Reverse Cowgirl

by Chance Carter

  “Hey, no problem, but I’ll pass on the beer. I’m pretty wiped from the trip.”

  “Rain check then,” I said, giving him a hug.

  “How about you Meadow? Shall we have our traditional after work beverage?” I asked, sure she’d say yes.

  “Actually, I’m pretty exhausted too. I think I just might call it a night,” she said.

  “Well then, I guess I’m having wine for one at home tonight,” I joked as we all walked out of the restaurant.

  Meadow stopped on the spot and stood on the edge of the sidewalk as she looked up and down the street.

  “Where’d you park?” Paul asked her.

  “I can’t remember. I swear I was parked out front, but it’s not here. Where did I leave it?”

  She was confused and deep in thought as she tried to remember where her car was parked. She walked to the corner and looked up the side street. Paul and I started talking and then she called back to us.

  “You guys. I know I didn’t park on the side street. I remember so clearly parking out front today.”

  She looked at me and I could tell she was worried.

  “You sure you drove?” Paul said.

  “Yes. For sure. I’ve been driving every day. I get here so early that there’s always parking on the main street. My car was here and now it’s gone,” she said, now speaking louder and with distinct panic in her voice.

  “It might have been stolen, Meadow. I swear, if your car was actually stolen I will be so pissed off. Who steals cars? Shitty people, that’s who. I can’t believe it. This is unacceptable. I’m calling the police.”

  I fished through my purse to find my phone. I was furious that someone would do that. Car theft was rare in Pismo Beach, but every now and then some asshole would show up. Meadow continued to nervously pace up and down the street, searching for her car. Suddenly she stopped and looked back at me as I was on the phone waiting for someone at the police station to answer.

  “Sandra, hang up.”

  “What? Why? Your car was stolen. We need to report it as soon as possible so they can catch the bastards.”

  “Seriously. Please hang up. Please don’t call the police,” she insisted.

  I was confused. I looked at her and then at Paul who shrugged and was clearly as confused as me.

  “My car wasn’t stolen. I’m so embarrassed,” she started to say with a nervous laugh.

  “I just realized what happened. I remember exactly where I parked now. It was down the street, over there, right by that fire hydrant. I must have parked too close to it. I’m such an idiot. I clearly hadn’t had my coffee yet.”

  She was standing on the street and pointing to the hydrant.

  “If you park even an inch under fifteen feet from a fire hydrant in this town, you’re getting towed. They’re ruthless. I’ve learned that lesson more than once,” Paul said.

  “I’m sure that’s what happened. My car is fine. I just made a silly mistake and I was towed,” Meadow said with an embarrassed smile.

  “I’ll give you a ride to the impound lot,” Paul said. “I know exactly where they take them. There’s only one place in town.”

  “Oh no, that’s okay. You guys go home. I’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

  “Dude, it’s no trouble and it’s easier just to get out out of the way now,” Paul said.

  Meadow finally caved and accepted his offer. I gave them both hugs before they hopped in his car.

  CHAPTER 42

  MEADOW

  I got into Paul’s car and fastened my seatbelt.

  “Before we go to the impound, I’m going to swing by Kane’s place, okay? It’s weird you guys haven’t seen him around,” Paul said.

  “Oh, Kane’s place, sure. Are you worried?” I asked, trying desperately not to show how worried I was.

  I was still shocked Kane hadn’t gone to Big Sur. If he wasn’t there, and he wasn’t in town, then where was he?

  And why didn’t he go? Wouldn’t that be the perfect thing to do after a crazy woman terrorized you in your own home? I’d gone through the entire week thinking he was with the guys, now that I found out he wasn’t, I was really scared.

  I looked across at Paul. He seemed worried too. At least he had no clue of what had happened at Kane’s place. I wanted to keep it that way. I felt responsible enough for Kane’s sudden disappearance as it was.

