana.” Darcy touched her hand and it was cold. It was eighty degrees out but Nana was cold. And her pale skin, blue. “Nana, can you hear me?”

  Other than a slight flutter of Hilde’s right eye, which could’ve been Darcy’s imagination, her grandmother didn’t respond.

  “She said she got up this morning, short of breath, opened the windows for fresh air, and still couldn’t breathe,” a paramedic … Sean, according to his name tag … said. “She called nine-one-one and by the time we got here she was barely able to talk.”

  “She has high blood pressure. Her medication just needs to be adjusted. That’s all.”

  Sean didn’t say anything and Darcy sat next to Nana and held her hand. Someone closed the back doors and the ambulance started to move and the siren blared. Sean stayed in the back with them. For a large man, he was good at maneuvering in the tight space and constantly monitored Nana’s vital signs.

  It was the longest trip of Darcy’s life. When they finally arrived, there were medical staff waiting to take her grandmother inside. Someone, an orderly maybe, guided Darcy to the intensive care unit, where she was shunted to a waiting room.

  “A nurse will come out soon and take you back.”

  “Thank you.” That must’ve been when the shock hit her because she began to cry. She sobbed her eyes out, feeling alone and afraid.

  Her parents. She needed to notify them but couldn’t seem to make her hands dial the phone. She decided to wait for a status update and would call them when she had good news. At least she hoped it would be good. But after a solid thirty minutes passed she started to get antsy. What was taking so long? She tried to occupy herself by thumbing through a pile of old magazines, dog-eared from use. And when that didn’t hold her attention, she cleaned out her handbag, dumping the flotsam that had floated to the bottom in the trash. Then, finally, she heard footsteps in the hall. But it wasn’t the nurse or doctor who came to find her, it was Win.

  “Colt called me.” He walked straight at her and pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. Any word yet?”

  She shook her head. “I keep hoping that it’s just her blood-pressure medication, that they’ll tweak it, and everything will be fine.” She started crying again. “It’s bad, Win, it’s really bad.”

  “Shush.” He rocked her back and forth like he’d done the time she told him about her parents’ separation. “Hilde’s strong.”

  She hung on to him, taking comfort in his embrace, taking comfort in his arms. The fact that he’d come here meant the world to her but what about … ? “Where’s Madison? What about the itinerary?”

  “I told her it was an emergency and we’d have to do it another time.”

  She stepped back. “GA could lose the account. You realize that, right?”

  “You think I care? I didn’t want you to have to go through this alone.”

  Before she could tell him to go and salvage the rest of the day, a man in green scrubs and a stethoscope came into the room.

  “Ms. Wallace? I’m Dr. Gerard.”

  “Is my grandmother okay?”

  He motioned for them all to take a seat. Win moved next to her and held her hand.

  “Your grandmother is suffering from acute congestive heart failure. She needs emergency surgery to replace her aortic valve.”

  At first, Darcy had trouble absorbing the diagnosis. Acute congestive heart failure. Was that like a heart attack? “If you replace it will it save her?”

  Dr. Gerard leaned in closer. “We hope so.”

  Darcy could feel a “but” coming on. To her, the doctor looked grim, almost hopeless but perhaps that was his everyday standing face. The face of doom and gloom.

  “There’s a minimally invasive procedure available, which I recommend for someone your grandmother’s age,” he continued. “It involves threading the new valve through the vascular system, instead of having to open her chest. As you can imagine, it’s much less stressful on a person’s system, especially an elderly person’s. I’ve seen some patients go home in a day after TAVR.” Darcy didn’t know what that was and it must’ve shown in her expression because Dr. Gerard clarified. “Transcatheter aortic valve replacement.”

  “Okay, let’s do that, then.” It sounded like the answer to her prayers.

  He made the face again. “Unfortunately, the closest hospitals that offer transcatheter aortic valve replacement are located in Sacramento or the Bay Area. In Mrs. Wallace’s condition it would be extremely risky to transport her.”

  Dr. Gerard paused to make sure she was taking in everything he’d told her. Win stroked her palm with his thumb, the gesture a reminder that she wasn’t alone in this.

  “Why can’t you just do something here, at Sierra General?” sh
e asked.

  “We can do open-heart surgery here but, frankly, at your grandmother’s age that’s also risky.”

