Reverse Cowgirl

by Chance Carter

  “Kind of a cute place, right?” Nora mused, taking her sister by the arm.

  “Have you not been here before?” Dana asked, a note of surprise in her voice.

  “Actually, no, this is the first time. We always just stayed at my place,” Nora answered back, suddenly feeling insecure.

  Was that odd, she wondered? Dana noted the look on her face and smiled.

  “Well, we’re here now, right? That’s a good sign.”

  “Yeah, I guess it is,” Nora agreed, leading her sister up the stairs.

  Leo answered the door looking fine, the scent of his aftershave filling the space between them. He pulled Nora into his arms and gave her a kiss.

  “Hi, I’m glad you made it. This must be the sister you’ve been talking about,” he said, holding his hand out to her.

  Dana shook his hand and smirked at him.

  “I’m Dana. Don’t believe a word of what she tells you. Unless it was about how fucking awesome I am, then it’s all true,” she quipped, rolling her eyes at him playfully.

  “Only good things. She left out the part about how beautiful you are though,” he flirted, in typical Leo fashion.

  Dana giggled girlishly, succumbing to his charms.

  “I did not,” Nora chimed in, grateful that Leo seemed so at ease. “I told him well in advance and also warned him you were married.”

  “Lucky man,” Leo winked, stepping aside so the two women could enter. “Come on in, everyone is out back on the patio. I just turned on the grill.”

  “I brought wine,” Nora said, handing him the bottle as she passed him. “It’s the St. Francis Merlot we had on our first date.”

  Leo cocked his head and smiled, taking the wine from her.

  “That’s pretty thoughtful. Thank you.”

  He quickly kissed her again, then led them up the stairs to the backyard. There were three couples sitting around a long patio table, all of them looking very comfortable with one another, the way really good friends do. Nora hoped that she and Dana would be able fit into their cozy clique. As soon as they saw the women, they all stopped talking, but continued to smile. One of the men stood up and came closer.

  “Guys, this is Nora,” Leo said proudly, drawing her a little closer, “and her twin sister Dana. Ladies, this fella here is my buddy Chuck, but we call him Pitbull, and the pretty blonde at the end is his wife Leah.”

  Nora gave them a little wave, acknowledging the introduction.

  “And just beside Leah is Mandy, and that ugly mother-fucker beside her is Shrek. You can probably guess why,” Leo continued, with a spirited chuckle.

  “Otherwise known as Joe,” Shrek chortled, giving Leo the finger.

  Everyone laughed.

  “That handsome bastard with the red hair is Paddy, a.k.a. Patrick, and his girlfriend, Kate,” Leo finished, looking back at Nora with a grin.

  She had never seen him so relaxed, and it suited him.

  “How’s it going,” Dana called out, never uncomfortable meeting new people. “Did you save some beer for us?”

  “Yeah, come on over, pull up a chair!” Shrek called out, gesturing for her to sit down.

  “So, you all have nicknames?” Nora asked, following Leo to the table.

  He unfolded a chair for her so she could sit down, beside what she assumed would be his seat.

  “We sure do,” Paddy smirked, toasting his beer bottle at no one. “It’s a badge of honor in the department to have a nickname.”

  “What’s yours, Leo?” Dana chirped, taking the beer Shrek just cracked opened for her.

  “Who, the Italian Stallion?” Chuck/Pitbull teased, taking a seat beside his wife. “We call him Romeo...”

  “Or Lieutenant,” Leo grunted, shooting them a playful warning with his eyes.

  Nora laughed along with everyone else, taking Leo’s hand in hers. The nickname didn’t surprise her.

  She looked up at Leo and smiled, but he was looking around, as though he was missing someone.

  “Where’s Coop?”

  Nora felt a prickle of fear claw down her spine just before her skin went ice cold. She looked across the table, her eyes searching for her sister.

  “He just went to the bathroom, I think,” one of the wives offered.

  Nora didn’t see which one.

  Dana didn’t appear to have heard Leo’s question, but when she finally made eye contact with Nora, she could tell that her sister was distressed. She raised her eyebrows, in an unspoken question. Nora shook her head weakly, unsure of what to think.

