by Joshua Price
“I’ll come back for you, I swear!” he yelled to the dinosaur.
Ralph cried out again to let Captain Rescue know that he loved him. He grew still as the bigfoot crowded around him as the hero sprinted towards Freight and the others.
Captain Rescue fell to his knees and beat against Freight’s chest. “Do something! You’ve got to do something!” he begged as the tears welled in his eyes.
Freight kicked the puny little man off him and shook his head. “We’ve got bigger problems.” He pointed over his shoulder.
Captain Rescue looked behind to see an army of bigfoot racing towards them. He let out a surprised cry and then darted into the nearby building through the hole in its wall. Dr. Malevolent and Charlie were already there, huffing and puffing.
Captain Rescue wiped his eyes clean and looked towards the others. “What are we going to do now?”
“Die!” Dr. Malevolent laughed.
Freight shrugged and nodded. “Yeah… that sounds about right.” The giant man sighed, and then revealed a bit of himself: “I wish Courtney were here so we could die together. At least I have… The Nullifier.”
“You named it?” Dr. Malevolent asked.
“Yes, I did.”
“I wish Ralph was here!” Captain Rescue cried out as the tears streamed from his eyes. He snatched Charlie’s laser rifle from his hands and slid the barrel into his mouth. Mumbling, he said his final goodbyes, “This is it, farewell. It was wonderful knowing you all!”
Just before pulling the trigger, an immense explosion rocked this building and the rest of Dolphin City. Captain Rescue slid the barrel out of his mouth, a trail of saliva connecting the two. The hero cringed and ran his tongue around his mouth to get the taste of laser out of it.
“What on Earth was that?” Charlie questioned.
Dr. Malevolent gave him a heartfelt suggestion: “Well, why don’t you go out and find out.”
Charlie snatched the laser rifle out of Captain Rescue’s hands, wiped the barrel clean with his plush hands, and then said, “I don’t mind if I do.” He slung the rifle over his shoulder and strutted to the giant hole in the wall. A surprised cough preceded his words, “You guys are gonna want to see this.”
Dr. Malevolent, Freight, and Captain Rescue crept up behind him, glanced over the bunny’s shoulder, and were floored by the sight. Someone had blast a giant hole into the nearest city wall, through which countless zombies now streamed. Their noble leader led the way; a corpse to end all corpses; a man who had lived more during his death than most do during their lives, Stubbs. He rode on the back of none other than the most majestic creature known to both man and corpse, an oddly familiar talking goat. The blast and ensuing corpses caught the apes off guard, and now their flank had a nice chunk missing out of it. After his mindless minions had the situation under control, Stubbs rode over to the gang. He saluted like a military commander on a battlefield and then laughed, hopped down from the goat, and gave it a good pat.
“Don’t pat me like I’m some common household pet!” the goat snarled.
Stubbs threw up his arms. “Sorry!” Behind him, the zombies clashed with the bigfoot in a cataclysmic battle.
Clearly antsy, Captain Rescue motioned at the bound Ralph and then looked at Stubbs. “I love you; I’m glad you’re back, and you too,” he added with a look at the goat, “but please tell your… zombies… not to eat Ralph.”
The whimpering dinosaur was growing increasingly anxious as zombies, bigfoot, and bigfoot zombies fell all around him.
Stubbs placed a comforting hand upon Captain Rescue’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, old friend. Your dinosaur is safe. Those monkeys, however, are as good as dead.”
Captain Rescue smiled a crazy smile and gave the zombie a giant hug, smearing his deteriorated body all over his costume.
“Please,” Stubbs said, his voice muffled against the hero’s spandex, “before you scape every inch of me away.”
Captain Rescue jumped away from the zombie, suddenly realizing how much of him now coated his costume. “Wow, I’m so sorry. Do you want any of this back?”
“No… you keep it.”
The hero’s face went cross as he began brushing away the bits of rotten tissue from his spandex. “But I don’t want any of it!”
