Reluctantly Alpha (The Barrington Billionaires, Book 8)

by Ruth Cardello

  “He’s a good kid, Angelina. He knows you love him. You’re allowed to make mistakes. Just like he is. Now, let’s get back to what you said at the beginning of this call. You went out with Connor after the photo shoot? Tell me everything.”

  While Angelina prepared two steaks and popped them into the broiler, she shared everything, right down to how Connor wanted to go noodling with her brothers. “I literally floated out of the pizza place to the car. Just thinking about him makes me all hot and bothered. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. Oh, my God, as I was leaving he asked, ‘Do you want to spend tonight wondering how I feel or should I call and gush about how much fun I had tonight?’ I know he’s an actor, so maybe he’s laying it on thick, but it felt so . . . so . . .”

  “Real?”

  “Yes. But also like a dream. Ever experience something so good you’re afraid it can’t be true?”

  “I try not to second-guess good fortune. All it does is suck the joy out of otherwise good situations.”

  “I envy that about you.”

  “Don’t envy it, try it. Every time that negative voice starts up in your head, just shut it down. Replace it with a positive mantra like ‘It’ll all work out.’”

  “That negative voice fuels my drive. It keeps me focused on what’s important. Without it, I probably wouldn’t have gotten as far as I have.”

  “But at what cost? Outside of Whitney and spending time with me and Aly, what do you do that makes you happy? Something just for you.”

  “I—I—nothing, really. I’ve always worked too much to have a hobby.”

  “Or a relationship.”

  “That too.”

  “You’ve built a good life for yourself and your son. Maybe don’t turn off that voice in your head, just turn it down a little? Allow yourself to believe in miracles, magic, and happy endings.”

  Miracles, magic, and happy endings? I could use some of that in my life. “Connor called. I was in the car with Whitney so I didn’t pick up.”

  “Did he leave a message?”

  “No.”

  “Let me play mind reader for a minute. He called and you didn’t answer . . . so in your head that means he won’t call again. You had one shot and you blew it.”

  She knows me too well. “He has women throwing themselves at him daily. A man like that isn’t going to chase a single mother.”

  “How do you know he doesn’t love that you have a son?”

  Angelina opened and closed her mouth without voicing a word. Then said, “Men prefer women with no baggage.”

  “Oh, so now Whitney is baggage.”

  Angelina’s chest clenched painfully as she began to hear what Joanna was saying. “No, he’s my miracle.”

  “Yes, he is. You’ve raised him to be an intelligent, thoughtful young man. Your problem isn’t with him, it’s with yourself. What are you holding onto that makes you think you don’t deserve a happy ending?”

  Tears filled Angelina’s eyes and she sniffed before answering. She told Joanna about Whitney’s father and how the people in her hometown had believed the lies he’d spread about her. She finally voiced the names they’d called her, feeling lighter as she said them aloud. “I told myself I never wanted to go back there. I couldn’t face those people again, but I was wrong to hide from it. Whitney doesn’t have a relationship with my parents or my brothers because I couldn’t admit how much that time of my life hurt. I was devastated. Even considered killing myself. When I think about how Whitney wouldn’t be here if I’d done that . . . I hate myself. Aunt Rudi saved me. She swept in and told me I could do better. I could change. And I did. I’m so afraid that if I slip up once . . . I’ll be who they said I was . . . and I’ll slide right back into who I was.” She wiped tears from her cheeks. “Whitney deserves the mother Aunt Rudi knew I could be. Not the person I was before.”

  “You were sixteen when you had Whitney. Sixteen. They don’t even let kids drive at that age for a reason. I know it’s scary, but you have to face down what scares you. When Connor offers to go back home with you . . . take him. Walk through your old town with your head held high because no one in that town is better than you. Anyone worth talking to feels bad about how they treated you. And your family, they’ll be glad to see you. Families are like that. Sure it might be awkward at first, but just ask yourself how you’d feel about seeing Whitney after not seeing him for a while. That’s probably how your parents will feel.”