  “Okay,” Leo replied, sitting down beside Nora. “Hand me one of those brewskies, will ya Paddy?”

  “Coop?” Nora asked discreetly, hoping not to draw attention to herself.

  “Ya, Coop! Gage Cooper. He’s the friend I was telling you about, my high school buddy, from Ojai?” Leo reminded her, taking a sip of his beer.

  It was almost unnoticeable, but he offered her a look that begged her discretion, as though he didn’t want the others to know the whole story. Nora was sure no one else would have caught it. She swallowed hard, fear catching in her throat. Never in a million years did she imagine that her two lovers knew each other, let alone that they would end up in the same place together. How in the hell was she supposed to handle this, she wondered, downing the glass of wine that had been placed in front of her. Leo looked at her inquisitively.

  “Is everything ok?” he asked, more out of curiosity than concern. Nora looked at him and nodded slowly, trying to force a smile.

  “Yes, I just remembered I forgot to call my service. Will you excuse me for a minute?” she asked, grabbing her purse. In her haste, she knocked Leo’s beer off the table and it came crashing down onto the patio stones beneath. It smashed into a million pieces, mirroring precisely how Nora felt, her life unfolding that very moment. Dana looked up, alarmed by her sister’s uncharacteristic behavior. She got up to offer a hand but Nora was already under the table with one of the wives, picking up the broken glass.

  In the midst all the chaos, Coop walked through the patio doors. He smiled at Dana, and offered her a look, mixed with both recognition and confusion, as though wondering why she was there. Suddenly, the situation became crystal clear to Dana. Nora was in a deep, dark bucket of shit.

  “Coop!” Leo called out, waving his friend over. “I want you to meet someone.”

  Nora wished she could have stayed under the table for the rest of the night, mortified by her predicament. She had always been very honest with both of them that she was seeing other people, but this? This was possibly too much for all of them to bear. It was awful. There was only one thing she could do, stand up and embrace the suck.

  She got up, minding not to bash her head into the table, then turned to face her karma. Seeing both of her lovers standing in front of her, side by side, was a shock to her system. She felt queasy, like she was suddenly on an amusement park ride that was decidedly more terrifying than amusing.

  “This is Nora,” Leo said proudly, holding out his hand, gesturing her towards him.

  Gage looked at her curiously. Nora noticed his lip twitch ever so slightly, as though he didn’t know whether to smile or frown. She waited for him to speak, mainly because she didn’t know what the hell to say that could make the situation any better.

  “Hi there,” Gage greeted, his muted voice suggesting recognition.

  He looked over at her twin and waved.

  “Hi Dana.”

  Dana grinned at him sheepishly and waved back, gratefully silent.

  “Do you guys all know each other?” Leo asked.

  He looked between the three of them, pleasantly surprised. The girls stared at one another smiling weakly, but didn’t speak. Nora reluctantly looked back at Gage, waiting for him to drop the bomb.

  “Yes,” Gage nodded, meeting Nora’s regretful gaze, “we met at a game awhile back, during a reception, a business function if I recall. A room full of stuffy male lawyers and these two beauties. You can imagine wher
e I found myself.”

  His voice trailed off as he broke eye contact with Nora. She knew that he was just as stunned and confused as she was and yet he chose to be discreet, and save her from public humiliation.

  “Of course you would,” Leo said, playfully punching his buddy’s shoulder. “Who wouldn’t?”

  “Good to see you again, Coop,” Dana chirped, giving him a grateful look.

  He waved back half-heartedly, but didn’t smile. Nora wished that she could go to him and pull him into her arms. To do something, anything, to make him feel better.

  “Grab another beer buddy, take my seat. I’m just gonna grab a broom to sweep up some of this glass,” Leo said, signaling to Paddy to grab two more beers, one for himself and one for his friend.

  He turned and walked cheerfully back into the house, oblivious to the shit storm raging around him.

