Saving Grace: A Novel (Healing Ruby Book 3)

by Jennifer H. Westall

  “The bombs are getting closer,” I said. “Won’t be long till the Japanese break through the line.”

  “Are you frightened?”

  “A little, but not really about the Japanese.”

  His hand stopped for a moment. “What are you afraid of?”

  I paused. I hadn’t fully admitted my fears to myself, and here I was sharing them out loud. “I’m not sure how to explain it. God doesn’t speak to me anymore. He doesn’t fill me with His peace. He hasn’t healed through me since the day of our accident. Instead, I’m filled with this vague anxiousness about the future. When I read my Bible, when I pray, there’s this emptiness inside me, and I don’t know why. I want desperately for God to come near me, to feel His presence with me again. That’s what I’m afraid of. That God’s left me.”

  Matthew was quiet. He’d gone back to stroking my hair, and as he listened, he stared toward the river. Was he disappointed in me? He’d never been comfortable with God’s healing work through me, and I had no idea what he was thinking. But I’d released some invisible wall that had been holding me up, and all my fears came tumbling out of me.

  “I keep reading the same Bible verses, over and over, and they’re stuck in my head. From Psalm 18. It says, ‘How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? For ever? How long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?’”

  By this time, I was crying, and I couldn’t make it stop. Matthew pulled me up and held me against his chest. “Oh, Ruby. I had no idea you were struggling so much with your faith. Don’t you know how much God loves you? He’s blessed us over and above what we deserve. He’ll restore you in His time, at exactly the right moment. He’ll use you again. He will bless us even more.”

  “Bless us?” I sobbed into his chest. “I’ve done my best to remain faithful through every trial I’ve faced. Losing Daddy and our home. Almost losing you to T.B. and Brother Cass’s relentless campaign against me. Every person in Cullman, and maybe even the whole state, believing I was a murderer. Sitting in that courtroom, listening to the judge sentence me to the chair. Having to leave you behind.” I took in a shaky breath, trying to keep my composure. “And the worst of all was living these past years without you. Knowing I’d broken your heart. But through all of that, I prayed for courage and faith. That God would direct my steps, and that He would be glorified. And now, where has all of that gotten me?” I sat up and looked him in the eyes. “I’m trapped on an island with starvation and malaria all around me, the Japanese coming at me from one direction, and Natalie coming at me from the other. I am surrounded by enemies. And I don’t see the blessings.”

  He cradled me against him while I wept, kissing my forehead. “It’s all right. All of those things happened for reasons we can’t completely understand. But God does love us, and all those struggles you went through, those were my struggles too. And facing them has made me into a man that can trust God. You know, I’ve been meditating on some verses as well. Psalm 34 says, ‘This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.’ That poor man was me. I cried out to God every day after I lost you. And not once was it out of faith. But in time, I felt His hands surrounding me, caring for me, putting people in my path that showed me He still loved me. And now…” His eyes looked on me with wonder and joy. “Now, you’re my wife. Part of my soul forever. And I meant it when I said nothing could break that. Not Natalie, not the Japanese, not separation…not even death. That’s how I know that I’ll find you again if you go to Australia.” He kissed me, wiping my tears with his thumbs. “My heart will always find yours, Ruby. Always.”

  March 30, 1942

  My strength grew over the next two days, and I was able to resume my duties. Matthew’s words of encouragement stayed with me, giving me hope that God would protect us. After all, we’d managed to survive this far without either of us getting seriously hurt. Considering all the suffering around us, I counted that as a blessing.

  On the morning of March 30, I was making my rounds in the ward near mess #4 when I noticed Joseph standing about twenty yards off, watching me. I waved, and he headed over. “I’m so glad to see you,” I said, smiling and hugging him. “I haven’t had a chance to thank you for taking such good care of me when I was sick.”

  He looked me over and stuck his hand to my forehead. “How are you feeling? It’s a little soon to be back on duty.”

  “I’m no worse off than any of the other girls working. And I was tired of lying about all day. It’s not in my nature.”

  “No truer words were ever spoken.” He rubbed the back of his neck and let out a deep sigh. “I miss this, you know? I miss you.”

  Warmth spread up my neck and into my face. “Joseph, I’m married—”

  “Oh, I know,” he interrupted. “And I don’t mean…well, I just mean…I miss arguing with you over patients, and taking you to dinner, and dancing with you.” He smiled. “You’re a lovely dancer.” I didn’t know what to say, so I stood there blushing like a little girl. “I just miss our friendship, that’s all,” he finished.

  “Don’t say that like we’re not friends anymore,” I said.

  “Look, I haven’t gone anywhere. I’m here. You’re the one who’s slipping away. And I understand. But tell me the truth. Does this Matthew fella make you happy?”

  “Yes. He’s…he’s the only man I’ve ever truly loved.” I could see how much that hurt him, but it had to be better to tell him the truth. “I’m sorry.”

  His dark eyes looked down on me with such sorrow that I felt my heart ache for him. He managed a small smile. “I am glad you found such a love. Hold on to it with all your might.”