  “There’s nothing Whitney could do that would make me not happy to see him no matter how much time had passed.”

  “Exactly.”

  “And Connor said he wanted to get to know me, meet Whitney, introduce me to his family, spend time with mine. That sounds like a man who will call again. So, Whitney might need to sleep at your place Saturday night.”

  “That’s fine with me.”

  “This will all work out.”

  “You’ve got it now.”

  “If you were here, Joanna, I would give you the world’s tightest hug. Thank you for talking this out with me. I feel better.”

  “Hey, that’s what friends are for. You’ve talked me off my share of ledges. You are so kind to everyone else. Be just as nice to yourself.”

  “I’ll try,” Angelina promised. Just then she heard a shuffle behind her and turned to see her son standing in the doorway of the kitchen. “I have to go.” She hung up without waiting for Joanna to answer. How much did Whitney hear? She forced a bright smile. “Hungry? Dinner’s almost ready.”

  Whitney didn’t return her smile. He walked into the room and stopped just a foot from her. “My biological father was a real ass.”

  Oh, God. I never wanted him to hear that. “He was sixteen, Whitney. We all had a lot of growing up to do.”

  “Did you really consider killing yourself?”

  Fuck.

  “Yes. It’s not something I’m proud of. Life is always worth fighting for. I was young and scared. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself how wonderful life was going to become with you in it.”

  He nodded and frowned. “Connor Sutton sounds like he really likes you.”

  Angelina shrugged and reminded herself to breathe. She tried to think of what to say that would make any of this okay, but nothing seemed to cover all she wanted to express.

  “I want to meet him before you go on a date with him—make sure he’s a good guy.”

  My protector. “If he calls—when he calls I’ll tell him that.”

  “You shouldn’t have sex with him on your first date. I’ll stay here, rent some movies, and wait up for you.”

  He did not just say that. “I wasn’t—” She stopped before the lie left her lips. “Seems like you were in that doorway a long time.”

  He gave her one of his steady, serious looks. “I love you, Mom. You deserve to be happy. Make sure this guy treats you right.”

  It was Angelina’s turn to simply nod. Her boy was becoming a man right before her eyes and it was wonderful and scary to watch.

  “And I totally knew you’d lied about drinking,” Whitney added in a tone so parental in nature Angelina had to fight back a smile.

  “I shouldn’t have. I apologize for that.” The mood lightened between the two of them. “But I am allowed a beer now and then, you know. And it was just two of them. Now go set the table.”

  Whitney paused from placing silverware next to a plate. “What’s noodling?”

  Over dinner, Angelina explained it to Whitney and answered the many questions he asked about her family back in Oklahoma. He’d never seemed interested in them before, but now she saw that he’d probably always been. But I’d slammed the door to the past so tightly he didn’t feel he could ask.

  His expression reminded her of Connor’s when he asked, “I can’t believe you caught catfish by feeding them your hand.”

  “I didn’t say I was a bright child. Some people drown doing it.”

  “Still, I have to try it.”

  She held ou
t her hand and showed him the scar. “See that? Bite from a snake I thought was a catfish.”

  “Correction, I need to watch someone else noodle. I don’t like snakes.”

  Angelina laughed. “Good choice.”

  Later that night, she lay in bed telling herself Connor would call. When he didn’t, she texted him: Sorry I missed your call. See you at work tomorrow.

  When he didn’t answer she lay there, staring at the ceiling for a long time. Every time a negative thought tried to chime in, she took Joanna’s advice and said, “It’ll all work out.”

  That night, for a change, she didn’t have a single nightmare.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Gorillas aren’t sexy,” Kimmie said from a chair in Connor’s office the next morning. “Don’t ever share that story again.”

  “I am in complete agreement on this one,” Linda chimed in from a chair beside Kimmie. “I never got the whole King Kong thing. I mean, really, how were things going to work between them? Sure, bigger is better, but there’s a limit.”

