Unexpected Chance

by Joanne Schwehm

  “I am so sorry this happened to you.” I could hear her crying and sniffling.

  “Julie, please tell me what happened. I need to know everything.” I made sure to stress the word “everything.”

  “I really don’t think now is a good time.”

  “Yes, it’s the only time. I need to know.”

  “Tell me what you remember, and I’ll do my best to fill in the blanks.”

  I brought my fingers to my temple and felt a bandage. “I remember being in the club. Alex . . . Oh my God, Alex was making out with Leah! Why? Why was he with her? He had his hands on her! Why?” I realized it wasn’t a dream; it had actually happened!

  “He found your journal and only read the beginning part where you said you wanted to find and use a man for romance. He didn’t read any of your entries. Apparently, Leah and friends told him that you were using him the first night you met; they heard us talking in the bathroom. He told me he didn’t believe them, but then he read your journal. He was drunk and grabbed Leah to hurt you like you hurt him.” That’s what he told me anyway.

  It finally dawned on me that because of Leah and her bitches he knew all along. Was it all bullshit? Holy fuck! I am an idiot. He’d seemed so genuine. I couldn’t deal with this. My tears came back full force.

  “Hurt me? He wanted to intentionally hurt me? He promised.” I was trying to remember. “I ran out of the club. I remember leaving. I don’t remember anything after that.”

  “According to the statements that were given, you ran into a few people who were arguing and you were pushed. You fell and hit the back of your head on the curb. Brett had just arrived at the club, saw you on the ground, ran into the club after calling 911, and rushed to find me and Alex.”

  “As if Alex would care . . . I lost everything—my sight, my work, the only man I’ve ever loved—it’s all gone. Why didn’t he talk to me? Why was his first instinct to hurt me and not believe my feelings were real? Were his feelings real or was he playing me?”

  “I don’t think he was playing you, and I don’t think you do either, but you can ask him. He’s been here since Saturday night.”

  “What day is it?”

  “It’s Thursday. You’ve been here for five days. Do you want me to get Alex?”

  Did I? No, unfortunately, in my blackness all I could see was him and Leah. My last visual memory was my so-called boyfriend making out with Leah. “No, I don’t want to see him, ever. Tell him to leave and not come back.” Saying those words tore at my heart. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I felt dead inside. There was a knock on the door, and I heard it open.

  “Sweetheart, can we come in?”

  Julie let go of my hand. “It’s your mom and dad. I’ll let you guys talk.”

  I wiped my tears. “Thanks, Jules; go home to Brett and relax, and please pass my message along.”

  “Okay, I’ll be back tomorrow.” She kissed the back of my hand and left.

  “How are you feeling, sweetheart?” My mom’s voice was shaky.

  “I feel horrible. I don’t know what I’m going to do next.” I felt exhausted.

  “Aubrey, we spoke to Dr. Griffin, and he’s going to send you for another scan. If it looks stable, in a week or so, you’ll be able to travel. We’d like to bring you back to Paris with us. We can take care of you there, and you won’t have to worry about being on your own. It’s just until you get better; then you can decide what to do, okay?”

  I couldn’t think about this right now. “I’ll think about it, Mom. Thank you and you too Dad. Dad’s here too, right?”

  “Yes, honey, I’m right here.” My dad touched my shoulder.

  I love my dad. I love both my parents, but my mom could be trying. “I’m sorry you had to rush all the way over here.”

  Dad grabbed my hand. “We wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Think about what your mother said. It’s late and visiting hours are over. I want you to rest. We’ll be back in the morning.” They kissed my head, and I assumed they left because I heard the door open and close.

  Chapter 21

  There was someone in the room; I heard breathing.

  “Nurse Michelle?”

  “No, it’s me.” He sounded exhausted, or was he just feeling guilty?

  “Get out, Alex. Please, just leave.” I felt the tears escape my eyes and trickle into my ears. I could smell him and feel his warmth; he must have been standing next to me. “I asked you to leave. I want you out of here.”