Freight cleared his throat and stretched before flinging The Nullifier onto his shoulder. “I’m going out to play.”
After watching the battle transpire for the last five minutes, the giant man ached to get in there and nullify some apes. Freight stepped through the wall’s threshold and wasted no time in firing swirling red orbs of doom at anything that moved. The boredom in his eyes faded to excitement and a wide grin gradually adorned his face. He was having the time of his life.
Stubbs and the others stepped up behind him, and as the zombie watched Freight nullify one of his brethren, the corpse said, “Would you kindly refrain from killing too many of my people?”
“But they’re already dead,” Freight grumbled. He went back to slaying bigfoot, but as he watched apes lying dead on the ground get up and start eating their living counterparts, he added, “What do you care? You’re going to come out of this with more of ‘your people’ than you went in with!”
“Come on!” Captain Rescue urged, “we’re wasting time here!?”
“What are you yammering on about?” Dr. Malevolent sighed.
“Ralph, we have to free him!”
When Captain Rescue realized by the look on their faces that no one had any plans to help him free his best friend, he shoved Freight from behind and knocked The Nullifier from his hands. The hero pushed the mammoth man aside, grabbed his weapon, and headed straight for Ralph. Since The Nullifier was far too heavy for Captain Rescue to lift, he let it drag across the grass behind him as it left a noticeable path in its wake. As Captain Rescue neared, the dinosaur ceased his trashing and instead began whimpering.
He knelt down next to the Ralph’s legs and the cable wrapped around them. Not trusting himself enough to use pick up or aim the weapon, Captain Rescue placed The Nullifier’s tip next to the cable. His best friend grew still knowing that if this went badly, he might lose a leg or two, legs that he had grown to love. Captain Rescue held his breath and tapped the trigger once. A tiny red orb disintegrated a small portion of the cable. He tapped the trigger once more, holding a fraction of a second longer this time. The cable snapped in two, freeing his best friend. With an excited roar, Ralph sprang to his feet, wrapped its tail around Captain Rescue, and hoisted the hero onto his back. With the two of them reunited, now they could rampage through this city and destroy anything that stood in their way. As the hero positioned himself upon the dinosaur’s back, Freight darted up to them, grabbed The Nullifier, growled, and then darted away.
An added advantage of being perched upon a dinosaur was that Captain Rescue could now see far and wide. A few dozen yards away, he noticed George fisticuffing with zombies of both the human and ape varieties. Since the bigfoot had about the same levels of badass in him as Freight, chances were the zombies stood no chance. Captain Rescue and Ralph would have to take care of this monster by themselves. It was not long before George stared up to the hero and his steed. As his and Ralph’s eyes interlocked, Captain Rescue pointed at the armor-clad monkey, instructing his dinosaur to sic ‘em. A sharp roar echoed as Ralph began his slow and steady romp across the battlefield. His giant taloned feet crushed anything that got in the way, leaving a trail of corpses and the occasional poorly placed building in his wake.
Marching from the other side of the battlefield, a certain ape was ready to commence round two of their little boxing match. George kept his eyes locked on the dinosaur; he was going to defeat this beast once and for all, and he wasn’t going to break eye contact until he did it. As his feet pounded the soft grass, a zombie lunged at George. His hand shot out, grabbed the creature by the neck, and simply threw it to the side while continuing to stare at the pink behemoth. As the two neared once more in preparation
for another intense duel, Ralph lowered his head and let loose a roar that sent a shockwave of intimidation across the battlefield, knocking over everything in his path.
As George marched on, the ape kicked aside bigfoot and zombies that were trying to get back to their feet after the roar threw them to the ground. Once the two had come reasonably close to each other, the ape leaned forward and suddenly erupted into full sprint, commencing his charge. Foot after foot pounded against the grass, popping the occasional zombie head and smearing putrid goo all over. In response to George’s abrupt aggression, Ralph decided to show the puny little monkey how a real badass sprints. The dinosaur began by throwing its massive head into the air and roaring. Then, it threw one foot forward, slamming it into the soft earth, and the zombie that happened to get caught underneath.
