Lessons I Never Learned at Meadowbrook Academy

by Liz Maccie

  “Yeah, Erica Goldstein, she goes to a different school. She’s like model gorgeous,” Annie said. “And perfect teeth.”

  Mervin nodded. “My mom kept hinting that maybe Erica and I could wind up being a couple. The pressure was ridiculous, and I seriously had some major panic attacks over the whole damn thing.”

  “He did. I found him one afternoon in his garage in the fetal position.”

  “No joke. So, the day before the dance, I snuck into my mom’s office when she was at lunch and wrote a prescription for myself. I’m very good at forging signatures.”

  “What was the prescription for?” I asked.

  Mervin scrunched up his nose. “See, this is the part I find intolerable to repeat.”

  I looked over at Annie for the answer.

  “Viagra,” she said.

  “What?” I said, shocked.

  “Viagra,” Annie said again.

  I turned back to Mervin. “You got a prescription for Viagra?”

  Mervin nodded. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

  “But isn’t Viagra for old men?”

  “I don’t know, I saw this commercial for it on TV and the guy and the girl looked really happy. They were hiking.”

  “But doesn’t Viagra just give you—”

  Mervin put his hand up to stop me. “Yes.”

  “Oh. My. God,” I said.

  “I was terrified I was going to have to do something that I wouldn’t be able to do and then everyone would find out and I would be ripped apart. I mean, Erica is beautiful and if she wanted to…you know and I couldn’t get a…you know, then what would that mean about me?”

  Annie snickered. “It’s a little crazy to think Erica Goldstein would have wanted your you know in the first place.”

  Mervin slowly pushed Annie against the side of the raft with his foot. “I hate you.”

  Annie laughed a little more.

  “Did you actually take it?” I asked, desperately trying my best not to laugh.

  Mervin winced a little. “Yes.”

  “What happened?”

  Spurts of giggles poured out of Annie as she took her arm and pointed it straight up into the air. “That’s what happened.”

  Mervin pushed her harder, with both his feet now. “You’re an asshole.”

  “Don’t kill the messenger,” Annie giggled.

  I desperately tried not to laugh, but I couldn’t help it and a few half giggles, half snorts escaped out of me. I covered my mouth and mumbled. “I’m not laughing…I’m not. So, how long was it…”

  “Rock hard?” Annie mocked.

  “I refuse to continue on with this story if the two of you don’t stop laughing,” Mervin said.

  Annie quickly silenced herself. “No, please, please…continue. We’re just at the climax, no pun intended.”

  “About five hours,” he finally said.

  I choked. “You had an erection for five hours?”

  Annie burst into hysterics, barely able to get out her words. “I’m dying…I…mean…can you imagine…Mervin…with a woody, for five freakin’ hours?”

  Mervin was sitting Indian style with his arms crossed. “Yes, ha-ha-ha, it’s so funny. Like you’ve never had a medical condition.”

  “But you did it to yourself!” Annie squealed. “I’m sorry, but you lose all points on that one.”

  “Did Erica notice your…situation?” I asked.

  Mervin uncrossed his arms, and a huge smile spread across his face. I could tell he was excited to share this part of his story. “I’m not entirely sure, but I did slow dance with her once and if I’m going to be entirely honest, I rubbed up against her hip a few times.” Mervin thought about it. “After that, she didn’t talk to me the rest of the night.”

  “Oh, Mervin…” I said.

  “I guess I could say I sort of made out with the hottest girl in all of Bergen County. Or at least her right hip, anyway.”

  Annie was wiping tears away from her eyes from laughing so hard.

  “You know, it’s kind of funny, some people think I’m not interested in girls. Isn’t that odd?”

  Mervin’s question was answered with two blank stares from Annie and me.

  “What?” Mervin said. “Do you guys think that, too?”

  Simultaneously, I shook my head no and Annie nodded.

  “Well, actually, let me retract that; I’ve always thought that you were just a bit…confused,” Annie said.

  “Really?” Mervin seemed shocked. “But I like girls. A lot. I’m not gay, I’m just anxious.”

