A Fox's Maid

by Brandon Varnell

  Kotohime gazed at him for several more seconds.

  And then slammed the door in his face.

  Eric stared at the door, his legs shaking.

  “… I think I just pissed myself.”

  ***

  “Who was at the door, Kotohime?”

  “No one, Lilian-sama. Just some perverted beast who doesn’t know when he’s not wanted.”

  ***

  Okay. You can do this, Christine. You can. All you have to do is walk up to the door and ring the doorbell. Remember to be polite, don’t say anything bad, and don’t let your temper get the better of you. Kevin’s mom is behind those doors. You need to make a good sec—first impression on her. Don’t screw this up.

  Christine stood in front of the door, staring at the doorbell. Her index finger hovered over it, yet she couldn’t seem to move it the rest of the way. Every time she tried closing the distance between it and her finger, her hand would freeze.

  She eventually retracted her finger, and took to glaring at the doorbell. She didn’t know why, but Christine almost felt like it was taunting her. Stupid doorbell.

  “Christine?”

  Christine nearly shrieked. She clamped her mouth shut to keep the scream from tearing its way out of her throat, and ended up biting her tongue in the process. The stinging pain seared her mind and made her curse the two newcomers.

  Standing directly behind her were Kevin’s friends; the boy with the funny manner of speech and the tomboyish blond. Justin and Lindsay, if she was not mistaken.

  “Ah, it really is Christine. Hello.” Lindsay’s sunny look made Christine twitch.

  “… Familiar…”

  “She’s the girl who became friends with Kevin recently, remember?”

  “… Right…” the kid with the freaky speech impediment looked at Christine with strange eyes, “… cold…”

  “Damn it, you two! Don’t surprise me like that,” she shouted, clutching a hand to her chest as she tried to calm her rapidly beating heart.

  “Sorry.” Lindsay offered the girl an apologetic and slightly chagrined grin. “I didn’t mean to frighten you or anything. I was just surprised to see someone standing in front of the door. That’s all.”

  “W-whatever,” Christine turned her head and tried to ignore the uncomfortable chill spreading across her cheeks.

  “So what were you doing just standing there?”

  “I was… uh… I, um, that is to say… I wanted to…” Her inability to speak, coupled with the strange looks that Lindsay―and even Justin―were giving her, caused the young woman’s tsundere protocols to activate. “That’s none of your damn business! It’s not like I even wanted to come here! I only decided to come because that idiot asked me to and I was bored!”

  Lindsay looked positively flummoxed. “Uh, that wasn’t really what I was asking, but okay.”

  Christine’s blush grew brighter, spreading from her cheeks to the rest of her face, and then beginning to crawl down her neck. She could practically feel herself turning into a glacier. If something didn’t happen soon, her powers would undoubtedly spiral out of control, causing the entire complex to freeze over.

  Just then, the door opened.

  “Christine, Lindsay, Justin, hey.”

  The Snow Maiden froze when she heard Kevin’s voice. She turned her head ever so slowly, her ponderous movements like a rust-stained robot.

  Kevin stood in the doorway wearing a welcoming smile. He wore simple clothes, blue jeans and a T-shirt with the words “Darth Vader was Framed” on the front. He looked so happy to see them, to see her, that Christine thought her face might freeze over.

  “I’m glad you three could make it. Come on in. Lilian’s made snacks for us. They’re really good.”

  At the mention of her somewhat-rival, Christine felt her embarrassment turn into chilling anger. “Why the hell would I want to go in there and eat that fox-whore’s food? Huh? Huh?!”

  Kevin looked confused―and surprised, but mostly confused. “You don’t have to eat her food if you don’t want to. You could just come in and hang out with the rest of us. We’re watching White Out right now.”

  “… Good series…”

  “What makes you think I even want to go in there when I know that she’s here? I don’t wanna see that disgusting udder woman!”

  “Udder woman?” Kevin and Lindsay said in unison.

  “She thinks she’s so hot because she’s got big boobs, as if having gigantic knockers makes her more attractive than me.”

  “What do her boobs have to do with anything?” Kevin asked.