The two forces headed straight for each other, and when this collision finally occurred, hopefully the resulting chaos would not tear the very fabric of the universe asunder. George leapt into the air and put one arm forward as a superhero would in flight. The ape wanted to knock this dinosaur off balance, to bring it to the ground, but Ralph, both the smartest Tyrannosaurs Rex in existence and—the only, had learned from his mistakes. As George careened towards him, practically flying, the dinosaur lunged forward, and, with a sharp jerk of its snout, snatched the monkey right out of the air.
George suddenly felt enough pressure bearing down on him to inflict some real damage regardless of the space-age armor protecting him. As bones shattered and the fragments pierced every organ in his body, the ape realized how foolish he was to pick a fight with a prehistoric beast. And that, in all likelihood, he was not one himself. As Ralph opened its mouth, George slipped from between his razor sharp teeth and fell to the ground. The dinosaur lifted its massive foot into the air and then slammed it down on top of the ape, adding icing to this mortally wounded cake. Ralph pulled his foot away and gazed down in triumph.
George glared at the dinosaur that had done him in and the superhero climbing down from his back. Captain Rescue hit the ground kneeling as his cape draped over his shoulders. All of the scorch marks and holes covering the symbol of heroism gave it loads more character than the hero would ever have. Captain Rescue rose to his feet and stared at George with a bright smile across his face. As blood filled his lungs and the ape gasped for breath, Captain Rescue strutted to him and placed a foot upon his chest.
“So Curious George,” Captain Rescue began, “how does it feel to be on the losing side?”
“Losing?” the obstinate ape gasped as the life drained from it. “You’ve gained nothing with my death.”
Captain Rescue grinded his foot into George’s chest as he cringed in quiet pain. “I’d say I’ve gained some… good feelings!”
The ape let out a blood-filled laugh. “Those good feelings won’t help you against my masters. You cannot beat them, they are too powerful.”
Captain Rescue threw his arms into the air. “Look at the destruction we’ve caused, they can’t be all that powerful!”
In his last gasp of breath, George lifted his arm and pointed at the hero. “There’s nothing you or your friends can do to stop them now; things have already been set into motion.”
The ape grew quiet and dropped his arm to his side as he finally died.
“Whew, that took long enough.” Captain Rescue kicked the corpse. “You are damn boring.”
The hero surveyed the battlefield, laughed, and then kicked George one last time. All around, zombies had eaten the bigfoot into submission. Any ape not slain and reanimated had fled for cover. Out of the corner of his eye, the hero saw Freight randomly nullify a bigfoot zombie and then shrug his shoulders indifferently as Stubbs demeaned him.
“Over here,” Captain Rescue yelled. “Come look what I did!”
They jogged over to him and the dead ape.
“Oh,” Dr. Malevolent began, “you did this?”
“I sure did!” Captain Rescue exclaimed.
She pointed at Ralph. “Are you sure he didn’t have anything to do with this?”
“Well, I mean… he helped,” the hero replied as Ralph gave an excited roar. The dinosaur was proud of his accomplishments, and who could blame him. It was not every day you get the opportunity to kill a bigfoot, but the amount killed today would certain make up for that.
“Did he say anything profound before he died?” Charlie asked Captain Rescue.
“The stupid monkey just tried to rain on my parade.”
Dr. Malevolent laughed. “I can’t imagine why ‘the stupid monkey’ would ever want to do anything like that! And, for the record, pretty sure these guys are apes not monkeys.”
Captain Rescue put on his arrogance cap. “I know that! It’s just more demeaning to call them monkeys.”
“I guess that’s a valid point, you monkey.”
“Hey! I’m not a monkey!”
“I know that! It’s just more demeaning that way.”
“Oh,” Captain Rescue said depressingly as he realized what just happened.
Before their victory set in, Freight raised his arm and pointed straight at the nearby spire. “You’re next!” he barked.
