“I know.”
“I like kissing you too much.”
“I like kissing you, too. Too much. And I don’t like it one bit. It’s not smart and it’s only going to cause trouble.”
“Agreed. I’m going to have to work on self-control.”
“You let me know how that works out,” she said.
He smiled at her as he let her go. “So far it’s not working at all.”
“We’ll keep trying.” And somehow she managed to walk away on legs that shook. Somehow she kept going and didn’t look back.
Until she did.
He was still looking at her. Her body turned to flame. It was going to be a very hot afternoon, she thought as she attempted to get back to whatever it was she really needed to do on the ranch.
What did she need to do, anyway?
Kiss Dillon, her misbehaving brain told her.
Two days had passed. Toby was fretting because he’d been awakened unexpectedly from his nap when a branch had fallen on the roof. Dillon felt like fretting, too, but it had nothing to do with the branch. He was still brooding over that kissing conversation he’d had with Colleen. The self-control plan was not working real well.
But that wasn’t his son’s problem. “It’s tough waking up from a nap, isn’t it, buddy?” he asked, cuddling his son. “It’s tough when you want something you can’t have, too, isn’t it?” He moved away from the table they were sitting next to so that Toby couldn’t reach the sugar bowl he’d been trying to touch. “Like Colleen. We both like her, don’t we?”
Toby gurgled.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
His son let out a crowing sound.
“Okay, a really big yes. But neither of us can have her. She’s got this ranch and…heck, she needs this ranch and everything that goes with it. She’s got plans. Big plans, ones that don’t involve men. Plans that involve staying here and running a ranch with her friends and setting up that camp to teach needy city girls how to ride and ranch. Can’t do that in Chicago. Besides, she likes us well enough now, but she likes us partly because we’re temporary, you know. She doesn’t want to get tied to a man and, well, heck, you and I have plans, too. We’ve got things we need to do and all of those require being in Chicago. So, we’re just going to have to get used to doing without her even if she’s helping us a lot, you know?”
He cuddled Toby to him and dropped a kiss on the top of his head. And one of his son’s little hands latched on to his shirt. Something about that just choked Dillon up. That trust. Those tiny fingers. He wanted…he wanted to call Colleen inside and show her, to tell her how it made him feel. But it was probably best to keep his distance from Colleen for a while. Kissing her was getting to be a habit, and the truth was that he wanted to do a lot more than kiss her.
That could only complicate things for both of them, and when he left here he didn’t want him and his son to be something she would regret.
“It’s just you and me, Toby,” he said. But just then Toby bucked a bit and kicked his toe into the table. He let out a howl and then a sob that turned into more heartbreaking sobs. His little body shook. He was inconsolable and so was Dillon.
Looking at the little red dent on his baby’s leg, he wanted to swear. He had let his son get hurt. Surely Colleen wouldn’t have done that. Of course she wouldn’t have.
Toby was snuffling and crying, and Dillon got to his feet. He walked out the door with Toby’s little body cuddled up against him.
The movement seemed to do the trick, and Toby’s cries died down to whimpers.
“Dillon, is everything all right?”
Dillon looked up and found himself standing just outside the corral where Colleen was mounted on a frisky palomino. She looked beautiful up there. She looked right.
“Darn it, I let him get hurt. He kicked into the table and now he has a red mark.”
Dillon slid his palm under Toby’s leg and showed Colleen.
Immediately the worried look in those big brown eyes disappeared and she smiled. “I can almost see it,” she said.
From her attitude, Dillon knew that he had overreacted. “Toby, she’s making light of our situation. Two clueless guys in obvious need of direction. We’re new at this. Doesn’t she know that?” he asked, whispering the words against the top of Toby’s head, loud enough for Colleen to hear.
Of course, she did know. “Looks like you need Dr. Colleen to look at that wound,” she teased. “Just let me take Suzie’s saddle off and go wash up.”
By now Toby wasn’t crying at all and Dillon wasn’t worried anymore, but he had come to a decision within the past hour. He needed to talk to Colleen about it.
So, when she came back out, he smiled at her. “Let’s walk.”
She gave him a questioning look. “You look serious. I’m sure Toby is fine. Babies get little bumps and bruises all the time. You can’t blame yourself.”
“I don’t take my responsibilities lightly, so yes, I can, but Toby’s leg isn’t what I want to talk about. It’s a gorgeous day. Show me what I haven’t seen.”
To her credit, Colleen didn’t mention his leg. Good. He hadn’t been using his cane around the house much lately and he had decided to stop using it altogether, because holding a cane and a baby was just not practical. Still, it was probably going to give him trouble or at least ache for a good long time. Too bad. He had no intention of letting that stop him. Especially not now. Just when he was trying to prove that he was the perfect person to keep Toby full-time was no time to appear weak.
Colleen merely gave a curt nod and fell into step beside him, not saying anything. They passed another one of those wild and beautiful glass-and-metal sculptures similar to the one Dillon had seen in the orchard that day. “You’re talented,” he said. “I know people in Chicago who would pay a lot of money for something like that. How long have you been an artist?”
