It Only Happens in the Movies

by Holly Bourne

  He didn’t message back though.

  The house was quiet. The only noise was the sound of paint dripping onto the floor. I surveyed the scene around me, trying to work out where to start. I dug in the cupboard for a paintbrush and got to work just spreading the puddles of paint out a bit. Before they dried into pools that would be impossible to chip off. The paint had splashed mainly across one wall, with only small splatters on the other three. So, when I’d finished, it looked more like a badly done “feature wall” than a post-divorce mental health crisis. I hoovered up as much glass as I could with the nozzle attachment and then spread the paint around on the floorboards – covering up a lot of the blood. It was pitch black outside though I had no idea what time it was. My phone buzzed and my heart jumped ten feet.

  Dougie: Waiting in A&E. She’s not cut a tendon, so it should be okay. We’re going to be here a while though. Are you okay? X

  Relief flowed through me and my hands shook as I tapped out my reply.

  Audrey: I’m fine. Tell her I love her. See you when you get home x

  I put my phone down and looked around again, figuring out what to do next. I got a bin bag out, crouched down and picked big shards of glass off the destroyed cabinet.

  “Ouch.” Blood appeared on my finger. I shoved it into my mouth to stop the bleeding. I picked up the offending piece of glass with my spare hand and saw something behind it, nestled in a pile of crushed ornaments.

  Mum and Dad’s wedding photo.

  She’d never taken it down. We’d argued so many times about why. But, after tonight, I understood. She’d always believed he’d come back. This photo was like leaving the windows open for Peter Pan. I traced their faces with an unbleeding finger, smiling sadly. Mum looked so hip. The same blunt fringe as Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. Dad so suave in his suit. They looked so…happy. Raw, unpacked happiness. This particular shot especially. An unposed one, their heads together, laughing outside the church. Tears tickled at my eyes as I stroked Mum’s face through the glass. How could a couple so besotted with each other end up like this? Paint and blood and graffiti and heartbreak and jealousy and screaming? It made no sense. I put it down and looked up at the wall. At Mum’s angry message adorning most of it. Something clicked inside of me, like someone had pressed a button labelled Activate. I stood up, my fists clenched, and I turned.

  Then I ran out of the front door, smashing it closed behind me.

  It was freezing cold as I ran through the quiet suburban streets, but I hardly noticed. I passed two women and they both screamed as I dashed by. It took me a moment to realize I was still in full zombie bride get-up – streaked with fake blood and now real blood, my make-up halfway down my face from crying. The rage spurred me on through the night, my feet finding a rhythm as they thudded the pavement. I didn’t even pause as I got to the gravel driveway – just skidded down it and thumped hard against the door.

  Jessie tentatively opened the door a crack, her mouth falling open when she saw me.

  I pushed the door open wider. “Are you happy now, you HOMEWRECKING WHORE?” I screamed, pushing into their hallway. “Mum’s in hospital. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?”

  Her eyes were wide with shock, disbelief. I used it to launch a further attack. “Do you think you’re different? That you’re not like other women? That you’re special compared to my mum? ‘Ooooh’,” my voice was screaming and high-pitched, “‘isn’t she pathetic? Hasn’t she let herself go? I’ll never let myself get like that. No wonder he left her’.”

  Dad arrived in the hallway in his pyjama bottoms. “Audrey, what’s going on?”

  “I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU, I’M TALKING TO YOUR SLUT OF A WIFE.”

  Jessie’s face jerked back, too stunned to reply.

  Dad wasn’t. “Don’t you DARE talk to Jessie like that. And keep your voice down, the twins are asleep.”

  I spun to him. “I DON’T CARE!” I screamed, so loud it hurt my lungs. “Mum’s in hospital, HOSPITAL, because of you! Because you couldn’t just rip out her heart, could you? That wasn’t enough. To bunk up with this homewrecking bitch and pretend to be father of the fucking YEAR when you were already a dad, you were already a husband. No, you want to take HER HOME on top of that. She gave you EVERYTHING, Dad. And THIS is how you repay her?”

  He stood taller, his fists clenched like mine. The same blood as mine pumping through him. But I’d never be like him, I’d never hurt anyone the way he’d hurt us.

