by Rachel Hanna
Kyle stood and ran his fingers through his hair as he stared out at the ocean. Rebecca stood up and touched his arm.
"Look, Kyle, I know this is hard to hear all at once, but Jenna never stopped loving you or wanting you. She knows it was wrong to love another man while she was married, but Nick kept threatening her if she left. Of course, once he found the box, he made her life miserable. He started cheating, abused her more and started drinking on top of everything else. Finally, he left her penniless and a single mother. Trust me, Kaitlyn is better off without him as her father, and it is for Kaitlyn that I tell you all of this. Jenna has told me how much she wishes Kaitlyn was your daughter."
"I do too," he admitted. "I feel like I've always been her Daddy."
"Then fix this, Kyle. It's in your hands. I believe there is always a moment in time where everything that has gone wrong can be made right. This is that time."
Rebecca's words ricocheted around in his brain like a stray bullet. She was right. Jenna had never really left him. She'd continued to love him like he'd loved her.
"Where are the letters?" he asked.
"She asked me to hide them here so you'd never find them. She was afraid that you'd think lesser of her for longing for you even after she was married. Didn't make sense to me, but she was adamant."
"Can I have them?"
"Kyle, I don't know... Jenna's already going to be mad at me..."
"No, she won't. I promise. I just need to hold them in my hands and see them for myself. Please."
Rebecca stood there for a moment trying to make a decision. Finally, she sighed and pointed for him to go into the house. As he waited in the foyer, she went upstairs into the attic. Just then, Kaitlyn and Lila came running through the house.
"Kyle!" Kaitlyn yelled as she ran into his arms.
"Hey, sweetheart," he said picking her up. "Having fun?"
"Yes, tons of fun! But I am ready to fly our kite!"
"Tomorrow, I promise, okay?" he said smiling. Rebecca walked back down the stairs and stopped to take in the scene.
"Okay! See ya tomorrow!" she said as she skipped back out of the room with Lila.
Rebecca held out the brown cardboard box, and Kyle took it carefully.
"Thanks."
"Please don't hurt her, Kyle. Her heart is so fragile," Rebecca said in a serious tone.
"I know. I won't hurt her."
Rebecca rubbed his arm, smiled and walked out of the room. Kyle carried the box to his car and prepared to step back in time.
***
Jenna sat on her bed looking out over the ocean and wondering how life went on when hers was in such turmoil. She loved him so much, yet it could never be. Her mind and her heart couldn't process that information.
When he'd left earlier, she knew it was because of her and that stupid secret she was keeping. She'd toyed with the idea of telling him, but what kind of woman would he think she was with that information? She was trying to prove her honesty and loyalty, and that story certainly wouldn't do it. She'd been emotionally unfaithful to her husband almost since day one, so didn't she deserve his adultery? Not the physical abuse, but she felt sure she deserved his cheating. He'd told her so many times.
Suddenly, she got a text from Rebecca. It simply said "Don't hate me". What on Earth did that mean? Rebecca wouldn't answer, and Jenna had an uneasy feeling.
***
As Kyle sat on the pier under a light, he slowly opened the box. What he found shocked him. His football jersey, the ticket stub to their first movie date together, the small teddy bear he'd won at the fair for her. Then he saw the picture of himself from the newspaper and a stack of letters. There must have been at least fifty of them. He rubbed his fingers over the rubber band holding them together. Reading them would be the be one of the hardest things he'd ever done.
My dearest Kyle,
Today, I watched as you got smaller and smaller in my rearview mirror, and I wondered what in the world I was doing. I pray that you know how much I love you still. I guess you can call me a weak woman because I can't seem to go against my parents' wishes. I know that I will spend the rest of my life regretting choosing a man I don't love as much as I love you. Just please try to understand how sorry I am.
Love you forever,
Jenna
Kyle took a moment to catch his breath. It was so hard to look back now and comprehend just what a hold Jenna's parents had on her at the time. He opened another letter and then another. He read each one while holding his breath as it became more and more apparent that Jenna was abused by her husband such that she couldn't have left if she'd wanted to.
My dearest Kyle,
I wonder what you're doing right this very minute. I pray for your safety and happiness every night as I am going to sleep. I wonder if you have a special woman in your life who is holding you as she sleeps. While I want the best for you, it feels like someone is drilling through my heart to think of another woman enjoying what should be mine. I made a stupid mistake, Kyle, and I pay for it daily. But now I am a mommy to a beautiful one year old daughter, and my options in life are limited. I can't leave, but I can't stay. I don't know what to do anymore.
