Leave a Trail

by Fanetti, Susan

  They came in during an off time, so there actually weren’t too many people there. The Sullivans, having pie, one of the new families in town, with their kids—he couldn’t remember their names—and two women he didn’t recognize at all. Probably Main Street shoppers.

  They’d driven through the Main Street Shops area on the way to Marie’s, and Adrienne had remarked on how ‘cute’ and ‘old-timey’ it was. Badger supposed that was true. He didn’t really pay attention to what the storefronts looked like anymore. It was his job to collect protection payments, and he was the first line for complaints from the shopkeepers, so it felt like he was in those shops pretty often.

  Between that, managing the livestock at the B&B, and whatever else the club needed him to do, he didn’t have time for anything else in his life. He hardly even saw his folks.

  He led her to an empty booth about halfway down the aisle and saw Marie coming right over, her eyes keen with interest. “Well, hey there, Justin. How you doin’, honey?”

  Adrienne’s eyes sharpened at hearing “Justin,” but he ignored her and smiled at Marie.

  “I’m good, Marie. We just want coffee, if that’s okay.”

  “Sure it is. Who’s your friend?”

  Though he was confident that the drama with the lawyer wasn’t gossip, since there hadn’t been anyone around who would blab, Badger knew full well that by now Marie knew everything anybody in Signal Bend knew about Adrienne—at a minimum, her name and her relation to Shannon. Probably where she was from, too. But he played along. “This is Adrienne. She’s visiting Shannon at the B&B, and I said I’d show her around town.”

  “Well, that’s sweet of you, honey.” She turned to Adrienne. “And look at you! Ain’t you just the prettiest thing. Such a pretty name, too.”

  “Thanks.” Adrienne blushed. She looked really uncomfortable, and Badger felt guilty bringing her in here. Marie was examining her as if through a magnifying glass; she wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it. But when Badger turned his coffee cup over, and then Adrienne’s, Marie got the hint. She filled their cups.

  “Now, you let me know if you need anything else.” With that, she finally left them alone, though Badger repeatedly saw her watching them.

  Adrienne poured four sugars into her cup and stirred. “Justin? Is that your real name?”

  He shrugged. “I told you. The only name I care about is Badger. But my given name is Justin. The older people around here are slow to make the change, though, I guess.

  “Why is a ‘road name’ so important? I don’t really understand the biker thing. I mean, it’s cool. I just don’t get it.”

  Again, he shrugged. “I don’t know. Not everybody gets one, actually. But it’s a name your brothers give you, so it means something. Hard to explain.”

  “Didn’t mean to pry.”

  “It’s okay. Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.” A small smile perked up the corners of her pretty mouth.

  “What did you mean when you said you weren’t sure you went to Columbia?”

  He knew right away that he’d asked her a much more intrusive question than she’d asked him. Her head dropped, and she stared into her coffee cup, swirling the spoon in it absently. He was about to take it back when she looked back up.

  “I kinda bailed on this semester. It’s only a few weeks before finals, but I’m here. And I’m not sure I’m going back.”

  He’d only known her for, like, ninety minutes, so he knew it wasn’t his place to ask why. But his blood was singing with curiosity, and finally, as she kept staring into her cup, he couldn’t take it any longer.

  “I know I’m being nosy, but can I ask why?”

  She brought her head up then. Her bright eyes shuttered abruptly. “No. Just drama. My drama.”

  “Okay. Sorry.” They finished their coffee in silence while Marie kept an avaricious eye on them.

  ~oOo~

  He got her back to the B&B and left her on the porch. She was going in to talk to Shannon. He was proud of himself for not asking anything about all that—why she was here, what she wanted.

  As he was turning to head down to the barn, she stopped him. “I’m sorry I was snappy with you in the diner. Thanks for not pushing.”

  “No problem. Sorry I got nosy at all.”

  She grinned. “You’re pretty okay, Badge.”

  “You, too. If you want to ride later, just come on down to the barn. Wear jeans, though. Shorts on a saddle’ll just make your legs sore.”