  Connor stopped pacing and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. It might have been a mistake to ask his assistants to come in early to help him prep for seeing Angelina again. So far they weren’t calming him down. “I didn’t say I was going to dress up as a gorilla. I’m just sharing what Dax said about how I could be an alpha without being an asshole. I think that’s what he was trying to say, anyway.”

  “I thought the whole badass act was working for you,” Kimmie said.

  Linda shook her head. “The point is he doesn’t want to act with Angelina anymore.”

  “Oh, then definitely don’t pretend to be a gorilla.”

  Connor smacked himself in the forehead. “In about fifteen minutes Angelina will be here. Do I wave to her like the other day was no big deal? Call her into my office and give her a great big kiss? Casually appear at her office door and ask her to lunch? I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable at work. What do women want in this situation?”

  Linda motioned toward his desk. “I’d want to be hauled in here, hear the door lock behind me, and see if you know what to do with the blessings God gave you. First, I’d like it on the desk. Then the couch. Next against the window. I’ve always liked sex with a view.”

  Connor’s mouth dropped open.

  Kimmie laughed behind her hand.

  In response to their reactions, Linda arched an eyebrow. “I thought we were here to be honest. Kimmie, you’ve seen the two of them together. What do you think Angelina is hoping for?”

  After taking a moment to compose herself, Kimmie said, “She does seem really into you.” She paused to chew her thumbnail. “And you have a date with her tomorrow?”

  “Yes. Maybe. I don’t know. She originally agreed to go. And she did text me last night but I was out with my dad and missed it. I’m going with yes. We have a date tomorrow.” Connor referenced his plaid shirt and jeans. “I brought these back from my dad’s last night. Normally I wouldn’t wear them to the office, but I wanted to show her the real me. Now I feel like an idiot.”

  Linda made a tsking sound. “Sweetie, if Angelina doesn’t like your plaid you open that door and toss her ass right out. I could show up in a hospital johnny and my fuck buddies wouldn’t blink. It’s not what you’re wearing that matters, it’s what happens when it comes off.”

  Kimmie’s face was bright red, but she was smiling. “And this is why Linda is rewriting all my sex scenes. So, maybe you should take her advice.”

  Connor ran several erotic scenarios through his head. As painfully arousing as they all were, he grimaced and said, “I’m her boss. This is a job she needs. I can’t put her in a position where she might feel pressured.”

  “Oh, Lord,” Linda said with a sigh. “The young make it so difficult. Do you want me to ask her to sign a waiver?”

  “No,” both Connor and Kimmie said in unison.

  “Well, at least we agree on two things: Don’t act like a gorilla and don’t make a big deal out of something that should happen naturally. If Angelina comes in here and that door closes behind her, consider me and Kimmie gone for the day. We’ll clear your schedule, close the outer door, and you two can make as much noise as you please. I can’t believe I’m going to ask this, but you’ve had sex before, right, Connor?”

  “Of course.”

  “Then what is your problem?” Linda asked impatiently.

  Connor hunched his shoulders forward. “She’s special.”

  Kimmie clasped her hands over her heart. “That is so beautiful.”

  Linda was harder to impress. “She sure is special. She’s pretty, young, intelligent . . . and kindhearted. That combination doesn’t come along often, but you’re overthinking this. She’s a woman. You’re a man. There’s a desk over there. A wall if you prefer it that way. Get her in here and figure it out.”

  Beginning to relax, Connor laughed. “How did you ever work in a school?”

  Linda tapped her temple. “I kept all my thoughts in here.”

  Kimmie grinned. “I’m glad she doesn’t anymore. You should see my books now, Connor. H.O.T. I’ll forward you a file. I read one of her scenes to Javier and he lived up to his new caveman costume.”

  “Caveman?” Connor asked, cocking his head to one side.

  “Oh, yes. I’ll give you the name of the place Javier and I find unique costumes,” Kimmie said with a wink. “For when you need to spice things up later.”

  “Text me the info. Who knows, maybe she’s into dinosaurs.”