I love you,
Jenna
He could feel the torture in her soul as he read each letter and got a peek into what Jenna's life had been for all those years. One choice had taken her down a path that was never meant to be hers. She was supposed to have the best. He was supposed to have given it to her.
The final letter was written a little over a year ago.
My dearest Kyle,
This will be my final letter to you because I can't do it anymore. Every time I write to you, my heart aches and my eyes swell with tears. My four year old caught me crying yesterday, and that is too hard to explain. I won't damage my daughter because of my silly mistakes. I hope that you are happy, Kyle. I miss you every day of my life, and I can only hope that you will one day forgive me for leaving you. Every ounce of me wants to load my baby into the car and find you, but I know that you would never accept me back into your life. And I don't blame you. This life I'm living with a man I don't love is the punishment I deserve for throwing you away like trash. I'm so incredibly sorry.
I will love you forever,
Jenna
His heart broke for her. He threw everything back in the box and ran for his car. She didn't need to suffer one moment longer.
Chapter 12
Kyle couldn't get back to the house fast enough. He was pretty sure he ran at least one red light, but January Cove was slow-paced enough that it didn't matter much.
He pulled into the driveway and ran inside the house. "Jenna?" he called out to her as he walked up the stairs, but she wasn't there. For a moment, he feared that she'd left him after their conversation earlier, but then he heard the ocean. That had to mean a door or window was open somewhere in the house.
He ran back downstairs to see the back door open and blowing in the sea breeze. It was dark outside with only the moon glimmering off the waves. He tried to see, but he couldn't make out anything on the beach. She wasn't on the deck, so he kicked off his shoes and began walking toward the water.
"Jenna?" he called as he walked, and then he saw her. She was sitting up on their rock staring out at the waves as they crashed to shore. "Hey. Are you okay?" he asked softly as he walked up beside her. There was enough moonlight to tell that she'd been crying, and she held a glass of wine in her hand.
"I guess so," she said quietly without looking at him.
"Mind if I come up?" he asked. She nodded, still without making eye contact, and he climbed up on the rock beside her. It reminded him of all those times they'd sat on that rock, sometimes kissing for hours as they watched the waves come in and out. "We need to talk."
"First, I need to talk," she said stoically.
"Okay..."
"Kaitlyn and I are moving out."
"What?" he asked feeling like someone had punched him in the gut.
&nb
sp; "It's for the best, Kyle. I can't do this. I thought I could, but maybe I was just holding onto the hope that we still had something. I can't put myself through torture every day. I did that during my marriage, for a different reason of course, but I swore I'd never live in a situation where I was miserable. And I am miserable when I look at you. Everything in me says to hug you and kiss you and cuddle up next to you in bed at night, but I can't. I'll never have that chance again. I can't stay here, and I certainly cannot let my daughter get attached to a man that won't be in her life that long. I mean, how long will it be before some woman finally catches the elusive Kyle Parker?" she said with a bit of a slur to her words. How much wine had she consumed, he wondered.
"Jenna, you don't understand..."
"Yes I do understand. I hurt you, now you hurt me. That's how life works."
"You know that isn't true with us, Jenna. I would never hurt you for revenge or anything else."
"You don't know the things I've done. If you did, you wouldn't trust me either. I deserved Nick's cheating. Not the physical hitting, but I deserved the cheating."
"No you didn't, Jenna! Stop saying crap like that. How many glasses of this have you had?" he asked as he took the half empty glass from her hands.
"I stopped counting..." she said with a drunken giggle. At that moment, Kyle realized he couldn't tell her what he'd read yet. She was far too tipsy to understand, and he wanted her to be fully present when he told her.
"Come on, Jenna. Let's go back to the house," he said as he attempted to get her up.
"No."
"No?" Her argumentative side was coming back out. He remembered it well. He jumped down off the rock and looked up at her.
"No."
"Look, Jenna, you're too tipsy to be out here alone. Now, come on."
"I said no. For goodness sakes, I'm a grown woman!" she shrieked loud enough that he was sure the neighbors could hear.
"That's it. I've had enough of this," he said as he grabbed her around the waist and threw her over his shoulder. As anticipated, she started kicking her legs and flailing her arms, hitting him squarely in the back between his shoulder blades. The more pain she inflicted, the faster he walked, trying desperately to get her into the house before someone called 911 and accused him of abusing or abducting a woman.
When he finally reached the back door, he tossed her on the sofa and went back to lock the door.