  Nora sat down beside Gage, unable to make eye contact with him. The other guests just carried on as though nothing had happened, the men chipping on one another while the wives talked amongst themselves and Dana. They tried to include Nora in the conversation, and she pretended to be interested, but her mind was spinning off into the stratosphere. She could feel the adrenalin coursing through her body, as the fight or flight kicked in, warning her of impending doom, begging her to make a choice, run or prepare for battle. She wanted to get the fuck out of there, but for the fact that her legs were like rubber bands and weren’t likely to hold her up.

  Leo returned shortly with a broom and dust pan, and one of the ladies took it from him. Kate, if Nora remembered correctly. She went to work sweeping up the last of the splinters while Leo came over to Nora and put his hands on her shoulders. She handed him his beer, looking over her shoulder at him. He smiled at her, but Nora only nodded in return, her eyes catching Gage’s on their way back down. He smiled at her warmly, his eyes filled with empathy. And something else. Concern? Was he worried about her?

  Dinner passed by slowly and painfully for Nora. She did her best to appear cheerful, but it was not easy. She had never been more grateful in her life that her sister was there to pick up the slack. Dana was her charming self, entertaining the room with tales of Dance With Me and the various celebrities on the show—who was the nicest, who was the biggest diva, who got caught masturbating in the janitor closet right before a show. Leo’s friends were enchanted with her. Leo himself was busy playing the perfect host, making sure that everyone was well fed and content, in typical Italian fashion. He would catch Nora’s eye and wink every now and then, as though he was proud of her, happy that she was finally a part of his circle. She smiled back at him but she felt sick inside, knowing that in just a few short hours his good mood would drastically change. Gage seemed to be blending in too, but as soon as everyone started mingling after dinner, he made his way to the opposite side of the yard, away from her.

  While everyone was in the midst of a heated conversation about politics, Nora excused herself to use the bathroom. She needed to freshen up and regroup. Nothing in her life, or her education, had prepared her for any of this. She knew that before the end of the evening her life was going to flip on its axis. It was quite possible that the only answer was for her to end it with both Leo and Gage. They were friends. More than that, they were like brothers. Gage had saved Leo’s life, they were connected forever by the threads of karma. She could never break that bond. She didn’t think she could ever come between them. They needed each other. Leo had so few people in his life he could open up to, and now the two he trusted the most were sleeping together!

  She inhaled deeply, trying to ease her regret, and splashed cool water on her flushed face and neck. She couldn’t meet her eyes in the mirror in front of her, or face her own foolishness. It was too painful.

  As she stepped out of the bathroom she was caught by surprise by Gage, waiting for her outside the door. He offered her his hand and silently led her into, what she assumed, was Leo’s spare bedroom, closing the door behind them.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, concerned, his kind eyes searching her own.

  She looked at him apologetically, her heart filled with shame and shook her head.

  “No, not even close,” she whispered, looking at the floor.

  “Well, this was a plot twist, wasn’t it?” he offered warmly, not an inkling of anger anywhere.

  He placed his fingers under her chin and raised her face so she could meet his eyes. He looked apprehensive, maybe even sorrowful, but also understanding. She wished she deserved his love.

  “Yes, very twisted,” Nora agreed passively, “and so very awkward. I’m sorry Gage. I don’t even know what to say. I feel just awful about this.”

  He smiled at her sweetly, releasing her chin.

  “Just a little awkward. You must be a mess.”

  “You could say that. I’ve been struggling for a few weeks now, trying to figure out my feelings. I never imagined that the two men I have been dating, knew each other. This is so fucked up,” she stammered, tears welling up in her eyes. “I didn’t want to fall in love with you both. I swear, I never wanted to hurt anyone.”

  “I know that, Nora. I know you,” Gage whispered, taking her hands in his. “You’re a good person. I know you wouldn’t deliberately play me.”

  She couldn’t stop herself. Her tears spilled out of her and she sobbed uncontrollably, releasing all the feelings that she had pent up all night. Worry, embarrassment, shame, doubt, and sadness, all pouring down her cheeks in a stream of regret.

  Gage pulled her close and she cried on his shoulder. He rocked her gently, while she shook with grief, whispering gently in her ear, “You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.”