  And I was still so embarrassed. Embarrassed at how I’d reacted when I saw Carolyn’s picture. Embarrassed I’d slept with Kane first chance I got. I tried not to ask any questions about Kane in case I came across as too interested.

  So I sat there silently. I could have saved us some time by saying I knew Kane wasn’t home. I knew he wasn’t there because I checked earlier that morning before work, and the morning before that, and the morning before that. I’d been by, every day since the day I stormed out. I went back to check if he was home, but he never was.

  I had heard nothing from him since that morning. I wished more than anything that he’d at least respond to my text so that I’d know he was okay.

  “If he’s not there, where do you think he could be?” I said, looking out the window and twirling my hair in my fingers.

  “Not sure. Kane is a creature of habit. If he’s not at home, he’s at the shop, and if he’s not at the shop, he’s at the brewery,” Paul said. “If he’s not at any of those places, then I really have no idea.”

  Now I was really getting worried. I’d been by all three of those places multiple times and there’d definitely been no sign of Kane all week.

  I knew Kane wasn’t in town. It was a small place and I’d have seen him. I desperately wanted to know where he was. Maybe when we got to the house, Paul would have a key or something or would get more ideas as to where we could look.

  We got closer to Kane’s house and he slowed down. Paul parked in the driveway and got out.

  “I don’t see his Jeep, but I’m just going to run up to the door and check,” he said.

  And that’s when I realized!

  Oh my God!

  My letter.

  My stomach twisted as I watched Paul walk up to the front door. I prayed he’d just go up, knock on the door, and then we could be on our way. He knocked and peeked in the window when there was no answer. He called down to me and said he was going around to check the back. That’s when I flung my door open and leapt out.

  “I can check the back. How about you check the workshop?” I said, running to catch up to him.

  “Sure,” he said, turning for the garage.

  Relieved, I slowed down and caught my breath as I walked up the stairs to the back door. When I got to the top, my heart sank when I saw my note was still exactly where I left it.

  Where was he?

  When I wrote that note, I’d been desperate to speak to him so I could apologize. Now, I was more desperate than ever. I heard Paul behind me and grabbed my note, shoving it in my back pocket.

  “No sign of him back here either,” I said to Paul.

  “Oh well, I don’t know what else to do,” he said. “I’ll try calling him and I can swing by his shop in the morning. For now, we might as well go get your car.”

  It was a fifteen minute drive to the impound. We didn’t speak much, and I knew we were both thinking about Kane.

  When we got to the impound I climbed out of the car.

  “Paul, thank you so much for the ride.”

  “No problem. I’ll wait to make sure you get your car back.”

  “Oh no, there’s no need.”

  “Don’t be crazy, of course I’m waiting,” Paul insisted. “I’m not leaving a woman here alone at night.”

  “No really. I can already see my car there at the back,” I said, pointing toward the lot. “I’ll just pay up and be on my way.”

  “All right,” Paul said, still unsure, “if you insist.”

  “I do insist,” I said, grabbing my purse.

  I gave him a friendly wave as I turned to walk towards the off
ice and he pulled out of the lot.

  CHAPTER 43

  MEADOW

  As I walked away, I listened to Paul’s car reversing behind me. The office was around the corner in a small trailer. A light was on inside. I heard Paul pull back onto the road and turned to watch him go. He gave me a couple of short honks and waved through the back, then he was gone.

  I let out a sigh of relief.

  When I’d pointed to my car, I couldn’t actually see it. I just pretended to so Paul would feel comfortable leaving me. I had no idea if it was there, and deep down, I was sure it wasn’t. I didn’t actually believe it had been towed.

  At first when I saw it was gone, I thought the same thing as Sandra, that it had been stolen. Then I thought maybe I just forgot where I’d parked. Then I turned back and saw Sandra calling the police.

  That was when it hit me. My car had been stolen. I’d stolen it. From Matt! It was in his name. In his classic style, he’d ‘given’ me the car without ever signing it legally into my name. It was the way he liked things, always in complete control of everything.

