Better Than Your Dreams

by Dee Ernst

  Oh.

  The back door opened and Lily and Carmella came in. Lily was flushed and glowing.

  “Did you see what Carmella has done? Everything is so beautiful. I can’t wait until tomorrow!”

  “I can’t either, Lily. By the way, Grace is here—in body, at least. And I hope you don’t mind Dominique staying for your little party tonight?”

  Lily waved a hand. “Now that she’s free of that dreadful man, she’s more than welcome.” She looked at the girls. “I know he’s your father, but…”

  Jess jumped off her stool. “No offense, Aunt Lily. Tea?”

  “Oh, is it too early for a glass of wine?”

  “Not for the bride-to-be,” I said. “Just don’t wake up Grace.”

  Grace emerged from the den looking like five miles of bad road but perked up at the sight of us all in the kitchen, picking at trays of food and drinking. She refused to talk about her flight, after the first, tentative attempts, but instead began telling us all about what she really thought of living in a commune when you were no longer twenty-three.

  “For one thing,” she began, “all the young men who join up think they’re going to have sex all the time with any woman they want.”

  Jessica, of course, was all over this. “But they don’t? Can’t? What?”

  “It’s not a brothel,” Grace explained. “It’s not about sex.”

  “If I remember correctly,” Lily said, “that’s why you went out there in the first place. What changed?”

  “Aunt Lily,” Grace said hotly, “I did not go out there in the first place just to have sex. Shadow and I were looking for a place where we could freely express ourselves without being tied to the middle-class conventions of our parents.”

  “Yes, dear, I’m sure,” Lily said. “That and the fact that your father cut you off when you asked him if Shadow could move into your dorm room.” Lily smiled. “Isn’t that what happened?”

  Grace made a rude face and gulped wine. “Whatever. That was then.” She pointed a finger at Lily. “It meant something back then. There was the war and civil rights and all sorts of injustices in the world. We needed a place to feel safe and to try to make changes for the better. Now? Now there are still wars and injustices, but instead of trying to fix anything, it’s a bunch of spoiled ex-hippies who want to fool around and not pay taxes. And they think that just because Shadow makes six figures a year, they can be just as successful tie-dyeing hemp prairie skirts.”

  Carmella raised an eyebrow. “Is he your husband? Six figures? Good for him. And you.”

  Grace may still have been feeling the effects of the various drugs she had ingested earlier. “Yeah? What’s so good about it? You know solar hot water heaters? Good for the environment, blah, blah, blah. In Oregon, it rains frickin’ all the time, so I get a hot shower maybe once a month. A whole lotta good six figures does me when I’m dirty and need to wash my hair.” She had perched herself on a stool at the counter, but now got up and started weaving around the kitchen. “Don’t you think I’d like to be able to go on the computer whenever I wanted to, instead of having to drive thirty miles for a crappy Wi-Fi signal?” She threw her arm around Jessica’s shoulders. “I hate quinoa.”

  Jess’s jaw had dropped open at that point. “Sorry, Aunt Grace.”

  “If I couldn’t get high whenever I wanted,” Grace whispered loudly into Jessica’s ear, “I’d have probably hacked up a few people with an ax by now.”

  “Oh, dear,” Lily murmured. “Somebody get that poor woman some more wine.”

  Dominique hopped up to oblige. “But it’s very beautiful there,” she said, pouring.

  Grace slumped against Jess. “Trees. Lots of trees. You know what you can’t do where there are lots of trees? Get a manicure. Or try on new shoes.” She stared mournfully into her glass. “No MTV.”

  “Ah, Aunt Grace,” Lauren said cautiously, “if you want to watch MTV, I’ll turn it on for you.”

  Grace waved a hand and drained her wineglass again. “Nope. Thanks. I think I’ll just go back in there and sit on that nice comfy couch.” She made a face. “No comfy couches there, either.”

  By now Carmella and Dominique were both choking with laughter, and Miranda had her head down, shoulders shaking. Lauren jumped up to help Grace back around the corner to the den. I just kept my head down as long as I could before I burst out laughing.