  “I am so sorry, Aubrey. This is my fault.”

  “No, I don’t blame you. I blame myself for not telling you about my journal, but most of all for trusting that you loved me, that we were real. I tried to tell you about my journal a couple of times, but something always stopped me. It didn’t matter; it was a non-issue. You should have kept reading or called me to talk, but instead, you decided to hurt me by being with the one person I detest the most. You believed what she told you all those weeks ago, and you purposely hurt me. You promised you would never do that; you promised me.” My tears came out like a waterfall, I felt air escaping my lungs, and my chest hurt. Maybe I was actually feeling my broken heart.

  “You knew that I was insecure and scared, but what I saw . . . The last visual I will ever have is your mouth and hands on Leah. I don’t even have to close my eyes to see it. It’s all I see in my blackness.” I turned my head away from where I thought he was. “Please, just go.” My chest was bouncing up and down in my hysteria, and I could hear the beeping increase on the machine next to my bed. I tried to slow down and catch my breath. I didn’t want anyone rushing in there and telling me I had to stay in the hospital longer than necessary.

  “I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I do love you, only you; it will always be you. What I did was wrong. I know that now. Julie made sure that I knew that. I can’t change what happened, but let me help you, please. I’ll hire the best doctors, and we’ll get help for the apartment; let me take care of y—”

  “No. I’m moving to Paris.” Wow, I hadn’t realized I’d made that decision. “I’ll be leaving as soon as I get the all clear. We are over, Alex. What we had, whatever it was, is done. I’m done. Now, please, I am begging you to just go and don’t come back.” I was doing my best to hold it together; it wasn’t working very well.

  I felt his thumb wipe a tear off my cheek and then felt his lips where the tear was. “I will always love you. You can put thousands of miles and an ocean in between us, and I will still love you. You are my soul. I fucked up. I won’t say good-bye to you, Aubrey. I will never say good-bye to you.” He inhaled, and I could tell he was upset. Was he crying? Did I care? Nope.

  I heard the door close. I broke down in sobs. I loved him so much it made my heart hurt more than my head. I remembered the note that he left me. He’d already said good-bye.

  A couple of days later, after being discharged with a “take care of yourself” and a walking stick, I was back in my apartment. I was using the walking stick to try to navigate. I didn’t want any help. Julie was over, and she was packing for me. She was going to Paris with me to ensure that I arrived safely, because I was an invalid now. At least that’s how I felt.

  My parents had gone back the day before to prepare for my arrival. Apparently, they were installing ramps and doing whatever else was needed to have a blind person, excuse me, a visually impaired person around. I was really trying not to be bitter, but I thought of how my life was going to be. I had an education that I could no longer use, a job I could no longer perform, and I was constantly banging into things. Okay, yes, I was feeling sorry for myself.

  Days had passed and they’d been all the same: dark. The doctor said the swelling had gone down enough for me to travel. He was concerned about me finding a doctor in Paris, but my mom assured him that she had everything lined up, including doctors, braille instructors, even a driver to take me places.

  “Thanks for your help, Julie. I couldn’t do this without you. I will though, someday. I want to b
e able to be on my own and to live my new life. I need to learn how to cope with this. Going forward, my attitude will be thankful. And I am, Jules. I am thankful that I am alive and for you and my family.”

  “It’ll work out, I promise. I’ll always be here for you.” The buzzer rang. “I ordered Chinese food; that must be it. Have a seat on the couch and I’ll get the door.”

  I loved that she didn’t try to help me to my own couch. I found it just fine and sat down. I reached for the coffee table and pulled it toward the couch so we would be closer to the food.

  The door opened, but Julie didn’t say anything. I heard whispering and a kiss sound. “Let me guess. Brett is here to see you off. Hi, Brett.”

  “You caught me, Aubrey! I couldn’t let my girl leave me without a proper good-bye kiss.” They were so lucky. They never had any barriers or lies between them.