  I was screwed. And too embarrassed to tell Paul and Sandra the truth. I hadn’t counted on Paul taking me all the way to the impound.

  Despite knowing my car wasn’t there, I popped into the office to check anyway. Just as I’d suspected, the guy confirmed they didn’t have it.

  With every ounce, I knew Matt had taken it back. Somehow, he’d found me, and figured out one more way to screw with my life.

  The second I realized it was gone out front of the café, an awful feeling came over me. It almost made my skin crawl. I’d looked around, but it wasn’t for my car, it was to see if Matt was still there, watching me. And then, in the car with Paul, I remembered the GPS anti-theft protection my car had, which allowed Matt to look up it’s location whenever he wanted.

  I’d never escaped him, not as long as I was driving his car.

  I was so naive. I’d thought blocking his phone number was all I needed to do to get him out of my life. I should have known better. Pismo Beach wasn’t far enough away to escape him. Nowhere was.

  But what could I do?

  I called a cab on my cell and paced around the parking lot in front of the office as I waited for it. I wondered if Matt was still in town. Maybe he just came to reclaim what was his and left when he had it. But was that me being naive again? Was that too simple?

  I’d parked right in front of the café. He easily could have looked inside and seen me working there. I felt sick at the thought. Maybe he’d sent someone to get it for him. I hoped he had. He was probably too busy fucking random women to do his own dirty work. But the thought that he’d been in town was definitely very disturbing.

  The cab driver pulled up outside the motel and I paid him. I should have told him to swing by a liquor store so I could buy a bottle of gin. I could use a drink to clearthe thoughts that were swirling in my head.

  I walked past the motel office and saw the same cute surfer girl that had been working the night I checked in. I went inside.

  “Hey, any chance you have a large envelope to spare?”

  She rummaged around under her desk and came back with one.

  “I’m pushing my luck, but do you have stamps too?”

  She smiled and handed me an entire sheet of stamps.

  “Really? You don’t mind?”

  “Anything for a customer,” she said, making a joke.

  I laughed and thanked her. When I got into my room, I saw a plate of fresh cinnamon rolls and a note sitting on the desk.

  “I hope you’re enjoying your time in Pismo Beach. If you liked my muffins, you’ll love my cinnamon rolls.”

  It was official, the old lady who ran this place was the best hotel matron in history.

  I took a bite from one of the rolls and shut my eyes as I savored the sweet taste. I licked the homemade icing off my fingers and bent down to unlock the safe in my room. I took my envelope of cash out and tossed it on the bed. I picked up a pen, pad of paper, a second cinnamon roll and sat down at the desk and started writing.

  Matthew,

  You’ve got your car, and now you’ve got your money back too. You have what you want, and I’ve realized I no longer need any of it anyway. Please respect that we are over and leave me alone to live my life peacefully. I’m making a life for myself without your help or the help of anyone else. You were wrong about me. You knocked me down, but you can’t break me. I am stronger without you. If you get a divorce agreement drawn up and sent to this motel, I’ll sign and return it and I won’t ask you for a penny.

  Goodbye Matt,

  Meadow

  I folded the letter and put it in the envelope with all the cash. It was a lot of money to let go of, but I didn’t want it. I knew I had to send it back. If he was coming here to get his car, I knew he’d be sniffing around for the money too. It was fine by me. He could have it. I wanted to cut all possible ties to him.

  I addressed the envelope and put my shoes back on to walk a few blocks to mail the letter. It was odd, I didn’t feel anxious at all. I felt nothing as I wrote that letter to him. I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t sad. I was just done. What I knew for sure was that I was doing the right thing. I felt strong and confident. I knew I’d be fine.

  I got to the mailbox and lifted the envelope to lick it. In that moment I remembered that Paul was showing me that apartment the next day. If I wanted it, I’d have to put down first and last month’s rent and likely a damage deposit too.

  I shook my head. Independence, sure, but within reason.

  I reached into the envelope and pulled out a few thousand. He’d never miss it.