She looked a bit self-conscious when he glanced at her. “I’m not exactly an artist. I’m a reactionary. I started working with glass back when my stepfather and stepbrother were here. They liked to shoot guns when they were drunk, and they preferred shooting things that were made of glass. It didn’t matter if it was expensive or pretty or meaningful. Just as long as it shattered in a satisfying way. I hated that. Not the shooting so much, but the indiscriminate drunkenness of it all. They tended to be that way about everything, and of course, they never cleaned up the glass, so if someone didn’t do it, I had to. We had more animals then, and I didn’t want them to get hurt. So, to funnel my anger and frustration, I started making things out of the glass. After a while it became a hobby and even after they were gone, I kept it up. Nowadays, I get the satisfaction of breaking the glass myself, so when I’m angry or frustrated, I tend to disappear into my workshop,” she said, waving toward a small building.
It wasn’t exactly the most perfect building Dillon had ever seen, and Colleen seemed to know what he was thinking.
“I know what it looks like,” she said, “but this is one building I don’t want you to touch. If it were dangerous, I would have got it fixed, but as it is, I like the slightly misshapen structure. It’s unpolished and a bit rough.”
“I know you well enough by now to realize that that’s how you think of yourself. You identify with it.”
She hesitated. “I’ve bonded with it, yes. It has significance to me. It reminds me that I fit here, that I’m a part of all this, rooted here, and that I can never stop trying to make things better. I owe it to the women who live and work here and the ones who will visit one day and hopefully take something meaningful and empowering away if I ever get the camp going. And if any of those girls end up needing an escape hatch, this place needs to be there for them. A rock, a safe place.”
More than ever, Dillon understood the significance of this ranch she thought of as her sanctuary. She had to be here to take in lost lambs, those who had been mistreated.
“Toby and I are going to have to leave soon,” he said suddenly. “We
can’t stay much longer.”
Colleen stumbled and Dillon reached out one hand to catch her, but she shook her head and quickly righted herself. “Of course. Lisa has called too many times. There’s something going on. You’ll want to have all your chessmen in position should she decide to challenge your rights as a father.”
And he also wanted to make sure that he got out before Colleen started meaning too much to him.
“That’s about the gist of it,” he said. “I’ve got the Realtor looking for the house. As soon as she finds one that fits, I want to furnish it, find someone to help me take care of Toby while I’m working and then I want to firmly establish the two of us in that stronghold. There can’t be any question that I’m putting his welfare first or that I know what I’m doing.”
She stopped. They had made it to the creek, upstream from where the fisherman were, but Dillon could hear them in the distance. “I can’t imagine that anyone who knew you would question your dedication to him. Just…Dillon, look at the two of you,” she said, biting her lip. When she looked up into his eyes, her own were misting up.
“You’ve done this for us,” he said.
“No.” She shook her head. “No one knows better than me that fathers have to actually want to be fathers in order for things to work out. This is all you.”
Anger that she should have been denied what should have been rightfully hers, that any man should fail to see her value, surged through Dillon, but he could see that she was vulnerable right now. And she was a woman who wanted to be and needed to be strong. She was strong, and she wouldn’t want him to point out her moment of vulnerability any more than he liked having his weak leg pointed out.
Moreover, he was beginning to think that it would hurt her as much as it would hurt him if he didn’t get to have Toby full-time. She’d dedicated herself to helping him. He couldn’t let her or Toby or himself down.
“Before I leave, I want you to drill me, to teach me, to quiz me, so that I know at least some of what I should do in any given situation. Most people learn as they go, but with Lisa possibly plotting something, I don’t feel I have that luxury.”
“We’ll burn the midnight oil,” she promised. “We’ll search the Internet and read all the books. We’ll role-play. I promise we’ll do all we can. We…all of us care. About Toby.”
He stared into her eyes, and he burned to touch her.
Then he was touching her, but gently this time, pulling her close enough so that Toby was snuggled high up on his shoulder, his little hands touching both of them, connecting them. “I know you care,” he said. “We’re never going to forget what you’ve done for us, you know.”
For long seconds they just stayed that way, together. Almost like a family, but…not. Then Dillon felt her take a deep breath. She straightened. “We’d better get started. I’m going to tell you everything I’ve noticed about Toby that you may not have absorbed yet. Lisa will have the mantle of motherhood to bruit about, but you’ll have the details of who your son actually is.”
The fact that she’d thought of that, the fact that she knew those details and that she was willing to help him in this way…Dillon’s chest hurt.
That couldn’t matter. “Let’s do it,” he said. “If what my Realtor tells me is true, we might not have much more than a week, because as soon as the right place comes up, we’re there. It won’t be quite the three weeks I told you, but—”
“I know,” she said. “You have to do it. You have to go.”
CHAPTER NINE
IN FACT, Dillon had less than a week remaining. The next morning began with a gloomy sky and even gloomier news that one of his company’s projects was in trouble, but his project manager had to leave town next week to tend to important family business. Dillon’s presence was needed as soon as possible. He had spent the evening studying all the notes Colleen had given him and as many of the books and articles as they could lay their hands on. He could probably recite information that many pediatricians didn’t know, he had the number of the Illinois Poison Center memorized in case of an emergency and he knew all the best medical Web sites and parenting resources.
