by Dani René
“I know, but she preferred no one to find out about us. Now every time a girl glances at me she freaks.” Shaking my head, I place my guitar on the platform.
“Yea, I get that. But you have to understand, it's painful to see the man you’re in love with flirting with other girls.” My eyes snap in his direction. Love? Did she love me?
“What?”
“She’s in love with you man, anyone can see it. If you can’t then you’re blind.” His words sink deep into the recesses of my mind. My heart knew the moment I looked at her she was the one. Could I give her what she needs? Is there a chance she will accept my very public life? “Go to her.”
Leaving my best friend. I run after the woman I love. As I pass the crew, I ask the other sound engineer where she went. He points to the dressing rooms. I make my way to the catering room where I hear voices coming from. It’s Liam and Tayla. Pushing the door open I find his arms wrapped around her. My fucking girl. “What the fuck is going on?” Rage burns in my veins.
They both jump apart. Her eyes are void of guilt. “I apologized to Tayla, I was being a douche, and I told her to invite her sister to the London show.” Two strides and I am next to her.
“Fine. Leave us, I need to talk to her.” My words hold a threat to him. With a shrug he walks out, when I hear the click, I turn to her and cup her face in my hands. “Why were you in my brother’s arms?”
“He gave me a hug Callum. It was nothing.” She stared at me. A smile on her lips made me calm down. “Are you jealous, Hayes?” Her calling me by my last name was an indication of her wanting to rile me up. This time though, she wouldn’t get it right.
“Come here, baby.” I pull her into an embrace. “So my brother and your sister, huh? Are you trying to match make them?” She nodded with a small giggle. “How do you know he will like her?”
“Because I showed him a photo of her on my phone. That’s when he said that she has to be one of his VIP guests.” I laughed so loud the sound echoed through the empty room. Trust my fucking brother. He can be such a horny fucker. Each of us get five VIP tickets for friends or family. Liam usually invited numerous models as guests, and they never declined.
The whole evening, I had my gaze latched on Tayla. I performed for the crowd, but she was the center of my mind. Standing on the side of stage with Kierra, I snuck glances at her constantly. The fans were incredible as usual. Singing along and jumping around to the more hardcore songs. When I sang Damaged Angel my eyes locked on the girl that stood in the shadows. Nobody knew though. I had set up the guitar and microphone so it looked like I was singing to the camera that recorded the show. But this was for her. Always.
The tour went smoothly. Tay and I had found a rhythm, I wanted to tell her I love her, but I waited. The time wasn't right. Tonight will be the biggest test of all. I am backstage getting ready. The girls were in the Meet & Greet setting up for the fans to have their photos taken with us. I had a bad feeling tonight. No reason. Something didn't sit right in my gut. I knew Arina and a few of her friends from the modeling agency had arrived an hour ago. They had VIP tickets and I should have told Tay, but not wanting to upset her, I kept it quiet. Now, here I am with a pounding heart. I realized she would find out.
I am so fucking terrified of her breaking things off that I just acted like it was any other show. Why? Because I am a dick. When my dressing room door opened, I didn’t turn to see who it was.
I should have.
“Petal, did you come to give me a good luck kiss?” I chuckled, but as I spun around, I am greeted with those emerald eyes that I once loved getting lost in. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“I came to see the famous Callum Hayes. My first love.” Her voice and accent are ice water rushing through my veins. How was I ever in love with this woman? She was taller than Tayla by a few inches. She had short dark brown hair, and her face was all angles and a fake pout that must be the result of too much Botox. Whereas my girl was natural, pristine, and innocent. Beautiful in a way that could make any grown man drop to his knees. Which I always did.
“What do you want? We are not together anymore. I don’t want you here. How many times do I have to reject you?” When she stepped forward, I winced. She noticed my reaction. There is no mistaking that I didn’t feel anything for her. The distaste in my statement, undeniable, but she never did take no for an answer.