  “That makes sense to me,” I said.

  “I just think I’m going to be a late bloomer type, that’s all. I have a good head of hair, and when given the opportunity, I can be very charming.”

  “This is true, very true,” I agreed.

  “Older women seem to dig me. Like when I do my magic show at the local nursing homes. Those ladies can’t seem to get enough of me.”

  Annie smiled. “Just so you know, Mervin, I couldn’t care less what you like. Boys, girls…I’d love you just the same.”

  “Thanks,” Mervin said. “What a relief.”

  “But I still think you were an idiot for using Viagra,” she chimed back in.

  Somewhere behind me, I started to hear a low hissing sound. I held up my hand. “Wait a second, wait a second…be quiet.” I leaned forward a little to try and figure out where the sound was coming from. “Do you hear that? It’s like a hisss sound.”

  The three of us listened as the sound got louder.

  Mervin pushed his glasses up. “It sounds like when I get a flat on my bike.”

  “Oh my God, the raft is deflating!” I screamed.

  “Oh shit, I didn’t bring the pump!” Annie yelled.

  Slowly the top of the palm tree started to buckle over.

  Mervin perched up on his knees. “Quick, where is the valve?”

  I pointed to the base of the palm tree.

  “Move aside.” Mervin scooted over to the valve and unscrewed the cap. A loud hiss of air escaped from the raft as the palm tree completely toppled over and hit my head.

  “Are you crazy?” Annie screamed.

  I pushed the limp tree off me. The raft slowly started sinking, and we were going down right along with it.

  Mervin took in a deep breath and exhaled. Then he took in another deep breath, exhaled, one more deep breath, and then one more exhale. He puckered his lips, slipped the little plastic valve inside his mouth and blew and blew and blew away. Annie and I watched with pure astonishment.

  At the end of his exhale, the palm tree was standing tall.

  Mervin went through his entire routine again: three breaths in, three exhales, one more deep breath, and then one more exhale. By his second time around, the raft was stiff and sturdy like nothing had happened.

  He slipped the cap back over the valve and turned it closed. “The cap was a little loose, that’s all. It won’t happen again.”

  Annie and I were speechless.

  “How did you do that?” I asked, stunned.

  Mervin inched back over to his side of the raft. “Oh, that was nothing; you should see how fast I make balloon animals during my magic show. I average ten a minute.”

  “I had no idea. That’s real talent,” Annie said in genuine awe.

  “I have an extraordinarily large lung capacity. When I was nine, I stayed underwater once at the public pool for three minutes and fifty-eight seconds before I came up for air. It was the only way I could avoid the hot dog vendor’s son, who found it highly amusing to hold me down and shove sauerkraut up my nose.”

  “Mervin, you’re my hero,” I said.

  “I never thought I would say this, but you’re my hero, too,” Annie said.

  And with that, Mervin smiled brighter than the sun.

  What is Normal?

  5:31 p.m.

  “Now that was a close one. I have no desire to swim back to land,” Annie said.

  “Do
n’t take this the wrong way, but I’m glad that hot dog vendor’s son tormented you,” I said.

  “It’s called turning lemons into lemonade,” Mervin boasted.

  “So what about you, Roberta?” Annie scratched her ankle. “You know stuff about Mervin, you know stuff about me, but we really don’t know anything about you.”

  “Except for that one thing at lunch,” Mervin said.

  “Oh yeah. We know you kinda-sort-of sucked cock behind the Florham Park roller rink.”

  “You’re so classy, Annie,” Mervin said as he moved to lean on his right side.

  “There’s not all that much to know,” I said.

  A devilish grin spread across Annie’s face. “I want to know what happened with Thaddeus.”

  I felt a lump the size of a golf ball instantly emerge inside my throat. I looked over at Mervin.

  “Sorry, I was just trying to fill dead space with conversation when we were at the mall,” he said.

  “When I saw you outside the auditorium, I knew you had been crying. I mean, your eyes were all red and swollen. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out,” Annie offered.