  “I have no desire to even look at that stupid bitch!”

  “You’re not even listening to me, are you?”

  “I have no intention of joining you people in your little ‘get-together!’ Have fun by yourselves! I’m outta here! Hmph!”

  With one last huff, Christine walked down the stairs.

  Kevin, Justin and Lindsay watched her leave.

  “Um, what just happened?” asked the downright baffled Kevin.

  “… Weird…”

  “You of all people have no right to call someone else weird,” Kevin deadpanned at Justin.

  “I think I know what happened.” Lindsay turned to look at the two boys. “Why don’t you two head on inside? I’ll talk to her.”

  The two boys looked at each other, then nodded. They turned back to Lindsay.

  “Alright. We’ll be waiting inside.”

  “… Luck…”

  “Thanks.”

  ***

  Christine stomped down the road, making quite a bit of noise despite wearing flats, a testament to how much force she was putting into her steps.

  A wall stood on her right, tall and imposing—at least when compared to her short stature. To her left, the many apartment buildings were interrupted by patches of grass and rock formations, with the occasional shrub decorating the landscape in a smattering of green. Several cardinals flitted through the large maple trees, while a number of finches sat on palos verdes and pecked at each other. A small family of quails ran out into the street just as a car passed by, almost as if they wanted to get hit.

  She paid attention to none of this, however, her mind looking within, locked in a battle that she couldn’t win. How could she, when the argument she was having was with herself?

  Are you an idiot, Christine? Why did you do that? Nyaow Kevin’s going to think you’re a total bitch, if he didn’t already.

  B-but, he deserved it! That jerk knows the fox-whore and I don’t get along! He shouldn’t be talking about her in front of me!

  It’s only nyatural that he would mention Lilian, since they live together.

  Don’t remind me! The last thing I want to think about is how those are two living together!

  But it’s true, isn’t it? Lilian lives with Kevin. Just because you don’t want to think about it doesn’t mean it’s nyo longer true.

  I know that…

  Then you should knyow not to let it bother you. What’s Kevin going to think after you stormed out on him like that? Weren’t you going to show him that you’re a better choice than Lilian? I thought that was the whole point of coming out here. Nyow he’s going to think you’re just a weirdo with a temper, nya.

  U-ugh.

  Christine felt like someone had punched her in the gut.

  “Hey, Christine! Wait up!”

  Christine turned to see Lindsay running after her. As the girl caught up, she gave the tomboy a flat, annoyed look.

  “What do you want?”

  Lindsay stopped and frowned at Christine’s rude tone.

  “I want to know why you walked out on us. Kevin was kind enough to extend an invitation for you to come over, and believe me when I tell you that he doesn’t invite people to his place often. Why would you come all the way here, just to tell him off like that?”

  “It’s none of your business!”

  “Is it because you’re jealous of Lilian?”

 
; “J-j-jeal—who’s jealous?! I’m not jealous of anyone, especially not some stupid, skanky little fox who thinks she’s prettier than me!”

  “It’s okay to feel jealous when someone else is close to the person you like,” Lindsay said softly. “Believe me, I know exactly how it feels to like someone, only to find out that they no longer like you.”

  “R-really?” Christine asked, suddenly feeling bashful for reasons she didn’t fully understand.

  “Of course. You probably don’t know this, but I used to have a really big crush on Kevin.”

  “You did?” Christine blinked, then her eyes widened. “B-but wait! If you like Kevin, then why did you turn him down when he confessed to you?”

  “Turn him… were you spying on us at the mall?”

  “N-no.” In the face of Lindsay’s flat stare, Christine could only do her best not to squirm. “W-well, maybe, but I just wanted to know what you two were talking about. I-it’s not like I cared if you turned him down or not,” she mumbled at the end.

  “I suppose I can’t blame you for being curious,” Lindsay sighed, “and I also won’t blame you for thinking I’m an idiot. The truth is, I was really happy when Kevin confessed to me, but I was also sad.”

  Christine felt nothing but confusion and a cat’s curiosity. “Sad? Why?”