  “I’d leave and give you privacy, but you could be naked right now and I wouldn’t know.” I laughed. No one else was laughing. “Okay, guys, lighten up. I’m trying to get out of my self-imposed pity party, so you could have laughed at that. Help me find some type of humor in this. I can’t live the life I have now without humor.”

  “I agree. Hi, Aubrey, how are you doing?”

  “What are you doing here, Alex?” I would have known that voice anywhere. I didn’t need my eyes to know it was him.

  I heard him exhale as if he were frustrated. “Please don’t be mad. I just wanted to tell you to have a safe trip and to give you something. I’ll put it on the coffee table.”

  I shouted at him and I knew I was loud. I wanted to make sure that he heard me. I think I wanted myself to hear it too. “I don’t want anything from you; please, take it back.” I started feeling around the coffee table in front of me to find the gift. My hand felt a box about the size of a ream of paper, but it was much lighter. Picking it up in my right hand, I held it out. “Take it. I don’t want it. I don’t want anything from you except for you to leave. As a matter of fact . . .” I reached down to my wrist and grabbed my bracelet. I couldn’t release the clasp, so I tore it off. “Take this too.” I threw it in the direction of his voice, and my hand slammed into his chest. He put his hand on mine. “Take it!” I pulled my hand away and out from under his. I was willing myself not to cry. I needed to stay strong. If he saw me upset, he’d know he could still get to me.

  “I’m not going to take my gift back.” I heard it plop on the table. “If you don’t want it, get rid of it yourself.” Was he getting mad? What the fuck? He was mad at me?

  “Fine, I will.” I stood up to go into my room and banged my leg on the table, forgetting that I pulled it closer to the couch. “Shit!” I reached down to rub my shin. That hurt like a mother fucker. I guess that was a sign of things to come: my banging into things.

  “Let me help you.” Alex grabbed my elbow. Julie must have left the room with Brett or I would have heard her and she would’ve been at my side.

  I pulled my arm out of his grasp. “No! Don’t touch me! Never touch me again. Get out! Just get out!” My voice was elevated to the point where Julie started yelling. I could hardly hear her over my own voice.

  “What’s wrong? What’s going on out here?”

  “Get him out, Julie, please.” I was gasping for air. “Brett can stay, but Alex needs to leave.” The buzzer rang. It was the Chinese food. “I’m going to bed. I’ve lost my appetite. Good night, Brett. Julie, I’ll talk to you in the morning.” I walked slowly to my bedroom, moving my walking stick side to side, and closed the door.

  I flopped on my bed and shoved my head in my pillow and screamed. I didn’t blame him. That wasn’t why I as upset. It was the image that I couldn’t scrub from my brain and the fact that he’d broken me and had set out to hurt me . . . with her. It didn’t even matter that it was her. I tried to picture other things, the good times we shared or shopping with Julie, but every time I did that, I realized that I would never do or see those things the same way again. I couldn’t see what I was shopping for or watch a movie. I just wanted to sleep and get as far away from Alex as possible. Truth be told, I missed him and I really missed us. I loved him more than anything. I just couldn’t forgive him right now or maybe ever. I wanted to expel him from my brain.

  Chapter 22

  Julie and I arrived at Charles de Gaulle Airport where my parents picked us up to bring us to their chateau. It was so odd being back in Paris. I started remembering the places Alex took me, the food we enjoyed, and the walks we took. I guess coming here wasn’t going to rid me of the memory of Alex. I needed to move on, not remember what once was. As we walked through the terminal, I could hear the footsteps of many and realized this was my life now: surrounded by people, but still alone—in the dark and alone.

  My parents’ chateau seemed vast; I could hear Julie’s voice almost echo. I didn’t get the usual tour of the upstairs. I was shown where my room was on the first level and the adjoining bathroom. It was easy to maneuver with my walking stick. My mom had arranged the furniture in such a manner that there weren’t any obstacles in the way.

  Julie unpacked and came down to my room. I was tired and lay on my bed just thinking. “Aubrey, I have something for you, and before you get mad at me, let me explain what it is.”

  “Why would I get mad? You make me sound as if I turned into an ogre.”

