by Rachel Hanna
"How did you know?"
"Because he once dated a friend of mine. Caleb Green?"
Frank smiled. "Oh, yes, hunky Caleb Green. Firefighter. Hot." Kyle laughed.
"Yes, he's a firefighter. Hot? I wouldn't know," he said.
"I'm so embarrassed," Jenna said putting her hand over her face. "Frank, can you leave us now?" she asked. He nodded and gave her a quick hug before bolting out the front door.
"Jenna?" Kyle said ducking down and trying to see her face.
"I can't look at you," she said.
Kyle pried her hands away from her face and pushed her chin up with his fingers. "Look at me."
Slowly, she raised her eyes to meet his. His insides tightened up every time he looked into her big green eyes.
"Jenna, what were you trying to accomplish by going out with a gay guy exactly?"
"Do we have to talk about this?" she begged.
"Yes, we do."
"Fine. I wanted to make you jealous. I wanted you to seethe with jealousy until you couldn't stand it. I wanted you to forgive me and let me back into your heart!" she said throwing her hands in the air.
"I forgave you a long time ago, and you've always been my heart."
"Kyle, when you say stuff like that it makes my heart hurt. I feel like you're right here in front of me, yet you're a million miles away. I can't just pretend I don't love you. I thought living here would be easy, but it's only been a couple of days and I can't stand it anymore," she said walking into the living room and plopping down on the sofa.
"I know. It's been a lot harder for me too. Maybe we need to take a break from talking about this for a little bit. There's something I need to do. Why don't you go take a long, hot bath or go sit down by the beach for awhile. Calm down from Nick's visit."
"You want me to leave you alone for awhile?" she asked confused.
"Yes. I need a little space for a few minutes. Maybe half an hour. Can you give me that?" he asked. She nodded slowly and walked out the back door and down to the beach.
***
What was he thinking right now? He'd sent her away after she'd just admitted how much she still loved him. Maybe he was looking for a nice way to let her down easy. Maybe he was calling a hotel for her to stay in. Relaxing on the beach didn't work when she couldn't relax.
She watched the waves rolling in and out and tried to slow her breathing down. She had always been far too spastic to meditate, but she wished that she could.
"Jenna!" Kyle's voice called from behind her. He was up on the deck waving her back to the house. It had only been twenty minutes, but maybe he wanted to get this ugliness over with.
She walked hesitantly up the stairs praying for a miracle. Maybe he had called Pastor Henry and wanted to marry her on the spot. Yeah, in her dreams.
"Everything okay?" she asked when she saw him standing in the living room with a big grin on his face. Certainly not the reception she expected.
"We'll see what you think in a minute," he said as he pointed at the stairs and ushered her to follow him up.
Chapter 11
As she followed him up the stairs, she worried what he had up his sleeve. He seemed awfully happy for someone who might be throwing her out of the house at any moment.
"Okay, close your eyes," Kyle said as he grabbed her arm to lead her where he wanted her to go. Jenna closed her eyes and allowed him to guide her around the corner into the room he used for his home office. "Open your eyes."
As she opened her eyes, she was completely stunned. Gone were his desk and computer, and in their places were an easel, paints, blank canvases and other art supplies. The drapes were open overlooking the ocean, and there was a brand new coffee maker on the dresser.
"What is this?" she said softly with her hand over her heart.
"It's your art studio," he said with a soft smile that she wanted to kiss. Jenna walked around, lightly touching everything he'd bought for her.
"I don't understand. Why did you do this for me, Kyle?" she asked turning around and looking at him.
"Because you need this, Jenna. Do you know the most painful part of seeing you again? It was seeing that the old Jenna was missing. Your very soul depends on your love of painting, and someone took that away from you along the way. I just wanted to give it back because I want Kaitlyn to know who her real mother is."
She could hardly breathe as she listened to his words. A stray tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away.
"I hope this is okay with you..." he said as if he was worried he'd upset her.
"Oh, Kyle, of course it's okay with me. It's more that okay. No one else on Earth would have done this for me but you. It's like you've always been able to see straight into my very soul, and I wish to God I could explain how much I wish I could go back and change things..."
"This isn't about that, Jenna. This is just about me wanting to see the old Jenna again. Maybe it's a little selfish, but I miss her. I used to love to see that light in your eyes when you had finished a painting. In fact, stay here for a second," he said as he walked out of the room.
Jenna walked to the easel and ran her fingers across the blank canvas he had placed there. She always looked at those blank canvases as dreams waiting to happen. She wanted to paint something on it that would give hope and inspiration to the person who owned it.