  Something in his words seemed final, and they sent a rush of fear through me. As he turned to go, I threw my arms around his waist and hugged him close. He pulled me tight against him, and then he kissed the top of my head. “You’re a wonderful doctor,” I said. “I don’t know what I wouldv’e done without you.”

  He let go of me, so I stepped back and let him walk away. I turned back to my patients, praying God would bring someone into Joseph’s life who would love him for the amazing man he was. I leaned over to pick up the clipboard for my next patient. That was when I heard the high-pitched squeal. And another second later, everything around me exploded.

  ***

  I thought my eyes were going to come right out of their sockets from the pressure of the blast, and my lungs were instantly raw from the smoke. I couldn’t see, and all I could hear was a loud ringing in my ears. I crawled a few feet and felt the bamboo shoot of what used to be a bed. My vision began to clear. There was a body lying beneath a pile of rubble. I moved the rubble around, fumbling in the dirt, and realized the arm I’d grabbed wasn’t attached to a body.

  I dropped to all fours and vomited up bile.

  The earth beneath me shook, but I still couldn’t hear anything. I tried to stand, but I stumbled again. Pushing myself forward, I gripped a mangled bed in front of me for support. The entire ward was in disarray. People ran in every direction. Beds were overturned or simply blown away. Bodies lay strewn about, some moving and moaning, many deathly still.

  I stumbled out of the ward as gradually the ringing in my ears was replaced by screaming. And the blasts from more bombs. I searched for a trench, but I didn’t see one. I half-ran, half-stumbled to the next ward over. People hurried to take cover. A nurse and a medic crawled under a desk.

  Two more concussions sounded nearby, and I hit the dirt. Another bomb dropped right on top of the ward. I watched in horror as the nurse and medic underneath the desk were thrown into the air. As the shrapnel rained down around me, I covered my head.

  I couldn’t think straight. I needed to find shelter. Desperately I looked around again and spotted the edge of a trench through the smoke just a few feet away. I crawled over to it and fell inside.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ruby

/>   March 30, 1942

  When the bombing finally ceased, it seemed like everything went still for a long minute before chaos erupted. I lay on the ground inside the trench along with other terrified soldiers and nurses. Some climbed out when the bombing stopped. Two others, including the young nurse named Laura who I’d met in Manila and slept three cots away from mine, clung to a medic in silent terror. Her eyes were wide, and her whole body shook. The medic seemed to be clinging to her too.

  Our gazes met, and he asked me if I was all right. “I…I think so,” I said. “I just need a moment.”

  I felt around my body to see if everything was still intact. I had a few minor cuts, probably from flying shrapnel, but otherwise I was free from injury. My heart thundered, my head ached, and my ears felt like cotton had been shoved inside them. I pulled myself out of the trench to a ghastly sight.

  Some personnel worked furiously to uncover bodies buried beneath debris. Others carried casualties toward the surgical building, which thankfully, appeared to have escaped a direct hit. I wasn’t sure where to jump in, and the destruction was overwhelming. I nearly fell to my knees right there, my legs buckling in shock, but I knew I had to keep it together so I could help others.

  Outside the surgical building, nurses and medics triaged the incoming. I ran in that direction, noticing Mrs. Fincher off to one side directing them on where to place the injured, and where to lay the dead. She had a nasty gash along her forehead, and she was holding her side, but she was barking orders with as much command as any general. I rushed up to her and asked where I could help.

  “Triage is most critical at the moment. Over there.” She pointed to a clearing where writhing bodies already littered the jungle floor.

  “Are you all right?” I asked. “You look like you need medical attention as well.”

  “I’m perfectly fine,” she growled. “Now stop gabbing and get to work!”

  I raced for the clearing, pausing briefly at a supply station to stuff my pockets full of gauze, morphine, and clean rags. Then I bolted for the far side and began with the first person I reached. I worked my way from one moaning, ravaged body to the next, trying to focus on their immediate needs. Arms and legs were missing, chests were sliced open, and blood seeped into the ground. Before long I ran out of morphine and had to race back to the supply station. On my way back, I saw Joseph being laid among the injured.

  My stomach dropped, and I rushed over to him. I grabbed the arm of the medic who had laid him there before he could disappear. “What happened? How badly is he injured?”

  The medic looked back at me with panic-stricken eyes. He was covered in blood, maybe even his own. I couldn’t tell. “I don’t know. I have to go back and carry more of them here.”

  I let go of his arm and dropped beside Joseph, immediately seeing the trouble. Shrapnel. Everywhere. And a large chunk was lodged in his right collarbone, slicing him from neck to chest. Blood was everywhere. I looked around for a doctor, but all I saw were nurses and medics. So I took off for the surgical unit. I sprinted into the building, searching frantically for someone who could help. Every doctor I saw was standing at a table, cutting into patients.

  “I need help!” I screamed, not knowing what else to do.

  Roberta, who’d supervised my ward the past few weeks, came over and put a hand on my arm. “What’s the trouble, Grace? Are you hurt?”

  “No, it’s not me,” I said. “It’s Dr. Grant. He’s critically injured. He needs surgery right away.”