  “Well, it isn’t from me. Alex gave me the gift he bought you. He wanted me to bring it with me and pass it off as my gift to you, but I don’t want to lie to you. He took the bracelet, but not this. He insisted.”

  I sat up and I felt the bed dip where Julie sat down next to me. “Fine, what is it?” I knew I sounded ungrateful.

  “It’s a braille tablet. You can listen to music, make calls, and download books in braille and audio versions. He actually downloaded some for you already, and there is an unlimited credit account assigned to you, so you can get whatever you want.”

  I was stunned. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a braille tablet. Julie took my hand and placed the tablet in it. I held it with my left hand and felt it with my right hand. “Thank you.”

  “It’s pretty cool, right?” Julie was trying to sound upbeat.

  “Yeah, it’s cool.” For as cool as a braille tablet could be, it was cool. “I apparently start braille lessons next week.”

  “That’s awesome. Think of it as learning a different language. I hope your teacher is from America!”

  Julie and I burst out laughing. “Could you imagine if the teacher only spoke French? I’d be totally screwed.” We were laughing so hard that my eyes were tearing. It felt so good to laugh. “I’m going to miss you, Julie. Promise to visit me, okay?” Julie hugged me and promised we would keep in touch. We also made a pact that if I didn’t ask about Alex she wouldn’t mention him.

  ~*~

  The next couple of weeks were very different for me. Julie went back to the States, and I was on my second week of braille lessons. My teacher was great, very patient. She was an older woman from London. I had class with her for two hours a day, so I was catching on quickly and was making good use of the tablet.

  My parents finally allowed me to venture out on my own as long as I took the driver they hired with me. His name was Frank. I asked him to take me to a coffee shop with Wi-Fi and we ended up at a quiet café. The smell of coffee and pastries was overwhelming. I could gain ten pounds by just inhaling. Frank walked me in and described the layout for me; the ordering counter was at ten o’clock, the restrooms were at six o’clock, the door was at three o’clock, and I was sitting at eight o’clock. He tried using North, South, East, and West, but that didn’t work for me. So he utilized the clock method. It seemed simple enough.

  Frank brought me my coffee and told me that he would be outside and to take my time. He was going to be in the car reading. He was a man after my own heart; although, I doubt he was reading romance novels. The thought of it made me laugh. My dad told me that Frank was a former military man, so he was pro
bably reading a historical novel.

  I pulled my tablet out of my tote bag. My headphones were already attached, and my braille teacher had taught me how to navigate the home page to open books and start the audio feature. I was inserting my headphones when I felt as if someone were watching me. I’d felt it before, but this time it was different. I heard footsteps to my right, and then they stopped.

  A man cleared his throat. “Puis-je vous joindre?”

  Holy hell! That sounded sexy. Too bad I had no idea what he said. “I’m sorry. I don’t speak French.”

  “Ah, an American. Yes?”

  He had a super thick accent, which made the English language sound amazing. “Yes, I’m from the United States. What did you say before?”

  “I asked if I could join you.”

  “Oh. Um . . .” Yeah, that was eloquent. Who was this guy? I assumed that if anyone who remotely looked like a serial killer walked in here Frank would have been in here in a flash. I didn’t know what to say, so for fear of being known as a rude American, I said, “Sure.”

  The stranger sat down and apparently was eating something because the aroma that was coming from his side of the table smelled delectable. “Pardon my manners. My name is Chance, and you are a very beautiful woman.”

  That was a different introduction. Was I beautiful? I wasn’t even sure what I was wearing since my mom picked out my outfit. “My name is Aubrey Ryan. It’s nice to meet you, Chance.”

  “Are you hungry? I can get you a croissant or a different type of pastry.”

  “No, thank you. I’m happy with my coffee, but I appreciate it.” God, his voice was so soft, and his accent almost made me swoon.

  “What do you have there?”

  Where? Was he pointing to something? Then it dawned on me that he didn’t know I was blind. “I’m sorry. I’m visually impaired. Were you pointing to something?”