"Look," Kyle said from behind her. She turned around to see a painting she had completed in her senior year of high school. It was an ocean scene and featured their rock in the middle.
"You kept it..." she said walking over and touching it.
"It's one of my most prized possessions, of course I kept it."
"Even after what I did to you?" she asked, looking amazed.
"Jenna, I was never really angry with you. I was hurt, disappointed, devastated..."
"Okay, okay. I already feel bad enough!" she said, jokingly punching him in the arm. "What about your office? Your business is way more important than my hobby."
"I have a laptop I work from most of the time. I can set up on the deck or my bedroom. And painting isn't your hobby, Jenna. You and I both know that."
"I don't know how I will ever thank you, Kyle. It's hard to believe how incredibly hopeless I was just a short time ago, and you've helped me turn everything around. Thank you so much," she said as she reached around his chest and hugged him tightly. He hesitated for a second, but eventually wrapped his arms around her and pressed his mouth against the top of her head. "I know this can't ever happen between us, Kyle, but please know how much I regret my choice. Kaitlyn should have been your daughter, and we should've been a family." She felt him start to tense up, so she eased out of the embrace.
"Are you excited about starting your new job on Monday?" he asked as he backed away from her.
"Oh, of course. I love your mother."
"She's pretty excited to have you there."
"Good."
The uneasiness in the room was apparent, and Jenna knew she had to start talking about Nick.
"I'm sorry Nick showed up here," she said as she sat down on the floor. He followed her lead and sat across from her.
"He's an ass." Typical Kyle - getting right to the point.
"Yes, he is."
"What did you ever see in that jerk?"
"Well, at first he was a nice guy. He helped me find my way around college, he was polite, he complimented me. Then, once I broke things off with you, he started to change a bit. By the time we were married, I'd already realized the huge mistake I had made but I couldn't face it. I just couldn't."
"Did he ever abuse you?" Kyle asked with a steely glaze in his eyes.
"Kyle, I don't want to talk about this..." she said putting her face in her hands.
"Oh, my God. He hit you?"
"A few times, yes."
Kyle stood up and started pacing the room. He was running his fingers through his hair and breathing in and out deeply.
"Jenna, why didn't you get help?" he finally asked
.
"Because it wasn't everyday, and he had this amazing way of making me think it was my fault. I did tell my mother once."
"And what did she say?" Kyle asked already knowing the answer.
"She said that Nick was going to be a rich doctor one day and that if I held on long enough, at least I could get a lot of alimony when we divorced."
Kyle fumed. "I'm so sorry, Jenna. I cannot believe your mother."
"Yeah, me either. But I could have left, and I didn't. And then I did some things that made Nick into even more of a monster."
"What things?"
"I can't really talk about it, but let's just say that Nick believes I caused him to cheat."
"That makes no sense, Jenna," he said.
"I can't tell you, Kyle. It's just too embarrassing. And you'll think I am a horrible, disloyal person. You already think you can't trust me, and this won't help matters any."
"Jenna, you should know by now that you can tell me anything."
"Not this, Kyle. I just can't," she said as she stood up and walked to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
***
As Kyle drove his car toward Jenna's old house, he thought about everything she'd said and everything Nick had said too. It was all so confusing. What was it that Jenna had done that made her think the divorce was her fault? It just didn't make sense, and why couldn't she tell him?
He pulled into the driveway just as evening fell, so he took some time to sit on the front porch and watch the sun turn to shades of pink over the ocean. He needed to check a few things in the house, but mostly he needed some time away from Jenna.
"Can I help you?" a woman said as she crossed from her yard to his.
"I own this house," he said a little too sharply. She stopped in her tracks and then smirked a bit more than he would've liked.
"Kyle Parker, I assume?"
"Oh, you must be Jenna's friend. Rebecca, right?"
"That's me."
"How are Lila and Kaitlyn doing?" he asked with a smile.
"Fine."
"I'm sorry, did I do something to irritate you?" he asked furrowing his eyebrows.
"As a matter of fact, yes you did. You hurt my best friend, and I don't take too kindly to that."
"Jenna?"
"Of course. Wow, you are a perceptive one, aren't you?"
"And you're a spitfire, aren't you?"
"I take that as a compliment," she said as she pulled a dead rose bud off Jenna's bush.
"Okay, so what did I do that was so terrible? Foreclose? Because I had no idea this was Jenna's house." He walked closer to her and crossed his arms.
"No, that's old news. I'm talking about the fact that she has ached for you for so long, and you move her in and then tell her there is no chance for you two. That sounds pretty mean to me," she said crossing her arms to match his.
"Seriously? You just met me. You weren't even around when we dated. You have no idea..."