  “Your sister,” said Carmella, “could probably use a vacation from her life.”

  Lily had been nibbling on sliced salami and provolone cheese. “My God, Mona. Is she on anything?”

  I shook my head. “Several things. I’m hoping that’s what’s wrong with her, and that tomorrow she’ll feel a little better about the world.”

  Lauren had returned. “Let her have my manicure appointment tomorrow, okay?” We had booked an entire salon in town for various manicures, pedicures, and hairstylings.

  “That’s very sweet of you, honey.”

  “I’ll go with her for new shoes,” Miranda offered.

  “And I’ll make sure she has plenty of pot,” Jessica said.

  “No, Jess,” I said, “that won’t be necessary.”

  Dominique, fanning her red face with her hand, finally choked out, “Are you kidding? What if she comes after us with an ax?”

  She and Carmella dissolved into giggles again.

  Lily looked at Jess. “Get on that, darling. Right away.”

  I always felt that, given a common goal, friend, or enemy—not to mention a few bottles of wine—any group of women, even complete strangers, could come together. So I wasn’t too surprised that I found myself thinking, by the third bottle of wine, that Carmella Ciavaglia was the most wonderful person I’d ever met, instead of the evil vixen who had stolen the man I loved. After all, it wasn’t my fault that I had not stepped forward, knocked Ben on the head, and dragged him into my cave when I had the chance. I was an idiot.

  Carmella, on the other hand, was smart and funny and had a fairly cynical outlook on life that I really appreciated. She was not just some old gangster’s daughter—she’d raised two sons, started her own successful business, and maintained a fairly close relationship with both of her sisters. All rather admirable. I found myself liking her more and more as the night wore on in spite of myself.

  I was not a terribly religious person. I never had been. If you’re raised a Catholic, you’re either in it all the way, or you fall to the wayside and occasionally wave as the parade passed by.

  I was a waver.

  But there were moments in my life when I knew that God loved me and that he was taking care of me.

  Like when I woke up the next morning and did not have a hangover.

  Fred had developed a bit of a snoring issue as he got older, and he was snuffling on his side of the bed. Other than that, the house was very quiet.

  I glanced at my bedside clock.

  Well, no wonder. It was barely six in the morning. Why on earth would I be up so early on a Saturday?

  Oh. Right. Lily was getting married today.

  And Ben would be there. I felt myself smile. I’d be seeing Ben.

  I rolled out of bed and into the shower, threw on jeans and a sweater, and went downstairs. Whom should I wake up first?

  Carmella was off the list, because as I came into the kitchen, she was dressed, eating a container of yogurt, and on her iPad. She looked up as I padded in.

  “How’s the head?”

  “Amazingly, fine. Yours?”

  She nodded. “I’m good. What about Lily?”

  I watched as the coffee dripped into my cup. “She could drink a longshoreman under the table.” I glanced out the window. All the tables and chairs had been covered with sheets, to protect them from the gentle fall of pollen that had, overnight, covered everything in pale green. “When do the drones return?”

  “They’ll be here by nine. The flowers arrive first, then the plates and glasses. By two the wait staff should be here. Food arrives by three thirty,
ceremony’s at four, music starts at five.”

  “You’re good at this. Did I mention how much I admire you? I mean, you did an amazing job for Miranda, and all of this…well, thank you.”

  She shrugged. “Hey, how often do you get to plan your own father’s wedding? This has been a real blast for me. Let me know when you’re ready. I’ll give you a discount.”

  I sat down across from her. “And what makes you think I’ll need your services?”

  She looked up from her iPad. “I went up to see Ben in Maine, you know.”

  I nodded. “Yes, I know.”

  “And can I tell you, I hate the cold? And I hate driving by myself in the snow, and there was traffic like you wouldn’t believe, and there is absolutely nothing to do in Portland.”

  I sipped my coffee and nodded. “Lucky for you Ben was there to entertain you,” I said calmly.