  I got very quiet and focused on the dirt that was still on my white button-down shirt. All my senses became heightened, and the water gently hitting the sides of the raft sounded more like gigantic waves crashing down upon me.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you,” Mervin finally said. “I’m sorry I blabbed.”

  Now I was feeling bad for feeling bad. “No, it’s not you, it’s just, I don’t know…he kissed me and then, I guess, I just messed it up.”

  “Oh my God,” Annie said, leaning forward. “That was your first kiss, huh?”

  I nodded. “He kissed me and then he said he liked me—you know, liked me—and then he said some mean things.” All of a sudden, as odd as this may sound, I felt extremely protective of Thaddeus’s secret. Of his secret scars. Because even though I hated what he had done to me, his secret wasn’t mine to tell.

  “What kind of mean things?” Annie asked.

  “Oh, I…I can’t really remember…I think he called me a freak.”

  “He called you a freak? Why?” Annie pressed. She was not letting this one go.

  “I don’t know.” I so desperately wanted to stop talking about Thaddeus. I so desperately wanted to just disappear into thin air.

  “What a freak for calling you a freak,” Mervin interjected, trying to be comforting.

  Annie looked at me suspiciously, as if she knew I wasn’t telling her the truth. “Can I tell you something about Thaddeus?”

  I nodded, unsure of what I was about to hear.

  “You’re new here, so you don’t know, but we’ve been going to school with him for an entire year. And he’s not…how do you say this?” She looked over to Mervin for help. “He’s just really weird, right?”

  Mervin nodded. “He’s always been nice to me, but there’s something off about him, that’s for sure.”

  Annie continued. “My dad plays golf with his dad, and his dad was saying—”

  “Wait, what do you mean? He told me his dad lives in Florida.”

  “Uhh, nooooooo,” Annie said, like she was finally getting to the bottom of something good.

  Complete and utter confusion fell over me.

  “What else did he tell you?” Annie asked.

  “He said that his mom lives in Portland and he lives with his aunt in her apartment in Livingston. And that his family doesn’t have a lot of money because his dad works in some kind of factory and that his mom is a receptionist.”

  Annie threw her hand over her mouth and squealed. “Oh, that is such a lie! He lives in a freakin’ mansion, I’m talking an estate, in Mountain Lakes. His dad is this renowned cardiologist, and his mom is a big-time trial attorney. They even have a stable on their property with a bunch of racing horses,” Annie said.

  My mouth got really dry, and I felt like I might throw up. “Are you serious?”

  Annie nodded. “Afraid so.”

  “What a freak,” Mervin said again.

  “Next time, run things by me; I pretty much know everything there is to know,” Annie said.

  I was speechless.

  “Are you okay, Roberta?” Mervin asked.

  “I’m like, I don’t know, I can’t believe…why would he lie like that?”

  Annie shrugged. “It’s kind of weird and kind of awesome all at the same time when you realize you’re less f’d up than somebody else.”

  “Yeah, like when it’s clear you’re more normal than you thought,” Mervin said.

  Annie stretched her legs out. “Listen, Roberta, just so you know, we’ve got your back. We won’t let Thaddeus be mean to you.”

  “Yeah!” Mervin’s eyes got small and wicked-looking, like he had just come up with the most genius insult ever. “We’ll say he’s dirty.”

  “Way to hit below the belt, Mervin.” Annie turned back to me and tapped the side of her head. “Now I’ve got an arsenal full of mental mindfucks just waiting to be used. Trust me, you’re good.”

  My thoughts were racing through my head like crazy. Then the image, the image of those horrible scars rushed back into my mind. The possibility that Thaddeus had done that to himself became real to me. I didn’t know for sure what had happened to him, but what I did know was that Thaddeus wasn’t an asshole. He was just a messed up kid who felt angry. And hurt. And alone. Just like Warren. Just like my cousin John. Just like Annie. And Mervin. And me.

  But the difference was that right in that moment, with Mervin and Annie by my side, I didn’t feel so alone anymore. A swell of gratitude rose within me and I blurted out, “I’ve never had friends like you. Not ever.”

  Mervin looked a bit taken off guard by my comment. “What do you mean?”

