A Shelter of Hope

by Tracie Peterson

  THIRTY-FIVE

  TWO WEEKS LATER, Simone wandered into the Topeka Harvey dining room feeling very much like she’d been away for years. She smiled, sniffing the air to catch Henri’s famous Chicken a la Marengo with its pungent garlic and red wine calling-card aromas. She had missed her good friend and their quiet talks in French. She had also missed his cooking. She nearly laughed aloud as Rachel entered from the kitchen, three totally engrossed trainees on her heel. The animated discussion reminded Simone of her early days with the Harvey House.

  “There is never to be a linen tablecloth put on a single table without thoroughly inspecting it for signs of wear and tear,” Rachel told the girls. “Mr. Harvey would strip the table bare should he find a single blemish, and believe me, he has done just that on more than one occasion. We have no desire to be that careless again.” The three uniformed girls nodded seriously.

  “Mr. Harvey has also been known to send chipped china plates flying across the room to prove his point that they are not of a high enough standard to grace the tables of Fred Harvey’s establishments,” Simone added very softly.

  Rachel turned and met her words with an enthusiastic smile. “Simone!” She left the stunned girls and rushed to embrace Simone. “Why didn’t you let me know you were coming?”

  “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

  “Well, it certainly is that. I mean, after you didn’t reply to my first two telegrams, I presumed you’d given up thoughts of returning to Topeka,” Rachel said, squeezing Simone’s arm. “I can’t believe you’re here. Are you going to stay? Where are your bags?”

  Simone laughed. “Still the same old Miss Taylor, I see.” She nodded to the quizzical girls. “She’s a tough taskmaster, but she’s fair-minded and a good friend in times of need.”

  Rachel laughed. “Don’t go getting them all soft on me. I’ve just managed to put some fear into them.”

  The girls grinned timidly at this, and Rachel shooed them off. “Go into the kitchen and help Bethel.” The girls scurried off, leaving Rachel and Simone alone in the dining room. “When did you get in? I didn’t see you on the morning train.”

  “No, I wasn’t here. I came in last night, but I went to the hotel up the street. In all my life I’d never stayed at a fancy hotel, and I thought I deserved at least one night on my own.”

  “Did you enjoy it?” Rachel questioned, leading Simone past the tables and down the hall to her office.

  “No,” Simone admitted. “I was lonely.” She laughed. “It’s so funny. I used to enjoy being alone. It was all that I longed for, but now I find that the company I’ve kept these past months is something of an addiction. I crave the voices and the camaraderie. As hard as it is to admit it, I need people.”

  Rachel nodded. “I completely understand. I feel the same way. I suppose it might be different if I ever met the right man and settled down. Perhaps a family of my own would be enough to keep me entertained.” She opened the door to her office and led the way into the room. “Come sit with me and tell me everything that’s happened while you were away. I mean, I heard it from Jeffery, but I want to know the rest from you.”

  Simone sighed, brushed off her blue serge skirt, and sat down on the soft red upholstery of a wing-backed chair. “Is this new?” she asked, running her hand along the arm.

  “Yes. Jeffery thought my office needed a bit of a feminine touch. I didn’t argue. He hasn’t been himself at all. I know that you’re all he’s thinking of.”

  At the second reference to Jeffery, Simone bowed her head. She knew she loved him, and she fully intended to talk to Rachel about it, but she didn’t quite know how to broach the subject. Perhaps she should just jump in with both feet and declare her feelings. After all, Rachel would be sympathetic and understand, and perhaps she could even suggest what Simone should do.

  “I’d like to believe that it was missing me that brought you back to Topeka, but I think I know better,” Rachel’s voice called through her thoughts.

  Simone raised her face to meet Rachel’s sympathetic expression. “Is it that obvious?”

  Rachel laughed. “It always has been.”