She slipped the flimsy straps of her dress over her shoulders. The skinny dark haired girl was now standing in front of me in nothing but a tiny black thong. Her hands grasped my biceps. Holding me like a lifeline. The problem is, I cut that line a long time ago. She leaned up and planted a kiss on my cheek. “I miss you, Callum.” My name on her lips made me sick. I gripped her arms to push her away as her mouth moved to mine. When the door swung open for a second time and I turned my gaze which locked onto brown eyes. Blonde hair. Pain etched on the face of the girl I loved, but was too much of a pussy to tell her those three words. Fuck! I shoved Arina off me and bolted after Tayla, who ran like she was being chased by her demons.
“Tayla! Petal!” I called out to her, this time she didn't stop. There was no way to make her listen to me. I am such a fucking idiot. I should have told that bitch to leave me alone when she strolled into my room. “Tay, for god’s sake! Stop!” We reached the end of the hallway and she was trapped, between me and the fire escape. Pulling at the exit, it opened suddenly, and she ran outside.
“Just go Callum, I can’t look at you right now.”
“No, she came into the room. I told her I don’t want her.” I took a tentative step towards her and she stepped back. This was getting me nowhere.
“Fuck you, Hayes! Okay, fuck you, because it sure didn’t look like it. You need to be on stage in ten minutes.” Her eyes were brimming with tears, but being Tayla, she didn’t want me to see her cry. She turned and looked out at the dark parking lot. Pain seared through me. My chest tight with emotion. I hurt her. If I had been honest this wouldn't have happened.
“Fuck the stage! Listen. Hear me. Please?” Her glare held venom that poisoned my veins and I realized that she would not open up to me and let me in. I needed to let her calm down. This isn’t over. “This isn’t over.” I repeated the words, spun on my heel and made my way into the venue.
The show was perfect, except for one thing. Tayla hated me. She didn't even look at me. The crew were in the catering tent. The champagne flowed and everyone seemed relaxed. Tay sat with Ki and Ryan. Those two had grown closer by the day. I am thrilled for him. He deserved to find happiness.
“So Arina screwed up again.” Liam’s voice behind me had me turning to deal with my brother. “Hey man, chill. I was just asking. I told you that little slut was trouble from the first time she walked into our dressing room.”
“Why? Because she wouldn’t fuck you?” It is a low blow, but I was angry. He was right. There were warning signs about her since I laid eyes on her. I was such a self-absorbed dick. Dating a model appealed to me. The fake tits and smile didn’t faze me. It was more than a year ago and I was having fun. At least I thought I was. Now when my gaze settles on the blonde beauty who is shooting daggers at me, I can’t help thinking what a fucking idiot I am.
I have to make this right. Somehow. Walking over to where they sat, I play it cool. “You guys ready for London?” Ryan turns and fist pumps me.
“Man, you do not understand. I need to go to a pub and get myself a decent beer.”
“You mean that warm shit they pass off as beer?” I chortle.
“It’s excellent stuff man. Seriously.” I nod. My gaze wanders over Ki and onto the reason I am standing here rambling about stupid crap.
“Tay, you looking forward to your birthday, darling?” Brown eyes glare at me. Her face is stone. No emotion. Only a vacant stare.
“Well, Ryan. I need another drink.” Kierra ever the subtle one in the group, yanks him to his feet and Tayla and I are left alone.
“Was the show okay?” I question he
r tentatively.
“Yeah.” She angles her head and glances over at the team playing beer pong. Someone misses and they have to chug their drink. A smile hints on her lips and my heart flips. Jesus, I am a pussy for this girl.
“London will be fun.” Her glare shoots to me and she narrows those beautiful chestnut eyes on me.
“Callum, don’t. This whole situation was a mistake. I am not into sharing the person I—” She stops mid-sentence and rises from the sofa. “Just leave it. I am fine.” She is so strong, and weak at the same time. Her heart is breaking. I can hear it in her words. I realized she wouldn’t let up, but I will not stop pushing. She’s mine. I will make this right.
We landed in London three days after the show in Russia. Every moment with Tayla was like talking to a brick wall. She was professional when she spoke to me, but the warmth was gone. It was in those empty nights that I realized without a doubt that I fucking love her. There was only one thing I can do. I knew that if I was going to win this girl back I was going to have to put my heart on my sleeve.