  I licked the adhesive strip and stopped again to take out an extra twenty dollar bill. My next drink would be on him! I’d earned it!

  CHAPTER 44

  KANE

  Diary Entry

  I miss you so much it hurts.

  I’m coming back for you soon, and when I get there, I’m going to do something to you I only ever dreamed of.

  Want me to tell you what boys really want? Want to know what we think about in our deepest, most private moments?

  Are you sure you can handle it?

  I don’t know. Maybe you’re going to read this someday and get shocked. Maybe it’s too much for you. I’ll tell you what. If you can’t handle it, stop reading. Stop reading right now and never pick up this diary again. Because this diary is the truth. It’s what’s inside a man’s mind. It’s what we want from you, what we demand of you, and if you can’t say yes to absolutely everything your man demands, then you can’t read about it either.

  So ask yourself this. If I was your man, and I told you I wanted to do something very naughty to you, would you say yes? Would you give me that pleasure? Would you trust me enough, and love me enough, to let me do this to you?

  Would you let me take this pleasure?

  Because only you can give me this pleasure. Without you, it’s impossible.

  So whisper it now. “Yes.” Say it, with me.

  “Yes.”

  “Take me.”

  “I’m yours.”

  Move your lips and form the words.

  “I’m yours. My body is yours. Make me give you this pleasure.”

  Because unless you can say those words to me, unless you can surrender completely and give me ultimate control, you shouldn’t be reading this diary.

  So, you’re still reading!

  Naughty girl!

  I see how it is.

  So you want me to do this to you. You don’t even know what it is yet and already, just by reading, you’re giving me permission to take the ultimate pleasure. You’re giving me complete ownership over you.

  Well then, strip naked, put on this blindfold, and lie on the bed, facedown.

  That’s right. I want to see your ass. You know I love your ass. You know I’ve got a fetish for it. If I could see your ass right now, I’d sink my teeth right into your cheeks. I’d pull your cheeks apart and slide my to
ngue right over your cute little asshole. I’d run my tongue under you from pussy, over your clit, all the way over your anus.

  My tongue would run circles around your anus, sliding all over it, in and out of it, and you’re not permitted to look back, to move your blindfold, or to say a word.

  I demand silence.

  A single word, and Spank!

  And if you cry out in surprise, Spank again!

  You’re mine now. You had your chance to back out, but you kept reading. That means your thoughts are mine. Your mind is mine. And the feelings inside your body right now, right at this very second, they’re mine too.

  And that’s why my tongue is free to make it’s little circles around your anus, licking you there where you’re most shy, most afraid, most modest.

  I take a bottle of lotion and pour it on your ass, letting it drip, little by little, all over the left cheek and the right, the crack down the middle, the back of your thighs, and the small of your back.

  It’s cold and you flinch, but once I start massaging it into your skin you relax. It feels good doesn’t it?

  My hands kneading your lower back. Sliding up and down the back of your thighs. My fingers sliding between your legs and running along the slit of your pussy, getting lotion all over your sensitive, lovely clit.

  Your back arches, your legs open a little more, and you sigh in pleasure.

  Spank! I said silence and I meant it!

  I put my left hand on your back, between your shoulder blades, and I put my weight on it, holding you down. There’s no escape for you now. You’re mine. No backing out.

  With my weight holding you securely in place, I put my right hand on your ass. You’re lubed up perfectly, your ass covered in lotion. I slide my finger over your anus and you squirm a little. I rub lotion around it in tiny circles, just as I did with my tongue.

  You like it. You like it a lot.

  You like belonging to me. You like the sweet pleasure of surrender.

  So I press your ass with my finger, until my finger slides in past the ring of muscle and enters your asshole.

  Were you expecting that? You were, weren’t you, you naughty little slut. You knew exactly what I wanted. Even now, with my finger in your butt, you’re still coaxing me in further. You’re lifting your butt slightly, showing me that you want me. You’re begging me to come in.