  Simone shook her head. “I just don’t know what to do about my feelings, Rachel. I have no one but you and Una to talk them over with. Una thinks me mad for not throwing myself into Jeffery’s arms to happily become his wife, but I don’t know what to do. I mean, Jeffery has always been good to me. He’s been protective and remarkably patient, but is that enough to plan a life on? What do you think?”

  Rachel eased back in her chair. “It doesn’t really matter what I think. You have to live with your choices. Are you ready to say that you want to spend the rest of your life with Jeffery O’Donnell?”

  “I can’t imagine my life without him,” Simone admitted. “But, Rachel, I’m only seventeen. I know a great many women marry younger than seventeen—my own mother married at fifteen. But I know, too, that I’m not ready.” Simone got to her feet and paced a few steps, covering the width of the tiny office. “There’s so much that I have to deal with. Betrayal and pain that is only now starting to fade. When I think of all that I’ve been through and all that I have yet to deal with, I fear that I would be much too preoccupied with myself to be any good to anyone else. Then, too, I love my job. I like being independent and I like making new friends.”

  “Would that all have to end if you agreed to become Jeffery’s wife?”

  “I don’t know. I suppose it’s something that would need to be addressed with Jeffery. But honestly, Rachel, there are already so many other things I need to consider that keeping Jeffery’s marriage proposal out of the center of things seems the only intelligent resolution.”

  “Have you prayed about these things?” Rachel asked gently.

  “Absolutely,” Simone replied emphatically. “I pray and pray and I know that God hears me, but it isn’t like it’s all fixed the minute I say ‘Amen.”’

  “Of course not. God doesn’t always work like that. There are times when you’ll find things dealt with that easily, but it isn’t always so. In fact, it’s usually not done that way at all. Most of life seems to be a process of peaks and valleys, and the path isn’t always well defined. But I wouldn’t want you to alienate Jeffery just because your life has been difficult. You should just be honest with him. Tell him that you love him and tell him that you need time. I’m willing to bet he’ll understand.”

  “Una said the same thing. I suppose I’m afraid.”

  “Of what?”

  Simone came back to the chair and sat down on the edge. “Afraid that he’ll tell me good-bye. Afraid that he’s not willing to wait and that I’ll have to swallow my own fears and concerns and marry him right away or risk losing him forever.”

  “Simone, you should never, ever feel that you must hurry into any lifelong decision. God wants you to take the time to pray and consider His will. If it’s right for you to marry Jeffery, God will help you to put the past in order and feel comfortable with planning out a future. Trust Him.”

  “I suppose you’re right.” She paused, then shook her head again. “No, I know you’re right.” With new determination, Simone got to her feet. “I know I can trust God! I won’t give in to my fears. I’ve allowed fear to run my life in the past, and it’s time to put it to an end!”

  “Good girl. Now, why don’t you go down the hall to the house manager’s office and tell Jeffery.”

  “He’s here?” Simone said, sinking back into the chair. Gone was all sign of her bravado. Her voice sounded weak and uncertain. “He’s really here?”

  “He’s here, all right. He stormed off to Chicago when you didn’t show up the day after he arrived here in Topeka. I really think he figured you’d follow him.”

  “I wanted to,” Simone admitted. “But I just couldn’t.”

  “I understand, but now that you’ve had some time, I think you should talk to him. He’s getting ready to go south again. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the new Harvey Ho
use resort that’s being planned for New Mexico, but it’s going to be the largest and finest establishment Mr. Harvey has yet to put into place. Jeffery has been trying to put together the necessary staff.”

  “I see.” Simone felt a tightening in her chest.

  “I don’t think you should let him go off to New Mexico Territory without at least talking to him about your feelings.”

  Simone nodded. She felt desperate to see Jeffery. After watching him walk away nearly two weeks earlier, she knew she had to see him—had to explain. Getting up very slowly, she moved toward the door and smiled weakly over her shoulder at Rachel and said, “I suppose I’ll go see him.”