  “Take me to him,” she said. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  Together we dashed back into the clearing to Joseph’s lifeless body. I knelt beside him and checked his pulse. It was faint, but still there. Roberta went to the other side and examined the wounds. “Oh, Grace,” she said. “He’s…he isn’t…” She met my gaze and shook her head slightly.

  “No! He’s still alive. He needs surgery, now.”

  “I’ll see what I can do.” She jumped up and ran back into the building.

  I leaned over Joseph and prayed with all my might. “Lord, please help him! I can heal him! Just let me!” I sobbed as I did my best to clean his wounds and stop the bleeding. But I could see his life was pouring out of him. “Please, God. Please. Let me heal him.”

  I closed my eyes and stilled my racing mind. I searched for the calm spirit that would come over me in the past, the pool of peace that would wash over me when He healed someone. Lord, send Your presence here. Joseph is a faithful servant, who only wants to help others and give You glory. Please, save him!

  I waited and waited. But nothing came. I opened my eyes and took Joseph’s hand in mine. “Joseph, I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.” I bent over and kissed his cheek. His eyes never opened. And his body lay perfectly still.

  I felt along his neck, then his wrist. Nothing. I checked for breathing, but he was gone. This amazing man, who deserved to be loved and cared for, who had loved me when I’d felt so lost, was just…gone. I pushed myself up from the ground and surveyed all the other dying men around me. I couldn’t do anything to help them. Why? Why was God withholding His healing? Why was He allowing this suffering?

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out of there. Had to breathe. I turned to run, with no destination in mind other than some place as far away as possible. But I only took three steps before I ran into someone. Strong arms enveloped me, and immediately I knew I was in Matthew’s embrace.

  “Ruby! Are you all right?” He pressed my head into his chest, and I let go of the anguish inside of me.

  “He’s dead! He’s dead!” I held onto him with all my strength. “I couldn’t save him!”

  We stood there in the middle of the destruction, clinging to each other. I knew I needed to gain control of myself, that I should be helping others. But I was so useless. God wouldn’t allow me to heal anyone. And all I could do was try to comfort them as their life slipped away. What good was I to anyone?

  Matthew held onto me, but pulled my face back to look into my eyes. “I was so worried when I heard the bombs go off. Thank God you’re all right.”

  “I couldn’t save him,” I cried. “Why can’t I save anyone?”

  Carefully stepping over all the debris, Matthew walked me over to a more secluded spot in the trees. He held me close and did his best to comfort me. “What happened?”

  “Joseph is dead! I tried to heal him. I prayed, and I begged God to let me heal him. But nothing happened, and he just died right there on the ground! Like…like his life meant nothing!”

  He pulled me against him again and tried to quiet the rising storm inside of me. “You aren’t the Savior, Ruby. You know that. You always told me it wasn’t your power, it was God’s. I know it doesn’t make any sense, and you want to blame yourself, but you didn’t fail Joseph. You did everything you could. It’s going to be all right, baby. You’ll see. It’s all right. We’re still here, and God’s watching over us. Don’t lose hope.”

  But I had. I was all out of faith, all out of energy, all out of hope. What more was there to hope for? Death?

  Matthew

  April 1, 1942

  I stayed at the hospital well into the next day helping to put things in order, along with many other volunteers from Cabcaben and neighboring camps. The worst part was gathering the dead bodies, many of them in pieces. Henry actually had to climb a tree to retrieve a corpse. It was the stuff of nightmares.

  Ruby went about helping the wounded in a daze. I worried about her state of mind, and I prayed for her every chance I got. She seemed lower than I’d ever seen her, even more so than when she was sentenced to execution. It was as if something inside her had broken. I had to find a way to get her off that island and away from all this. But the chances were growing slimmer every day.

  Just two days before, Henry and I had climbed a ridge not far from Cabcaben and watched as Japanese planes bombarded Corregidor. My hopes had fallen as I realized there was no way we’d survive a boat ride ac
ross the bay. Henry still thought a night crossing was possible, but my faith was stalling. Seeing Ruby in such a state made me realize that I’d have to be strong for both of us somehow. I prayed for God to strengthen my faith, ’cause things were looking bleak.

  The next day, I held onto Ruby a little longer than usual when I said goodbye. Seemed we both had dispensed of trying to hide our relationship, even from Natalie. What did it matter at that point? I kissed her goodbye and told her to keep her chin up.

  She lifted her face to mine without even attempting to smile. “Please be careful. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I said. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. If they evacuate the nurses to Corregidor, don’t worry about getting word to me. Just go. Understand?”

  She nodded and closed her eyes, but not before a tear slipped by. “I don’t want you to go. I know you have to. But I don’t want to be away from you anymore.”

  I pulled her into my chest again. “Don’t lose faith. God is with us. It may be hard to feel His presence right now, but He’s here. He’s guarding our souls. Remember what Paul said to the Romans? ‘Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?…In all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height nor depth nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God.’”

  The words of the Bible flowed out of me as if someone else were saying them. I took comfort in their message of hope, and I prayed Ruby did as well. I squeezed her one final time, and kissed her goodbye. She did her best to hold back her tears, but I could see she was struggling.