  Linda burst out laughing.

  Kimmie joined in.

  Women are awesome. And they enjoyed sex as much as a man did. Not every man saw that, but that was their loss. Some men spent their life fumbling around like someone trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube with his teeth. Prime example—the dick pic. One guy looked down at his favorite appendage and thought . . . you know who wants to see this? Random women. He told his friends what he’d done and they thought, “Well, hell, if women want to see his dick, I’m sure they want to see mine.”

  No one stopped to actually ask the women what they thought when they received one of those gems. Connor thought all women should start drawing little faces on those pricks, eyes, mustaches, maybe some teeth. Possibly add bunny ears . . . and send them back. If a man could receive a cartooned-up photo of his dick and not realize how ridiculous sending it had been in the first place, well then, he was beyond hope. And, at least the woman would have had a little fun with an otherwise offensive experience.

  A man could save himself a lot of grief by simply asking a woman what she wanted.

  Hang on.

  That’s genius.

  “Ladies, feel free to return to your own office. I know exactly how to handle this.”

  After hiring a car to drop her off at her office building, Angelina clasped and unclasped her hands nervously as she waited for the elevator. A young woman who also worked for the Landon Foundation joined her and said, “Thank God it’s Friday, huh?”

  “Yes.” Angelina’s nerves were working overtime. She’d tried on and changed her attire countless times that morning. She and Connor were on kissing terms, but she didn’t know how that would affect their ability to work together. She really liked her new job. But she also really liked Connor. She told herself to play it cool, but not so cool he’d think she wasn’t still interested. She’d finally chosen a simple dress, but kicked her underclothing up a notch and had gone with a pink lace bra and matching thong.

  “Any plans for the weekend?” the woman asked politely.

  Yes, I’ve given myself permission to fuck my boss. Angelina bit her lip to hold back a laugh as the thought almost came out of her mouth. She cleared her throat. “Nothing worth mentioning. You?”

  “No. Not yet. Hey, what’s it like to work with Connor Sutton? Is he incredible? I haven’t had a chance to meet him yet, but I’m looking for a way to. That man is gorgeous. Any chance you can claim to have a tech issue with your computer?�
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  “He’s seeing someone.” Oh, my God, I really am territorial when it comes to him.

  The woman frowned. “Really? I hadn’t heard that. Bummer. Is it serious? Not that I’d care. If they’re not married, it means he’s still fair game, right?”

  Angelina looked the other woman over. “How old are you?”

  “Twenty-one. Almost twenty-two.”

  Angelina pinned her down with a hard look. “Ever hear of the couples curse?”

  “No.” The woman’s eyes widened.

  “You know how breaking a mirror gains you seven years bad luck?”

  “I guess.”

  “Breaking up a couple gets you seven years of shitty sex. It’s a fact.”

  The woman wrinkled her nose. “You’re joking, right?”

  Angelina shrugged. “Not everyone believes in superstitions, but I do. Maybe you’re the kind to walk under ladders and not think twice. Me, I like to be careful—just in case there’s any truth to them.”

  The elevator arrived and opened. Angelina and the other woman stepped inside. The ride to their floor was quick and silent. When it opened again, they stepped out at the same time.

  The young woman turned toward Angelina with narrowed eyes. “You’re the one he’s seeing.”

  She’s young, but she’s not stupid. Angelina winked at her. “Let’s just say I won’t be claiming to have a problem with my computer.” As she walked away, she smiled. Amazing how simple things were when she believed a good outcome was possible. Connor likes me. He’d never be interested in someone who probably still goes to college parties.

  That morning she’d woken early and spent a significant amount of time going over everything she knew about Connor, every word they’d exchanged, every tender kiss he’d given her. The way she felt each time he touched her was off the charts good.

  So good, she had to ask herself why she was still holding back. Those same words she’d faced again and again came back to her. This time, though, she was armed with Joanna’s positive energy.

  I was sixteen. It was a lifetime ago.