  “Audrey, you cannot come into my house and do this. Apologize to Jessie, now!”

  I crossed my arms and mock laughed. “I’d rather die than say sorry to you.”

  She was standing there, vacant, placid, passive. Just how Dad liked his women, it seemed.

  “AUDREY!”

  I spun back to him. “How can you love her, Dad? A woman who doesn’t mind breaking up a marriage? Who then tries to strip that family for everything she can get?”

  “AUDREY, I’M WARNING YOU.”

  Jessie was inching further and further towards Dad, like he was a defensive spell.

  She was smiling…the bitch was smiling.

  “And how can you love him?” I screamed. “A man who cheats on his wife? Who fucks up the family he is supposed to raise? Who is so quick to break his FUCKING VOWS. How can you love that? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BOTH?”

  A loud wail belted out from down the hall. I’d woken one of the twins.

  Jessie narrowed her eyes and ignored everything I’d said. “Look what you’ve done now.” She actually rolled her eyes before retreating to the twins’ bedroom. I heard her say “Hush” and crank up the musical mobile while Dad and I squared off at each other like we were in a Western shootout.

  I hated him then.

  I hated Jessie, but I hated him more. For what he’d done, for how little he seemed to care.

  “Audrey.” His voice was calmer. “I want you to apologize, and then I want you to leave. We can talk about this another time when you’ve calmed down.”

  “Don’t you even care about Mum? She’s in hospital!”

  One shake of his head. “Your mother and her…drama is not my concern any more.”

  “YOU CAUSED HER FUCKING DRAMA.”

  The crying got louder from the other room.

  “KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.”

  I shook my head. “Dad. You can’t. You just…can’t… expect me to accept everything. Jessie. What you’ve done. How you’ve treated Mum. You’ve got to put us first sometimes. We’re still your family!” My voice broke and I shouted to stop the tears flowing. “I’M STILL YOUR DAUGHTER, DAD, DON’T TAKE THE HOUSE. DON’T DO THIS. DON’T CHOOSE THAT BITCH OVER US.”

  “Careful, Audrey.” Dad’s voice crackled with tension. He crossed his arms, looking bored now, rather than angry. Bored was worse. The crying softened behind him, Jessie’s voice cooing a lullaby. “Don’t ask me to choose between you and Jessie,” he whispered sharply. He paused for impact. “Because I’ll choose her.”

  Jessie came out cradling Albert, patting him on her shoulder, smiling with a wince. Dad stepped forward, like a protective bear, blocking me from getting to her.

  I wilted.

  The words, their meaning, hitting me like bullets. I choose her. I choose her over you, my child.

  And I realized that had been the case from the beginning. He hadn’t even tried to juggle the two families. He’d just jumped into another one, leaving us behind, like we were an old pair of trainers. He wasn’t just a slave to his feelings of love, he’d made a conscious choice to throw us away. To practically delight in throwing us away. I shook my head, tilted my chin back to not let my tears spill. Not yet. I would not give him the satisfaction.

  “You two deserve each other,” I said quietly, honestly. Then I turned. I needed to get home for Mum, to be there when she got back. Because we still existed. His love for Mum had created me and Dougie and we still fucking existed – even if maybe now he wished we didn’t.

  “I’ll see yo
u out.”

  He walked me down the hallway of their perfectly adequately sized home. Jessie followed him, cradling Albert still. I could only interpret it as a gloat. God knows why she felt the need – when she’d already won everything that meant anything from me.

  “Goodbye, Audrey,” she said, still with a smile on her face. And it was goodbye. Because I would not come back to this house again. I would not give my love to this man any more. That was my choice.

  Just as I got to the threshold, I stopped and turned back. Matching her smile. “Be careful, Jessie,” I said. “All I can say is, if he did it to Mum, he can do it to you. The years are long. See how much he loves you in ten years’ time, see if he gives you everything he’s promised.”

  Dad’s face soured. “Audrey, that’s quite enough…”

  And the door shut in my face.

  I couldn’t figure out if it was him who had pushed it shut, or her.

  It didn’t matter.