"You can be such a jerk!" she yelled as she stood up and stomped her foot on the floor. He struggled not to laugh, but she had always reminded him of a three year old when she got too tipsy. It seemed to bring out the immature, flamboyant, incredibly honest side of Jenna. She was so petite that it didn't take much alcohol to do her in, and he was fairly certain she didn't drink very often given her current state.
Kyle ignored her temper tantrum and started a pot of coffee. He knew it was going to be a long night.
***
The clock said three AM. How long had she been asleep? The last thing she remembered was beating on Kyle's back as he carried her into the house, although she couldn't remember exactly why she was so mad at him. Her head was pounding. Why was she such a lightweight when it came to alcohol?
She sat up in her bed and realized she was still wearing her capri pants and t-shirt she'd worn to the beach. Why hadn't she changed into her pajamas? A wave of nausea rolled over her as she turned on the bedside lamp.
"You okay?" Kyle's said from a chair in the corner.
"Kyle! You scared the crap out of me! What are you doing over there?" she asked with her hand resting over her pounding heart.
"Care for a glass of wine?"
"Very funny. Seriously, what are you doing in here?"
"I was afraid you'd run off again, and honestly I don't think my shoulder blades can take the abuse." He stood up and walked to the bed, sitting down beside her.
"I'm sorry I hurt you. Again."
"Jenna, are you sober enough to have a very serious conversation now?"
"Is that why you were looking for me earlier? To have another serious conversation? Because I can't take it anymore, Kyle. I was serious about moving out. I do remember saying that."
"Can you just listen for a minute?" he asked. She shrugged and nodded her head as she sat back against the headboard for support. He turned and faced her. "Jenna, I know."
"Know what?"
"About the letters." She looked at him for a moment before shaking her head.
"How can you know? That's impossible... Wait... Rebecca? She told you?" Remembering the cryptic text message she'd received, Jenna finally put it together.
"Don't be mad at her..."
"I'm going to kill her!" Jenna said running her fingers through her hair. "How could she break a confidence like that?"
"Because she loves you, and she wants to see you happy."
"My God, what must you think of me now? You already thought I was disloyal when I left you for Nick..."
"Jenna, I don't think any less of you because of this. In fact, if it's even possible, I think more of you."
"You think more of me when I wasn't totally committed to my marriage?"
"You were committed, but you were always being pulled back here, to me. We had something that most people would kill for and your parents convinced you it wasn't real."
"But I should have been stronger than that, Kyle..."
"You were young, Jenna. Would you leave me now if your parents told you to?"
She thought for a moment. "Never in a million years."
"When we're young, everything our parents say is the law. Your parents were particularly critical and had raised you to think that their way was the only way."
"But surely you knew all this before, Kyle, so what has changed?"
"The letters changed everything."
"Why?" she asked pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them.
"Because, for the first time, I realized that you never really left me. Physically you were gone, but in your heart you never gave up. That means everything to me, Jenna. Everything."
"What are you saying, Kyle?" she asked softly. He could tell she was scared that he was going to yank the rug from under her yet again.
Instead of saying the words, he scooted closer and pulled her into his lap. She let out a gasp, but his mouth was covering hers so quickly that she didn't have time to speak. With one arm wrapped around her waist, he dug his fingers into her hair and pulled her closer, deepening his warm kiss.
His tongue delved into her mouth searching for the deepest connection it could find. She reached around his neck and pulled him as close as she could get him, seemingly aching for more of his touch.
Pulling back, she looked into his eyes as she stroked the side of his jaw. "Kyle, what does this mean?" she whispered with a hint of fear in her voice.
"It means that I never want to be without you again. Do you understand me, Jenna Davis? My heart can't take it. If we move forward like this, you have to promise me that it's for forever."
"I promise, Kyle. Forever," she said softly as she leaned in to kiss him again.
***
Jenna couldn't believe this was finally happening. At first, she'd wanted to kill Rebecca for divulging her secret, but that quickly faded as Kyle spoke the words she'd been longing to hear since the day she left him.
"You awake?" he asked as he stroked her temple with his finger. The sun was just starting to peek through the closed window blinds. After making love twice, the two of them were spent and fell asleep in each other's arms. Her first time with Kyle had been more than she'd even dreamed, and she couldn't imagine ever being in another man's arms again. The thought of it made her cringe.
"Yeah, I'm awake," she purred and kissed him on the chest.
"I need to tell you something," he said softly as his hand caressed her cheek.
"What?"
"I'm sorry."
"Kyle, you have nothing to be sorry for. This whole thing, all these years apart, was my fau
lt."
"Not totally."
"What are you talking about?"
"I should have fought for you, Jenna. I should have confronted Nick sooner and brought you home. I should have known that you were waiting for me..."