Walking into the Arch Hotel, in the center of London, I make my way to the welcome desk. The receptionist checks us in, but when Tayla walks off with Kierra, I couldn’t take it anymore. This was ridiculous. “Tayla, we need to talk. It’s been three days.” She gives me a small nod. I glance at Kierra and she walks off, pinning me with a glare of warning.
“I don’t think there’s much we can talk about.”
“Come with me.” I pull her into the waiting elevator and hit the floor for our rooms. I calmed when she didn’t refuse, or fight me. “I just want to talk.” We step out of the elevator, and I unlock my room, allowing her to step inside first. Her gaze was uncertain for a few minutes and when I didn’t move she stepped inside. I followed her and closed the door.
“Talk. You have five minutes.”
“Look, Petal. You walked in at the wrong time. I was telling her she needs to leave. I told her I do not love her or want her. She grabbed me and leaned up when you saw us.”
“Callum, I get you explaining what happened. Right now I think it’s safer if we keep our distance. I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt anymore.” She dropped her gaze, as she passed me, her sweet scent assaulted me. She reached the door and stopped. Her hand on the doorknob, before she opened it, she cut a quick glance at me. That beautiful smile I loved curled on her lips. Only, it wasn't her happy one, it was painfully sad. “Goodbye, Callum.” With that she left my room. Cold and empty. I sunk onto the sofa, my head whirling with what this means. She said the words that sliced through me. It's done. Final. So deathly final.
The click rung in my ears like an alarm. When Tayla walked out, my heart and my soul went with her. With sudden ferocity words pounded in my mind. I snatched my notebook and pen and wrote. There is only one thing I can do. To make her see. There is no fucking way she’s leaving me. Not now. Never.
Tayla
The click of the door shatters me. My throat tightens painfully. The tears that threaten, burn my eyes. I bolt to Kierra’s room and pound on the door. When it swings open, I peer at her blurry form. Her face filled with concern and that’s when I break down. She draws me inside and I crumple to the floor. The anguish in my chest was unlike anything I ever felt. Even when he had hurt me. That was nothing compared to having your heart crushed, your soul destroyed, and your life crumble in front of you.
“What happened? Do I need to kick his ass?” I shook my head. The sobs that escaped me were inhuman. I couldn’t breathe. A hole inside has left me vacant. Kierra lifted me and sat me on the sofa. I craved to curl up and hide. For days. Weeks. Years.
“I can’t… It feels like… I can’t…” I choke in between wails. “Breathe... It's... Hurts...” I ramble in between choking gasps. Her arms wrap around me. Trying to shield me from something, but it didn’t work. There isn't anything that could stop this agony.
“Shh, come on, honey. He’s a guy, he may have fucked up, but he loves you.” Her words slowly settled into my fuzzy brain and I bolted up. Through my teary gaze, I gawked at her as if she had two heads. Then suddenly I snickered. Love? Is she joking?
“He doesn't love me. Callum is a famous rock star. He has girls falling over themselves to be his.”
“Yes, that’s true. But, I know him Tayla, and the only girl whose presence he chooses to be in, is yours. Trust me when I say this. I have seen him with girls, loads of them for years. He has never looked at anyone the way he looks at you.”
I sat silent, my fingers twirling the tissue in my hands. My tears stopped, and I sighed heavily. “Do you think I should give him a second chance?” When I peered at Kierra, she shrugged.
“It’s not my call honey. How do you feel? I wouldn’t trust that little bitch as far as I could throw her. Cal hates her, so I know that nothing happened. You also need to think about something else. If you can’t take seeing him interact with the fans, if you can’t handle the spotlight, then walk away now. But if you love him and you’re prepared to fight for him, then do it. God knows I have lost someone because of fear. Don’t let that happen to you.” She got up and headed to her suitcase. Still in the living room. “I will leave you and go change. If you want to stay here tonight, you can. Remember, he will not give up on you. He’s a stubborn asshole, but he’s also filled with love. He wants to give it to someone. And that someone is you.” With a modest smile, she turned and shuffled into the bedroom. The door closed with a simple click leaving me to my thoughts. When she emerged fifteen minutes later all dressed up, she glanced at me.
