A Fox's Maid

by Brandon Varnell

  “What does fish have to do with anything?”

  “Everything!”

  Lilian grew even more concerned. Using her tails to continue preparing breakfast, she strode over to Kevin, who, were it not for the mass amounts of red lighting his face on fire, would have looked like he’d been frozen in a block of ice.

  “Hmmm.” Lilian placed a hand on his forehead. Kevin stiffened even more, and in more ways than one, as blood rushed to two different places at the same time. “You don’t seem to have a fever, but…” The hand was replaced by Lilian’s forehead. Kevin’s eyes crossed. “You are a little warm…”

  “Li-L-L-L…”

  Removing her forehead, Lilian stared into Kevin’s wide, unseeing eyes. He looked like a bomb ready to detonate.

  “Kevin?”

  Kevin’s body twitched and shuddered…

  … And then was launched backwards, blood spurting out his nose like the tail of a comet. He flew out of the kitchen and across the living room, smacking his head against the wall on the opposite side of the apartment before sliding down in an unconscious heap.

  “What’s all the commotion about… oh my.”

  Kotohime walked into the living room and saw Kevin passed out on the floor.

  She then began to giggle.

  “Ufufufu…”

  Lilian stared at the comatose Kevin, blinking, as if not quite sure what to make of the last few seconds. Oddly enough, even though she had been right in front of him when he underwent nasal combustion, her clothes and skin remained pristine. The same could not be said for the rest of the room.

  Lilian blinked several more times.

  And then she smiled.

  “It looks like Lindsay might be right. He does seem to be suffering from a bad case of Gibberish of Love.”

  “And nosebleeds, too, apparently,” Kotohime added with an amused expression.

  Lilian nodded. “Right, and those.”

  Her lips curling in delight, Lilian went back to her cooking.

  Truly, Kevin knew how to make her feel special.

  ***

  Several minutes later, Kevin was roused from his slumber.

  Lilian stood over him, and she was the one who helped him stand up, offering her hand and pulling him to his feet.

  “Are you sure you’re feeling okay, Kevin?” Lilian asked.

  “I’m fine.” Kevin found his feet quite fascinating that morning. It helped hide his neon red face. He couldn’t believe he’d had a nosebleed like that! It was so embarrassing!

  “If you’re sure.” With Kevin conscious again, Lilian went back to cooking breakfast. Her tails had already mixed all the ingredients together, and now the meal simply needed to cook. “Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes. Why don’t you sit down and I’ll bring it to you when it’s done?”

  Kevin was about to do just that, but then remembered something.

  “Actually, I need to begin making some coffee.”

  “Coffee?” Lilian looked at him again. “But, you don’t drink coffee.”

  “True, but my mom does. She can’t get her day started without at least two cups of coffee every morning.”

  “Oh,” Lilian looked surprised, “I didn’t know that. I’m sorry. Had I known she drank coffee, I would have made some while I was cooking.”

  Kevin just laughed and waved her apology off. “Don’t worry about it. I didn’t tell you, so there’s no way could have known. Besides, Mom won’t wake up for a while yet.”

  “If you say so.”

  “I do say so.”

  Kevin and Lilian shared a quick smile before he opened a cabinet above the sink and pulled out several single servings of coffee, small red containers shaped like a cylinder, which he set on the countertop.

  Kotohime gracefully swept into the kitchen while Kevin brewed up some coffee, drawn by the scent of Lilian’s cooking. An open cookbook sat before the redhead as she dipped some bread into a batter-filled tray. Ingredients littered the counter.

  “I see you have begun branching out into more than just Greek and Japanese cuisine. It smells wonderful, Lilian-sama,” Kotohime complimented. “Your cooking has certainly improved since the last time I saw you.”

  “Thanks,” Lilian beamed at Kotohime before glancing at Kevin. He had just finished preparing coffee the way his mom liked it, with plenty of cream and sugar. “Kevin, breakfast is almost ready now. Would you mind helping me get the plates and utensils?”

  “Sure thing.”

  Kevin and Lilian went about setting the table, while Kotohime stood off to the side and observed them like a samurai guarding a feudal lord.