  “Tell him the truth, Simone. Lay your cards out on the table, so to speak.” Rachel, too, got to her feet. “And when you’re done …”

  Simone stopped and turned. “Yes?”

  “Get your things out of that hotel and get back here to help me 292 with the lunch crowd.”

  Simone grinned. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Jeffery shrugged out of his jacket and tried once again to focus on the ledgers in front of him. He wanted to lose himself in his work, but every time he tried he thought only of how his work separated him from pursuing Simone in Florence. Perhaps a change of jobs was in order. After all, hadn’t he thought of working for the Santa Fe Railroad in a capacity that would completely remove him from the Harvey House? He liked the idea of purchasing, and the railroad was always in need of innovative and intelligent people when it came to keeping the line running at a profitable cost. But the papers in front of him reminded Jeffery that he still had a job to do for Fred Harvey.

  Pounding his fists on the desk, he nearly jumped when a knock sounded at the door. “Yes, what is it?” he shouted back.

  The door opened slowly to admit the one person he’d never dared to even hope would be standing on the other side. “Simone.” He breathed her name in a quiet hush and got to his feet.

  “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you,” she apologized.

  He regretted yelling. She looked so timid and unsure of herself. Her eyes seemed huge as they searched his face. “You know better,” he said, letting out a heavy sigh. He tried to protect himself by feigning nonchalance, but all the time he longed to rush to her side and take her in his arms. “What do you want?”

  Simone stared at him a moment longer before answering him. “I’ve come back to Topeka. Rachel asked me to work here for a time longer, and I thought it would be a good idea.”

  Jeffery refused to look away, afraid she might vanish into thin air. “I see,” he replied curtly. “I suppose I shall be seeing the papers of transfer.” He forced himself to sit back down at the desk, but still he watched her.

  She took a hesitant step forward, then another. Her eyes searched his face as if hoping to find something. Biting her lower lip she glanced back at the door for a quick moment before returning her gaze to Jeffery.

  Afraid that his indifference would cause her to bolt and run, Jeffery gave up his pride. “Sit down and tell me what you’ve come to say.”

  She twisted her gloved hands together. “I … I … oh, I can’t do this!” she suddenly exclaimed and moved back to the door.

  Jeffery had never known himself capable of such speed, but when he saw Simone preparing to leave, he jumped up from the desk and beat her to the door. “No! Don’t go! You came all this way, now tell me what you’re thinking.” He put himself between her and the door and waited for her to speak.

  “It’s just that …” She hesitated and shook her head. “This is so hard for me.”

  “It’s been no picnic for me,” he countered. “I think you owe me some kind of explanation. Some word on why you refused to answer my telegrams—or even Rachel’s.”

  “I needed time,” Simone snapped back. “You’ve never understood that, but I need time. I can’t just rush headlong into things, and I won’t be pushed around as if my feelings aren’t important.”

  “I’d just like to know what those feelings are,” Jeffery replied, his voice edged with obvious irritation.

  Simone bristled. “So would I.”

  “Ha!” Jeffery stepped toward her. “You know exactly how you feel, but you won’t admit it.”

  “That isn’t true!” Simone moved back a step.

  “Yes, it is.” Jeffery took another step forward. This wasn’t how he’d envisioned their reunion, but he wasn’t about to back down. “You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t know exactly what you were feeling. I think you owe me the common courtesy of sharing those feelings. Is that too much to ask?”

  “It didn’t seem so a few minutes ago,” Simone muttered.

  “What?” He stopped short of touching her, but there were only mere inches separating their bodies.

  “Oh, bother!” she declared, putting her hands on her hips. “I love you! There! Are you satisfied?”

  The declaration was given with such an air of frustration and despair that Jeffery couldn’t help but be taken aback. But when the initial shock wore off, he began to chuckle, and then to laugh. Simone stared at him in total confusion.