  “Because I knew that Kevin didn’t really mean it anymore. If there is one thing that I have come to understand about Kevin, it’s that he has a hard time expressing his feelings, and when he does express them, he always wears his heart on his sleeve. When Kevin confessed to me, his speech felt forced, rehearsed, like he was an actor quoting lines from a script.” Lindsay paused, her lips curling bitterly. “To be honest, I’m pretty sure the only reason Kevin confessed to me was because he had convinced himself that he liked me, when in truth, his feelings for me had disappeared awhile ago.”

  Christine remained silent while Lindsay released a gusty sigh.

  “To be honest,” the tomboy continued softly, “I think this was just his way of moving on, because a part of him couldn’t move on if he was constantly wondering ‘what if.’”

  A prominent frown etched itself onto Christine’s pretty face.

  “And that’s why you told him that you didn’t like him? To let him go free?”

  Lindsay shrugged. “Partly, but I also didn’t want to date Kevin when his feelings for me were no longer true.”

  In the face of Lindsay’s answer, Christine had only one thing to say.

  “You’re an idiot.”

  “Yeah.” Lindsay’s sardonic chuckle filled the street. “Trust me, I’m aware of how stupid that was. Now, come on. Just because Kevin likes Lilian doesn’t give you an excuse to be rude to a person who wants to be friends with you.”

  As Christine let Lindsay pull her back toward the Swifts’ apartment, a sigh escaped her lips in a breath of mist and steam.

  “Friendship… right.”

  ***

  “Oh, my dear sweet babe of gothically clad proportions! You did come! I knew you would eventually see reason and let me suck on those pint-sized―GAOI!”

  Everyone in the Swifts’ apartment watched as Eric Corromperre sailed through the air in an almost graceful parabolic arc. When he landed on the ground in a thud of twitching limbs and pained groans, they turned to Christine, whose fist pointed toward the ceiling, her arm extended in an uppercut position.

  “Shut up, ya damn pervert!”

  Alex, Andrew and Justin all pulled out sheets of paper and markers―from where, Kevin didn’t know―and quickly scribbled on them, before holding them up like signs.

  “10.”

  “10.”

  “5.6.”

  Alex and Andrew stared at Justin.

  “Why a five-point-six?” Andrew asked. Justin looked at him with bored, half-lidded eyes.

  “… Overdone…”

  “Ah.” The twins nodded as one.

  “Is she always this violent?” Ms. Swift asked. Everyone else gave noncommittal nods. “Right, just checking.”

  After Christine knocked Eric for a loop, the group went back to their various activities, unfazed by the unmitigated violence that had just taken place. Ms. Swift was the only one who hadn’t borne witness to Christine’s and Eric’s tsukkomi routine, but she seemed remarkably calm about the whole thing.

  Everyone besides Eric (who was currently unconscious) sat down on the couch. Lilian, master of the remote and controller of everything they watched, pressed the play button. The once frozen figures on screen soon began to move, enacting a scene that Kevin never failed to enjoy despite how many times he’d seen it.

  Lilian sat on Kevin’s left, close enough to graze his thigh with her own but far enough that he wasn’t uncomfortable. On his other side was Christine, and next to the Snow Maiden sat Lindsay. The tomboy stared at the screen, wondering what her friends could possibly see in this show. Cartoons were just so childish.

  Alex and Andrew were not sitting down. They were standing on their feet. And shouting.

  Kevin and Lilian twitched as they listened to their obnoxiously loud voices.

  “Dammit! What the hell are you doing, Ichika?! You can’t just give up like that!”

  “That’s right! Abandon your fear! Look forward! Move forward and never stop! You’ll age if you pull back! You’ll die if you hesitate!”

  “You’re quoting that all wrong! You don’t sound anything like Zanbabesu!”

  “I’d like to see you do it better!”

  “Gladly! I’ll do it a thousand times better than some illiterate idiot like you!”

  “You wanna go? Bitch, I’ll take you down right now!”

  “There will be no fighting in my apartment.” Kevin stood between Alex and Andrew before they could potentially devastate his residence.

  “You mean my apartment,” Ms. Swift interrupted, walking in from the kitchen, a bottle of wine in one hand and a glass in the other. “After all, I am the one who pays the bills.”