  I stood there, gulping for breath, the cold night hurting my lungs. Blinking back the tears. There was no love for me here.

  So I gathered up the skirts of my battered wedding dress and made my way home.

  Still no message from Harry when I got in. But an update from Dougie.

  Dougie: Just waiting for them to take the glass out. God I hate A&E. They want Mum to talk to a psychiatrist too. Joy. Will be home late x

  The mess of the house still shocked me, bringing everything back. I collapsed onto a kitchen chair and allowed myself to cry. For Mum. For Dougie. About Dad. For the mess they’d left for me to clear up. I tried Harry again but it went straight to voicemail. When the tears had dried as much as I could manage, I stood up and got back to cleaning. The work soothed me. Kept me busy as the outside air got colder and the heating clicked on. Two hours later, the house looked as normal as it could – considering the blue feature wall, the abusive graffiti and the blade marks across the hallway. I took a shower, making the water as hot as I could stand. Steam filled the room as I shrugged out of my wedding dress. It fluttered to the floor gracefully, pooling at my feet in a sodden ruined mess. Then I stepped under the water and washed the long, wretched day from my skin.

  When I was clean, warm and dry, I curled myself up in bed and tried to read my book. The adrenaline was flooding out of me fast though, making each muscle heavy. My eyes kept flickering closed but, whenever they did, the image of Mum holding the scissors to her wrist jerked out at me and I’d sit up with a start.

  At around one, I heard the click of the key in the lock, the murmuring of hushed voices. I pulled on my dressing gown and padded out, peering round my door. Mum’s feet were both heavily bandaged and she hobbled into the hall on two crutches. She looked exhausted and stale and like all the life had been slurped out of her, but she looked like Mum again. There wasn’t a disconnect. I could see it in her face. She was back.

  Dougie helped her out of her coat. “Let’s get you to bed, Miss Painkillers.”

  I retreated to my room as he helped her upstairs, not wanting to gawp. I heard her shuffle past my door, Dougie murmuring things that made her laugh, their whispers coming from her room. I waited and waited…

  Finally, “Audrey?”

  I got up and tiptoed over to her bedroom as casually as I could. Mum looked like a child, all curled up under a million covers. But she smiled when she saw me and Dougie did too.

  “I’m going to put the kettle on,” he said. “Night, Mum.”

  “Night, Dougie. I love you. Thank you.”

  He squeezed my shoulders before leaving. Switching off the light as he left, so just Mum’s orange bedside light was on.

  Mum opened up her arms. “Come here, love.”

  I tentatively perched on her bed, not wanting to hurt her feet, but she pulled me down into a proper hug and rested my head in her lap.

  “I’m so sorry about tonight, Audrey.” Her voice was quiet, soothing, adult again.

  “It’s okay.” Even though it wasn’t okay. And I didn’t think anything would be okay for quite a while.

  “It’s not… I didn’t mean to lose it like that. I…I… It’s just…I really thought…” She started stroking my hair. “But I’m going to get help, to deal with the divorce. I thought I had a hold on it but this house thing… Anyway, the people at the hospital gave me the number of someone to talk to. It’s a start, I guess. But, sorry.”

  I turned to look up at her. Her face looked weird from my angle, looking right up at her nostrils. She looked so…old. The skin around her chin loosening at the jaw, her eyelids wrinkled up like she’d spent too long in water.

  “None of this is your fault, Mum.”

  She smiled. “Maybe. Maybe not. It takes two people for a relationship to fail, honey.”

  “No, don’t defend him. Don’t blame yourself.”

  She closed her eyes, a wave of exhaustion visibly hitting her body like a tsunami. “Well, let’s get some sleep. I just wanted to say sorry. And thank you. For handling tonight, calling Dougie, stopping me. I’m so proud of you, Audrey. I know it’s not been easy. But I think things may change now. I mean, they have to.”

  “Are your feet okay?”

  She laughed softly, eyes flickering shut. “They’ll be fine. I just won’t be disco dancing any time soon.”