  “You’re laughing? I bare my soul and you laugh at me?” She started to sidestep him, but Jeffery would have no part of it.

  “Oh no, you don’t. You aren’t going anywhere. At least not until we sort this thing out. You make it sound as though loving me is a loathsome thing. How can you imagine that I would allow you to just waltz out the door without any further explanation?” He felt her tremble beneath his hands and sobered. Instantly he knew that this wasn’t the way to handle Simone Dumas. People had been asserting authority over her all of her life. No, he needed to be gentle, giving, yielding … even though he didn’t feel like yielding. Humbling himself, he lowered his voice. “Please don’t go. Please. I promise to hear you out.”

  Simone nodded. “I’m sorry. It’s just that this doesn’t come easy for me.”

  “It’s not easy for either of us.” He reached up to touch her cheek. Oh, but her skin was soft, and her eyes were like a deep blue velvet. He wanted to never let her go from his sight, and yet he knew—instinctively he knew—she had not come here to accept his proposal of marriage. The thought sobered him even more. “I know you can’t marry me.”

  Her expression registered surprise. “Not yet,” she finally whispered.

  Hope surged anew in his heart. “Not yet?”

  She smiled ever so slightly and reached a hand up to touch his face. “I need time. It isn’t that I don’t want to marry you. I do.” He watched her battle with her emotions as tears came to her eyes. “There’s just so much I need to put behind me. Can you understand?”

  Jeffery nodded. “Yes, I think I can. And if not, then I respect your need.”

  Silence hung heavy between them, and for several moments they did nothing but gaze into each other’s eyes and touch each other’s faces. Jeffery wanted to reassure Simone, yet he knew she had to control this situation. He waited impatiently for her to speak, praying that she’d be willing to make some form of commitment to him.

  “I do love you,” she finally whispered. “And it’s such a foreign feeling to me that I almost didn’t recognize it for what it was. But I can’t marry you without giving myself some time to grow up. That may sound silly, but I feel as though I’ve been that scared little ten-year-old girl for the past seven years. I need to find a way to put her at rest in order to mature into the woman I want to be.”

  He let his fingers trail up the side of her face. Gently caressing her hair, he nodded. “I do understand, but I love you so very much … and I’m so afraid of losing you.”

  “That’s exactly how I feel about you,” she admitted. “In fact, I just told Rachel that very thing.”

  “And what did the good Miss Taylor tell you?” he asked, smiling.

  “To be honest with you.”

  He nodded. “I’m glad I hired that woman.”

  Simone giggled. “Me too.”

  “So what do we do about this?” he quest
ioned.

  Simone bit at her lip and lowered her eyes. “Would it be so awful to wait for me?”

  He pulled her against him tightly, relishing the softness of her, her willingness to be held by him. “I would wait forever—if you only ask.”

  She pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. “Please wait.”

  He smiled and nodded. “Forever.”

  “No,” she said, shaking her head. “Just a little while.”

  Jeffery felt his heart nearly burst with joy and pride. She loved him! She loved him and she was willing to pledge herself to him—to ask him to wait for her. She put her hand behind his head and pulled him down to meet her lips. The surprise of her actions affected him in a way he’d not expected. He almost felt as timid and uncertain as she had looked earlier when first arriving in his office.

  He let her lead the action, dictating how deep the kiss, how long the touch. When she pulled back, Jeffery tightened his hold and she put her head against his shoulder and sighed.

  “You sure don’t kiss like a ten-year-old,” he teased.

  Simone began to giggle and then to laugh. Her joy was like music to his heart. After seeing her so terrified and miserable for as long as he’d known her, Jeffery thought there could be no better sound in all the world. But he was wrong. The very best came when she finally regained control and with an expression of elation reaffirmed her feelings.

  “I love you, Mr. O’Donnell.”

  THIRTY-SIX

  April 1891

  “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” a chorus of Harvey Girls cried as Simone came into the dining room on Jeffery’s arm.