Captain Rescue looked at the tower and then looked at Freight. “You know, I think it might actually be able to hear you now.”
“You shut up!” Freight continued, “or I’ll clear a spot in my schedule for you! Now, zombie, get your smelly friends out of the way before I clear a spot for them too.”
Stubbs gave him an odd look, turned to his brethren, raised both his arms into the air, and then spread them slowly as all the zombies reacted accordingly.
“Did you really have to do that thing with your arms?” Charlie asked.
“Of course not, but I have a thing for showmanship.”
Freight marched towards the spire.
As everyone, even Stubbs, joined in behind him, Charlie turned to the zombie. “Oh, you’re joining us?”
“Yeah, sure. Got a problem with it?”
“Not at all, but what will happen to your pets when you’re inside the building?”
“Uh… autopilot on?”
Charlie nodded and then they walked in silence through the zombies. It was an odd scene; as if the zombies were crowd members and they were floats in a parade. Captain Rescue waved to the undead like a beautiful starlet riding upon a beautiful float. The corpses just stood there staring at them, surely wishing that they could eat the humans despite the invisible force holding them back.
Freight stopped when the spire came within a dozen yards of them, and its immense heights blotted out the sun. He lifted The Nullifier and placed it upon his shoulder, and then spoke slowly, ominously, “I… suspect… lasers.”
They must have heard them, those dastardly lasers, for as soon as he finished his words, a red burst of energy shot out from the tower and vaporized a random zombie.
“Ah yes,” Freight spoke, “they know we’re here.” He stepped in front of the others and pointed to the tower. “I will handle this. You all stay back and try not to die.”
Freight marched forward with The Nullifier perched upon his shoulder. As the laser vaporized another zombie, the symbol of manhood pointed his weapon towards the building, charged an orb, and then fired it off. A flash of red accompanied an eerie, disturbing electronic wail as one of the lasers bit the dust.
“Come get me, you robotic pansies!” Freight bellowed.
Another red laser shot out from the spire, and he simply sidestepped it before it could vaporize him. Freight aimed The Nullifier once more and murdered another laser. After more than five minutes of indiscriminate carnage, only the symbol of manhood stood tall; over a dozen lasers were not so lucky. Even so, Freight treaded lightly, sure that these robots had an encore planned for him, and sure enough, as he and the others approached the spire’s entrance, a turret shot out of the building and was vaporized before it even had a chance to think—and computers think fast.
Dolphins did many things well. From
conquering humanity (Dr. Malevolent could learn a thing or two) to enslaving semi intelligent apes. Because of this, it was no surprise that this tower frightened even Freight. Staring up at the immense black structure, the man could feel his stomach churn, a startling notion even for him. His psyche then proceeded to beat the living crap out of this fear, and all was well. Like a mix between the other futuristic structures and something straight out of Hell, the spire loomed before them. At its very pinnacle, some evil dolphin was probably watching them through some space-age device.
The gang stood before a door of some kind, but no knob or panel existed to twist or press, and there was no bell to ring. Simply put, the gang had no idea how to get inside the tower so they could retrieve the magical lamp, but Freight had a solution for every problem, an unnecessary and excessive solution, but a solution. He pointed The Nullifier at the supposed entrance and held the trigger until a massive orb glowed before the gang. When the problem solver released the trigger, the orb basically ate the doorway and left a gaping hole in its place. Freight smirked and entered the spire.
Chapter 19: Back From the Future
Freight burst into the spire and swung the heavy weapon around, but the lobby had little for him to flex his nullification muscles on. He threw the weapon over his shoulder and sighed as the others came in behind him. All around, strange décor covered the walls, white abstract lines upon smooth black panels—probably intended to hypnotize any caught in their gaze. The entrance stretched about thirty feet into the spire as perfectly smooth and circular columns lined the left and right sides. At the far end, a solitary elevator was the only way out of here, unless Freight started making holes of his own.