  She nodded and went to the front door.

  ~oOo~

  She did want a ride. She came down to the barn an hour or so later, dressed as before, except in jeans now instead of shorts, looking happy but dazed. And she wanted a ride. So he saddled up Gypsy for himself and sweet old Toby for her, and he took her through the woods.

  As they rode, she asked question after question about the town, the Horde, Show, and Shannon. He answered all the questions she asked, until they started to seem personal. It was one thing to tell her about Shannon running the B&B and how great at it she was, with all those amazing weddings and shit, but it was another thing to talk about Show and Shannon as a couple—not that Badger knew much about that, anyway. Finally, as they were heading back in, he pulled Gypsy up and turned her around to face Adrienne and Toby.

  “For somebody who doesn’t want people in their business, you’re full of a lot of questions about other people’s.”

  She blushed bright red at that. “Sorry. I just—you know that Shannon’s my…um…that…”

  “She’s your mom. Yeah. Not that hard to figure.”

  “Bio-mom. Yeah. I’m just meeting her for the first time. I’m curious.”

  “Then you should ask her all these questions.”

  “I don’t know…it feels weird to ask her.”

  “Well, I’m not going to talk to you about her private stuff—which I don’t even know anyway. Let’s just ride, okay?”

  “Okay. Sorry.”

  He turned Gypsy and kicked her into a little trot. Toby had a smooth gait, so he knew Adrienne would be okay, but he kept an eye out anyway.

  When they got back to the barn, he swung off while Gypsy was just slowing up, and he hit the ground with a light bounce. Gypsy was gaited, a big, beautiful Tennessee Walker. Damn, he loved her. He dropped her reins over the hitching post and went to help Adrienne dismount.

  She leaned down and put her hands on his shoulders, and he put his hands on her waist—her shirt was loose so, though he hadn’t specifically intended it, he ended up putting his hands on her bare skin, which was warm, firm and silky-soft. When she came down, she was right up against him, smiling up at him, and, for the first time, his aesthetic appreciation of her beauty and his enjoyment of her company kicked into something more—something physical. His cock filled right out, in other words. He set her down fast and took a step back, trying desperately not to look like an idiot. Grabbing Toby’s reins and then collecting Gypsy’s, he led the horses into the barn, hoping she wouldn’t follow.

  At first, she didn’t. He had Toby’s saddle off and was working the bit out of his mouth, thinking about Adrienne’s skin against his palms, when she peeked around the open barn door.

  “Is it okay if I come in?”

  He didn’t look around. “Sure.”

  While he untacked Toby and then Gypsy, and got them into their stalls, she stood right inside the door, watching but not saying a word. He put the tack away, deciding that their ride had been light enough that he didn’t need to clean anything but the bits, which he’d do later. When he turned to face the door, she was right in front of him. The low afternoon sun was coming through the open doors and setting her hair ablaze. Wow.

  “Are you mad at me?”

  He was surprised. “What? No. Why would I be?”

  “For asking too many questions.”

  “Nope. I see why you’re curious. I’m just not the right person to ask.”

  “Okay. Can I ask a q
uestion you are the right person to ask, then?”

  “Sure. Shoot.”

  “I’ve never kissed a guy with a beard before. Can I?”

  She was blushing. It took him a second for the meaning of her words to sink in, and then he was blushing, too. “I, uh…”

  Apparently, she took that as a yes. Rising up onto her tiptoes, she put her hands on the back of his neck and pulled him down to her. And then her pretty, soft mouth was on his.

  She laughed against his lips. “Tickles.”

  Badge was proud of his beard. He might have to work like a fiend to get muscle on his naturally lean frame, and he might have had bad skin when he was in high school, but he had good hair—long, thick, and straight—and he could grow a damn fine beard. It was thick, even, and dark auburn, exactly the same color as his hair, and he planned to let it grow long. “That bad?”

  “Not even a little.”