  The two worked extremely efficiently together, she would admit, like a well-oiled machine. They seemed to have developed a routine where Kevin would set out the plates and glasses, while Lilian grabbed the napkins and utensils. What’s more, they wove around each other with ease, working in complete synchronicity. They were also completely oblivious to their own sense of teamwork.

  Kotohime did not know whether to be amused or appalled.

  The table was soon set, breakfast was served, and a single serving of coffee had been prepared, situated in front of an empty seat.

  It was at that very moment, just as Kevin set the cup of coffee on the table, that she appeared. Like some kind of undead abomination she stalked into the room, moaning in a way that reminded Kevin and Lilian of those zombies they killed in “House of Haunted Horrors.” The imposing monstrosity lost her balance when bare feet touched chilly tiles, causing her to stumble. Her eyes were closed and her head tilted upwards as she sniffed the air, following the scent of coffee. Kevin, Lilian and Kotohime all watched in mute silence as she plopped into the chair like she didn’t have a spine, her shoulders slumping as if the mere act of keeping them up took too much work. Slowly, oh so slowly, she grabbed the cup and brought it to her lips.

  … Silence.

  The cup was set back down.

  “Ah… coffee…”

  Kevin facepalmed.

  “I know it’s early in the morning and that you’re used to staying up late, but do you really have to act so unsightly? It’s disturbing.”

  Ms. Swift focused half-lidded eyes on her son. “That’s a rude thing to say about your mother. You know I… I… can’t do anything without my morning coffee,” she said, yawning halfway through her dialogue.

  “That doesn’t mean you have to act like a zombie first thing in the morning,” Kevin insisted.

  “At least she’s not moaning ‘braaaaaiiinnnsss,’” Lilian said, moaning out the last word in her approximation of a zombie. Kevin gave her a grin that was readily returned.

  “Whatever.” Waving off her son’s complaints, Ms. Swift looked at that morning’s breakfast and let out a low whistle. “Oh, wow. It looks like somebody went all out this morning. Did you make this, Kevin?”

  Kevin shook his head. “No, Lilian’s the one who made it.”

  Ms. Swift gave Lilian a still-half-asleep smile. “This looks pretty good. You must be an incredible chef.”

  “Oh, uh, t-thank you.” Lilian’s cheeks heated up. She then poked her index fingers together while looking down at the table. “It―I really didn’t do anything special, though, just followed the instructions.”

  “So it seems even Lilian can be embarrassed by praise,” Kevin chuckled as he, perhaps unknowingly, put his right hand over hers. “There’s no need to get shy on us now. I’ve told you nearly a dozen times that you’re an amazing cook. I’m actually jealous of how good your cooking is.”

  Lilian didn’t know why, but she suddenly felt this strange urge to bury her face into her shirt. Unfortunately, her shirt wasn’t very large and only had enough fabric to cover her chest, so she settled for hiding her nova-class red face into her equally flaming red hair.

  “T-thank you,” she whispered, too softly for Kevin’s human ears to pick up.

  “What was that?”

  “N-nothing.”

  “I must agree with my
son. This looks delicious.” Ms. Swift took several long whiffs of the fragrance wafting from the food. “Smells good, too. You, my dear, are an excellent chef. Much better than my son is.”

  Kevin’s right eye began twitching. “This coming from a women who couldn’t cook a decent meal to save her life.”

  “I can cook!”

  Kevin stared. A lot.

  Ms. Swift turned her head, her cheeks growing flushed. “D-don’t give me that look. I can cook.”

  “The last time you tried to cook, you ended up burning water.”

  “It was just a little mistake.”

  “Burning water isn’t a mistake. It takes a conscious effort to do something like that. It shouldn’t even be possible to burn water. The very act of doing so goes against the laws of nature.”

  Lilian watched as mother and son argued. Despite the harshness of Kevin’s tone, his lips twitched several times, as if he was fighting back a smile.

  “Ufufufu,” Kotohime giggled. “These two make a most unusual family.”

  “They get along so well,” Lilian said with a wistful sigh. “I wish our family got along like this.”