  My thoughts were still racing so fast within me. I tried to piece together what I meant. “I, uhh…I’ve never had friends that would actually want to help me and be nice to me.” I shook my head. It was like a dam had cracked opened, and I couldn’t stop it from exploding out of me. “There’s this one girl from my old high school, Christine, and I guess she’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a friend, but I’ve never admitted this to anyone because I was too afraid she’d go away, but she made me feel bad, like all the time, because she’d say stuff to hurt me. She wanted to hurt me.”

  “Like what would she do?” Annie asked.

  I felt nauseous, like somehow what I was about to say would completely betray Christine, but I just didn’t care anymore. “I used to look different, like bigger.” I motioned toward my body.

  “I don’t get it,” Mervin said.

  “Like…obese,” I finally said, feeling like I was purging my deepest, darkest secret.

  “No, you were not,” Annie said. “There’s no way.”

  I hesitated for a long moment before I showed them something that I had never shown anyone. Not ever. I untucked my shirt. And then I slowly lifted it above my waist, revealing my lower stomach, where I had a series of severe, horrible stretch marks.

  “Wow,” Mervin said quietly.

  “That’s intense,” Annie said. “What are those?”

  “Stretch marks,” I said as I lowered my shirt. “You get them if you are heavy and then lose a lot of weight. And they never go away. They’re permanent.”

  A softness came over Annie. “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too,” Mervin said. “That must be hard for you.”

  “I was made fun of everyday. I mean, every single day. I lost the weight only a year ago and then Christine became my friend…but she still would call me really terrible names…she would say she was joking, but in my heart I knew she wasn’t…it’s like people don’t ever want to see you differently than what you were.”

  “I know what you mean,” Mervin said, nodding.

  I felt tears welling up in my eyes. “It’s hard to feel so much and never be able to shut it off, you know?”

  Annie reached over and rubbed my k
nee. “Kind of like you’re screaming while the rest of the world is silent.”

  I looked at her. “Yeah, that’s exactly what it’s like.” A single tear rolled down my face. “I remember this one time when I was in fifth grade…the two most popular girls in school asked me to play with them at recess. I was so happy, I couldn’t believe it. They told me to go hide and they’d come find me. So I did. I hid behind a tree and I waited and waited and waited. But it was all a joke. They were just making fun of me. I waited three hours before my brother finally found me. I remember crying all the way home, thinking it would have just been easier to stay hidden.”

  “Or be invisible,” Mervin said.

  “Or not even exist at all,” Annie added.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Exactly.”

  “You know what I hate, more than anything, is when adults tell me that what I’m feeling isn’t true or real. It’s like you start to feel crazy or something.” I couldn’t believe how honest I was being.

  “But it is real,” Mervin said. “Just because we’re young doesn’t mean things don’t hurt. My mom always tells me I’m too young to feel bad. Like I haven’t lived enough life to know what pain is. It’s not fair. Because I do know. We all know.”

  The three of us were silent, and I could see the dark clouds moving toward us up ahead.

  Annie pulled her knees into her chest. “If I tell you guys a story, will you promise to keep it a secret? It’s really important. I need you to promise.”

  “Sure, I promise,” Mervin said.

  “I promise, too,” I said, wiping my eyes dry.

  “You have to swear to God that it will be our secret…nobody else can know,” Annie said, not looking at us.

  “I swear to God and I promise it will be our secret,” Mervin said.

  “Me too. I promise and I swear to God.”

  Annie folded her hands and put them between her legs like she was cold. The sun had started to set, turning the sky into a grayish pink. A slight breeze knocked some water against the side of the raft as she hesitantly began her story.

  Annie

  5:38 p.m.

  “My mom, she has this new boyfriend; I mean, he isn’t really new, I actually think she cheated with him when she was still married to my dad, but anyway, his name is Barry and he’s in wealth management and he’s like fifty or something. Lately my mom has been bringing him around the house, like all the time. Last week, my dad went to Vegas for a plastic surgeon’s convention and my brother was still away at football camp. So Barry came and stayed the entire weekend.