But this morning, because of Farraday Engineering’s problems, he’d been holed up with a telephone and computer and he hadn’t had nearly enough sleep. So, Colleen was totally shocked when he came out of the room with a big grin on his face.
“I have something to show you.”
She opened her mouth. “Tell me.”
He shook his head. “No. It’s a surprise, so you have to see.”
“I’ve never been very big on surprises,” she told him. Most of her experience with them had been bad. Her father’s reckless decision to ride a bull when he had no experience of such things. His death. Her mother bringing home a new husband and son.
“It’s not something bad,” he promised. “Not a bug or a snake.”
“I’m not afraid of bugs and snakes,” she told him.
“Liar. At least about the snakes. I saw you when we were watching that nature show on television the other day. You were practically curling up in your chair when that diamondback came on the screen. You don’t always have to be tough about everything, Colleen.”
“Easy for you to say. They don’t have snakes in Chicago. At least not the dangerous kind.”
He lifted a brow. “Sure they do. Worse than diamondbacks, too, since they’re the human kind. They’re more devious.”
She gave him a crooked smile. “All right, show me,” she told him.
Dillon took her hand and led her to his computer. Then he sat down and keyed in a URL. Within seconds a photo of a breathtaking house came on the screen. “It has everything all of you suggested would be necessary and then some,” he said, giving her a virtual tour of the house.
“It’s…a bit like a dream house,” she said, staring at the big white stone building. “Like one of those places on cable television where the rich and famous live.” It occurred to Colleen that Dillon actually might well be one of the rich and famous. At least in some circles.
“You could fit another small house inside each of the closets,” Colleen said. “And all the windows and skylights make it seem so bright and inviting, but the yard and that huge porch are the best parts, I think.”
“I’m glad you think so. I was thinking it would be a great place for a birthday party for Toby when that day comes.”
“He’ll be a star with all of your friends.” Which only reminded Colleen of just how far apart their worlds were. Of course, Dillon would have lots of friends in Chicago. Women friends. Ones who were going to adore Toby and desire Dillon.
“So, you’re buying it,” she said, cutting off the sadness that was stealing over her. “That’s so wonderful. You’re on your way.” Even though pain was rushing through her at the thought that he would, inevitably, be leaving soon.
He stared at her, long and hard. “Thank you,” he said. “My thanks to you and the other women, too. All of you knew what I needed when I didn’t, and I’m grateful.”
Over the course of the next few hours, everyone got a taste of just how grateful Dillon was. While he went on an errand and took Toby with him, a delivery truck arrived. Inside were flowers and seeds and bedding plants for Gretchen, a selection of the latest princess-style romance movies for Julie and a whole assortment of gourmet cookbooks for Millie’s kitchen.
“That man remembered all the things we said when we were planning his house,” Millie said. “Can you believe that?”
Gretchen turned her delighted eyes from the flowers to Colleen. “But what about Colleen?” she asked.
Colleen shrugged. She was so touched that Dillon had gone out of his way for her friends who had so little. And she was sure that Dillon was trying just as hard as she was to put some distance between them.
“I only told him to make the house safe. And he’s already making my house safe,” she reminded them.
It was true. Dillon had put in long hours. After the porch was finished, h
e had moved on to repair cracks in the walls, checked the electrical and heating systems and fixed what he felt were a few inadequacies. He’d made some changes at the bunkhouse and done some roof repairs on both buildings, driving himself relentlessly whenever he had the time.
“What more could a girl ask for?” she asked her friends.
“Good point,” Julie said. “It’s not every guy who’ll climb up on a second-story roof for a woman. He must really like you.”
“I…that wasn’t what I meant at all,” Colleen said, feeling her face grow warm.
“What did you mean?” A low, masculine voice sounded outside the open window and all the women jumped. Julie squealed.
“Were you eavesdropping on us?” Colleen demanded as Dillon came through the door.
“Absolutely,” he said with a grin, catching her off guard.
Her eyes widened. “Aren’t you the honest one?” she asked.
“Actually, I wasn’t really eavesdropping,” Dillon confessed. “Toby and I just got here. We were out on an important mission, weren’t we, slugger?”
Toby stared up at his dad, his eyes wide. It was obvious that he was fascinated with Dillon. And why not? Colleen thought. All the rest of us are fascinated. She did her best not to ask what his mission had been. If he had wanted her to know, he would have said so.
“What mission?” Gretchen asked.
Colleen gave her employee and friend a “shush” look.
“I’m glad you asked,” Dillon said. He pulled a bag from behind his back. “Because I really could use some feminine advice. There’s this woman I want to take to dinner to show her my appreciation for all she’s done for me, but I have it on good authority from Nate, the man who apparently runs the only department store within thirty miles, that there aren’t any hot restaurants in town.”
Millie snorted. “There are only two restaurants in town and only one of them has edible food.”
Rodeo Bride Page 10