  “Yeah, but I’m the one who takes care of the apartment. You’re almost never home,” Kevin pointed out.

  Ms. Swift’s pout made her look several years younger, but she quickly waved her son’s words off. “I hardly see how that matters. I am still the one paying for all this; the apartment, the electricity, the utilities. I even pay for that membership you have with Mad Dawg Fitness.”

  “I fail to see what Mad Dawg Fitness has to do with owning the apartment, and I do know that you’re the only reason I can live here. And honestly, I’m not even sure why we’re discussing this. I didn’t mean this was my apartment when I said that. It was just a figure of speech.”

  “Hehe. That means this is my win.”

  Kevin rolled his eyes while his mom held up a hand and gave the victory sign, making a “v” shape with her index and middle finger, to everyone there. Seriously, sometimes his mom could be so childish.

  As his mom walked onto the balcony, the group eventually got back to watching White Out, an anime about a fifteen year old girl with orange hair who became a Shinigami with a big ass sword. Kotohime brought out the snacks, setting them on the coffee table, then joined Ms. Swift on the balcony.

  While the anime continued to play, Kevin glanced at his friends out of his periphery. They were an eclectic bunch. Really eclectic, and that was before taking how two of them weren’t even human into account.

  There was the yuki-onna who wore gothic lolita clothing and hated the cold, a pair of twins who didn’t look like twins at all and acted like twins even less, a boy who had the weirdest speech impediment in the history of ever, a vivacious and vibrant beauty who, despite her propensity for committing perverted acts, was incredibly innocent and naïve. Also present was the most lecherous creature in the history of existence. Seriously. There could not be anyone more salacious than Eric Corromperre. The only person in this entire group who could be considered normal was Lindsay.

  Despite how odd his friends were, Kevin wouldn’t change them for th
e world. He turned back to the screen, and a bright smile appeared when he realized that one of his favorite scenes was about to play. Ichika was getting ready to go Bangcock.

  “Eric! It’s coming!”

  Eric, who was still lying on the floor and appeared unconscious, sprang to life at his friend’s words.

  “Did you say cumming?”

  “NO! I said coming! Now get your mind out of the gutter and come over here!”

  “I’m cumming!”

  “Shut up, you perverted beast!”

  “ITAI!!”

  “And don’t talk in Japanese either, idiot!”

  ***

  “Isn’t it nice to see them all getting along so well?” Ms. Swift asked her current drinking companion, “I always enjoy seeing my son having fun with his friends.”

  Sitting on the balcony in a pair of lounge chairs, Ms. Swift and Kotohime enjoyed some early afternoon wine. Or, in the case of Kotohime, sake. Unlike Ms. Swift’s somewhat slumped posture, Kotohime sat with poise and elegance, her tabi socks resting flat against the floor, her back straight, and her sakazuki resting within her left hand.

  Ms. Swift was barefoot. She wiggled her toes against the cool pavement, reveling in the chilling sensation.

  “It is nice to see my charge finally making friends,” Kotohime admitted. “Lilian-sama has never had any friends before, unless you count her sister. However, she has never had a true friend, someone whom she met and became friends due to a shared interest and not any familial relation.”

  Ms. Swift hummed before putting the glass to her lips and savoring the white Zinfandel’s fragrance. “And yet, you still don’t approve of the affection she has for my son.” It wasn’t a question.

  “Of course not.” Kotohime took a sip of sake to hide her scowl. “Lilian-sama has given your son her love, loyalty and companionship―at great personal risk to herself, I might add. And yet, in spite of this, your son has not only not returned her feelings, but is leading her on by not telling her that he does not feel the same way. I cannot respect a man who would do that.”

  “I can see where you’re coming from, but I think you should give my son a bit more time before handing out such a harsh assessment.” Ms. Swift swirled the wine in her glass as she defended her son. “Kevin has always been a little dense when it comes to his own feelings. Right now he’s confused and doesn’t know how to deal with them. I know for a fact that, before Lilian came into the picture, Kevin used to have a major crush on Lindsay.”