  “Yeah, well, you weren’t that good when you first started cooking either! So there!”

  “At least I learned how to cook eventually! Everything you make ends up looking like a level five biohazard! The army could use your food as viral weaponry!”

  “Mu, why can’t my family love each other as much as these two clearly do?”

  “Ufufufu…”

  ***

  After breakfast the family of two plus Lilian and Kotohime headed to the mall.

  Traveling to the mall had been Ms. Swift’s decision. She had told Kevin, in no uncertain terms, that she, Lilian and Kotohime were going to have a “girls’ day out.” Kevin had not been invited, so he’d been sent off to the arcade until Ms. Swift decided to retrieve him.

  Lilian hadn’t been pleased. Neither had Kevin, but of the two, Lilian seemed much more upset.

  “There is no need to frown like that, Lilian-sama,” Kotohime told her charge as they walked through the mall. Her eyes lingered on a few men who she caught staring. A healthy dose of her killing intent had them running away in fear. “It’ll give you wrinkles.”

  Her words caused Lilian to frown more. “But I wanted to spend some time with Kevin today,” she whined.

  “You spend every day with Kevin-san,” Kotohime replied dryly, “one day away from him is not going to do you any harm.”

  “It might,” Lilian grumbled.

  “Ah, cheer up, Lily.” A grinning Ms. Swift wrapped an arm around the younger girl’s shoulder. “Our time here will fly by, and you’ll be back with Kevin before you know it. Besides, with him gone we can get you some nice clothes that are sure to catch his attention.”

  Lilian looked up at Kevin’s mom, her eyes shining at the prospect of new clothes that could aid in her seemingly never-ending quest for Kevin’s affection. “Really?”

  Ms. Swift’s smile was so wide it nearly split her face in half. “Really. By the time we’re done shopping today, we’ll have several outfits that’ll knock Kevin’s socks off.”

  “Then what are we waiting for?!” Lilian cried out as her enthusiasm got the best of her. “Let’s get going!”

  Ms. Swift gave Kotohime a grin and the victory sign behind Lilian’s back. The voluptuous femme fatale giggled. “Ufufufu…”

  “What are you laughing about?”

  “Nothing, Lilian-sama. Just something interesting that I saw in the window of a store.”

  Their mission goal set, the group made for their first clothing store.

  “You can generally tell what a store is selling by what they’re displaying in the window,” Ms. Swift explained to her attentive audience as they stood in front of a clothing boutique. Lilian consumed every word the woman said like they were the gospel truth. She even had a pen and notepad out that she used to take notes. Even Kotohime paid avid attention, if for no other reason than simple curiosity.

  “See these displays?” Ms. Swift pointed at the mannequin. “They’re currently displaying pants and long-sleeved shirts because it’s the middle of September, so you can expect that whatever good deals they have going on inside are going to be for similar items of clothing.”

  “Hmm,” Lilian mumbled as she stared at the pants with some minor distaste, “I don’t really like pants.”

  “Wasn’t Lilian-sama wearing pants when I finally found her?” Kotohime asked idly.

  “That-that’s just because Kevin said it would start getting chilly soon,” Lilian mumbled, “And besides, those were jeans. They’re completely different than the pants on display here.”

  “So you’re allowing Kevin-san to influence your clothing decisions? How interesting. Ufufufu…”

  Ms. Swift ignored Lilian giving the kimono-clad femme the stink-eye.

  “There’s nothing wrong with a good pair of pants. Kevin was smart to get you those jeans when he did. Even with the deal they have going on right now, these are still very expensive.” She eyed the price tags and nodded to herself. “Pants bought during the summer or even near the start of fall are cheaper than during the winter, because that’s when everyone’s buying them. Store owners like to jack up the price while masking it behind something like a two-for-one deal. It’s an old trading tactic.”

  Lilian tilted her head to the side before slowly nodding. “That makes sense. My mate is so smart!”

  “Mate?” Ms. Swift frowned at the young woman. “Did you just say mate?”