  “Yeah, well, he didn’t. I mean, look at me. I’m not used to men saying no.”

  My chest tightened, and I felt the blood start to pound in my ears.

  “You know what he said to me?” she asked, leaning forward.

  I shook my head.

  “He said he was flattered, but he had too much respect for himself, and the woman he loved, to sleep with me just because he could.” She sat back and shrugged. “He also said it would be disrespectful to me if he used me just because he was lonely. Who says crap like that? I mean, seriously? Too much respect? And he was talking about you, Mona.”

  “How do you know?” I asked, my voice shaking.

  She rolled her eyes.

  “Because there’s no one else for him; that’s how I know.”

  I tightened my hands around the coffee mug. “That ship has sailed, Carmella.”

  “Only if you want it gone, Mona.” She spread her arms wide. “Men don’t turn this down lightly.”

  I cracked a smile. “I’m sure. Thanks.”

  “No problem. So, is Dominique going to be a pain in my ass?”

  I shook my head. “She’ll be great. Really.”

  “Hope so. And about Jess and Tony. You okay with that?”

  My eyes widened. “Jess? And Tony the Bodyguard?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Listen, he’s not a bad guy. He drives my dad around, but he’s not exactly tied to the DeMatrianos in a, uh, business sense. He’s going for his master’s at Columbia. He’s a smart boy.”

  “Jess?”

  “I guess she didn’t tell you? Oh, well.” She drummed her fingers against the table. “I never wanted my husband in the business. I begged him to work in a bank. My kids stay clear. So do my sisters’ kids. It’s not glamorous. It’s brutal. Tony knows that. He’s going to end up teaching anthropology at some private college someday. Don’t worry, okay?”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  “Now, let’s wake these women up and get them started. There’s a whole lotta shit happening today.”

  I drank more coffee. “Let me get some toast first, okay?” She nodded, and I started to go about the business of possibly eating something when Lauren wandered in.

  “Mom, I think Aunt Grace needs help,” she said.

  I shrugged. “Probably feeling the effects of yesterday.”

  “Well, maybe,” she said slowly. “But she was crying.”

  I put down the toast and went upstairs.

  Sure enough, on the other side of the door I could hear not-too-stifled sobbing.

  “Grace?” I opened the door. “Grace, honey, are you okay?”

  “No!” she wailed. She was sitting up in Miranda’s old bed, her hair sticking out in all directions, wearing a sleeveless T-shirt with “Springsteen ’92” emblazoned across the front.

  I crossed the room, sat on the edge of the bed, then reached for her hand. “What’s the matter, Grace?”

  “I h-h-hate my life.”

  Oh, dear. I put my arm around her and gave her a hug.

  “You know, you had an awful lot of, ah, stuff in your system yesterday. Do you think that’s why you’re a little down?

  “No, I don’t.” She sniffed. “I’m a little down, as you put it, because I’ve been stuck in 1978 for most of my life, and I’ve got nothing to show for it but a collection of handmade marijuana clips.”

  “You have five amazing sons.”

  “Shadow has five amazing sons. I have five grown men in my life who can spend three weeks carving a single piece of wood into something beautiful and exotic, but can’t find five minutes to make me a cup of tea. Can I just stay here with you?”

  I let go of her. “Grace, you’ve spent most of your adult life disapproving of pretty much every single choice I’ve ever made. Why on earth would you want to live with me?”

  “Because I don’t know where else to go,” she said, and started sobbing again.

  “You’ve had a home with Shadow since I was a little kid.”

  “Shadow is a selfish bastard. He didn’t even want to give me the money to fly out here. I had to borrow from Harper. And he sleeps with a new girl every spring. I’m tired of putting on a brave face. I want to live a nice life. Like here.”

  I looked up. Lily and Jessica were crowded in the doorway.

  Lily raised her eyebrows. “Well, this is certainly a blow for flower children everywhere. Grace, dear, how long have you felt like this?”