  With another small laugh, her face relaxed further. I watched her quickly find medicated sleep. The trouble leaving her face the moment she lost consciousness. She looked so small and fragile. And I thought of that young woman in Rome, being proposed to in front of the fountain. Every fairy tale she’d been told to wish for coming true. I carefully scrambled off the bed without waking her and went downstairs. Where Dougie was sitting in the kitchen, nursing a cup of tea, his body slumped over the breakfast bar.

  “Tea?” he asked when he saw me.

  I smiled. “Well, it’s gone one in the morning,” I replied. “But we’ve had a bit of a drama and we are English after all. So tea it is.”

  I perched on a stool opposite him and watched him fill the kettle, get out the milk. He made it just how I like it – strong, with loads of milk. He looked wrecked though. He pushed the steaming cup in front of me and sat back on his stool across the breakfast bar. We didn’t speak for a few minutes, both of us just staring into the steam and sipping at our mugs.

  “Thanks for clearing up,” he said after a while. “It looks… Well, better.”

  “Thanks for taking her to the hospital. Do you really think she’s going to see somebody?”

  Dougie’s fingers clenched the handle of his mug. “I hope so.”

  “Me too.”

  More quiet. More sipping. More digesting the night and all that it had contained.

  “Audrey?”

  I looked up.

  “You shouldn’t have had to deal with all of this on your own,” Dougie said, not making eye contact. “That’s what I’ve been thinking all night. I should have visited more. I should try harder.”

  “You’re at uni.”

  “Yeah, but look at how quick it was to get here. I wish I’d visited more. Rather than just relying on you doing everything, making you feel bad, when it shouldn’t all be your responsibility.”

  I bit my lip, felt tears well up in my eyes. “But I’ve not been doing a good job or anything,” I protested. “I’ve been working at Flicker so hard, trying to stay out of the house.” The tears resurfaced, straying down my face. “Spending all my time with Harry.”

  “It shouldn’t be all on you though,” Dougie said. “No wonder you tried to escape. I shouldn’t have put that pressure on you.” I heard his voice wobble and when I looked up he was crying. Openly, unashamedly. I reached out and he grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight. He sniffed and shook his head. “God, I’m so angry at Dad. I know you defend him but—”

  “I don’t defend him,” I interrupted. “Not any more. I saw him tonight. I went over, still in my zombie outfit.”

  Dougie’s face perked up in surprise.

 
“I basically told him he was a selfish bastard, then called Jessie a homewrecking whore and told them they deserve each other.”

  He raised one eyebrow. “Go, Audrey.”

  I shook my head. “It didn’t make any difference.” I snorted. “Dad called Mum’s hospital visit ‘drama’.” Dougie’s hands tightened on the mug. I sighed. “I’m done with him. For now, at least. I wanna see Albert and Lola still, but… I just can’t…”

  I sipped at my tea, marvelling at how it really did make problems seem smaller. We didn’t talk about Mum any more. Or Dad. I asked him about uni. We compared notes on the last Marvel film.

  “So, how’s it going with you and Harry?”

  I gave him a look. Dougie and I didn’t really do talking about relationships. “Okay, thanks.”

  “Just okay?”

  “You met him, you know him. You like him.”

  “I like him as Harry, I’m still not sure how I feel about him dating my little sister. Where is he tonight anyway?”

  I paused before answering. “He’s not picking up his phone. But, it’s the wrap party tonight. I think he’s just wasted.”

  “He’s not wondering why you’re not there?”

  Dougie was saying everything I’d been thinking. “I sent him a message saying I couldn’t make it.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Come on, Dougie, he’s making me happy!”

  “Is he?”

  “Yes!”

  It took him a while to smile. “Well, as long as it stays that way…”

  “It will,” I insisted. “Actually, we’re supposed to be doing this zombie run thing tomorrow. I guess we’ll have to cancel. He might be too hungover anyway.”

  Dougie shook his head. “Don’t cancel. Hey, if he’s making you happy. Go.”

  “But…”

  “I’ll stay here with Mum. I don’t have lectures until Tuesday.”

  I opened my mouth.

  “Honestly, Audrey. Go. I told you. I’m not going to let you deal with this by yourself any more. Go out, have fun.” He wrinkled his face. “Not too much fun.”