  Lilian cursed inwardly. How could she be so stupid? Humans didn’t take mates. They got married. “Ah! Oh, um, d-did I say mate? I mean, uh, um, boyfriend!”

  “Boyfriend?”

  “Yes.” Lilian was all smiles as she nodded like a bobblehead doll. “Boyfriend.”

  “I see.” Ms. Swift looked at Kotohime, as if to ask, “what the hell is your charge talking about?” The other woman just shrugged, causing the single mom’s frown to deepen.

  In the end, Ms. Swift simply shrugged the word off.

  “Well, all right. Let’s head to the next store, then, shall we?”

  ***

  Kevin frowned as he entered the arcade by himself.

  Lilian would normally be with him these days, always be his side when he went to the arcade, or anywhere else really, but not today. No, today she was out shopping with his fashion guru mom and the frighteningly beautiful woman with the katana. Even though the arcade was full of people, Kevin felt strangely alone.

  Rubbing a hand against his face, he released a deep gust of breath. “Why am I thinking about her? I should be glad we’re not together.”

  Yes, he should be appreciative towards his mom for dragging Lilian off to go shopping. This was the first chance to have some time for himself that he’d had since the fox-girl entered his life. Kevin should be ecstatic.

  So why aren’t I?

  Deciding that dwelling on this issue wouldn’t help him, Kevin marched further into the arcade. He put twenty dollars worth of credits on his card, then went over to the first game that caught his eye. It was, of course, the zombie killing first-person shooter, “House of Haunted Horrors.”

  Five minutes later Kevin stood in front of the screen, plastic gun in hand. His index finger pulled the trigger, killing zombies with every shot. Yet his actions were automatic, mechanical, like his body was just going through the motions while his mind was off somewhere else.

  Despite this game being one of his favorites, Kevin couldn’t get into it. He looked over to his left, at the other station for the second player, and his mind visualized Lilian standing there, blasting away at zombies wearing the largest grin he’d ever seen.

  Dispelling the image with a shake of his head, Kevin sighed and put the gun back in its holster. His character was still alive, but he just didn’t care enough to play anymore.

  “Kevin!”

  Eric, Alex, Andrew and Justin waved as they approached.
He hadn’t realized they’d also come to the arcade, though in hindsight, he probably should have, as his friends rarely did anything else. While their presence didn’t make his strangely gloomy mood disappear, it was enough to bring a slight smile to his face.

  “Hey, guys. What’s up?”

  “Not much,” Alex said, “You know how this works. Same crap, different day.”

  “Is it strange that I’m actually getting kind of bored?” asked Andrew. “I mean, I love coming to the arcade, but this place feels like it’s becoming a real snore fest.”

  Kevin tilted his head before shaking it. “I don’t think so. It’s not like we can anywhere else in the middle of September. The arcade is one of the only places that’s open, and if I’m not mistaken, you and Alex have gone here pretty much every day since school shut down, so of course you’d be bored of it.”

  “That is true,” Andrew admitted.

  “We also can’t go on vacation since the world hasn’t stopped with us,” Kevin added, “just because our school is closed doesn’t mean our parents have stopped working, and since none of us have a car, or even a license, well…” Kevin trailed off and shrugged.

  “… Disneyland…”

  Justin got several looks.

  “That’s right, you’ve never been to Disneyland before, have you?” Alex asked.

  Justin shook his head.

  “California Adventures is better.”

  “Never mind any of that,” Eric shouted before whirling on Kevin. “Where is my Tit Maiden?”

  “Oh, for the love of… are you still going on about that?!”

  “Of course I am! I need my Tit Maiden and my Goth Hottie! Now tell me where you’re hiding them!”

  “I’m not hiding anyone.” Kevin paused as a vein began throbbing angrily on his forehead. “And stop calling them that!”

  ***

  Shopping with someone who wasn’t Kevin was an interesting experience. That the person she was shopping with happened to be Kevin’s mother made it even more interesting.

  Then again, Lilian would admit that she didn’t have enough experience with shopping to make many comparisons. The only person she had shopped with before was Kevin, and Kotohime had bought all of her clothes before then. That was what happened when your family never let you travel to any human population centers.