  Open-heart surgery, jeez. Darcy took a deep breath. Lost in the gravity of the situation, she didn’t know what to say. It was as if her tongue wouldn’t move and there was a giant lump in her throat.

  “Which one in your opinion holds the most risk?” Win came to the rescue. Yes, that’s exactly what she wanted to know.

  Dr. Gerard seemed to be contemplating the answer. “I’d say they’re both equally risky. If she were stable, I’d like her chances better with TAVR.”

  Darcy finally found her voice. “Can we wait to see if she stabilizes?”

  “I wouldn’t advise it. We’re looking at a short window of time here.”

  She rubbed her hand down her face. How was she supposed to make a decision like this? She’d always been decisive but she was in over her head. She’d always been the responsible one but just once she wished she had someone who could help bear the weight. This was too important to take it on herself. If she chose the wrong option Nana would die.

  “Should you call your dad?” Win touched her arm, seeing her face strain with indecision. “He’s Hilde’s son.” The implication was he should make the decision.

  But Darcy wasn’t willing to relinquish it to someone who didn’t care as much as she did. Max loved his mother but Darcy couldn’t live without her, that was the difference.

  “I’ll call him,” she said, and turned to the doctor. “But you need to know right now, right?”

  “As soon as possible. Does your grandmother have a conservator?”

  Darcy wasn’t sure but she didn’t think so. More than likely her grandmother would’ve put Darcy in charge of something like that. She shook her head no.

  “My grandmother has always been in relatively good health.” Until now.

  “Would you like to try your father?” the doctor asked.

  She looked at Win and he nodded.

  “Why don’t you go ahead and make a few phone calls. I’ll ask a social worker to come out and talk with you.” Dr. Gerard got up and disappeared behind the intensive care’s double doors.

  Darcy dug her phone out of her purse and called her father. When she got voice mail, she left a message for him to call as soon as possible. Then she repeated the same message on his office answering service. She had the same luck with her mother. In the day of cell phones, you’d think one of them would be reachable.

  Win got up and filled a small paper cup with water from the cooler and brought it to her. “No answer, huh?”

  She shook her head. “They’ll just make things worse anyway.” Her father was a practical man. But Darcy knew sometimes you had to lead with your heart, not your head. And Geneva … well, Geneva was all about Geneva. “What do you think I should do?”

  He gazed down at her, his eyes a darker blue than her own. “Hilde’s tough.” He paused. “I think she should go to Sacramento and do the procedure with the one-day recovery. Life’s too short to spend it in a hospital bed. That’s my two cents. But the decision has to be yours.”

  As somber as she felt, his two cents made her laugh. It was so Win. So elemental. So impulsive. And then it struck her that he wasn’t as impulsive as he seemed. With FlashTag he’d taken the pulse of the group, read the signs, and made decisions based on a quick analysis. He was in fact more thoughtful than the fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants person he let everyone see.

  “I’m going to see if they’ll let me sit with her for a little while,” she said. Maybe if Nana woke up, she’d tell Darcy what to do.

  “I’ll be out here if you need me.”

  She stopped. “Uh, you don’t have to stay. You could meet up with Madison. She doesn’t leave until tomorrow, the two of you could have dinner.”

  His expression turned dark, darker than she’d ever seen it. “You think I’d leave you now? Jesus, for a smart woman, you’re awfully dense. Go sit with your grandmother,” he snapped.

  She walked away feeling more confused than ever.

  *

  Win sent TJ a quick text. His brother wasn’t going to be happy about the way he’d left things with Madison. Win had unceremoniously dumped her at the hotel and told her he had to go. If she was a decent human being she’d understand; Win had no reason to think she wasn’t. He just hoped she wouldn’t think GA was unreliable and choose Mountain Adventure instead. But really, in the scheme of things, getting the account wasn’t all that important anymore. Not while Hilde was lying at death’s door.

  A reply from TJ came in and Win glanced at it.

  Keep us apprised and tell Darcy we’re thinking about her. I’ll handle Madison.

  His whole family would rally around Darcy when the time was right. He watched the clock, then got on his phone and searched transcatheter aortic valve replacement. Reading was never easy for him, especially something as complicated as medical terminology. But he forced himself to study the pros and cons. Thirty minutes later, Darcy returned to the waiting room looking more fragile than when she had left. He immediately rose and pulled her into his arms. There hadn’t been a code blue or whatever they announced over the loudspeaker when a patient was in trouble.

