Covert Fae (A Spy Among the Fallen Book 1)

by C. N. Crawford

  I’m not sure what had happened after I left Adonis’s room; I only knew that I’d woken on Eimmal morning with a wild fury pulsing through my blood. I’d hardly been able to focus on my morning call with Yasmin, though it’s not like she had anything helpful to convey to me anyway.

  Today of all days, I needed to stay away from the angels. A distant song floated through the early spring air, the rhythms beating through my body.

  I rose from my bed, practically overcome by the desire to pull off my nightgown and run outside.

  When a pounding noise filled the room, for a moment I wasn’t quite sure if it was the beating of my own heart or someone come to visit me.

  Knock knock knock.

  Barefoot, I crossed to the door. “Who is it?”

  “Kratos.” His voice boomed through the oak.

  Shit. I needed to avoid him today. “I’m not feeling very well, Kratos. I’m going to stay in here today.”

  “I have some important news about your sister.”

  I yanked the door open immediately to find Kratos standing in the hall, dressed in his usual shades of maroon and gold. A powerful wave of Eimmal magic washed through me, and I had to fight the urge to run my hands over his chest. I gritted my teeth, biting down hard.

  “What’s the news?” I asked, unable to hide my desperation.

  “I found her.”

  My eyes widened. “You found Hazel?”

  “An envoy is bringing a succubus from a dragon lair in Scotland. She should be here by the end of the day.”

  Joy bloomed in my chest, so wildly that I nearly threw my arms around his neck. Adonis had been wrong. Kratos had been looking for her.

  “Are you serious?” I asked in a whisper.

  “From what I hear, she’s quite the handful.”

  I frowned. “That doesn’t sound like her.”

  “Long black curly hair, six inches taller than you, same porcelain skin. Demanded books for the journey.”

  I grinned. Hazel. “That’s her.” Euphoria raced through me, and I had to restrain myself from grabbing Kratos and embracing him. “She’ll really be here tonight?”

  “It seems that way.”

  Oh hell. If past experience could be relied on, Hazel wasn’t quite as vulnerable to the effects of Eimmal as I was. She was just born with better restraint. But even so—keeping on the succubus mask wouldn’t be easy for her. This was literally the worst day of the year for this transportation to happen.

  Still, knowing that she was alive and headed for me filled me with a radiant joy. “Thank you, Kratos. I won’t forget this,” I said evenly, trying to keep my cool. “That does make me feel better.”

  Concern glinted in his eyes. “If you’re not feeling well, should I send a healer for you?”

  I shook my head. “I’ll be fine. I just want to stay alone today. Please tell the servants to leave the food outside my door.” Because my door will be barred with iron.

  “Of course.”

  A sharp thrill snaked through my body as I closed the door.

  Today, I’d be keeping the windows and doors shut—starting now.

  I crossed to the wardrobe, where I pulled out a pair of gloves. I’d use them to pick up the iron bar for the door. Yesterday, I’d set the stage for my self-imposed imprisonment. I’d stolen an iron bar from a castle door, and in the cover of terrifying darkness, I’d nailed pieces of wood to the door to form—

  I didn’t know the word, and my mind began racing. Latches? Loops? Bar holes! Iron bar hole thingies.

  I closed my eyes hard, trying to focus. Holes for sticking things into. The lady part of the door.

  Shit. Eimmal had just started, and I was already losing it. I needed to quiet my thoughts.

  I had the iron bar brackets. I’ll go with brackets.

  I slid the bar into the brackets, trying to tune in only to the sound of iron against wood, to the feel of the metal burning my skin through the leather gloves. Language was a prison of my own making—sensations would be my savior. I winced at the feel of the iron singeing my skin.

  With the door barred, I needed to make sure I couldn’t open it again. Get rid of the gloves, Ruby.

  I crossed to the window, cranking it open just a fraction. As soon as I did, the Eimmal air slammed into me. My skull whirled with images of bonfires and hawthorn, a moonlit forest hunt, fingernails digging into dirt, heat swirling through bodies and that primal thrusting…

  Drop the gloves, Ruby. Drop the damned gloves.