“You coming to dinner, darling?”
“I think it’s better if I stay here. There’s a lot I need to figure out.” With a nod, I was alone.
I turned the TV on, but I wasn’t watching it. There is one person I know will listen to me grumble. Pulling out my phone I call Emma.
“Sis. How are you, babe?”
“Okay. I suppose.”
“What happened? You sound like shit.” I chuckled and it hurt. I shouldn’t laugh when my heart is broken.
“I broke up with Callum. Now I am second guessing myself.”
“What? Why? Did he fucking hurt you?” My sister was adorable when she freaked out. Not much could appease her.
“No, his ex was in his dressing room the night of the gig in Russia and I caught them.”
“Did the fucker cheat on you? I will cut his dick off.” Her tone laden with rage.
“He didn’t. Nothing physically happened.”
“Then why did you break up?” That is the question I have been asking myself since Ki left.
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe you need time. Visit Lee tomorrow. He was asking for you.”
“Yes, I guess I will. Thanks, darling. See you at the show.”
“I can’t wait. And tell Liam, he’s in for a night of debauchery.”
“Oh, God.” My groan is loud. “That is a visual I do not want thank you baby sister.” Her giggle is contagious and I grin.
“Don't be such a prude. I reckon Callum is a tiger in bed.”
“Goodbye Emma.” Another chuckle from her and we finally hang up. My heart feels lighter. Tomorrow I will talk to Cal. I need him. We can work this out. I couldn’t look at him right now. Not yet. I had to consider what Kierra and my sister suggested.
There was something about the way Ki was convinced he loves me that forced me to believe her. He had never mentioned he loved me. I suppose we didn't have time to talk about our relationship after the tour. There was constantly other shit going on that I didn't consider a future with anyone.
Did I love him enough to get past my own insecurities? He’s proved that he cared for me, but love? The film on screen ended, and I realized that I needed sleep. The concert was tomorrow and Emm was right, I should visit Lee. One of my best friends. He has been in the army for years. I met him when I was on a two-month holiday. My eyes were puffy from sobbing. I stood and padded to the bathroom.
Splashing my fac
e with lukewarm water, then I brushed my teeth, and clambered into bed. I had a long day ahead, my birthday and the show. I decided I would fight for my man and that required a decent night’s rest.
I woke up with a start. My alarm buzzed next to me. I shut it off, rolled over and opened my eyes. The sun hadn’t even risen yet, and I groaned. This was way too fucking early. Swinging my feet over the edge of the bed. I stood and headed to my suitcase and grabbed my workout clothes.
Padding to the bathroom, I got changed. I wanted to get a run in before I had to be at the venue. The fresh air always helped clear my head. I had to decide how I would broach the subject with Callum.
As scared as I was, I had to give us a chance.
Last night I told him goodbye, but if he knew me, he would know that I didn’t mean it. I dressed in my running gear and quietly left Kierra’s room. Once I was in the elevator, I plugged in my ear buds and turned on an upbeat play list.
The first song is Damaged Angel. I was excited to hear the new songs the boys were working on. There have been a few times I saw lyrics on Callum’s notebook. I wish he would share it with me.
Out on the road, I ran up Great Cumberland Place, towards Hyde Park.
My legs carried me to the building I haven’t been to in such a long time. To a friend I missed more than I realized. Two and a half miles, and I made it in the shortest time ever. When I reached the massive building near St James Tube Station, I got to the gate finding a few soldiers milling around. My feet brought me to the Wellington Barracks. Suddenly, I was unsure of why I came here.
“Kin ah help ye, lassie?” *Can I help you, miss?*
His accent was thick Scots. Probably from mid Scotland, just outside Edinburgh was my first guess.
“Aye, dae ye ken, Lee?” *Yes, do you know, Lee?*
I haven’t spoken Scottish slang in just over a year, and I was surprised that it came easily. His smile was sweet, and he nodded.