  “Anything new?”

  “She’s still unresponsive, though she opened her eyes for a few seconds. I haven’t heard from my dad and the social worker, Dr. Gerard, and the duty nurse say I have to make a decision.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  She braced herself against his shoulders and let out a breath. “You really think I should risk the transport?”

  If Darcy made the choice and Hilde didn’t pull through she’d never forgive herself. Let it fall on him, he’d take the hit because he wanted to be that man for her. Her man.

  “Yeah, that’s the way I would go.” From everything he’d read online the procedure was revolutionary. The death risk of the procedure was only in the three-percent range and they didn’t even have to remove the old valve, they could just push it aside with the new one. To him it seemed like a no-brainer, except for the part of getting her to the hospital and getting her stable enough to perform the replacement. “I think it’s what Hilde would want if she could tell us.”

  She sagged into him, using his weight to hold her up. “I should tell the doctor that’s my decision but I … can’t. I can’t even move.”

  “I’ll do it for you if that’s what you want.”

  “You’re sure about this?” she asked.

  He’d never seen her so irresolute. She might be bashful and self-deprecating, even insecure, but she was usually the biggest know-it-all on the face of the earth.

  “No, honey, I’m not sure. No one is, not even the doctors. We can only follow our guts and mine tells me this is the best option.”

  “Okay.” For better or worse, she seemed to be resigned. “Will you come with me to tell them?”

  “You’ve got it.” He put his hand at the small of her back and nudged her forward. They’d do this together.

  *

  Four hours later, Win sat in the waiting room at Dignity Health Hospital in Sacramento. He made the two-hour drive in ninety minutes, which was saying something for a Sunday when half of Northern California was driving home from the mountains. Darcy had come on the flight with Hilde, who was barely hanging on and hooked up to so many breathing apparatuses that you could hardly recognize her.

  If, by the grace of God, she stabilized, Dignity’s medical team would perform the procedure. Otherwise, they were afraid she’d stroke out on the table. Darcy had finally reached her parents and they were on their way.

  For now, it was a waiting game.

  “All they had were these. Sorry.” Darcy handed him some kind of a premade juice smoothie, which was fine by him, and snagged a seat. “Thanks for sitting watch. I needed a walk to clear my head.”

  Win took her by the hand and gazed into her eyes. “I’m here for you.”

  He’d never said that to a w
oman before and the knowledge socked him in the gut like a sledgehammer. Yet, she’d told him she was done. Done with him, done with what they could be. As far as he was concerned they hadn’t even gotten started.

  “You don’t have to stay with me,” she said. “My parents are coming and I know you have better things to do.”

  “Better things to do?” He cocked his brows. “Is it that difficult for you to understand that I want to be here with you?” That I want you to need me? That I need you?

  Her eyes held him as if she were trying to grasp that he actually wanted to do something for her without expecting anything in return. He wasn’t fucking Lewis. Or Geneva. He didn’t want her to organize his files, suck in her stomach, or jump through crazy hoops to make him happy. He just wanted her to be. Just be.

  She swallowed hard. Her eyes filled and she rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m not really good at taking help.”

  “Ya think?”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Geneva was driving Darcy crazy, bossing around the nurses, asking every five seconds if she’d called Lewis, and generally being a pain in the ass. Darcy didn’t know what was taking her father so long to get to the hospital but maybe it wasn’t so terrible. Geneva was already on a tear about “your cheating father” and his “tramp girlfriend.” It was probably better to keep them apart for as long as possible.

  Win had gone home to get her clothes, figuring she’d be in Sacramento for a while. In her wildest dreams, she never would’ve expected him to be the person she’d lean on in a crisis.

  Win was the guy you called for fun, not to make life-or-death decisions. Yet, that had been exactly what he’d done. When she’d been paralyzed with fear over Nana’s care, he’d come to the rescue. Reliable, empathetic, thoughtful were not usually the words that people used to describe Win but he’d been all those things for her.

  “Let’s go to the cafeteria,” Geneva said. “It’s not like we’re doing any good here.”

  The nurse had brought in a few chairs and Darcy had been sitting next to Nana like a mother hen, waiting for her vital signs to improve.

  “All right.” It was late and the food service was probably closed but they could get a cup of coffee.