  Trembling, I unclenched my fingers, watching the leather gloves flutter to the wintry earth like plucked moth wings.

  I raised my eyes to the forest outside, and its song called to me.

  I breathed in deeply, trailing my fingertips down the front of my body…

  A wide-eyed sentinel drifted past my window, snapping me out of it.

  Cold bath. Get in a cold bath.

  I slammed the window shut, then rushed to the bathroom, where I turned on the cold water, filling the tub.

  I pulled off my clothes, stepping into the frigid water as the bath filled, shivers rippling over my skin.

  The icy water helped me think clearly again, strategically. Hazel was coming back tonight. Once she was here, once I could safely protect her in my room, maybe we could figure out together exactly what I was supposed to do with that silver branch.

  There had to be some way to harness its power. Maybe using a Nyxobian blade was an anathema to the Old Gods. Nyxobas, after all, was an invasive god.

  I settled deeper into my unpleasant, icy bath. This was good. This was working out well for me so far. As long as I kept myself locked in here behind the iron bar, with the windows locked and no fresh air in the room, maybe I could keep my sanity.

  A banging noise from the bedroom had me jumping out of my skin. Someone was pounding on my door.

  Johnny, maybe? It sounded like the pounding of a madman.

  I rose from the bath, icy water dripping from my body, and grabbed a towel to dry myself off. “Hang on a minute!” I shouted.

  “Let me in!” It was Elan’s voice.

  Wasn’t he supposed to be tied up today?

  I crossed the cold floor, clenching my jaw. “Not today, Elan. I’m not feeling well.” And I don’t want to turn feral like you.

  A heavier banging shook the door, until the wood began to splinter. “Ruby! Let me in!”

  I winced. What if he was actually in trouble? I didn’t have an easy way to get the door open without my gloves, but—

  Before I could hatch any sort of a plan, the top of the oak door splintered and shattered, and Elan’s grinning face beamed at me from the other side. He reached over the top half off the door, forcefully sliding the iron bar through the brackets. As he did, the scent of burning flesh filled the air, and he yelped until it clanged to the floor.

  What the fuck…

  Wearing a tattered and stained cartoon cat sweatshirt, Elan beamed at me again as he pushed through the destroyed door. “Ruby!” He glanced down at his smoking hands. “That really hurt, but something drew me here.”

  I knew what it was. Usually on Eimmal, I felt the same wild desperation to be around other fae. I didn’t want Elan to leave, even though this was the worst possible thing that could happen right now.

  Well, there go all my best laid plans. I clutched my towel tighter. “I thought you were supposed to be chained up for the day.”

  “I broke the chains.” He raised his hands to the ceiling. “Today is the first day of spring! And the gods are more powerful here. They’re all around us, in the forest, the trees.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “The Old Gods.”

  Of course. I clenched my jaw, trying to keep control of myself. So this was why this Eimmal felt even more powerful than previous years.

  “Elan,” I said evenly. “I’m going into the bathroom to get dressed, and when I come out, I want you to be gone. And I want you to find a way to bar the door again, because I don’t need your crazy fae ass bu
sting in here again.”

  He went pale and nodded vigorously. “Of course. I don’t know what drew me here. When I lived as a prisoner in the troll encampment, I always needed to be around other fae. No idea what compelled me to find a succubus. You must be an honorary fae.”

  Uncontrolled giddiness bubbled through my blood, and I crossed to the wardrobe. I violently yanked a dress off the hanger while Elan continued to babble about trolls. I took an extra moment to snatch my knife from the wardrobe too. I will hunt with my hands today.

  In the bathroom, I strapped the knife to my thigh. Then, I pulled an emerald green gown over my naked body, luxuriating in the feel of the thin, silky fabric on my bare skin. I couldn’t run around naked today, but maybe going commando would be a small concession to the old ways.

  As the hem of my dress touched the stone floor, a wave of fresh air wafted into the room. It smelled of rowan trees and honeysuckle, and it smelled of joy.

  Oh hell no.

  I rushed into the bedroom, where Elan stood next to an open window, his eyes closed. “Don’t you smell them? The Old Gods?”