  With a sudden surge of confidence—and no small amount of lust—Badger put his hands on her hips and kissed her back, pushing his tongue into her mouth. She leaned into him, her little tits on his chest, and whimpered a little. And holy shit. She was the first civilian girl he’d ever kissed, and she was fine.

  As soon as he realized that, he backed off fast. Christ on a crutch, how’d he end up making out with Shannon’s daughter in the barn, with Toby and Gypsy both staring at them over their stalls?

  Nope, nope, nope. All kinds of bad.

  When he pulled away, she had a second of seeming disoriented, and he almost succumbed to the temptation to lean back down and kiss her again. But then she blinked and reoriented. And she looked embarrassed.

  “Sorry. That was lame of me.”

  “No! I—liked it. But I should take you back up to the house, I think.”

  The embarrassment mostly cleared from her face, and she smiled. “Okay.”

  ~oOo~

  U around?

  Badger’s phone pinged, and he saw the text. He didn’t recognize the number.

  Who’s this?

  The next ping was a photo—a selfie. Adrienne, grinning. So cute.

  She was literally the first girl he’d ever been comfortable talking to. He hadn’t realized it until late that first night, after Show had taken them all out for a steak supper, but he was at his ease with her. It was an amazing, empowering feeling. And then she was gone. The confidence with women hadn’t stayed with him, though. That seemed to be specific to one girl, at least so far.

  He’d given her his personal number before she’d left, but that had been a few weeks ago, and she hadn’t used it. Until now.

  Now he was grinning, too. Hey! What’s up?

  IDK. Just wanted to tell you that I just took my last final of the semester. I guess I do still go to Columbia.

  Cool. Totally cool.

  Not dumb to text you about that?

  No. Gave u my number to use it. Text me whenever.

  K. Hey Badge?

  Yeah?

  Like your beard a lot.

  He wasn’t sure what to say to that. She lived in New York City, and anyway, Show had made it clear that she was off limits. Adrienne, it seemed to him, was squarely in the friend zone.

  So he didn’t say anything. He just took a selfie of his own and, once he made sure he didn’t look like a dork, he sent it to her.

  ~oOo~

  Do not go where the path may lead,

  but instead go where there is no path

  and leave a trail.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson, from “Essays and Lectures”

  PROLOGUE

  Badger was headed straight to the bar from the Keep, his blood still thudding in his ears, when he felt the unmistakable weight of Isaac’s heavy hand on his neck.

  “Talk with me, Badge. My office.”

  You didn’t say no to Isaac, not like this, but Badger’s head was thick and confused, noisy with anger. He turned and brought his arm up to knock Isaac off him.

  “Get off me!”

  He failed. Isaac’s grip only tightened, and Badger felt the fucked-up, pulling pain across his chest of skin that would not move—like he was tearing himself apart. It happened whenever he tried to make his arms go wider than his shoulders. The scar tissue that covered his chest would not give that much.

  And then he was off his feet, and Isaac was slamming him into the wall. That hurt his chest, too, deeper, and he couldn’t hold back his groan at the impact.

  Isaac eased off a little but didn’t release him. “You need to ratchet down, little brother. And now.”

  Badger glared but said nothing. He was half Isaac’s size and strength. Maybe less than half his strength. And Isaac was his President. Plus, he was trying to study Badger’s eyes. Badger blinked and dropped his head, knowing it was a sign of defeat, but he was sick to fuck of people sizing him up, waiting for him to do something stupid and give them a reason to take his patch. He could feel them all watching him, looking for their chance. And he’d just served it up on a platter, shouting Isaac down at the table, threatening to walk out of a meeting.

  “My office, Badger. You’re walking, or I’m draggin’ you. Make your choice.”

  They had the attention of all the Horde, but no one was interfering. They were probably waiting for Isaac to flatten him. But Badger was glad they were keeping their distance. He’d rather taste Isaac’s fist than get rescued. Like the weak puke he was.

  “I’ll walk.”

  “Good man.” Isaac set him down, then dropped a hand on Badger’s shoulder and led him down the side hall to his office.