  Grace wiped her face with the hem of her T-shirt, showing us all pale pink underwear. “Since 1997.”

  “Oh, Grace.” I hugged her again. “I’m so sorry. You’ve been unhappy for so long. Why did you never tell me?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to think I was a failure.”

  “Gracie,” I said, shaking her slightly. “Failing at something that makes you miserable is nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you made a wrong choice. Everyone makes wrong choices.” I had made a bad choice, too. But the problem had never been choosing marriage. It had been choosing Brian.

  She sniffed. “Now what do I do?”

  I kissed her cheek. “Make some different choices.”

  “You make it sound so easy, Mona.”

  The words came out of my mouth so naturally, I didn’t even have to think about them. “It is easy. All you have to do is know what you want. Then make the choice that gets you there.”

  She shook her head and wiped her face again. “I’m sorry. Aunt Lily, this is your day, and I’m acting like a spoiled child. My life has plodded along this long; it can wait another day.”

  I could see Lauren’s head bobbing up behind Lily. I made shooing motions with my hand, and they all faded back.

  “Grace?”

  She looked up.

  “We will talk about this. I promise. Tomorrow. But about today…”

  She nodded. “Lily is getting married.”

  “That’s right. And a major crime boss is the best man. A few of his cohorts are guests. We don’t want to do anything to piss them off, do we?”

  She shook her head.

  “Good. Now, we’re taking you for a manicure. You can get your hair done as well, maybe add some highlights. Then Miranda will help you buy new shoes. If you want, you can get a whole new outfit. And I promise you, Brian’s money won’t pay for any of it. Okay?”

  She nodded again.

  “No drugs, okay?”

  She paused. “You know, a Valium…”

  “No, Grace.”

  “Wine?”

  “Later.”

  “Okay.”

  She got up and headed for the bathroom. I sat on her bed. Could it really be that easy? Making a different choice? And then I knew that unless I was willing to do that, I would never have Ben in my life again.

  There was really no choice at all.

  I don’t know if Grace felt any better after spending three hours in one of the poshest salons in Westfield—which is a pretty posh place anyway—but she certainly looked better. Her hair had been colored and cut, and she looked ten years younger. She’d been mani-pedi’d and even had the hot-rock treatment to help her
de-stress. Miranda whisked her off to buy a new outfit for the wedding and promised her pizza for lunch.

  Apparently there were no pizza ovens at the commune.

  I also looked and felt pretty good, although I was terrified to even touch the steering wheel of my car for fear of smudging my nails. I left Lily at the salon—she was also getting her makeup done—and drove back to the house.

  Grace wasn’t the only thing transformed.

  There were pots of white azaleas lining my driveway and scattered all over the patio. Sprays of pink orchids, the exact color of Lily’s sash, were on every table. White and pink roses had been woven into the arbor. There were white and pink bows on the backs of the chairs. The grass looked as though it had been raked.

  Yesterday the inside of my garage had been draped in white fabric, hiding all the rakes, tires, and forgotten sports equipment. Today there was a miniature kitchen set up in the half of the space that was not taken up by a very well organized bar. White-coated staff persons stood like soldiers in a line, waiting for the next command.

  I went into the house.

  Carmella had also found time to do her hair and makeup. She was dressed in well-fitting jeans and a blouse, frowning at her iPad.

  “Everything looks amazing,” I told her.

  She glanced up and smiled. “Thanks. Love the hair! You look great. Lily?”

  “About a half an hour behind.”

  She nodded. “Alex is wandering around somewhere. He asked where you were.” Her voice was very noncommittal.

  “Oh? I though he was covering your father.”

  “Well, how interesting can that be? Last night there was a bit of a thing, but today, what? He puts on a suit, gets in a car, and drives across a bridge. A lot more going on here.”

  “You realize you’ll have enough footage for a trilogy.”

  She grinned. “The wave of the future. All those kids taking movies on their phones? It’s a whole new industry. I’m trying to get Alex to commit to doing this for me full-time, but he doesn’t like getting tied to anything.”