  After a few minutes, her tears stopped. She eased herself out of his embrace, and looked up at him, wiping the tears off her cheeks. He quietly returned her stare, patiently waiting for her to gather herself, just holding space for her to come to whatever conclusion she needed to. She adored him for that.

  “Do you love him?” Gage asked quietly, as soon as she seemed stable again.

  She looked up at him and nodded, knowing the time for complete transparency was upon them. He looked away frowning, as though her admission was too painful to process. She didn’t rush him, knowing he had earned the right to be upset.

  “And me?” he asked, his eyes searching hers.

  She saw the love he had for her. Pure, unconditional, and honest. She knew in that moment that Gage just wanted the best for her because of that love.

  “Yes.”

  He nodded pensively at her, clearly struggling with his feelings.

  “I will completely understand if you never want to see me again,” Nora whispered, struggling to even say the words.

  Thoughts that Gage might disappear from her life suddenly became all too real and Nora started to shake. She felt her nausea dangerously climbing up her throat.

  “I know you would, Nora, but that’s not going to happen,” he answered confidently. “I can’t imagine my life without you in it, even if you’re not mine.”

  He smiled at her and kissed her forehead, then brushed the hair out of her eyes.

  “I love you, to the deepest part of your soul,” he promised, bringing his lips gently down on hers. Nora kissed him back, allowing him to forgive her.

  She and Gage decided that they would wait until the party was over so that the three of them could have an honest discussion. Leo needed to know that he was a part of this odd little love triangle they found themselves in. They made their way, undiscovered, back to the festivities, first Nora, and then Gage a few minutes later. She offered Leo an excuse that she was making the phone call to her service that she had forgotten about earlier. Dana slipped up beside her and asked her if she was okay. Nora assured her sister that she was fine, promising to talk to her about it the next day. Nora asked if Dana would be okay leaving without her, and driving her car home. She would Uber home later. She knew her sister was worried, but she assured her again that she would w
ork through it and was prepared for whatever the outcome would be.

  Just before eleven, Leo’s friends started making their way home, Dana following close behind. While the three of them were in the kitchen tidying up, Leo snuggled behind Nora for a quick embrace, telling her how happy he was that she was staying. The anguished look on Gage’s face did not get past Nora. She knew that this was hurting him, in spite of all his reassurance. She quietly worked beside the two men, running through the dialogue she hoped to summon when it came time to confess. She was distressed and Leo was picking up on it.

  “Hey, are you okay?” he asked, putting away the dishes she had just dried.

  Gage looked over at her with a reassuring expression and an almost imperceptible nod.

  “You seemed off tonight, not your cheerful self. I thought you would be happy to finally meet my friends. Did someone piss you off?” Leo teased. “Was it that son of a bitch over there? He can be such a prick sometimes.”

  Leo laughed at his own joke, playfully throwing a dish towel at his buddy. Gage grinned awkwardly, knowing what was to come. Nora knew she had to tell him.

  “I need to talk to you,” Nora said, treading as carefully as she could. “Can we sit down?”

  Leo looked at her, as though carefully assessing her mood, then shrugged at Gage.

  “Sure. Is it okay if we wait until after Gage leaves?” Leo agreed, obviously thrown off by Nora’s timing.

  “Actually, I need to talk to you both,” Nora said, chewing her bottom lip, “if that’s okay?”

  Leo looked thoroughly confused but nodded his head nevertheless. He followed Nora into the living room, with Gage close on his heels. He took the seat closest to Nora on the sofa, while Gage sat on a chair across from them. She could tell from the look on his face that Leo was wary about what she might have to say, perhaps concerned that she might bring up his suicide attempt. That would be the only conclusion he could probably draw from her strange behavior.

  “So, what’s up? What did you want to talk to us about?” Leo asked, sending her a cautious glance.

  “This is going to come as a huge shock to you, but I want you to promise that you will hear me out, okay?” Nora began, hoping he would be as patient and understanding as Gage had been. “We can talk more about it later, just you and I, but for now Gage needs to be here because it involves him.”