"Trust me, I know a lot more than you think. Probably more than you even know." It suddenly dawned on him that she knew the secret. Jenna had told her, but why not him?
"Mind if I come in for a bit?" he asked pointing at her house instead of his.
"You want to come in my house?" she asked cocking her head.
"Yeah. Just for a minute. I need to ask you something."
"Ask me on my porch," she said pointedly as she turned and walked toward her house.
"Very neighborly of you," he said chuckling to himself.
As they crossed the yard, he could see Lila and Kaitlyn playing on the swing in the backyard. He was careful not to let them see him since he wanted this conversation to be uninterrupted.
"Before you start asking me questions, I'd like to ask you one. And please note that my BS detector has a low threshold for crap. So don't play with me, okay?"
"You're kind of scary," he said sitting back in a chair.
"Glad you think so. Anyway, please listen to my question and answer honestly. I promise it won't go further than this porch."
"Okay..."
"Do you still love Jenna?" she asked staring into his eyes.
"With every part of my heart." Rebecca's mouth hung open. She apparently wasn't expecting that answer.
"Then why? Why not return her love and live happily ever after?" she asked throwing her hands up.
"It's complicated."
"No it's not."
"You're a bossy one, Rebecca."
"Don't change the subject. Why can't you give your relationship another chance if you love her like that? Do you know how hard it is to find that kind of love?"
"I do. I've been trying for over a decade."
"Then what is holding you back?"
"Did Jenna tell you about our breakup?"
"Yes. I've heard all about it. How she saw you standing there and watched as you got smaller in the rearview mirror and how she felt so bad and guilty..."
"Right. Well, from my perspective, she drove right out of my life for another man. That means she didn't love me as much as she loved him, and I can't trust that she wouldn't do that again at some point."
"That was so long ago..."
"It still hurts, Rebecca. You have no idea how close Jenna and I were. It was like God made us exactly for each other. When she left me for that jackass, I was wrecked for a long time. I can't do it again."
"Wow, I can't believe I'm about to do this."
"Do what?" he asked.
"Listen, Kyle, I am a good friend to Jenna. I've held her confidences for so long, but sometimes you have to have priorities. And I would rather see her deliriously happy and have her mad at me than take a chance that you two won't end up together."
"You know the secret?"
"You know there's a secret?" she asked.
"I know Nick showed up at my house this morning spouting off a bunch of crap about how she ruined their marriage."
"Oh, God. Is she okay?"
"Yeah. She's okay. She was very shaken up."
"He's an abusive creep, Kyle. He has to stay away from her, you hear me?"
"Don't worry. He won't get past me ever again."
"I believe you. I don't know why, but I do. Okay, so there is a secret that Jenna won't tell you about her marriage, and I'm going to because I love her. I want her to get everything she's ever wanted, and that happens to be all wrapped up in this package you call Kyle," she said as she waved her hand in front of him.
"I'm dying here. Please give me the scoop."
"Alright. Where do I begin? When Jenna married Nick, she did it to appease her mother and father. You know that. Then Nick started getting abusive, and she tried to get out but he threatened her several times."
"Bastard," Kyle muttered under his breath.
"Agreed. Anyway, she tried to stick it out because she was getting a lot of pressure from her mother. Just as she was about to leave him anyway, she found out she was pregnant with Kaitlyn. She couldn't do it, Kyle," she said shaking her head.
"I get all that, but why is it a secret?"
"It's not. I'm getting to that. When they moved to this house, Nick was packing up boxes and he found one that he never expected. You see, Jenna never got over you Kyle. She never stopped wanting you."
"What was in the box, Rebecca?" he asked growing impatient.
"Dozens of letters that she'd written to you over the years starting with the night before her wedding. She never mailed any of the letters because she thought you hated her, but she kept each one to remind herself of you. Every letter talked about how she still loved you and not him and how she wished that she could find her way back to you. She knew she'd made a mistake, and those letters were just her catharsis. They were the therapy she couldn't get without Nick finding out. They were her only connection to you."
"Oh, my God..." he said softly.
"Then, the letters weren't enough anymore. She found out that you were working for your mother in January Cove, so she started driving through town occasion
ally. She'd spot you standing in the parking lot of the real estate office or down at the beach, and she'd sit in her car and cry. I even went with her once when Kaitlyn was a baby. Nick thought we were going shopping. I remember she picked up a newspaper in January Cove when you made Agent of the Year. She cut out that picture and it was in her box too. She kept the box hidden behind her shoes in the top of her closet, and Nick never would've found it except Kaitlyn got sick the morning of the move and Jenna was preoccupied with her."