  Once inside, Isaac closed the door and gestured to the chair next to his desk. Badger sat as directed, and Isaac pulled his desk chair up so they were facing each other when he sat. Then he started right in.

  “I’m worried about you, Badge. I need you to be straight here. You need help you’re not asking for?”

  “No.” He knew what Isaac meant. Somebody was always asking, laying traps, waiting for him to fuck up.

  “Look at me.”

  Pretty sure it was safe, and without another viable choice anyway, he leaned close and opened his eyes wide. “Fuck! I’m looking! I’m not high. I’m not a fucking junkie.”

  He knew that for the lie it was. He wasn’t in denial, even as he denied it. He was totally fucked up, and he knew it. He knew he’d lost it in the Keep because he needed to get level. That was why he felt safe letting Isaac get a real close look at his eyes. He wasn’t high. He needed to be.

  But they’d take his patch if they knew it. They talked a good game about being worried about him, but he knew he was a weak suck for getting hooked, and he knew how Isaac felt about weakness.

  Isaac, who’d made his dead body live again just by fucking willing it, would never understand why Badger couldn’t deal. It wasn’t even the pain he felt with every fucking breath.

  It was the fear.

  It moved like acid in his veins. It twisted his innards into knots. It never let him up. Except for about an hour after a hit, maybe, when his blood eased and his head quieted. He knew he was crazy. It had been six months since the Perros had held them and tortured them, and he still couldn’t deal. They’d broken him. Not Show, not Len, not even Havoc, whom they’d sliced and diced—they’d all stayed strong. Only he had broken.

  He was the weak link. He was a pussy. He knew they knew, and he waited for them to take his patch.

  Isaac stared hard into his eyes and then sat back, his expression still unconvinced. “Okay. We are here if you need help, little brother. You find yourself in trouble, you reach out. You’re not alone. Right?”

  He hated that ‘little brother’ thing. Hated it. Havoc had started it, and it hadn’t been long before they were all calling him that. He wasn’t even the most recent patch. Dom, Tommy, and Zeke had all been patched in after he’d been—and Omen and Mikey, too, rest their souls. He wasn’t even the smallest—Dom and Zeke were shorter, and Dom was skinnier. But he was the youngest, and no one missed an opportunity to remind him
that they all thought he was a kid. Weak. Naïve. It fucking sucked. It sucked so bad.

  What he said to Isaac, though, was, “Right. I know, boss. I’m okay.”

  “Pretty hot in the Keep today. Not the first time. But it’s not like you.”

  No, because usually he was a pussy. “Just tryin’ to get my head around everything. I’m okay.”

  “Yeah. Me, too. You were right in there, though. I’m glad you called me on it. Sometimes…” Isaac stopped and looked down at his hands, which gripped his legs. “Sometimes I’m so angry my heart pounds like to break my ribs. It’s hard not to have a place to put it. The heavy bag helps.” He laughed. “A good fuck helps, too.”

  Badger worked out as much as he could, but he couldn’t keep up with the likes of Isaac, and Show, and Len, and Tommy. He’d worked so goddamn hard to build up muscle. So goddamn hard. Weight and bulk did not want to stay on his frame without daily effort. And now his chest was a ruin, so it barely fucking mattered what he did. He’d never have even what he’d managed to build up before. And what he could do—it hurt like fire to work his upper body. Even bicep curls moved his chest and strained the scars. He did it anyway. He did it until he shook with pain.

  And then he went off by himself for awhile.

  As for good fucks, he was on that plan, too. But a good high lasted longer.

  He put a kind of a smile on his face. “Yeah. That’s a good idea. Thanks.”

  For another couple of seconds, Isaac looked at him skeptically, and Badger began to wonder if this was going to be the big talk after all. But then he huffed and rolled his chair back to the kneehole of his desk. “Okay, little brother. Let’s go drink.”

  He fucking hated being the little brother.

  ~oOo~

  He woke with a start, drenched in sweat, his heart racing. Weasel, his border collie, was sitting at his side, whining. The horses in their stalls were agitated, too. He must have been yelling in his sleep. Again.