  Primal desire rumbled through my bones. The forest outside was calling to me.

  He opened his dark eyes again, and they sparked with light. He pointed a bony finger at me. “You…” he breathed. “I know you’re not a fae. But you’re an honorary fae.”

  I lifted a finger to my lips. Shhhhh…

  Elan lifted a finger to his own lips. Shhhhh…

  I had to feel my bare feet in the soil, in the streams, had to feel the rowan bark against my skin, the flower petals and leaves brushing against my fingertips… had to feel the thrill of the hunt in the forest.

  Even a fae doesn’t live forever. It’s a sin to deny oneself.

  Elan stepped into the hall, beckoning me to go with him. “Honorary fae,” he whispered.

  Barefoot, we ran down the stone steps until Elan slammed into the barred door. Once again, he singed his skin pulling away the iron bar, but today, I knew he didn’t feel any pain.

  Today, we were blood and moss, earth and claws, creatures who’d gnaw on bones in a marshland.

  And with the song of the forest thrumming through our bodies, we rushed out into the open air.

  Chapter 32

  I spent hours running through the depths of the forest. When the sun fell lower behind the trees and the shadows stretched over the rich soil, my head began to clear a little.

  Blood and berry juices stained my fingertips, and I paused by the stream to wash them off. As I did, I realized my mouth tasted faintly of blood, too. Was it my own?

  I honestly had no idea. Either I’d been eating raw animals, or I’d bitten my tongue.

  I winced. Hopefully I hadn’t bitten Elan. Sometime during the day, I’d lost track of him, maybe around the time we’d chased a stag into a cave.

  At the base of a hawthorn tree, I washed out my mouth with the clear spring water. When I finished, I looked down at my body, relieved to find that, throughout all the chaos, I’d managed to keep my succubus glamour intact, and the charcoal magic still shimmered around my body. At some point, I’d obviously jumped into the stream, because my wet dress now clung to my body.

  Still, I couldn’t feel the cold. Only that I was alive.

  I’d made it through the day without revealing myself to the angels, without running into any of them—I hoped. And now I just had to wait until Hazel arrived here at the castle.

  Maybe I could go inside and sit in a cold bath until the last waves of Eimmal dissipated from my body.

  Another hot wave of euphoria rippled over my skin, and I dug my fingertips into the muddy earth by the stream, my mind spinning. I had the strangest desire to rub the mud all over myself…

  Hastily, I plunged my hands into the cold water again. Think strategically, Ruby. Get back to the castle. Clean up your room. Get everything in order for Hazel’s arrival.

  My memory was hazy, but—had Elan broken the door this morning?

  I forced myself up, my body dripping with icy spring water.

  Half in a daze, I began walking back to the castle, my feet crunching over leaves.

  I was as prepared as I could be if suspicion continued to turn against me—weapons buried, tipped with poison. Seeds of doubt planted between Johnny and Kratos. I knew how to channel right into the power of the Old Gods, if only I was willing to risk my sanity. Which—let’s face it—after today didn’t seem like a super valuable commodity.

  Even as I tried to think clearly, incoherent thoughts swarmed my mind as I stumbled toward the castle.

  A sea of peat, a throne of blackthorn, bluebells beneath my fingertips, a stream flowing with wine…

  I pulled open the oak door, then dragged myself up the stone stairs.

  Lichen-covered bones, the beating heart of a stag…

  I clenched my fists tighter, piercing my own skin. Maybe once inside, I could look out the window for signs of Elan.

  When I reached my floor, I crossed into the hallway. As soon as I turned left, I glimpsed the destruction from earlier today—the shattered door, the splintered wood.

  Well, there was a good chance Johnny had been drinking today. I could always blame him.

  But as I crossed the threshold into my room, I saw an unmistakable swirl of inky magic and midnight wings gilded with amber flecks of dying sunlight.

  Adonis was leaning against one of the bedposts in my room, his arms folded, a faint smile on his lips. “Interesting day, Ruby? I happened to walk past your room, and I saw the door smashed. Then I caught sight of you walking outside the fortress, barefoot and drenched. If I asked the sentinels what you were up to today, what would they tell me?”

  Oh hell. Here we go.

  I wasn’t ready to see one of the angels yet, and the force of his heartbreaking beauty slammed into me. I stared at his golden skin, the stormy gray eyes that faded to midnight blue… I’d never seen anyone so beautiful in my life.

  Snap out of it, Ruby, you idiot. I wasn’t going to stand here and moon over one of these egomaniacal vultures.

  As he walked closer to me, a seductive smile playing about his lips, I clenched my fists so tightly that I’m pretty sure my palms started bleeding.

  So close to me, his magic electrified my body, making my back arch. I hated this effect he had on me, and as I stood there barefoot, naked apart from my drenched green gown, I felt gloriously naked before him.

  Scavenger. Bird of prey. “Carrion bird,” I said out loud, without really meaning to.

  “Did you call me a carrion bird?” He shook his head slowly. “Oh, my lovely Ruby. And I thought we were getting along so nicely last night when you danced for me.” His forehead crinkled. “Was I wrong to think that you liked the feel of my mouth on your skin?”

  His words sparked a vivid memory, and an unwelcome, warm thrill rushed through my veins. Despite myself, a hot flush spread over my chest.

  Before, when I’d been with Elan, I’d simply felt wild, maybe a little violent. Ready for a hunt.

  Now—alone with Adonis’s seductive magic—my body trembled with anticipation for something else, every inch of my skin ripe and full as a rowan berry.

  “I felt nothing,” I managed. I took a step away from him, backing up against the stone wall.

  Surprise flickered across his features. “Is something worrying you, Ruby?”

  “No.” It was a lie. Everything about him entranced and terrified me at the same time. As his magic rippled over me, I felt as awestruck as I had with my knife stuck into the silver rowan branch.

  Staring at him, I shivered, goosebumps rising over my skin.

  His gaze moved slowly over my body. “Why have you bathed in a river in February? You’re freezing.”

  We’d left the window open earlier, and the forest wind rippled over my skin, cooling some of my fevered blood. I still couldn’t think of what I needed to say to Adonis.

  He took another step closer to me, folding his dark wings around me in a so
rt of protective barrier from the February gale that rushed into the room. His seductive magic coiled around me like a dangerous caress, making my body strain against the silk I wore.

  “Are you going to tell me who you really are?” he asked quietly.

  I stared at his throat, where a vein pulsed in his neck, drawing my eye. So much death and life all in one creature.

  He gazed down at me, his stormy eyes entrancing me. “What were you doing out there, barefoot and barely dressed?” he asked in a deep whisper.

  The scent of myrrh curled around me, and his warmth pulsed over my body. What did I want from him? I couldn’t think clearly right now. I could only think of pulling off my dress and running my hands over him.

  The feel of silk against my bare skin had never tortured me so much.

  Slowly, his hands slid over the wet silk of my gown, thumbs pressing gently in the hollows of my hips.

  It was Eimmal, and I should be naked. I bit down hard on that impulse—but not the one to pull him closer to me, to press my body against his until his heartbeat pounded against my skin.

  Poison hemlock, I told myself. And then, but just one taste won’t kill me.

  I stood on my tiptoes, my body sliding against his as I made myself as tall as possible. Then I reached out and cupped my hand around the back of his neck. His eyes remained completely transfixed on mine, as if he were trying to read a book in a language he couldn’t quite understand.

  At the feel of his skin beneath my hand, a fresh wave of euphoria rushed through my body. His veins beat beneath my skin in an entrancing rhythm. Silver flared in his stormy eyes.

  Vulture, I tried to tell myself. Poison hemlock. But I could no longer quite remember what the words meant, or why they mattered. Or, in fact, why words mattered at all.

  I pulled him down to my level and kissed his neck, first lightly, then hungrily, my tongue moving over the pulsing vein in his neck. I needed to taste him, to feel the warmth of his naked body against mine, to feel his mouth all over me.

  Poison hemlock! Somewhere in the darkest recesses of my mind, the words rang like a death knell.